Big Blogger - Week 4

[Theme music is heard: "Da-da, da-da, da-da, da-da, DUM!"]

Mike: [Voice over] Welcome to Big Blogger! Please welcome your host, Feral Killmen!

[Audience cheers and claps like there’s no tomorrow, because members of a doomsday cult have recently passed through the crowd convincing them that this is the case.]

Feral: Thank you Mike, hello everybody! Hello and welcome to Big Blogger - Week 4. We’re well underway now, and the House is already looking very different to its initial line-up. We’ve had four original Housemates evicted already, and three Intruders have gone in to pad the numbers back up. Tonight we take steps towards fixing that problem as we’re going to evict two Housemates!

[Audience goes crazy.]

Feral: That’s right, it’s a surprise double eviction tonight, which we forgot to mention at the end of last week because I was so tired, so hold on to your pantaloons. The Housemates have no idea, and of course none of you had any idea, either.

[She turns to face another camera, taking on a gentler tone as if she’s now talking to a group of retarded children.]

Feral: I hope no one’s skipping ahead to see who gets evicted before they read the whole episode through, because that’d be a real shame and a complete waste of my time for going to all the trouble of setting up this entire show. Do you know how much editing goes into putting this thing together? I mean, really! Try to experience it the way nature (and Big Blogger) intended … in chronological order.

[Audience members look around at each other in bewilderment. Who’d skip ahead to read the ending first? What a silly thing to do! Pfft!]

Feral: [Clears her throat] So anyway, let’s get underway by jumping back to last Wednesday night, right after Javatari’s shock eviction.

[Cut to video footage of the House immediately after Javatari was evicted last Wednesday night. The Housemates are still facing the door, silently contemplating Javatari’s parting threats. Tammiodo is looking a little flushed.]

Steph: [Breaking the silence] Well! [Pause. It’s clear she has prepared nothing else to follow that.]

[The Housemate slowly turn and walk back into the kitchen, where they all stand around looking a bit stunned. Eventually, Tyson catches RichardWatts’ eye and they both start to snigger. This catches on, and before long the entire group of Housemates are laughing uncontrollably. The audience begins to catch the laughing bug just by watching the Housemates laugh, and join in. After about five minutes, the Housemates gradually calm down.]

Magical_M: [Wiping away her tears] Oh, he was a funny guy, wasn’t he.

Dxxxx: I thought he was sweet. In a strange way.

Tammiodo: I liked him. [They all look at her meaningfully. She blushes.] Just ‘liked’, okay? He kissed me, remember.

MelbourneGirl: I saw the way he kissed you, girl. You didn’t fight it!

[Tammiodo laughs.]

Tammiodo: Yeah, he’s a sweetie. We talked today about me joining his magic act.

Steph: Oooh! Would you be wearing a leotard or something?

Magical_M: Maybe a bikini?

Tammiodo: Um, he didn’t say.

Audrey & The Bad Apples: Whoa, watch out, girlie. It could be quite objectifying.

Steph: [Dreamily] Mmm, lucky girl …

[Audrey & The Bad Apples rolls her eyes. The guys laugh.]

Feral: [Voice over] That evening, the Housemates enjoyed their post-eviction spa on behalf of Javatari.

[Cut to the Housemates in the spa late at night, mostly-hidden by all the steam.]

Gav: I wonder what Javatari’s doing right now.

TOBYtoby: Probably turning water into wine.

[They laugh.]

RichardWatts: I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s just signed on to open for David Copperfeel’s next tour!

Tammiodo: Well he’d better wait for me, then!

[They all laugh again.]

[Cut back to Feral in the studio.]

Feral: We’ll return to the House in just a minute, but first it’s time to say hello once again to our evictee from last week. Please put your hands together for Javatari!

[Audience puts its hands together in one massive ‘clap’ noise; the ensuing silence as they stand with their hands together deafening in comparison. Javatari descends from somewhere amongst the rafters, slowly floating down to join Feral on the couch. They sit.]

Feral: Welcome, Javatari. That’s quite a trick!

Javatari: Thank you, but it is nothing compared to what you manage to do every time you step in front of the camera.

Feral: Er, and just what is that?

Javatari: All the make-up you lather onto your face to hide the wrinkles.

[There is an uncomfortable pause, during which the audience holds its collective breath. Feral narrows her eyes at Javatari for an awkward moment before deciding to laugh it off. The audience releases its collective breath, collectively glad.]

Feral: Ha. Ha. Ha. Very droll.

[Javatari looks around, slightly puzzled.]

Feral: So tell me, what’s your week been like?

Javatari: All things considered, I cannot complain. I have had a reasonably acceptable week, filled with many interviews and photo shoots, and it has certainly been an interesting experience.

Feral: Are you sorry to be out of the House?

Javatari: Not at all. It turns out I was evicted at the best possible time.

Feral: Oh? And why’s that?

Javatari: Because I found out this morning that the second season of the new series of Battlestar Galactica is finally coming to TV at 11:05pm next Wednesday night, 2nd August on Network Ten. I don’t want to miss that, even though I’ve probably read up on the whole season online already.

Feral: Um … okaaaaay …

Javatari: Also, I was in the House for an adequate period of time for my considerable skill with the dark arts to be noticed by certain entertainment companies on the outside, so I have been hounded by offers of employment these past few days.

Feral: Oh! That’s excellent!

Javatari: Yes. I do not know if I will take on the hosting gig of Bert’s Family Feud, though. I don’t think I have the right name for it.

Feral: No. I can see the problem there. Anyway, have people been asking you about Tammiodo?

Javatari: Negative. On the contrary, I’ve been asked more often about LittleFaerieGirl than anyone else. It seems people think we’d make a good couple.

Feral: Well, you had an interesting relationship with LittleFaerieGirl, didn’t you.

Javatari: Yes. We were like brother and sister.

Feral: That’s right.

Javatari: She was the sister.

Feral: Got it.

Javatari: I thought all the Housemates were lovely people, and I’ve reversed most of the curses I placed on them when I saw who nominated me last week.

Feral: So you’re over the initial anger now?

Javatari: That is correct.

Feral: I’m glad to hear it. Just one more thing before you go; could you do a trick for us?

[Audience begins to chant for Javatari.]

Javatari: Hmm. I think I could manage that.

Feral: Oooh, excellent! Stand back, everyone!

[Javatari stands up as the audience pushes back so they don’t get any magical pixie dust on their clothes. With a flourish, Javatari pulls an elephant out of his sleeve. It is a full-grown African elephant, and it is so startled by its sudden arrival under lights and before such a huge crowd of people who are now cheering and screaming in delighted surprise, that it defecates all over the stage.]

Javatari: Ta-da!

Feral: [Struggling to be heard above the amazed and very vocal crowd] Wow! That is amazing! How’d you do it?

Javatari: A magician never reveals his secrets.

Feral: Go on.

Javatari. Oh, okay. I had him in my pocket the whole time.

Feral: That is truly terrific. Ladies and gentlemen, please thank Javatari!

[Audience goes ‘spazzo’ while Javatari draws a door in mid-air, turns the handle, walks through, and disappears into another dimension. Stage hands try to lead the elephant offstage while ninjas are called in to clean up the huge pile of sloppy elephant droppings.]

Ninja: Ergh! This is disgusting! But it’s also so awesome!

Stage Manager: Shut up, Adam! Just clean it up.

Feral: Alright, now it’s time to go back to the House and watch the rest of the week’s activities.

[Cut to footage of the Housemates walking around in the kitchen during daylight.]

Feral: [Voice over] It’s 9:48am, and the Housemates have just finished cleaning up after breakfast.

Magical_M: I think I’m gonna have a swim. Do you wanna come?

RichardWatts: Me?

Magical_M: Yeah.

RichardWatts: Sure!

Magical_M: [Whispering] I’ll wear my skimpiest bikini …

RichardWatts: [Looking a little uncomfortable] Uh, okay …

[Cut to footage of the pool, where RichardWatts is swimming alone. Magical_M approaches the pool, wrapped in a beach towel.]

Magical_M: How is it?

RichardWatts: It’s great! So refreshing! [Magical_M lets her towel drop to the tiles] You’ve won’t belie—

[For a moment, RichardWatts is stunned by just how skimpy Magical_M’s bikini really is. The camera has to pixilate various parts of her body due to the obscene nature of the outfit.]

Magical_M: What do you think? I got it just before I came into the House.

RichardWatts: Um … where from? The children’s department?

Magical_M: [Frowning] What does that mean?

RichardWatts: Just that it’s so, … well, … small!

Magical_M: [Beaming] Thanks! I hoped you’d like it!

RichardWatts: Ah, that’s not what I mean …

[But it is too late. Magical_M dives in to the pool and swims straight over to him, tickling him while she’s underwater. The two of them play-fight in the pool for about five minutes, the pixelator working overtime whenever Magical_M rises out of the water during the fun. The camera pans back to where Magical_M dove into the pool and focuses on her bikini top floating along the surface of the water. The audience – as is its wont – goes ‘Ooooooooh!’]

[Cut to later in the day. Gav and Steph are lying on a bed, talking and staring into each other’s eyes.]

Gav: What’s the quickest you’ve ever fallen in love?

Steph: Oh, wow. I dunno. Is that even possible?

Gav: Sure. I think it is.

Steph: I guess I’ve only ever fallen for funny guys, with hot arses.

Gav: Funny haha, or funny cuckoo?

Steph: [Laughs] It’s meant to be the first one, but it often ends up being the second!

[They giggle.]

Steph: Do you fall for the wrong type of girl a lot?

Gav: Nah, I’ve only fallen in love once.

Steph: Oh. How’d it work out?

Gav: I dunno. It seems to be going okay so far.

[There is a moment of electricity passing between them while they smile at each other sweetly. The audience goes ‘ahhhhhhh’ in adoration. Then Steph frowns to herself.]

Steph: Just checking; you mean me, right?

Gav: [Smiling] Yep.

Steph: [Smiling as well] Good. I just wanted to be sure before I did this.

[She leans in and kisses him passionately. The audience cheers its lungs out while they continue to kiss and kiss and kiss. Eventually, the only other Housemates in the room, Dxxxx and LittleFaerieGirl, get up to leave.]

Dxxxx: [Sighing to herself] I miss kissing.

[LittleFaerieGirl stares at her in surprise, then starts to smile to herself wickedly.]

[Cut to the sauna.]

Tyson: I’m gonna win Friday Night Live tomorrow night. I just know it.

TOBYtoby: How do you know it?

Tyson: I can just feel it. I’m all pumped and I want to get into that Rewards Room.

TOBYtoby: Yeah, me too. If either of us wins, we should agree to take the other.

Tyson: Sorry, dude. If I win, I’m taking Audrey in. Oh. Sorry, man.

TOBYtoby: What? Oh, that’s alright. We’ve talked. It’s cool, man. You go for it.

Tyson: So who you gonna take in if you win?

TOBYtoby: Well, I guess if you’re gonna take Audrey, I’d better set my sights on one of the girls.

Tyson: Magical_M’s a hotttie.

TOBYtoby: Yeah, absolutely. I can’t believe none of the guys have hooked up with her yet.

Tyson: I think she has her eye on RichardWatts, though – so he might make a move on her.

TOBYtoby: Oh. So who’s left? MelbourneGirl is taken, you’ve got Audrey, Steph and Gav are probably hooking up, LittleFaerieGirl and Dxxxx cancel each other out, and Tammiodo kissed Javatari before he left!

Tyson: Hmm, looks like you’re on your own, man! [Laughs]

TOBYtoby: Ah, that sucks! I’m the odd one out! [Laughs]

[Cut to Magical_M and RichardWatts in the pool. Magical_M is now twirling her bikini bottoms around her finger over her head while smiling at RichardWatts.]

Magical_M: Yoo-hoo?

RichardWatts: [To himself] Oh boy.

[Cut to the dining room that night. The Housemates are gathered together for their evening meal.]

Big Blogger: This is Big Blogger. TOBYtoby, to the Diary Room.

[Cut to the Diary Room, where TOBYtoby sits waiting.]

Big Blogger: TOBYtoby.

TOBYtoby: Big Blogger.

Big Blogger: It is time for your next Insider task.

TOBYtoby: [Frustrated] Far out!

Big Blogger: TOBYtoby.

TOBYtoby: Yes, Big Blogger.

Big Blogger: Your record on your Insider tasks so far has been abysmal.

TOBYtoby: [Laughing] Yeah, I know! Thanks for reminding me!

Big Blogger: Every week you’ve been in the House, you’ve been automatically up for aviction due to your failure at your Insider tasks. [TOBYtoby doesn’t say anything.] So Big Blogger has decided to make it easy for you this week. [TOBYtoby begins to look hopeful.] All you have to do this week is start an argument that will prevent one of the new relationships that are beginning to develop in the House from getting any further. You can choose from either Audrey & The Bad Apples and Tyson, Gav and Steph, or LittleFaerieGirl and Dxxxx.

TOBYtoby: Not Magical_M and RichardWatts?

Big Blogger: No.

TOBYtoby: Hmm, that’s a tough one.

Big Blogger: You must decide now which relationship you are going to break up. You have ten seconds to decide.

TOBYtoby: Ah, man. [Thinks for a moment.] Um, I think I’ll choose … oh, boy … they’re all so close now … um …

Big Blogger: TOBYtoby, your time is up. Which couple will you attempt to break up?

TOBYtoby: Ah, I’ll go with Steph and Gav.

Big Blogger: TOBYtoby, you have three days to break up Gav and Steph’s relationship.

TOBYtoby: Okay.

Big Blogger: You may not let any of your Housemates know what you are doing.

TOBYtoby: Yup.

Big Blogger: If you are successful in your task, you will be exempt from nominations this week. Failure will result in you being automatically nominated. Do you understand?

TOBYtoby: Yes, Big Blogger.

Big Blogger: That is all.

Feral: [Voice over] And so began TOBYtoby’s attempts to secretly sabotage Gav and Steph’s newfound love.

[Cut to late that night. Gav and Steph are alone in the spa. TOBYtoby comes out of the House and walks towards the spa.]

TOBYtoby: Hey guys, can I join you?

Gav: [Clearly meaning ‘no’] Sure.

Steph: [Obviously meaning ‘oh crap’] Fantastic.

[TOBYtoby jumps in and tries to squeeze in between them, but Gav has one arm around Steph’s shoulder, so TOBYtoby is unable to pry them apart. Instead, he sits on the other side of the spa, facing the couple.]

TOBYtoby: So! You guys been out here long?

Gav: Yeah, we were just about to head in, actually.

TOBYtoby: Oh.

[Cut to Gav and Steph wrapped in towels, walking through the House to the bedroom.]

Steph: [Whispering to Gav] I can’t believe he wanted to join us! [They laugh.]

[Cut to early the next morning, in the bedroom. TOBYtoby is watching Gav and Steph from his bed against the opposite wall. He is clearly lost in thought while Steph and Gav lay sleeping in each other’s arms, smiling blissfully.]

[Cut to TOBYtoby in the Diary Room. He has a pained expression on his face.]

TOBYtoby: I don’t think I’m going to be able to pass this task, Big Blogger.

Big Blogger: Why not?

TOBYtoby: Because they’re too ‘lovey-dovey’ already. I didn’t realise how much they were into each other.

Big Blogger: Why didn’t you select another couple, then?

TOBYtoby: I wish I did! I didn’t know Gav and Steph were pretty much an item already. Can I change couples for this task?

Big Blogger: No.

[TOBYtoby hangs his head in despair. He really is looking quite ill. The audience is laughing at him, although there is a fair degree of sympathetic ‘Ohhhhh’s in there as well.]

Feral: [Voice over] That evening, all missions and frustrations were forgotten as the Games came out to play.

[Cut to the bedroom, where all the Housemates are dressed up as ghosts and are wearing bike helmets.]

Big Blogger: This is Big Blogger. Housemates, welcome to Friday Night Live. The theme for this Friday Night Live is … Ghosts and Ghouls.

[While we hear Big Blogger continue, we are shown various clips of the Housemates competing in games and tasks involving giant ghost-related props, unknown messy substances, and a trophy at the end for the winner.]

Big Blogger: Housemates will begin in teams, but there will be only one winner. The last remaining Housemate will win four prizes; the Friday Night Live trophy, the right to affect nominations, two nights in the Rewards Room with a Housemate of your choice, and the three boxes. Housemates, prepare to spook. Tyson, TOBYtoby, Dxxxx, Steph … you are out of tonight’s games. Go to the loser’s bench. Remaining Housemates, prepare to scare. RichardWatts, Magical_M, LittleFaerieGirl … you are out of tonight’s games. Go to the loser’s bench. Remaining Housemates, prepare to frighten. MelbourneGirl, Gav … you are out of tonight’s games. Go to the loser’s bench. Audrey & The Bad Apples, Tammiodo … you are about to compete in the final of tonight’s games. The winner will be the Housemate who can throw miniature ghosts at the children’s heads as they pop up from under their bedcovers. Prepare to freak out the children. Audrey & The Bad Apples, you are the winner of Friday Night Live. Congratulations. Approach the winner’s podium and collect your trophy. Losing Housemates, celebrate your champion.

Audrey & The Bad Apples: Yay! [Laughs as everyone surrounds her and lifts her up onto their shoulders.] Woo-hoo! [She holds her trophy – a miniature golden scary mask (like the one in the film Scream) on a block of wood – above her head.]

[Cut to footage of the Friday Night Live desk.]

Mike: Fantastic, that’s another girl who’s won the Games! You must be happy about that, Whee!

Whee Um-ah: I sure am! I wonder who she’ll take into the Rewards Room with her! I say it’ll be Tyson for sure!

Mike: I wonder what Professor Ditzy thinks ...

Gerald ‘Ditzy’ Fitzryan: Ah, he pretty much thinks "Wot?", Mikey.

Mike: I see. Well, it’s almost a certainty that it’ll be Tyson, so let’s pop down the House and find out!

[Cut to Audrey & The Bad Apples in the Diary Room.]

Big Blogger: Audrey & The Bad Apples, who do you choose to take to the Rewards Room, and why?

Audrey & The Bad Apples: I’m gonna choose Tammiodo [audience reacts in shock] because Tyson’s already been in it, and Tammiodo’s new and I think she did a great job of coming second.

[Cut to Audrey & The Bad Apples and Tammiodo in the Rewards Room, facing the three boxes.]

Big Blogger: Audrey & The Bad Apples, which box do you choose?

Audrey & The Bad Apples: I choose box two, Big Blogger.

Big Blogger: You may open box number two now.

[She does so.]

Audrey & The Bad Apples: [Reading off a card] “You have won a bowlful of steamed cabbage with every meal for a week.”

Tammiodo: Errgh!! Disgusting!

Audrey & The Bad Apples: That is foul.

Big Blogger: Audrey & The Bad Apples, the steamed cabbage is yours to keep.

Audrey & The Bad Apples: <BEEP>in’ fantastic!

Big Blogger: You may check the other boxes now.

Audrey & The Bad Apples: [Opening box one and reading off a card] “You have won a well-made sandwich on healthy bread with baby spinach, fresh tomato, cheese, sprouts, apple, carrot and maybe some hommous with every meal for a week.” Oh, yum!

Tammiodo: That sounds delicious!

Audrey & The Bad Apples: [Opening box three and reading off a card] “You have won a worldwide trip to New York, Dublin, Berlin, Barcelona, Rome, Athens, Paris – including tours away from the big cities to other areas of each country!”

Tammiodo: Oh, man – that’s such a massive prize! What a trip that’d be!

Audrey & The Bad Apples: Don’t remind me! [Yelling at the ceiling] Big Blogger, that’s just cruel!

[Cut to the outdoor dining setting, where the other Housemates are having dinner after the Games.]

Magical_M: [Flirting something chronic] Ooh! There are no more chairs!

RichardWatts: Yeah there is – there’s one right over th—

Magical_M: I’ll just have to sit here! [She sits on his lap and smiles at him seductively. He grins awkwardly and tries to turn back to his meal as much as possible. It gets very weird for a while.]

TOBYtoby: [To Gav and Steph, who are whispering as they offer forkfuls of food to each other] Hey, why don’t you guys ever talk to anyone else?

Gav: What’s the matter, TOBYtoby? You’ve been acting all weird for a couple of days now.

Steph: Yeah, we’re not bothering anyone.

TOBYtoby: [Flustered and angry] After the way he talks about you, I’m just surprised you’re interested, that’s all.

Gav: The way I talk about her? How do I talk about her?

Steph: You’re so full of <BEEP>, TOBYtoby.

TOBYtoby: Whatever. [He gets up and leaves.]

Gav: Don’t listen to him; he’s talking crap.

Steph: I know; I reckon there’s something wrong with him or something.

[Dxxxx and LittleFaerieGirl are making out at the end of the table.]

[Cut to TOBYtoby in the Diary Room.]

TOBYtoby: I’m not gonna be able to pass this task, Big Blogger.

Big Blogger: You still have time to succeed.

TOBYtoby: Nah, I forfeit. I’m losing friendships and it’s causing me troubles. I accept that I’ve failed. Again.

Big Blogger: [Pause] Very well. You have failed your latest Insider mission. You will automatically be up for nomination this week. That is all.

[TOBYtoby exits the Diary Room and goes to pout in the bedroom on his own.]

[Cut to the outdoor dining setting again. Audrey & The Bad Apples and Tammiodo stick their heads out of the Rewards Room, their mouths and hands full of delicious food and drinks.]

Audrey & The Bad Apples: Hey! Look what we got!

Tammiodo: Yeah! This stuff is great!

[The other Housemates stop their conversations and look at the two girls in silent surprise.]

Audrey & The Bad Apples: Don’t you wish you guys had some of this stuff? [They both laugh.]

MelbourneGirl: Yeah, kind of.

Tammiodo: Yes you do!

LittleFaerieGirl: [Only half kidding] You don’t have to taunt us with it, you know!

Audrey & The Bad Apples: Heehee! I’m gonna go back inside and have some more champagne.

Dxxxx: [Under her breath] Yeah, sounds like you need it.

[The other Housemates laugh quietly to themselves while Audrey & The Bad Apples and Tammiodo go back inside the Rewards Room.]

RichardWatts: That was a bit unnecessary, wasn’t it?

Magical_M: Don’t worry about them, hon. You’ve got everything you could possibly need right here!

[RichardWatts looks skeptically at the food on the table – bread and sardines with water to drink – and is about to scoff … but then he catches the glint in Magical_M’s eye and realises what she means. He looks uncomfortable again.]

Tyson: [Trying to defend Audrey & The Bad Apples] I don’t think they meant it to be mean.

Dxxxx: Are you kidding? What other purpose could it possibly have had?

Tyson: I think they were just excited, that’s all.

Steph: Yeah, well … nice attitude!

Feral: [Voice over] So while some Housemates were rocking the boat by being so outgoing, another Housemate was struggling with the question of just how ‘out’ he should be going.

[Cut to RichardWatts in the Diary Room.]

Big Blogger: RichardWatts.

RichardWatts: Big Blogger. [Pause.] Um, I just wanted to talk to you about how I’m finding it a bit difficult to bond with the guys in the House. I don’t seem to have much in common with them, and they’re not embracing me as much as the girls have embraced Tammiodo and Dxxxx.

Big Blogger: Do you think this is simply due to the differences between men and women?

RichardWatts: Maybe.

[Pause.]

Big Blogger: Is there something else troubling you?

RichardWatts: Um, just that no one here seems to have realised I’m gay.

Big Blogger: Does that bother you?

RichardWatts: Well, I’m not ashamed of being gay; let me make that perfectly clear. But I kinda thought they’d realise just by talking to me. It’s as if they’re so caught up in themselves that they’re not even thinking about anyone else. Even those they’re talking to!

[Cut to Magical_M and MelbourneGirl whispering to each other at the outdoor dining setting.]

Magical_M: I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

MelbourneGirl: Why’s that, hon?

Magical_M: I’m throwing everything I’d got at RichardWatts, and he’s just not interested.

MelbourneGirl: Maybe he’s already got a girlfriend.

Magical_M: Nah, we’re not allowed to be in a relationship when we came in here, remember? Oh. Yourself excluded, of course.

MelbourneGirl: Hehe, yeah.

Magical_M: So I don’t know what it is.

MelbourneGirl: Is it possible you’re being too subtle?

Magical_M: I got completely naked in the pool with him yesterday!

MelbourneGirl: You did??! What did he do?

Magical_M: He got a blood nose and had to run inside.

MelbourneGirl: Oooh. Not good.

Magical_M: I know. It’s so frustrating! I mean, I’m really hottt, but he’s not at all interested! I wish I knew why …

[Cut back to RichardWatts in the Diary Room.]

Big Blogger: Why haven’t you told the other Housemates that you’re gay?

RichardWatts: Well, I didn’t think I’d have to, at the start. And now, it’s only an issue when someone like Magical_M gets all flirty with me. And that’s an embarrassing time to be breaking the news.

Big Blogger: Perhaps you should call the Housemates together and let them know.

RichardWatts: Yeah.

Big Blogger: Would that make you uncomfortable?

RichardWatts: Nah, that’s a good idea. I didn’t like the idea of demanding so much attention for myself, but yeah – that’s what I need to do. Thanks, Big Blogger.

Big Blogger: That is all.

[Cut to the Housemates all gathered in the lounge. Audrey & The Bad Apples and Tammiodo are clearly ‘a little tipsy’, to say the least. They are all seated on the couch and RichardWatts is standing before them.]

RichardWatts: Um, I just wanted to call you all together to sort of make a little announcement.

[The Housemates are laughing and mucking around. Magical_M is especially unsuspecting, the poor misguided little dear.]

RichardWatts: I’m probably not what a lot of you have assumed. I thought this would be something that’d be obvious about me from the start, or at least that it’d come up in conversation naturally as you got to know me, but …

[The Housemates are now listening silently, except for Audrey & The Bad Apples and Tammiodo, who are trying not to burst into fits of giggles. Tyson tries to calm Audrey & The Bad Apples down by nudging her in the leg.]

RichardWatts: So anyway … I’m gay. [The Housemates try to hide their shock.] That’s who I am.

[The camera pans across the Housemates’ faces. Audrey & The Bad Apples and Tammiodo are still trying not to laugh. Tyson and TOBYtoby seem okay with the news. Dxxxx and LittleFaerieGirl are calling out supportive words of encouragement. Gav and Steph appear mildly surprised but not fussed. MelbourneGirl has her arm draped around Magical_M’s shoulders, who is hunched over, hiding her face in her hands. RichardWatts walks over to her.]

RichardWatts: You alright, Magical_M?

[Magical_M murmurs something unintelligible.]

MelbourneGirl: She’ll be okay, RichardWatts. She’s just surprised, that’s all.

RichardWatts: Yeah, I know. I wanted to tell you guys a while ago.

TOBYtoby: [Walking over] Hey, RichardWatts, nice work, man. [He shakes his hand.] That took guts.

RichardWatts: Oh, not really. I’m already ‘out’, I just had to tell you guys.

TOBYtoby: Cool, man.

Tyson: [Calling from across the room] Hey, RichardWatts! Well done, dude!

RichardWatts: [Walking over to him] Uh, thanks, Tyson.

MelbourneGirl: [As soon as RichardWatts is out of hearing range] It’s okay, hon – he’s gone.

Magical_M [Lifting her head – she is crying] I can’t believe how stupid I feel! [She drops her head back into her hands and continues to cry.]

MelbourneGirl: No, honey! How were you to know?

Steph: [Coming over] Are you okay, Magical_M?

MelbourneGirl: She’s just a little embarrassed, I think.

Magical_M: [Lifting her head again] I’m so embarrassed! How could I be so stupid? I was all over him!

Steph: Oh, don’t cry! [She sits on the other side of Magical_M and joins MelbourneGirl in comforting her.] Your make-up will run!

[Magical_M turns her head to stare at Steph through bleary eyes and a reddened face.]

Magical_M: I don’t care about my make-up!

Steph: Ooh, look at your eyes!

MelbourneGirl: They’re just red from crying.

Steph: No way – she has pink eye!

MelbourneGirl: She does not!

[Magical_M bursts into more sobbing.]

[Cut to RichardWatts talking to LittleFaerieGirl and Dxxxx.]

LittleFaerieGirl: That’s so cool, sweetie!

RichardWatts: Thanks.

Dxxxx: [Referring to Magical_M behind them.] Don’t worry about her; she’s just disappointed.

RichardWatts: Yeah …

Feral: [Voice over] Although the friendship between Magical_M and RichardWatts had taken a difficult turn, the friendship between RichardWatts, LittleFaerieGirl and Dxxxx was just beginning to blossom.

[Cut to a video montage containing multiple shots of these three Housemates hanging out together, laughing and joking around, talking, laying on the hammocks, eating breakfast together, drinking together at night, and generally having a great time as three close friends. Cut to a shot of the three of them in the spa.]

Dxxxx: Hey, I reckon the three of us could go all the way to the end!

LittleFaerieGirl: Yeah! Team Fag-Dag!

[They all laugh.]

Big Blogger: This is Big Blogger. Dxxxx, for alluding to nominations, that’s a five thousand dollar fine.

[Cut to Tammiodo, Audrey & The Bad Apples and Tyson sitting on the other side of the yard.]

Tammiodo: What do you think of those three?

Tyson: Trouble.

Audrey & The Bad Apples: They’re okay, but we’d better watch out. They’re a group of three who could easily vote the rest of us out.

Tammiodo: Hmm.

Audrey & The Bad Apples: It’d make things so much easier on us if we all got rid of them first.

Tyson: [Looking at her in sudden panic] Don’t sa—

Big Blogger: [Interrupting] This is Big Blogger. Audrey & The Bad Apples, for alluding to nominations, that’s a five thousand dollar fine.

Audrey & The Bad Apples: Ah, crap. Sorry guys.

LittleFaerieGirl: [Calling out from the spa, laughing] That’s two fines in a row for the same thing! Hilarious!

Feral: [Voice over] Later in the day, Tyson took Audrey & The Bad Apples with him to the Diary Room.

[Cut to the Diary Room. Tyson and Audrey & The Bad Apples are sitting in the Diary Room chair.]

Big Blogger: Tyson. Audrey & The Bad Apples.

Tyson: Big Blogger.

Audrey & The Bad Apples: Hi, Big Blogger.

Tyson: Um, Big Blogger, I just wanted to bring Audrey in here to tell you how much I think she’s gorgeous!

Audrey & The Bad Apples: [Turning to him in surprise] Oh, babe! [She kisses him on the cheek.]

Tyson: I think she’s great and I don’t know what I’d do without her in here.

Audrey & The Bad Apples: Awww.

[Audience joins Audrey & The Bad Apples in her ‘Awww’.]

Big Blogger: Is having a relationship in the House easier than remaining single?

Audrey & The Bad Apples: [Laughing] I don’t know! I haven’t been single in here! Almost.

Tyson: Um, it’s no easier, because I think other Housemates might target you for nomination if they feel you have an advantage.

Audrey & The Bad Apples: But it’s great to have a buddy in here you can trust.

Tyson: Oh, yeah. A love buddy! [They giggle. It really is quite sickening.]

Big Blogger: Audrey & The Bad Apples, what is it about Tyson that attracted you to him?

Audrey & The Bad Apples: Um, pretty much the way he looked when I cleaned him up after his fight with Gav in the spa the other week.

Tyson: What, I looked pathetic and miserable and bruised?

Audrey & The Bad Apples: Pretty much! [They laugh again and kiss.]

Big Blogger: Tyson, what is it about Audrey & The Bad Apples that attracted you to her?

Tyson: Oh, man. So many things. She’s just so ace. She’s incredible and fun and a great kisser! [They laugh and kiss some more. This really is getting to be too much.] Oh, and her name is perfect.

Audrey & The Bad Apples: My name?

Big Blogger: What do you mean?

Tyson: [He’s clearly been sitting on this punchline for a while] Well, she’s Audrey & The Bad Apples, right? And I firmly believe that … every good boy deserves fruit!

[The two of them break up into raucous laughter and start kissing some more, so we cut away from them as quickly as we can.]

Feral: [Voice over] But it wasn’t all fun and games. Before the Housemates knew it, it was time to nominate again.

[Cut to the lounge. The Housemates are all gathered on the couch.]

Big Blogger: Housemates. It’s time to nominate. This week, the Intruders are now full Housemates. This means everyone can nominate, and everyone can be nominated.

[Pause while this sinks in.]

Big Blogger: Housemates. It’s time to nominate. Audrey & The Bad Apples to the Diary Room.

[Cut to the Diary Room, where we see quick flashes of most people’s nominations.]

Big Blogger: Audrey & The Bad Apples, who do you nominate for two points for aviction, and why?

Audrey & The Bad Apples: I nominate Magical_M for two points, Big Blogger.

RichardWatts: Audrey & The Bad Apples.

Tyson: LittleFaerieGirl.

Steph: Tammiodo.

Magical_M: Audrey & The Bad Apples.

Tammiodo: LittleFaerieGirl.

Gav: Audrey & The Bad Apples.

Audrey & The Bad Apples: I just haven’t been able to get to know her this whole time, and I find her hotttness a threat. I think if she continues in this game, the public is going to want her to stay in this House over me.

Steph: She didn’t make a good impression the other night when she and Audrey & The Bad Apples teased us with the food and drink they had in the Rewards Room. I think that was uncalled for and mean.

Magical_M: Audrey & The Bad Apples was just cruel when she called out to us from the Rewards Room about all the stuff they had in there. That wasn’t very nice to the rest of us who had to do without.

Big Blogger: Who do you nominate for one point for aviction, and why?

MelbourneGirl: Tammiodo.

TOBYtoby: Magical_M.

Dxxxx: Tammiodo.

Steph: Audrey & The Bad Apples.

Audrey & The Bad Apples: LittleFaerieGirl.

LittleFaerieGirl: TOBYtoby.

[Cut to the lounge. All Housemates are assembled on the couch, awaiting Big Blogger’s first nominations announcement.]

Big Blogger: This is Big Blogger. This week's nominated Housemates are: Magical_M … and … Audrey & The Bad Apples … and … LittleFaerieGirl … and … Tammiodo.

[The Housemates react with shock at this news.]

Magical_M: Of course.

Gav: Yes! I wasn’t nominated! [To TOBYtoby] And neither were you!

[TOBYtoby tries to look pleased, although he knows what’s coming.]

Big Blogger: Audrey & The Bad Apples, to the Diary Room.

[Cut to the Diary Room.]

Big Blogger: Audrey & The Bad Apples, as winner of Friday Night Live, you will now exercise the most important part of your prize. Who do you wish to deduct three points from, and why.

Audrey & The Bad Apples: I’d like to deduct the points from myself, please, Big Blogger. I’d love to save Tammiodo as well, but I want to be in this House for as long as I possibly can.

Big Blogger. Go back to the lounge and say nothing of this to your Housemates.

Feral: [Voice over] For the second week in a row, nothing changed after the three point twist was exercised. Audrey & The Bad Apples still had enough nomination votes to keep her in the running. But, as always, Big Blogger added TOBYtoby to the nominated Housemates for failing his Insider mission earlier in the week.

Big Blogger: This is Big Blogger. The Housemates up for aviction this week are … Magical_M … and … Audrey & The Bad Apples … and … LittleFaerieGirl … and … Tammiodo … and … TOBYtoby. That is all.

Gav: [To TOBYtoby] Oh, man – sorry!

TOBYtoby: Don’t worry. I’ve come to expect it.

Magical_M: Me too. [She appears quite glum.]

[Audrey & The Bad Apples and Tammiodo are sitting in shocked silence. Tyson tries to encourage them both.]

Tyson: Don’t worry, guys, you won’t be evicted, People are going to love all of us!

Dxxxx: Are okay, sweetie?

LittleFaerieGirl: Yeah. It’s gonna be me, I just know it.

Feral: [Voice over] So five Housemates were nominated, and two of them are about to be evicted.

[Cut back to Feral on stage. The audience is carrying on like a pack of tools.]

Feral: Okay! So who’s going to be evicted tonight? Will it be Magical_M? [The audience cheers in support of Magical_M.] TOBYtoby? [The audience cheers in support of TOBYtoby.] LittleFaerieGirl? [The audience cheers in support of LittleFaerieGirl.] Tammiodo? [The audience cheers in support of Tammiodo.] Audrey & The Bad Apples? [The audience cheers in support of Audrey & The Bad Apples.] Remember, the House doesn’t know it’s a double eviction! Let’s head straight down to the House to find out who’s going to join me on stage first.

[Cut to live footage of the Housemates all lined up on the couch, the five in the middle fidgeting and looking worried. The audience goes crazy.]

Feral: Hello, House.

Housemates: Whoa! / hello / Hi, Feral! / etc.

Feral: How are you all going?

Housemates: Great / good thank you / okay / alright / etc.

Feral: Let’s get straight into talking to our nominated Housemates, because there are five of you!

Housemates: Oooh! / I know, it’s crazy / yeah / etc.

Feral: Who’ve we got there? Let’s start with Magical_M.

Magical_M: Hi Feral. [Audience cheers for Magical_M.]

Feral: How are you doing today?

Magical_M: Oh, okay. Better than the other day. [She smiles.]

Feral: Yes of course, because the other day you found out why RichardWatts wasn’t interested in you. [Camera shows a shot of RichardWatts sitting with Dxxxx and smiling apologetically down the line at Magical_M.]

Magical_M: Yeah. Oh well. Can’t be helped.

Feral: No, I guess not. So do you think you’ll be going tonight?

Magical_M: Probably. I keep being nominated, so I guess it’s just a matter of time.

Feral: Well, we’ll soon see. Good luck.

Magical_M: Thanks, Feral.

Feral: Okay, next along the line is? Ah, it’s LittleFaerieGirl.

LittleFaerieGirl: Hello. [Audience cheers for LittleFaerieGirl.]

Feral: Now you’ve had a pretty interesting week, haven’t you!

LittleFaerieGirl: Yeah, me and Dxxxx have been getting along pretty well. [Her massive smile belies her understated words.] And we’ve gotten to know RichardWatts a lot, too.

Feral: Yes, and I hear you guys have a name for the three of you?

[RichardWatts and Dxxxx start to laugh.]

LittleFaerieGirl: [Laughing] Yeah, we’re Team Fag-Dag.

[The other Housemates all laugh as well.]

Feral: I see!

LittleFaerieGirl: No one breaks up Team Fag-Dag!

Feral: Okay, well I hope for your sake the public agrees! Good luck.

LittleFaerieGirl: Thanks Feral.

Feral: Now, Tammiodo.

Tammiodo: Hi Feral! [Audience cheers for Tammiodo.] How ya going?

Feral: I’m well. But what about you? First week you can possibly be nominated and you’re the only former Intruder to get nominated! Does that worry you?

Tammiodo: Um, not until you put it like that! [They all laugh.]

Feral: Sorry, I don’t mean to make you paranoid!

Tammiodo: Nah, it’s just part of the game, I guess. We all have to nominate, so everyone’s bound to be nominated at some stage.

Feral: Well, hopefully your time in the House isn’t up just yet. I wish you all the best tonight.

Tammiodo: Thank you!

Feral: Alright, so who’s next? Audrey & The Bad Apples.

Audrey & The Bad Apples: Hi there. [Audience cheers for Audrey & The Bad Apples.]

Feral: First, I want to congratulate you on winning Friday Night Live! [Audience cheers for Audrey & The Bad Apples again.]

Audrey & The Bad Apples: Thank you, that was so much fun!

Feral: And did you enjoy the Rewards Room?

Audrey & The Bad Apples: A little too much, apparently.

[Some of the other Housemates chuckle, but not all of them.]

Feral: I notice you’re wearing new clothes tonight, did you find your suitcase?

Audrey & The Bad Apples: No, this is something Tammiodo loaned me. Do you know where my suitcase is? [Audience begins to chant “TOBYtoby, TOBYtoby”. Audrey & The Bad Apples turns to look at him suspiciously, and he pales significantly.]

Feral: [Covering for the audience giving it away, yells out at the crowd] Yes, alright, we’re getting to him next! I’m just asking Audrey & The Bad Apples another question, first!

[TOBYtoby shrugs and Audrey & The Bad Apples turns back to Feral on the screen.]

Feral: Oh! Sorry about that. The crowd’s just eager to get through everybody so we can have our eviction.

Audrey & The Bad Apples: Okay. Um, … no, I haven’t found my suitcase.

Feral: Well, I hope you find it soon. Good luck tonight.

Audrey & The Bad Apples: Thanks Feral.

Feral: And now we can talk to TOBYtoby.

TOBYtoby: Hi Feral. [Audience cheers for TOBYtoby.] Wow, I must be popular!

Feral: Something like that. Are you feeling confident about tonight?

TOBYtoby: Well, I am now!

Feral: I wouldn’t read too much into their reactions, if I were you. There are a lot more people out there voting than there are in here, I can assure you.

TOBYtoby: [Suitably put back in his place] Yeah, true.

Feral: Well, we may be seeing you over here very soon, so good luck.

TOBYtoby: Thanks.

Feral: Good luck to everyone.

Housemates: Cheers / thanks, Feral / thank you / etc.

Feral: I’m being handed the envelope, so we’re only seconds away from finding out who’s been evicted. [Audience starts to get really loud.] Here we go … It’s time to go … [Camera pans across the nominated Housemates’ faces extremely slowly.] It’s time to go, LittleFaerieGirl!

[Audience goes absolutely nuts. The Housemates react in surprise and shock.]

Dxxxx: Noooooo! [She runs to LittleFaerieGirl and hugs her.]

LittleFaerieGirl: It’s alright.

RichardWatts: That sucks. Team Fag-Dag! Destroyed!

LittleFaerieGirl: [Laughing] Yeah. Oh well.

Steph: Oh, I’m so sorry, LittleFaerieGirl! [She tries to hug LittleFaerieGirl, but Dxxxx still hasn’t let go.]

Magical_M: I’m gonna miss you, babe.

LittleFaerieGirl: Yeah, me too.

Big Blogger: This is Big Blogger. LittleFaerieGirl, you have been avicted. You have ten seconds to leave the House.

[LittleFaerieGirl finally pries Dxxxx loose and begins to say goodbye to the other Housemates.]

LittleFaerieGirl: I’ve had a great time with you all! Thanks so much for everything!

Dxxxx: Enjoy yourself tonight!

Tyson: Bye, Javatari. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.

Gav: See ya later, LittleFaerieGirl.

Steph: Don’t be sad. I think you’re great. Bye!

MelbourneGirl: Bye.

Audrey & The Bad Apples: Bye.

Magical_M: Have a great time, okay?

TOBYtoby: We’ll see you out there soon.

Tammiodo: See ya.

Big Blogger: This is Big Blogger. LittleFaerieGirl, you have been avicted. You must leave the House ammediately.

[LittleFaerieGirl walks to the door, turns and waves to the Housemates. The door opens and she steps through, walking down the corridor beyond the door without looking back. The door closes behind her.]

[Cut back to Feral on stage.]

Feral: Okay, LittleFaerieGirl is on her way to join me on stage, but before that, let’s cross back to the House for our second live eviction.

[Cut back to the House, where the Housemates are all still standing near the door, wide-eyed and shocked.]

Feral: Hello, House.

Housemates: Whoa! / again? / etc.

Feral: Yes, again. It’s time for a second eviction.

[The Housemates sit back down on the couch. The remaining four nominated Housemates start to look very pale once again.]

Feral: I’m being handed the second envelope … Alright, I’ve got it. Let’s see who else is being ripped out of the House tonight. [Audience gets even louder than before. Are they using megaphones or something?]

Feral: It’s time to go … [Camera pans across the remaining nominated Housemates’ faces extremely slowly.] It’s time to go, Audrey & The Bad Apples!

[Audience goes into spasms of joy. The Housemates are stunned. Tyson looks especially upset. Tammiodo hugs Audrey & The Bad Apples as the other Housemates begin to gather around them and console her.]

Steph: Wow! I never would have guessed it.

Gav: [To Steph] Yeah, I thought she was really popular.

TOBYtoby: [Stiffly] See ya soon, Aud.

Audrey & The Bad Apples: Thanks. [They hug awkwardly.]

Big Blogger: This is Big Blogger. Audrey & The Bad Apples, you have been avicted. You have ten seconds to leave the House.

Gav: See ya, buddy.

Magical_M: Bye!

Big Blogger: This is Big Blogger. Audrey & The Bad Apples, you have been avicted. You must leave the House ammediately.

Tyson: C’mere. [He lifts her chin and kisses her passionately for a few seconds.]

Audrey & The Bad Apples: [Reluctantly breaking the kiss] Yummy. [To everyone else] See ya!

Tammiodo: Thanks for everything!

Audrey & The Bad Apples: [Leaving] Bye everyone! Be good! [The door closes behind her.]

[Cut back to Feral on stage]

Feral: We’ll be seeing Audrey & The Bad Apples in a minute, but first, let’s welcome our fifth Big Blogger Evictee to the stage: LittleFaerieGirl!

[Audience imitates a flock of galahs. LittleFaerieGirl walks down the gang plank and greets Feral on stage.]

LittleFaerieGirl: Hello Feral! Hello everyone!

Feral: Hi! It’s great to see you! Congratulations!

LittleFaerieGirl: Wow, thank you. [They sit, and the audience stops its screaming.]

Feral: So tell me, what are you thinking?

LittleFaerieGirl: Wow, um. I don’t know. This is mind-blowing!

Feral: [Laughing] It’s pretty surreal, isn’t it. Well, while you catch your breath, I’ll just tell you that later on Uplate with Mike Goldentonsils, you’re going to see who nominated you.

LittleFaerieGirl: Okay.

Feral: But right now we’re going to look at the votes. This graph shows both the ‘Vote to Evict’ and ‘Vote to Save’ options. [Graph appears on screen. Feral stares at it in confused silence for a few seconds.] Okay, you got it?

LittleFaerieGirl: Um …

Feral: [Moving on quickly] Excellent. So now I’m going to give you your prizes!

[That statement quickly eradicates any doubt from LittleFaerieGirl’s mind about the graph.]

LittleFaerieGirl: Oooh!

Feral: And here you are; a packet of hair-ties from backstage … sorry, they’ve been opened, I needed one earlier … and a day-old chicken parma!

[Audience cheers.]

LittleFaerieGirl: Er, thank you …

Feral: Let’s hear it for Evictee Number Five, LittleFaerieGirl!

[Audience applauds as LittleFaerieGirl leaves the stage smiling and waving to the audience.]

Feral: Okay, now let’s welcome to the stage our second evictee for the night: Audrey & The Bad Apples!

[Audience goes troppo again. Audrey & The Bad Apples walks down the gang plank and greets Feral on stage.]

Audrey & The Bad Apples: Hello, Feral! Hello everyone!

[Audience does that ‘Toyota’ jump. You know the one. At the end of their commercials where they freeze in mid-air.]

Audrey & The Bad Apples: Boy, this feels really bizarre being up here on stage with you.

Feral: Did you think you’d be evicted tonight? [They sit, and the audience un-freezes and lands on the floor.]

Audrey & The Bad Apples: Um, not really. I was a little surprised, to be honest. But it’s okay, it’s up to the public.

[The audience cheers in support of Audrey & The Bad Apples.]

Feral: Well, you’re certainly very loved, don’t worry about that! Anyway, you’re going to be on the interview circuit with LittleFaerieGirl from tomorrow morning, and you’ll be on Uplate with Mike Goldentonsils later tonight.

Audrey & The Bad Apples: Oooh, that’ll be exciting.

Feral: You’d think so, wouldn’t you. Anyway, he’ll show you who nominated you, but right now let’s look at your graph. [A different graph appears on screen.] Okay, so there’s both ‘Vote to Evict’ and ‘Vote to Save’ this year.

Audrey & The Bad Apples: Right …

Feral: [Pause; Feral is clearly hoping the graph will make sense to her this time, but it doesn’t.] Anyway, I’ll send you a print-out of the graph later.

Audrey & The Bad Apples: Oh. Okay.

Feral: So did you enjoy your time in the Big Blogger House?

Audrey & The Bad Apples: Oh, absolutely! It was great fun!

Feral: And you can get your suitcase back, now.

Audrey & The Bad Apples: [Her eyes light up] Is it here?

Feral: Yep. Did you know Big Blogger has an Insider in the House?

Audrey & The Bad Apples: Oooh! No! Who is it?

Feral: TOBYtoby. [Audrey & The Bad Apples looks shocked.] And he took your suitcase the other week. [Audrey & The Bad Apples’ eyes bug out in surprise and anger.] And he grabbed some of LittleFaerieGirl’s clothes as well. [Audrey & The Bad Apples begins to look justified in her anger.]

Audrey & The Bad Apples: I knew it! That little <BEEP>!

Feral: [Laughing] He wasn’t allowed to tell you, and he was instructed to grab all of LittleFaerieGirl’s belongings, but grabbed your suitcase by mistake.

Audrey & The Bad Apples: What a lying <BEEP>!

[The audience laughs.]

Feral: Well, on that note it’s time to go. I just have to quickly give you your prizes. Here you are; a used ticket stub from The Matrix Reloaded, and a purple texta.

[Audience cheers. Audrey & The Bad Apples looks off-stage for confirmation that Feral is being serious.]

Feral: Let’s hear it for Evictee Number Six, Audrey & The Bad Apples!

[Audience continues to applaud as Audrey & The Bad Apples exits the stage waving uncertainly.]

Feral: Alright, that’s the end of tonight’s show. The Housemates weren’t expecting a double eviction tonight, and the surprises don’t end there! Stay tuned sometime between now and next Wednesday’s eviction for the MEGA-TWIST that’s been advertised in the sidebar all season. It’s gonna be a ripper, so make sure you check back sometime over the weekend or into the new week for the next exciting installment! I’m Feral Killmen, and you’re reading Big Blogger … where six Housemates are out of the House, but the biggest surprises are just around the corner! Good night!

[Audience gets jiggy with it.]

Mike: [Voice over] Tune in next week to see who’ll become our seventh Evictee, but we’ll be back before that to give you a MEGA-TWIST episode! Remember, you need to vote for the House you want to imagine; not the House you’d want to live in. I’m Mike Goldentonsils.

[Theme music: "Da-da, da-da, da-da, da-da, DUM!"]

Mike: [Voice over] Big Blogger is brought to you by InYourDreamsWorld; the home of Big Blogger.


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