TV Is My Life

Getting Lost in Lost?

2008-02-29T14:16:00.006+11:00

For all matters relating to that phenomenal TV juggernaut that is Lost, please feel free to leave any and all questions here as a comment, and I will deal with them directly.

State which season / episode / event you're up to, and I'll refrain from spoiling anything for you.

Be warned that others may not be so kind, however. You'd be wise not to read other people's questions (and my answers to them), unless you're up-to-date with the episode that most recently aired on Australian TV.

.

Stop Horsin' Around!

2007-12-14T08:23:00.000+11:00

... Spoiler Alert! ... Spoiler Alert! ...

If you haven't yet seen (and you intend to see) episode 2 of The Amazing Race Season 10 (TAR 10), do not read any further!

--------------------

The previous season of TAR that we saw here in Australia was the ‘All Stars’ version of the show – which was actually filmed after this season and featured two of the teams we official ‘met’ for the first time last night – which may provide some answers to any Aussie viewers who might have been confused by seeing these particular teams introduce themselves to each other like they’d never met before.

Here are the particulars for this first leg of the Race in last night’s episode:

Leg 2 (People's Republic of China – Mongolia)

* Erenhot (Chinese) (Erlian Train Station)
* Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia Flag of Mongolia (Choijin Lama Monastery)
* Terelj (Gorkhi-Terelj National Park), Detour (“Take It Down” or “Fill It Up”)
* Gorkhi (Hotel Mongolia), Roadblock ("Who's ready to aim high?"), Pit Stop (Leg 2)

The Detour for this leg was “Take It Down” or “Fill It Up”. In “Take It Down”, teams had to take down the cover of a yurt, roll it up, and attach it to a camel. In “Fill it Up”, teams had to put four water containers on a cart pulled by a hynik, an ox-like animal indigenous to the area. Then they had to fill them up at a stream, bring them back by their hynik, and fill a barrel to the designated line. The Roadblock was to shoot a flaming arrow and hit a target 160 feet (49m) away. Additional Task: Teams had to put on traditional Mongolian army hats and ride two and a half miles on a horse.

For the record, this was the order in which the teams reached Phil on the mat last episode, and the order in which they started this leg of the Race:

1. Tyler & James
2. Duke & Lauren
3. Peter & Sarah
4. Dustin & Kandice
5. Rob & Kimberly
6. Kellie & Jamie
7. Erwin & Godwin
8. Tom & Terry
9. Lyn & Karlyn
10. David & Mary
~~11. Vipul & Arti~~
~~12. Bilal & Sa’eed~~

Note: If you're already ahead of this point in the series, please refrain from giving any spoilers in your comments. Thank you.

As always, I’ll provide my thoughts on each team in this episode, listing them in the order in which they arrived at the Pit Stop (hence the 'Spoiler Alert!').

--------------------

1. Peter & Sarah

Last week: 2
This week: Up two places

Wow, these guys did really well, considering their communication issues and the fact that they changed back and forth between their Detour tasks twice! Not to mention Sarah’s leg thing. Speaking of which, a friend of mine at work today pointed out that Phil's greeting to these two when they arrived at the Pit Stop could have been taken as a nasty swipe of a joke (which is not how Phil would have intended it, it’s fair to say), when he asked them if they’d have expected to be in the lead two legs into the Race. Their hynik was an absolute mad-and-crazy animal, so I wasn’t surprised when they decided to skip back to the other Detour (although couldn’t they have selected a different hynik if they’d wanted to?). It made sense that Sarah didn’t want to stop moving (that’s a normal method of coping – even if it’s a crawl, just keep moving forward), while it also made sense that Peter wanted to ensure Sarah was okay and calm and coping by stopping to talk to her (although in their rush and adrenaline, the ‘talk’ sounded more like snapping than he would have meant it to). So I could understand both sides of the situation, and I’m glad they worked it out and finished well. The fact that they actually finished first was just an added bonus.

2. Tyler & James

Last week: 1
This week: Down one place

These guys looked like they were going to be in trouble, early on. They were taken to the wrong monastery for the show, and ended up losing their initial lead. They then got a flat tyre and couldn’t work out how to use the jack (it worked fine once the helpful local showed them how it was done). But pretty much from there, they took off again – leaving most other teams behind and only being beaten by Peter & Sarah by what appeared to be a narrow margin. But I may be wrong about that. I like these guys and hope they continue to do very well.

3. Duke & Lauren

Last week: 2
This week: Down one place

There’s not much I can say about Duke & Lauren this week, apart from still liking them. Duke’s soft, quiet reassurances that it was okay as they struggled to tie the knots at the Detour were both sweet and sensible. They were also seemingly out in the lead at one point, but goodie-two-shoes Duke obviously didn’t want to get caught speeding, so that meant he allowed a couple of other teams to overtake them.

4. Tom & Terry

Last week: 8
This week: Up four places

If I were still using catchy little nicknames for the teams (like I did in these reviews a few seasons ago, using just the acronyms of my nicknames to reference each team), then I’d have given these guys the moniker ‘Gay Broadway Style (GBS)’. The GBS boys are absolutely hilarious when they’re carrying on, and Tom’s first attempt at shooting the fiery arrow made me laugh out loud (that’s ‘LOL’, to you youngsters reading). Despite their justification on not stopping to help Tyler & James when the latter team had a flat tyre (it’s really interesting to hear how each team justified being so selfish like that; understandable in the Race though it is), there’s not much to dislike about this pair. Yet.

5. Dustin & Kandice

Last week: 4
This week: Down one place

The beauty queens were probably the most ‘robbed’ of the win out of everyone, I’d say. They were the first to finish the Detour (what a team they are!), and Kandice tore through the Roadblock in record time as well. But because they couldn’t find Kandice’s helmet after finishing the Detour, they lost heaps of valuable time where many other teams overtook them. It was hard luck, but they still ended up in the middle of the pack – comfortably within reach of the top spot next week. If watching these girls in the ‘All Stars’ version of the show taught me nothing else, it taught me that Dustin & Kandice are a force to be reckoned with.

6. Rob & Kimberly

Last week: 5
This week: Down one place

I don’t know what to say about these two. Rob’s so helpful and considerate and loving toward Kimberly (like when she fell from her horse and injured her ankle, and he stayed on his horse and lamely assured her that the nomad was fetching her horse for her … yeah, thanks, buddy). But Kimberly ain’t exactly the brightest spark in the fire, either. She qualified her fear of horses by telling us – wide-eyed – that they have minds of their own. Exactly what she expected of the animal kingdom I don’t know. Like I said last week, just because they cheer and hug when things are going well for them, that doesn’t mean their treatment of one another (largely the way Rob treats Kimberly) is in any way acceptable. He’s not Jonathan (from Jonathan & Victoria fame) or Colin (from Colin & Christie fame), but he’s on his way and needs to curb the way he treats (and therefore, by extension, thinks of) the woman he claims to love. It wouldn’t be much of a loss for them to be eliminated soon. Oh yeah, and what’s with Rob’s “decision” to go off-road at some random interval (presumably following a hunch of some description) and tell a questioning Kimberly to hold her tongue because “this is why you’re on the Race with me”. Why’s that, then? To get lost? To look like a pair of d!ckheads? To end up in therapy? Seriously, he’s a complete tosser.

7. David & Mary

Last week: 10
This week: Up three places

This team is the little coalminer and his hen-pecking wife that could! Talk about surmounting obstacles and coming out on top! They were clearly at odds when they were trying to do the Detour, and David almost had more trouble than Tom with the Roadblock’s fiery arrow. But they kept pushing through adversity and surprised themselves with their resourcefulness. They showed good initiative in ‘kidnapping’ a local to take them to the National Park where the Detour was, but they suffered terrible luck when they got bogged in the mud (although why they decided to go off-road at that point anyway is beyond me). Especially heartwarming were the two comments by Mary (wherein she was overawed) about never having known any Asians (“We love you guys to death,” she told Erwin & Godwin – was she being literal??), and never having been around any gay people (“We like ‘em!”). So gorgeous.

8. Erwin & Godwin

Last week: 7
This week: Down one place

I’ve been expecting more of this twosome, to be honest, than we’ve been able to see so far. They struck me last week as a pair of jokers (in a good way), but I’m yet to see them truly impress me with their sense of humour. Maybe it’s just that we don’t have much time for it in an hour’s episode while there are still ten or more teams to cover. If that’s it, then fair enough. I just hope they stay in the Race long enough for the numbers to thin a bit so we can get to know them a bit better. Their water-pistol prank in the airport last week was a fizzer; that’s not the kind of thing I’m thinking of. I’m hoping to hear funny remarks and stuff that keep me smiling. They’ve already showed that they’re not afraid to stop and help people or offer assistance in finding the next location (for karma purposes), so I hope there’s more of that to come.

9. Lyn & Karlyn

Last week: 9
This week: No change

I really don’t care too much for these hypocritical women. They’re quick to pray to Jesus and expect his help when they’re in a jam, but frankly they were the rudest and most un-Christian about driving right on by Tyler & James when the boys had that flat tyre. Have they never heard the story of The Good Samaritan? And is it any wonder, then, that their car didn’t start after the Detour? I’m not sure if that’s God teaching them a lesson, or karma coming back to bite them on their selfish, pessimistic hyniks. I was actually hoping that the cheerleaders had experienced a rare moment of clarity when they turned their car back the other way, because that would have meant we’d be free of Lyn & Karlyn from this point on … but alas, that was too much to expect of The Cheerleaders From Duh.

~~10. Kellie & Jamie~~: ELIMINATED!

Last week: 6
This week: Down four places

Stupid girls. Why would Dustin & Kandice “just be chillin’” after completing their Detour task? And why would they look so ashen-faced and stricken? It was no real loss when these two were told they were eliminated. They couldn’t even complete the Roadblock, which they didn’t abort until after it had turned dark and after they had both cried many futile tears. The only thing I’ll miss about these two is their carefully choreographed clapping routines. Oh, wait – no I won’t.

--------------------

I’ll be back next Friday with a recap of next Thursday night’s episode. Leave any comments below, agreeing or disagreeing with me as you see fit. And if I’ve forgotten any golden moments, feel free to add them. Cheers!

.

That's So StereoTypical Of You Americans! (In A Good Way)

2007-12-07T08:22:00.000+11:00

... Spoiler Alert! ... Spoiler Alert! ...

If you haven't yet seen (and you intend to see) episode 1 of The Amazing Race Season 10 (TAR 10), do not read any further!

--------------------

The previous season of TAR that we saw here in Australia was the ‘All Stars’ version of the show – which was actually filmed after this season and featured two of the teams we official ‘met’ for the first time last night – which may provide some answers to any Aussie viewers who might have been confused by seeing these particular teams introduce themselves to each other like they’d never met before.

Here are the particulars for this first leg of the Race in last night’s episode:

Leg 1 (United States – People’s Republic of China)

* Seattle, Washington, USA Flag of the United States (Gas Works Park) (Starting Line)
* Flight: Seattle (Seattle-Tacoma International Airport) to Beijing, People’s Republic of China (Beijing Capital International Airport)
* Beijing (Golden House Restaurant) – Roadblock (“Who’s hungry to stay in the race?”)
* Beijing (Forbidden City – Meridian Gate) – Elimination point
* Beijing (Pedicab Company) – Detour (“Labour” or “Leisure”)
* Beijing (Great Wall of China – Juyongguan) – Pit Stop (Leg 1)

The Roadblock on this leg was to eat fish eyes out of a bowl of fish head soup. The Detour was “Labour” or “Leisure”. In “Labour”, teams had to travel one mile (1.6 km) by pedicab and pave a 45-square-foot (4m2) section of sidewalk in a specific pattern. In “Leisure”, teams had to perform a Chinese relaxation method known as Taiji Bailong, which involves balancing a ball on a paddle while completing a specific rhythmic dance. Additional Task: Teams also had to scale the Great Wall of China in order to reach the Pit Stop.

Note: If you're already ahead of this point in the series, please refrain from giving any spoilers in your comments. Thank you.

As always, I’ll provide my thoughts on each team in this episode, listing them in the order in which they arrived at the Pit Stop (hence the 'Spoiler Alert!').

--------------------

I will not be providing tips for this season as I have in the past, because the final result has already been spoilt for me in online discussion. To be fair, I won’t pretend to have worked out the winner and take false credit for this knowledge. This will also save me some time in preparing these reviews for you, and should help (a bit) to keep me as up-to-date as possible.

The twelve teams selected for this season seemed to cover a wider range of stereotypes than I’ve witnessed in any other season. And I mean that in a good way; it’s not a complaint at all. I think the more people are confronted with various types of people in this world, the more likely we’ll get used to this ‘tolerance’ thing everyone’s going on about. So it was refreshingly different to see a pair of devout American Muslims, a couple from India, two brothers of Korean heritage and a pair of recovering drug addicts (although, granted, they were also buff male models who posed topless in the credit sequence) join the regular cast of stereotypes in the gay couple, the insulting male and downtrodden female, the backward hillbillies with a heart of gold (well-hidden under all their arguing), the gorgeous females (this time we’ve been treated to both a pair of busty beauty queens AND a pair of relatively flat-chested cheerleaders), the outspoken African American mothers, and the father-daughter duo with a twist of lesbian.

Oh yeah, and the “Mirna and Schmirna” of this season; the chick with the false leg and her prosthetic-limb-making boyfriend (I kid you not; that’s his job).

The first surprise in what spunky host Phil Keoghan promised to be a season sprinkled with twists and turns (some of which have already been spoilt for anyone who’s watched the ‘All Stars’ season already), was one we didn’t know was coming. After just one day racing, the last team to reach one particular point in the Race (it wasn’t even a Pit Stop) was eliminated on the spot. And as many Americans might have hoped, it was “those no-good, bearded weirdos”, the “Buddhist Muzzlams” (according to the cheerleaders), Bilal & Sa’eed.

~~12. Bilal & Sa’eed~~: ELIMINATED!

In actual fact, these guys seemed quite nice, so it was a shame to see them go just 45 minutes into the first episode. I would have liked to see how their beliefs gave them trouble throughout the Race (we caught a glimpse of potential difficulties when one of the women on another team went to shake Bilal’s hand in the airport and he – respectfully – advised that he couldn’t touch her due to his religious beliefs), and it would have been interesting if the fish-eye-eating Detour had instead been some kind of pork dish (although I suspect not even the producers would have demanded something of them that conflicted so harshly with their beliefs like that). The fact that Bilal asserted that they’d stop for their five-minute on-their-knees prayer session each day no matter where they were and what they were doing could even have played as a good education tool for those who don’t understand the Muslim religion. Of course, it’s a moot point anyway, as they barely lasted the first day. At least they managed to get out of the country and see a bit of China before being eliminated.

--------------------

1. Tyler & James

These guys are Wifey’s early favourites (I’m not threatened by them), and I suppose if I had to pick a favourite team at this point, I’d probably chose these guys as well. They seemed like genuinely nice people (although there appears to be substantially more “good guys” and “nice people” on this Race than on previous outings … at least at this point!), and their tale of woe regarding meeting in rehab as they tied to kick their drug habits, then deciding to get into modelling together and make a new life for themselves was uplifting. Half the time they look like a couple, but Wifey reckons they’re not. Either way, they ran a good Race in this leg, and were rewarded $20,000 for arriving at the Pit Stop first. Will they continue to curry favour with my wife? And is it because they’re not wearing much clothing in the above picture?

2. Duke & Lauren

The video introduction to ‘Duke’ (and seriously – who names their kid ‘Duke’??!) is likely to have polarised viewers. As soon as he expressed that he felt “a tiny bit of disappointment” over his daughter for having recently ‘come out’ to him as a lesbian, many would have viewed him as an ogre, … but the tears that followed that statement (in fact, he broke down without finishing the statement, so to be fair, we technically don’t even know how he planned to complete the sentence), and his efforts to deal with both the revelation itself and his daughter’s lifesttyle choice (and even her partner) would have shown others that he’s doing his best and trying to accept things for the way they are. It can’t be easy news for an ‘old school’ parent to hear, so I give him props for his honesty and commitment to doing the right thing (as opposed to cutting her out of his family entirely and refusing to see her ever again). Remember, he’s from a different generation, so I think he took his daughter’s announcement quite gracefully, all told (even though I know there were months of silence – that’s obviously the effect of shock and pain he was working through … and that he has now put behind him). Although Duke and Lauren showed some signs of strain on this leg, it was equally heart-warming to see Lauren in tears of pride for the job her father was doing as he scaled the Great Wall of China (even though Tyler and James completed the task ahead of Duke). It’s clear that these two really do love each other, and even if they get into heated arguments in future legs, I’d say their relationship is going to be all right. And that’s the important thing (although a million dollars into the bargain would be nice, too).

3. Peter & ~~Charla~~ Sarah

The backstory of these two finding each other might sound a bit strange, but when you think about it, it makes sense that a woman who wears a prosthetic leg might meet someone from a part of her life where she spends a fair bit of time – having a prosthetic leg fitted. Peter seemed mostly charming and devoted to Sarah in last night’s episode, although there were elements of a frustration that the ad for next week seemed to highlight even more. I wonder if he’ll turn out to be quite the Prince Charming we (or maybe just I) took him for in the opening episode. I certainly thought there was nothing wrong with them using Sarah’s false leg to their advantage – that’s the name of the game! Whether it was through boarding the plane first (which is perfectly reasonable to ensure she’s not trampled by the massing hoards) or jumping the queue for a taxi (“See my leg? It’s an emergency!”), whatever gives them an edge is theirs to take advantage of. The fact that she’s also able to run as fast as (or faster than) an able-bodied person and scale the Great Wall of China on a single rope with footholds tied into it only demonstrates that she hasn’t allowed her disability in life to hold her back – she rises to the challenge and is a better athlete than the slack and lazy able-bodied people who complained about her. I don’t mind these two at this point, and I certainly hope they get further in the Race than Lyn and Karlyn, who were inappropriate in their grumbling about Sarah, and blaming her ability for their own inability.

4. Dustin & Kandice

It was great to finally ‘meet’ this pair again after initially meeting them on the ‘All Stars’ edition. (And if I was Benny Hill, I’d make a joke here about meeting the other pair, as well. If I’ve lost you, you’re a better person than I am.) I don’t have much to say about them at this point, except that continually pointing out (particularly to David & Mary) that they’re beauty queens might be a bit unnecessary and like rubbing people’s noses in it – although I guess they don’t care too much what the other teams think … and neither should they. Seeing them at work in this episode reminded me of how effective they can be when faced with a challenge. In the Detour, Kandice just chucked those fish eyes down her throat without even wincing, so these two know how to get the job done without complaining. If not for bad luck in locating the Golden House in the first place, they might even have been in the lead at one point. Anyone with a good memory like me will remember from Phil’s remarks in the ‘All Stars’ edition where they ended up placing in this season, but I’ll keep that information to myself and ask you to do the same.

5. Rob & Kimberly

Here’s our obligatory wife-basher in training, and his docile but argumentative woman who asks for it. Rob’s introductory comment that he’s his own man and will do his own thing – and that Kimberly needs to learn that, was drink-spluttering stuff. As was Kimberly’s strange facial expression when he said it. Was she seething in silent fury at the comment? Or was she accepting it and agreeing, just like a Good Little WomanTM should? I’m not sure what it is about women like this, but it must be a self-confidence thing. Colin & Christie, Jerkhead & Victoria, and now Rob & Kimberly – the guys all treat them like crap but follow it up when everything’s all right with hugs and declarations of love. It’s the ultimate manipulation because the guys convince the girls that everything’s fine again – and they manage to keep the woman in tow. Actually, thinking about it for a moment, all three of those girls I named appear to have had some chest-based surgery, so I wonder if there’s a link there to indicate they really do have a confidence-based problem … and they guys they choose to be with only further compound those problems by treating them so hot-and-cold? I don’t mean to insult anyone with these ponderings, but I seriously see a connection between the way they get treated and they way they view themselves as unworthy of any better than the creeps they’re dating. It’s quite sad, really. I hope Kimberly “grows a pair” very soon (I’m not talking about the chest region anymore) and tells Rob to stick it. The ad for next week implied that she might – but I’m guessing they’ll be hugging and kissing again by the end of the episode … even if he hasn’t properly apologised for whatever it is he does to upset her. Rob is a physical demon but has the appearance of someone who’s taken the steroids to get him there. And his volatile temper is one to look out for. Kimberly, meanwhile, looks almost identical to Lauren, Duke’s lesbian daughter! (When they've both got their hair tied back, anyway.) Could the two be related? Maybe this is one of the twists Phil promised us! (As opposed to the ‘Intersection’ and ‘Marked For Elimination’ twists most of us know are coming.)

6. Kellie & Jamie

They’re always got to be some ‘special ed’ contestants, doesn’t there! These girls certainly fit the bill. From their annoying clapping sequence (thanks to my friend “Bar-bra” for that one) to their complete lack of knowledge on anything that isn’t cheerleading (“Do Muzzlams believe in Buddha?”), these two look set to entertain us this season with the most stupid comments of all. Should be interesting.

7. Erwin & Godwin

These guys are also “good guys”, and appear to think quite highly of themselves. I don’t mind them at all, and look forward to seeing them in future legs. I found it amusing when they called China their “homeland” (being Korean), but apart from that I didn’t get much from them in last night’s episode. Perhaps I was just a bit startled by Erwin’s long, flowing locks!

8. Tom & Terry

I’m not going to make the obvious ‘Tom & Jerry’ joke about their names, although I have to ask: Why must this show feature such ridiculously effeminate gay couples all the time?! The way they carried on in their opening video was a complete farce, and their loopy-looking eyes when they think they’re being funny just make them appear scary. In one moment they’re claiming to camera that they’re not here to make friends or add people to their Christmas card list, and the next moment they’re hugging another team and cheering for joy (I don’t even remember where they were or why they were cheering, but they were certainly making friends). I foresee these guys being one of the teams that causes the most friction (along with Rob & Kimberly, Lyn & Karlyn and possibly Peter & Sarah), so I don’t know if I’m looking forward to watching them go on. Hopefully they won’t be b!tching the whole time, and their comedy element will overshadow their uber-campness.

9. Lyn & Karlyn

These women are one-part sentimentalists and two-parts whingers. Their gripes at Sarah for boarding the plane first and then running through the airport faster than they were able to move just showed their negative attitude (which was further highlighted in the continual “I can’t do it” remarks as they tried in vain to scale the Great Wall of China). They were both so quick to give up and complain about everything being “too hard”, that I really don’t want them to succeed in this Race. I’d prefer them to be eliminated early on so we can enjoy the presence of other teams like Erwin & Godwin, who are genuinely more fun to watch and are actually enjoying themselves so much more.

10. David & Mary

These guys crack me up. They possibly wouldn’t have been so amusing if I hadn’t seen them before in the ‘All Stars’ edition of the Race, but because I’d already been acclimatised to their antics and arguing, it was just amusing to listen to their verbal sparring matches. Actually, to be fair, Mary’s the one who sticks the boot in – David rarely does the same to her (this is in spite of her assessment that he doesn’t listen to her or respect her … my experience of these two is that David actually adores Mary and thinks the world of her). Although David took a different highway to the airport than Mary had explained (without a map, perplexingly), and she then chewed him out for it, they were one of the first teams to get there – proving that David’s alternate route was a beauty. Mary was quick to encourage David as he scaled the Great Wall of China, but the minute he tried to do the same (quite lovingly, in my opinion), she barked at him to shut up (probably out of embarrassment that she was struggling, but still). Because the final team was so far behind them, I thought it was a fair assessment that David assumed they were in fact the last team to reach the Pit Stop, so when Phil told them they were team number ten – and she swatted David’s arm as if he’d tried to trick her (again, probably out of embarrassment for her own tears) – it was amusing … but strange that he kept taking such treatment (‘hen-pecked’ is a term that springs to mind). In delight at not being eliminated after all, she then proceeded to hug Phil, the Chinese representative on the Pit Stop mat, and everybody else within a three-kilometre radius except her poor, put-upon husband. Telling of their love for each other was that when she reached the top of the Wall, she tearily apologised to David (repeatedly), who assured her that it didn’t matter and that he loves her (which he also said repeatedly). Oh yeah, and her comment that David is really cute made Wifey splutter into her drink until milk came out her nose.

~~11. Vipul & Arti~~: ELIMINATED!

It’s a shame that these guys were eliminated last night at the end of the leg – they were another nice couple. So the Indians and the Muslims were the first two stereotypes to go; I smell a conspiracy theory! I’m not even sure what it was that set Vipul & Arti so far behind the other teams. They didn’t even reach the Roadblock until almost everyone else had finished it, so wherever their delay came from, it was earlier than that. It must simply have been that they got so lost on the streets of Beijing and couldn’t find their way. It’s a shame, because not only were they a very cute couple and very much in love, but they also had a calm, peaceful quality that’s often missing in teams on the Race. But maybe that’s why they fell behind. It could be that the Race would have been bad for them and their relationship, so maybe it’s all for the best that they get out now with their sanity and mutual devotion for each other intact.

--------------------

I’ll be back next Friday with a recap of next Thursday night’s episode. The good news is that Channel Seven is (so far) giving TAR a primetime airing schedule, from 7:30pm instead of 11pm as it used to be (back in the old days). Hopefully this will mean more converted viewers to the show and therefore a better treatment of it next season. Will we one day see the show being “fast-tracked” from the US, so the ending can’t be spoilt for us??

Leave any comments below, agreeing or disagreeing with me as you see fit. And if I’ve forgotten any golden moment, feel free to add them. Cheers!

.

The Amazing Missing Season

2007-12-03T14:53:00.000+11:00

Hi folks, remember me?

Possibly not, but fair enough.

Just touching base briefly to advise anyone who's still checking in here that this Thursday, 6th December, will mark the return of The Amazing Race on Australian TV screens.

So if you're curious to know how those hicks David & Mary and those beauty queens Dustin & Kandice got onto an 'All Stars' version of the show last year without ever having appeared on an actual series of the show, then this is the season for you.

Season 10 is the one Australia's Channel Seven skipped in order to "fast-track" (although that's not the wording they used at the time) the 'All Stars' version for us last year. So the outcome is many moons old, but hopefully no one will spoil that for those of us who are yet to see it.

So be watching Channel Seven from 7:30pm to 9pm this Thursday night for the first episode, where I'm told a few surprises will get us started on yet another amazing season of this amazing series!

Stay tuned to this blog for weekly recaps!

(Yes, I'll actually do 'em.)

.

We Interrupt Your Regular Programming For An Important Announcement ...

2007-11-12T10:14:00.000+11:00

... normal blogging will re-commence shortly. Our thanks for your patience during these troubling times. Rest assured that the thoughts, dreams and TV aspirations have all been logged and back-catalogued since the previous post, and will appear here in due course. We appreciate your patience and understanding.

.

Thank The Lord For Your Presence # 25

2007-08-09T08:11:00.000+10:00

Last night, we were treated to another highly enjoyable episode of Thank God You're Here (TGYH). The performers on last night’s show were first-timers Melbourne radio personality (and soon-to-be TV show celebrity prankster) Matt Tilley and UK comedian Ross Noble, along with TGYH veterans Julia Zemiro and Frank Woodley. It was a clear example of how one newbie can stutter and stammer their way through their scene (Mr Tilley) while another tears the arse off everything thrown his way (Mr Noble). I had hoped for more from Matt Tilley, especially as his Fox FM “Gotcha” Calls are generally so amusing (for those childish people amongst us who still find it hilarious when someone falls for a prank phone call, the likes of which some of us have never grown out of making since our primary school days … ahem). But he was pretty weak, it must be said - although, to be fair, it’s worth pointing out that he was given a fairly lame scene. Still, he didn’t make too much of the rest of what he was given, either. So a few good responses aside, he was disappointing (mainly because I know he can do better - maybe a second appearance on the show would eliminate the first-night jitters and be a better vehicle for his sharp and clever wit). Meanwhile, Ross demonstrated why he’s so brilliantly successful as a stand-up comedian whenever he tours Australia. And while Frank seemed to have a less-than-exceptional scene, he did wonders with it (as usual). Julia also did a fantastic job last night - she was my second-favourite performer … coming in just slightly behind eventual winner Ross. But let’s take a look at each of them individually.

Frank was up first, and he played the part of a pet shop owner who needed to break the news of a lost cat to a couple who’d left their moggy with him while they went away. Before entering the scene, judge Tom Gleisner mentioned to host Shane Bourne that the night held certain surprises in store for our contestants, one of which being ‘beasties’. When Frank emerged and spoke to Shane, he told him he knew there were going to be ‘beasties’ in his scene. When asked why he knew this, he answered that his shirt said ‘Pet Stop’, … “and I’ve … augggh … got a brain!” Before telling Frank that their animal was a cat, its owners quizzed him about whether or not he’d worked out what kind of breed their pet was. He replied that they’d crossed a Jack Russell with a shitsu, but that he didn’t know jack shit about that. The same joke could have been used about a bull dog and a shih tsu, with a slightly altered punchline. He explained that the deluxe kennel differed from a regular kennel because it comes with an extra centimetre on all sides, plus a chaise lounge inside. When asked, Frank demonstrated the special ‘cat aerobics’ he gets all the cats to do in their kennels. He then gave us an extensive story about taking the cats to the greyhounds, partway through which he gave up and levelled with the couple: “Look, your cat’s been eaten”. Not eaten, said ensemble cast member Ed Kavalee, and Frank took the cue, agreeing: “No, just licked quite hard.” Moving over to the caged dogs that made up one wall of the set, and trying to open one of them, he discovered something: “You know what they’ve done? They’ve wired those shut so I can’t get at the dogs. Which, you know? I think is wise.” Finally, Ed had to admit to the couple that their cat Susie was missing, although Frank insisted: “No, dead!” Again, Ed had to correct Frank by repeating ‘Not dead - what’s the word we use?’, to which Frank asked, “Ohhh, … coma?” That wasn’t the word - it was ‘Misplaced’. It turns out that Frank had drawn a cartoon cat on the ‘wanted: dead or alive’ posters. Frank’s sugestion for how to make it up to the couple was that he was going to be their cat from now on. In the first pre-recorded segment, which featured our four erstwhile contestants standing next to a cardboard cut-out of the (supposedly) formerly-fat versions of themselves, spruiking a product called Mega Slim in a TV commercial, Frank told us that his wife likes the new him, because now, when they make love, she no longer screams under the weight of him. When asked what he had to say to his cardboard cut-out former self, he said, “Hey, it’s nice to see you’ve lost all that weight … and some of that height - that’s weird!” (because the cut-out stood about a foot taller than himself). When the TV ad’s voiceover guy said, “So it’s out with those old clothes, …” Frank finished: “… and in with the speedos … and you can glide with your floppy skin”, as he indicated imaginary ‘wings’ of flabby skin hanging underneath his raised forearms. In the second pre-recorded segment, which was a parody of Jamie’s Kitchen called ‘Café Sixteen’, Frank said he likes to throw the vegetables into the air and slice (although in reality it was more like ‘swat‘) at them with a big knife in order to cut them up. When a dissatisfied customer signalled him from across the restaurant, Frank smiled and waved, then walked away in mock-blissful innocence of there being anything wrong. When he did approach the customer, he tripped on his own foot as he approached him, tipped a jug of water over him, and in the apologetic fit that followed, he gulped down a mouthful of the customers’ wine. While the customer sat in his wet outfit, Frank ripped his own from his body for him to wear, then gulped down more of their wine. He finished the scene by thanking the head chef for giving him a chance to work there, and being the only person to trust him - and while shaking his hand, a crapload of cutlery fell out of his sleeve. For the group scene, which featured all four celebrities as a team of Olympic slalom athletes being questioned by a decidedly unimpressed official, the scene started with Frank, Ross, Matt and Julia entering the set on a slalom. Frank was at the back, and he said he found it difficult to grip on at the back because he was born without fingers, then held up his gloved hand to demonstrate that the glove’s fingers bent back to his hand because they were empty (because he wasn’t wearing the gloves properly). When the Olympic official asked them why they took last year off training, Julia said that she’d had a baby - and Frank added that he’d had one, too. He said he’d had an idea about how they can reduce wind resistance to increase their speed, and then revealed that his ‘big idea’ was that they don’t need both kidneys, so if they each removed one kidney and left a hole through the middle of their torsos, they could go much faster. He ended by admitting that they haven’t got the ‘downhill’ bit mastered yet, … “but as far as swaying left and right goes”, … then they all went on to demonstrate their coordination - but got it so terribly, amusingly wrong. He did a great job as usual, although he wasn’t the best of the night, IMHO - in fact, I don’t even think he was the second-best …

Ross was already making jokes with Shane before the show began, proper - saying that he’d recently recovered from a motorcycle accident, but that they were able to rebuild him. Apparently, he cost eight dollars. “I’m the eight-dollar man.” Then he affected an air of mock-honesty and confided in Shane: “To be honest with you, I’ve just found out that this isn’t a religious show”, and then suggested that with all the doors in their set, they should rent it out to Jehovah’s Witnesses for practice when they’re not filming the show. He came on for his scene dressed as an elfin king from some kind of Lord of the Rings-type story, and joked that he thought he was going to be on “Dancing With The Staff” (because of the ornate wooden staff in his hand). As he walked through the door and found two other elfin-type ensemble cast members in awe of his ‘return’ while a smoke machine added a level of mystery to the forest setting, Ross immediately said, “I don’t mean to alarm you, but your feet are actually on fire. I’ve told you two about pissing about with matches!” He was asked for the traditional greeting and performed a stupid but amusing dance. When asked a question by ensemble cast member (and current Neighbours recurring guest star - as Toadie’s former employer Tim Collins) Ben Anderson, the following exchange took place:

Ben: “How did you escape the droags of Voldar?”
Ross: “The what?”
Ben: “The droags.”
Ross: “How did I scrape them?”
Ben: “Escape them.”
Ross: “Oh, escape them, sorry - we’ll, I actually scraped them as a means of escape.”

He was asked about his dwarf companions, and he answered that they’re doing some kind of show on ice. A big Hollywood producer had seen them crossing the mountains and asked if they could wear skates. “Trouble is, their feet are too hairy. I was shaving them for hours.” Then he was asked about Lady Gwendoline. “I was shaving her for hours, as well. But that had nothing to do with the ice skating.” Then a tall wizard entered, and Ross’ casual “Oh, here he is” amused me. He was asked if he knew who it was, and he replied, “It’s my granddad.” It’s the wizard, came the reply. “Well, he would be, wouldn’t he! Look at him. He doesn’t work in a milk bar, does he!” The wizard asked Ross what tidings he brings, and Ross replied, “Oh, good ones. Very good ones. Yes. Whole box of tidings.” Perhaps it’s his accent that makes these simple statements sound so amusing - and perhaps it’s the flippant way he delivers them. Or more likely a combination of the two. The wizard noted that he was carrying the Staff of Nergal. Ross told him, “Well, I went into Bunnings, and it was on special, so I thought ‘I’ll have that’. It’s magical, but also, you can open windows, see? And it’s very good for rock-balancing.” Then he demonstrated how he could balance on the large boulder by using the staff as a counterpoint on the ground. When the wizard told him, “These are dark days, young lord,” Ross replied, “Yes they are,” and shouted over his shoulder, “Turn a light on!” He advised us how the fiercest creatures of all are bogans, and when asked how they can protect themselves from their demonic armies, he suggested that they could hide, because “… that’s always a popular favourite”. Another ensemble cast member suddenly popped out of a large tree stump, dressed up like a goblin, chanting, “The answer, the answer - I have the answer!” Without missing a beat, Ross said, “You want to get him on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, that one!” The goblin messenger then gave the elf king a riddle in a typically spooky and taunting voice:

“A spirited jig, it dances bright,
Diminishing every thing in sight.
Give it food and it will live,
Give it water, and it will die.”

Ross looked at him for a beat, then turned to the wizard and asked with a scowl, “Is he high?” (By the way, the answer to the riddle, my dear friends - if you’re interested - is ‘fire’.) Then there was a thunderous voice from the sky, and the wizard said it was “He whose name must not be spoken”, to which Ross did the obvious gag (but that’s alright, because it was the set-up that was obvious), asking: “What, John? Oops!” It was a highly enjoyable scene filled with many laughs, and it was pretty clear that it’d be a hard thing indeed to best Ross’ efforts during this episode. He was clearly the one to beat. This turned out to be particularly unfortunate news for Matt Tilley, because he was the next cab off the rank - and Ross’ scene was a tough one to follow. In the Mega Slim commercial pre-record, Ross said that the people from Mega Slim motivate you by releasing an angry panther into your house, and as you flee from it, you’ll lose weight. In the Jamie’s Kitchen pre-record, while basting pasta, he said he was a painter who thought he was originally being brought in to do some decorating, but he didn’t realise pasta would be involved. Dressed in kitchen whitewear, he said he learnt everything about working as a chef by watching Under Siege with Steven Segal, “… so when I’ve finished this, I’ll just find another chef and run out at him with a knife and slice him up”, and he then demonstrated his karate moves. When the head chef told Ross that he’d expressly asked him to use a ‘fartherling’, Ross answered, “Oh, I thought you said Father Ling, the Chinese priest who lives up the road, so he’s out the back now doing confession and kung-fu”. One of his diners requested bread that was more fresh than the bread on the table, so Ross tipped some water on it to moisten it up, before asking, “How about you, sir? Would you like some bread-water?” When asked why he had ‘Kelly’ (Julia) in tears earlier, he said it was because he was rubbing onions into her eye: “I couldn’t peel them, but she’s just got the perfect shape to … (motions grinding onions into her eye-socket)”. Amongst the suggestions he’s brought to the kitchen are that they use pepper spray instead of a grinder, an idea he got from his own criminal background. He was asked why he thought he should be kept in the program, and his answer was that he’s managed to bake his own hand into a loaf of bread - which is not an easy thing to do, apparently - and now he can’t get it off (then he waved his bread-covered hand in the air and accidentally knocked a bunch of ladles to the floor). Before entering the group scene, he told Shane he loved the outfit he was wearing, and that he’d never felt so free, before waving his lycra’d butt at the audience. As the slalom pulled into the scene, he jumped out of it, pretending to fall over the top of it - but when he did so, he inadvertently kicked Matt Tilley (who was behind him) in the groin - and Matt was seriously hurt, whacking Ross on the arm and telling him he’d seriously hurt him. According to Ross, they took over 30 minutes to complete their slalom run (instead of the normal 47 seconds) because they stopped off to do a bit of shopping. When the representative from the Australian Olympic Committee said they spent over a million dollars a year on them, he remarked that if they’d spent all that money, they should have picked up that he’s not Australian! When Julia said she’d had a baby, and Frank threw in that he’d had one too, Ross added, “I’ve got one now,” and bulged his stomach out to resemble a pregnant woman’s belly. He then demonstrated his dancing skills by throwing fake snowflakes in the air and swooping underneath them and performing his moves. He was brilliant and truly deserved the win. I hope we see him back on the show again.

Matt was playing a skin care specialist on a TV advertorial, although before entering the scene he told Shane that his guesses were that he was one of Larry Emdur’s teeth, or had just escaped from the Ponds Institute. I always love a “Ponds Institute” punchline - that gag has been amusing me for years, ever since I first heard the D-Gen gang use it in the 80s. I sincerely find it remarkably funny, so at this point I still held out high hopes for Tilley’s performance in his scene. He’d already made me laugh - could he live up to the hype throughout the next five minutes? Before walking through the blue door, he described the feeling of what he was about to do as being a bit like a first date - except that you don’t know if it’s going to be a man or a woman. He then said he was a bit nervous, but that … “it’s not good to be nervous when you’re wearing white, I reckon”. Upon entering the scene and finding two female ensemble cast members waiting for him (Roz Hammond and Nicola Parry), he affected an almost-transvestite-style voice and greeted them thus: “Hello boys!” They asked him what his product, Moxybrasion, actually is, and he replied, “Well, I’m so glad you asked!”, which is an excellent technique for stalling while he thinks up an answer. He said they take you through their unique seven-step process “… which you must pay for along the way”. They start by sandpapering the skin, then getting some spac filler, then sandpapering it again, then getting sued, … He was asked if it was a painful procedure, to which he replied, “Absolutely not! Nobody who’s lived has said it’s been painful.” The only side effects so far have been the current affair investigations. According to Matt’s character, the skin has three layers: the top, the middle and “my favourite” the bottom. He observed that the skin is also our biggest organ … in most cases. When one of the women produced a weird-looking apparatus, Matt called it “Daddy’s best friend”, then said he wouldn’t use it now because they didn’t have any towels - although it can also be used on your dinner. The worst thing about the story A Current Affair did on him was that he hadn’t been able to hide the bodies. One of his satisfied customers is none other than the high-profile politician Mr Paul Hansen (“as he’s now known”). Nicola asked him, “You claim you can take five years of a person’s face - could it take five years off my face?”, to which Matt replied, “I’d say a bottle of vodka could get you off your face!” It didn’t really answer the question or stay on topic at all - in fact, it switched gears midway through the illustration - but it got a laugh from the audience, and that’s all that matters. To a point. Anyway, a beautiful blonde model was brought out on to stage, and Matt was asked what he’d done to her. “Paid her” was his clever response. They then showed her ‘before shot’, which was of a 98-year-old woman, and asked him how he achieved his results. “Photoshop”, he replied. A good answer to finish the scene, but a bit of a yawn-inducing few minutes, all told. Sorry, Matt - I like you and wanted you to do better, but I think between your own nerves and the tediously dull scene you were given, it wasn’t your best work. Maybe next time? In the Mega Slim pre-recorded commercial, Matt said his secret to losing all his weight was that he ate the cardboard box and threw out the Mega Slim, while in the restaurant pre-recorded segment, when asked what his underprivileged background was, he said he didn’t have a Nintendo as a kid. He also said the hardest thing for him to learn is when things are hot - as he placed his hand on the hotplate and burnt himself. In the group scene, after being on the receiving end of Ross Noble’s heel in the groin as they came on stage, Matt (understandably) spent the first few minutes nursing his wounds. Literally. He stood pretty still with his hands in front of his injured bits ‘n’ pieces until the grumpy Olympic official stated that the Australian Olympic Committee spends over a million dollars a year on the team, and Matt butted in with, “How stupid are they!” He then told the official that his medical condition was cramps from holding his stomach in in his costume. Matt wasn’t terrible by any means, but he was, unfortunately, the dimmest shining star in a particularly bright bunch. I don’t think he was given much to work with, scenario-wise - and I think it’s fair to say that he’s used to being the wittiest one in the room (working on radio with Jo Stanley, Adam Richard and Troy Ellis). When you’re normally the funny one and suddenly find yourself in unfamiliar territory with a bunch of other, equally witty people who’ve all done this kind of thing before, it’s no wonder he came off the worst for wear. The true test will be whether he does any better on his next TGYH appearance (should he ever be lucky / unfortunate enough to receive another invitation).

Julia was the final celebrity to strut her stuff, and I thought she was hilarious. She played a ‘doctor in love’, and when Shane greeted her on stage, she pointed out that she was carrying a clipboard by saying, “And I’ve got a note … pad. See, I can’t even speak. I’m looking forward to getting in there.” Using a time-honoured technique of entering a scene with all guns blazing, Julia was encountered by Ed Kavalee who asked her, “What’s with the three-hour lunch break?”, to which she snapped, “Well, I was waiting for you; ya said you were going to join me, I’m sitting there alone with a chardonnay and a beer going warm, imagine my surprise when you don’t turn up!” The audience applauded this opening line, and well they should. Not only was it very amusing, but she just happened to nail her character in one inspired guess. She snapped at Ed when he placed his hand on her sleeve (“Don’t touch me like that!”), and when ensemble cast member Heidi Arena, playing the part of the hospital’s matron, asked her why she had told Mrs Scott that she could go home today - despite being in a coma - Julia answered, “Why let that stop her? Let her run free,” before turning to Ed and adding, sotto voice, you and I, down the pub, push her in, have a drink, go off to ‘eh-eh-ehh’ …” After the matron had left the room, Julia (whose character’s name was Dr Felicity West) started clicking away at the computer, and grumbled under her breath at Ed, “I’m going back to Lava Life, that’s what I’m doing”. Then - in true soapie style, at Ed’s “Doctor?”, she spun around and pleaded with him, “Why do you call me doctor? Call me Flick.” Ed asked her what’s wrong, saying she’d been ignoring him all morning. She spluttered back at him in surprise: “I’ve been ignoring … ?? Are you mental??” Another amusing piece of dialogue came when Ed asked her about last night, and she launched into an explanation of why she hadn’t rung him - because she was busy. It turns out they were actually in bed together, to which she confessed to having taken the drugs she was supposed to give to Mrs Scott, the coma patient. “I took them because I’m crazy for you!” she cried, in true melodramatic style. It was clear throughout this episode that she wasn’t just in a regular hospital scene - she played her role like she was on a sappy soapie like General Hospital or something … which only made it even more amusing. She told him she was leaving him, and that she needed some space to walk around him and take a look at what she was giving up. Suddenly, they were interrupted by a paging announcement for Doctor West - and she checked her ID card to be sure they were paging her. When doing so, she failed to actually listen to the announcement, so when Ed asked, “What’s a code yellow?”, she sighed and said, “Oh, I’m glad you were listening”, before explaining, “A code yellow, ah, it means an emergency of some kind. A heart attack … of love. Can you hear me when I say I love you?” Then she followed this by speaking in a funny voice into the end of his stethoscope. When he asked her what a PCR was, she ‘looked it up on the computer’ and declared that it was a practical cervical retraction … “Not appropriate for a man with a heart attack, but oh well.” He told her to look into his eyes, then asked her what she saw: “Contact lenses”. Suddenly, another doctor entered (Ben Anderson again) and seemed distressed to find Julia in Ed’s arms. Ed got her to tell the other doctor what they’ve been up to, so she proclaimed, “Okay, this is awkward … we’ve been making love to one another - with no clothes, sometimes.” The jilted doctor asked her why she’d cheated on him. Looking at Ed, she answered: “Because he’s young and stupid, and I like that in a man. He makes me feel important. You’re too smart with your Oxford degree and your this and your that and your Nobel Prize and your poet laureate - no! I want someone stupid and big and tall and dumb like a dog, ruff!” In the pre-recorded Mega Slim commercial, the only thing she had to say to her former self was, “Fatty!”, and in the restaurant-based pre-recorded segment, she admitted to not having known where chickens came from prior to getting the job in Café Sixteen. The group scene saw her admit to having had a baby during the slalom team’s year off training, and she suggested they could dance to make their downhill runs more interesting.

Ross was definitely the funniest of the bunch last night, and I very much enjoyed what he did with his scene. The others were also very good, but in my opinion Ross had already sewn up his victory with the gags he made with Shane during the opening segment, before anybody had even gone backstage to change into their costumes. I hope he comes back to the show soon.

You can watch Ross’ Elfin King scene for yourself by visiting the official website.

.

What Arrrgh Show; What Arrrgh Tragedy

2007-08-03T08:05:00.000+10:00

Although my dear blogging friend Ms Fits gave Network Ten's new reality TV show Pirate Master a relative shellacking in the paper a while ago, I must confess to having a soft spot for this show. Why? Because I love pirates. Not as much as my other dear blogging friend Elaine loves pirates, but no one can love pirates more than she does, anyway - so she doesn't count.

What I love most about the show is the weekly treasure hunts that make up almost half of the hour. The contestants are randomly split into two teams (teams are never the same unless purely by chance), then they compete against the other team to be the first to find the buried treasure. They set out from the Picton Castle (the name of the pirate ship they're all living on throughout the show), row to a nearby island (each episode takes them to a different island with different buried treasure), and they use maps, booty traps and cryptic clues to locate the treasure chest filled with gold coins before the other team. The booty is then split amongst the winning team members (the captain gets more than anyone else, which has been a cruel but juicy twist to the bonds and friendships formed on the ship), and then someone is "cut adrift" at the end of the show. The captain chooses three people he wants gone, and the crew votes one of them out. But the captain must beware, for the crew possess the power to mutiny and cut them adrift instead (although only if the mutiny is unanimous).

Sound like Survivor on a boat? Well, it effectively is. Except that I don't really like Survivor, whereas Pirate Master doesn't take itself too seriously, and it's clear that the producers don't expect too much from their little show.

And as it turns out, that's a good thing. The show has been plagued with troubles, both here and in the US.

Shame. Aussie E-grade celebrities Cameron Daddo and Eden Gaha are heavily involved in the project (creator Bruck Bruckenheimer has often admitted to having a soft spot for Australians, having employed many Aussies over the years as his camera crews on most seasons of Survivor - he particularly likes their work ethic, which is why he hires them to film the other, top-rating show). Daddo is the show's host, and Gaha - inexplicably - is one of the Executive Producers. Just how the latter landed THAT gig, considering he was last seen as the near-invisible and hugely-underused vet on Channel Nine's Renovation Rescue a few years ago, I'll never know.

Cameron Daddo. I admit to still having a bit
of a crush on his wife (which originated in
my early teen years), Alison Brahe.

Eden Gaha: "Hey guys, remember me? ... No?"

The show's initial problems in the US amounted to much the same thing as the problems the show has encountered here in Australia as well: Basically, nobody's interested in watching it. Except for me, it seems.

However, whereas that's where the problems stop down here, back up there the situation has recently gotten a whole lot worse. One of the first contestants to be "cut adrift" on the show, District Attorney Cheryl (friend and co-conspirator of the at-first despised inaugural pirate captain Joe Don), committed suicide the other night - and the show has now been cancelled in the US. Apparently the remaining five episodes will be 'aired' on the official website, one per week, so that loyal viewers can see it through to the end (and so the winning contestant/s can receive their prizes, as prizes aren't awarded on TV shows until the episodes in question go to air - it's an advertising revenue thing). Cheryl's suicide is a tragic event, and it's an interesting insight into the human mind that the show has now probably gained more popularity than ever before. I bet the more black-hearted producers and network executives involved with this show in America would be hating themselves right about now -- here's the perfect opportunity to take advantage of the free press they're receiving and ride the wave of infamy to the end of the series with increased ratings (people will want to see Cheryl in the final episode, knowing with some sort of sick morbid curiosity that the woman they see smiling on their screens has since taken her own life). And yet these same hypothetical black-hearted producers know that if they were to screen the show on TV and be seen to 'profit' from the attention the show has received since Cheryl's death, the public's reaction will be outrage.

Cheryl Kosewicz: RIP.

The really nasty side of the coin for the producers of the show, is that the media is reporting that Cheryl left a message on fellow contestant Nessa's MySpace page not long before she ended her life, partly blaming the show for her decision. After reading said message for myself, I have to disagree. The full story is far more tragic and realistic (who'd kill themselves purely because of a TV they'd been on?).

Almost a month ago, Cheryl's boyfriend killed himself. That's awful enough, but when you realise that such a short time later she was to follow suit - presumably in desperation and despair - it compounds the misery for all. The comment Cheryl actually left on Nessa's MySpace page was the following:

"CHERYL K

28 Jun 2007 5:40 P

Truthfully, I've lost the strong Cherl and I'm just floating around lost. And this frik'n show doesn't help because it was such a contention between Ryan and I and plus its not getting good reviews.....then I made National Enquirer today so I'm just hitting it big....the hits keep on coming.

Sorry you couldn't make it to Vegas. It was a blast. Lets plan another trip in August - for one of the last shows....what do you think?"

So you see that the public's reaction to the show - not the show itself - was what was depressing Cheryl further. But to intimate that the compete story to Cheryl's sadness was somehow linked to the show is just nonsense (I know the reports said "blaming in part", but when no other reason is given, the implication is that the item referenced is the main cause). Clearly, the woman was already depressed beyond belief. She was grieving, and obviously taking it very badly. The truth of the matter is that the poor press and bad reviews the show was getting certainly wouldn't have helped her emotional state, but we can't go around pointing to the show as the main cause of her sorrow and the reason behind her decision. That's highly disrespectful; both to Cheryl, and her late boyfriend.

An eerie reminder of Cheryl is her MySpace page, which not (obviously) not been updated since a couple of days before her death.

So the show has been shafted to the Internet in the States. Meanwhile, before any of the above tragedy unfolded in America, the show was already attracting lower than low ratings in Australia, so the other week it was replaced with an hour-long Simpsons special (purportedly to celebrate the release of the movie), and then appeared at the extremely flattering new timeslot of 2pm Sundays. Considering that its original timeslot was 7:30pm Thursdays, this is quite a sideways shift.

TV Week still lists the show as appearing in its Thursday slot, so I'm not sure if I've already missed an episode on the weekend that's just passed ... seeing as I only found out about the scheduling change yesterday. Hopefully I'll be able to catch the show this Sunday and pick up exactly where I left off.

But if not, it's not the end of the world. (Note the lame and somewhat paraphrased Pirates of the Caribbean reference, there? Probably not, without me pointing it out like that. So I'm glad I did.)

The impressive Picton Castle.
Check out the size of this castle's moat!

So what does the future hold for Pirate Master? Well, I think it's safe to say there won't be a second season of the show. And if US audiences have to watch the remainder of the show online, I wonder if we'll ever see the end of the thing here, either. Will a 2pm timeslot on Sundays be any more fruitful for Ten than 7:30pm Thursdays? I can't exactly see people following it to its new (barely advertised) time. Except for me, of course - but I'm a different beast entirely. So maybe, in the wake of Cheryl's suicide, the show will be pulled from our screens here, as well. I certainly wouldn't put it past Ten to do something like that (it's not as if they haven't had a history of the same offence with other shows - Smallville, The 4400, Battlestar Galactica, Jericho, etc).

I know this much - if I'm forced to watch the last five episodes of the show from the Amercian website and read about the missing intervening episodes on Wikipedia or something, I will. But I'd prefer to watch it from start to finish like a normal person.

It might be a lame, sucky show that pales next to the likes of its older, more stable and popular cousin, Survivor. But the theme is more enjoyable, the b!tching is kept to a minimum (at least so far), the twists are in line with the pirate thing, and the challenges are all about hunting for hidden treasure. So it's WAY more exciting for the likes of me. I hope I get to watch it through.

PS - Pirate joke for everyone. Say it with me, now ... don't pretend like you don't know it ...

Q. Why are pirates pirates?

A. Because they arrrgh.

.

Thank The Lord For Your Presence # 24

2007-08-02T07:57:00.000+10:00

After Shaun Micallef's show-stopping scene last week (yes, I'm "still gushing about it" - you got a problem with that?!?), pretty much anything this week's episode served up for us was going to look pale and bulimic by comparison. Unfortunately for Akmal Saleh, Dave Hughes, Rebel Wilson and Josh Lawson, this meant they were really "up against it". Still, any episode of Thank God You're Here (TGYH) is a top-notch hour of television, so I certainly wasn't complaining.

Akmal Saleh started us off, and he was playing the part of a criminal profiler, whose new promotion to "Chief of Chief" made him the highest ranking officer in the room. His mantra was, "To catch a criminal, you must ... find him and hold him down with two hands." Of the three victims they were investigating, the first was strangled, the second was poisoned, and the third was shot. When asked what he made of that, Akmal replied, "Well, they're all dead." He hypothesised that the murders had all occurred between 9:30pm and 9:45pm on a Tuesday night because The Footy Show wasn't on at that time (nice little plug for his own network, now that he's on Channel Nine's Mick Molloy yawn-fest, The Nation). He then said he tried to get inside the killer's head ... with a bullet. When shown the composite sketches of their suspects, Akmal answered that the guy in the beanie was, "... the guy on the $20 note," before assuring them that he's long gone and not coming back. When a tape recorder was brought in and a haunting Hannibal Lecter-style message was played, it turned out to be Akmal's roommate wanting him to buy butterflies on his way home. Another cop entered and said the lab results were back, to which Akmah asked, "Leb results? We don't discriminate! We used to, though - that was fun!" When the latest victim's list of injuries were rattled off, ending with a bullet through the skull, Akmal's comment was, "Oooh, he must have a headache!" Finally, when it came to giving their serial killer his own nickname, what was Akmal's suggestion? Why, "Trevor", of course. In the Family Plus Benefit commercial, Akmal said he found the brochure very useful, because he turned it into a makeshift trumpet. The second pre-recorded segment was a filmed in the style of a documentary following a factory boss around for a day while he has to close down the factory and put everyone out of work. When asked how it feels to tell people they're going to be out of work, Akmal said, "Ah, you know, it's something that I kinda learned to enjoy. It's really addictive seeing their faces drop," before laughing cruelly. He asked his assistant if he'd done this before, and when the assistant answered "No", he advised him, "You're gonna have to do it and then just run." Once assembling in front of the employees, the assistant introduced him thus: "How about some applause for our hardworking CEO?", but when the reaction was considerably less than enthusiastic, Akmal said to his assistant, "I don't think they heard you; can you ask them again?" In the group scene, which was set in a TV studio airing a "Global Aid" telecast, Akmal was introduced as a macroclimatologist, which he erroneously described as "a climatologist, but smaller" (he was thinking of a microclimatologist). When asked to explain what we were watching on the large screen behind him, he told us how the pink arrows hitting the globe would stay there for about nine months, and then there'd be a baby. The weather patterns he's discovered - the tasty weather patterns - he called Il Carbonara. Then came the corker: "If we burn my girlfriend for fossil fuels, there'll be no more problem. With her permission, of course; we all have to make sacrifices!" Ouch, Akmal. Ouch.

Eventual winner of the night, Dave Hughes, comedian and radio host from Melbourne, found himself dressed in a rather fetching green and gold tracksuit, so it was clear that he was a sportsman. A retired Olympian, to be exact. He was greeting a class of schoolkids and giving them a talk. When the teacher told him the children were very excited to have him there, he answered, "They should be; I don't like doing this crap." It turned out that his sporting event of choice was the modern pentathalon, which consisted of five different events. When asked to name them, Dave stalled with, "They were five very difficult events - if you could master one of them you'd be a champion. I've mastered all five, so respect me." He then clarified some of the events by saying, "Shooting, the one on the horse (here the teacher said, "Equestrian"), equestrian, yeah - look, I've retired and got on the drugs, so I can't remember the rest." The teacher reminded him of the fencing event, and then asked him what the French name for his fencing sword was. "La sword". His accident during the Opening Ceremony was that he stood too close to the Olympic Flame and his tracksuit almost went up. When it was announced that he'd won the bronze medal and the kids clapped a bit, Dave was unimpressed with their lacklustre attempt: "You could clap a bit more than that; I didn't just get a two-foot putt in, alright? You'd be lucky if you get your crayons inside the lines!" We got a peek inside the inner workings on his mind: while on the dais, he was thinking: "The chick who gave me the medal was hot." Then he shocked the sports community when he told everyone he was actually a woman. Dave followed this ground-breaking moment up by turning to the kids and telling them that men are normally better than women, and telling the young girls to remember that. His own personal brand of Boost Bars apparently boost your ability to live a fun life, and have only 5 grams of fat per serving - although he reminds you that the "serving size is half a peanut". He's most proud of the fact that he once rode a horsey, and was thrown out of the Athletes' Village because he was with a lot of women. His advice to the kids was: "What you're doing today at school will not help you at all." In the Family Plus Benefits commercial, he was standing in a brand new kitchen in a lovely house with a pregnant woman, and claimed that the family plus benefit was great, because he's never had a job, but look at their new house! He then explained to the voiceover artist that the woman isn't going to get pregnant online; "... she needs to be in the room with you". When asked if he felt he deserved the family plus benefit, he said yes, because he's an Australian, and Australians deserve free stuff. In the factory boss documentary, he assured the filmmaker that the employees would react badly; "They always react badly - that's why they've got crap jobs." When standing in front of the doomed employees, David explained "what he always says" ... that small business is like a balloon: "It's full of hot air, and you people are the hot air, and I'm letting you out of the balloon so you can hiss away into society and possibly find jobs where you're not dressed so ridiculously!" In the group scene, Dave played the part of a destitute farmer "doing it tough" working on the land. He said he'd seen some unusual changes, such as the fact that the two black sheep with him were white that morning, because the sun is that harsh out there. Apparently all the dams on his farm are dry, and the bottle of milk in his hand has to last the sheep until 2015. When one of the sheep got a little too excited, he yelled at it to back off, and then said that the highlight of the recent Keith Urban Charity Concert was when he left the stage, because he hates Keith Urban, and then added with a scoff, "Charity? I heard he got paid."

Rebel Wilson was the third to step through the blue door, and she was the wife of a prisoner who was running late for her prison visit with her husband. According to Rebel herself, she was "a bit of a slurry". As the prison guard held her chair out for her to sit down, she stuck her butt out at him in an exaggerated fashion as if to seduce (or at least distract; some might say repulse) him. She told her husband that her kids were asking questions about how he was going in the showers in prison, and if anything happens. This was a gag she returned to twice more during this scene (which I thought was just often enough to be very witty and clever - a fourth such reference would have been one too many, so I was glad to see that she kept to the "magic three" rule of golden comedy). And this girl knows comedy, having performed on The Wedge.* When her husband asked about Jess, she answered that Jess was getting pole dancing lessons ... before learning that "Jess" was the name of their German Shepherd. Hubby then asked her if she knew what the only thing was that's keeping him sane in gaol, and she asked, "The men in the showers?" He quizzed her on the last thing she said to him before he went in there, and she recited the words to the song "We Go Together" from the musical Grease ("We go together like chumalungalunga"). While dancing on the spot, she squeezed her breasts together in a wholly unamusing way, although the audience seemed to love it (maybe they had the Benny Hill crowd in for that episode). She admitted that her husband's threat of what he'd do to her if she cheated on him while he was in prison had her really, really scared (making her rollerskate for kilometres in a bikini for everyone to see), and fair enough - that'd scare me, too. When he asked her if she knew what he did last night, she replied, "Is this about the showers?", which I thought was a great call. She then told him she'd seen an idea on Prison Break, so she planned to tattoo the secret codes to the security alarm on her stomach, because: "I have a big surface area here". When the guard told them her time was up, she asked him, "What if I flash you my tits; do we get some more time?" She then apologised for not being able to make it for her visit next week, because of the dog's pole dancing lessons. When the husband said it was meant to be a conjugal visit and she said it'd have to be done over the phone, he asked how that was meant to work. She replied that she can talk "in a really deep voice." Rebel wasn't as bad as I've been fearing (does anybody have a high opinion of The Wedge??), but she certainly wasn't the strongest of the night. In the Family Plus Benefit commercial, Rebel said she had to run an obstacle course in under thirteen minutes to qualify, and that she'd be spending the $5,000 big screen TV; "... it's not going on the kids". In the factory boss doco segment, she told the filmmaker beforehand that she planned to break the news to the employees about their mass retrenchments through song, and then gave us an examples: "Lalalalalala ... (points) fired." When her assistant entered the room, she instructed the cameraman not to film him, because she's the subject matter of this documentary. She also told the filmmaker that the sacked workers could now audition for Australian Idol, because as we saw from last year, "really anyone can win" - and she said it with the very deliberate and intentional implication that she thinks Damien Leith is crap. (This point is interesting when you consider that the first time I ever saw Rebel was when she and another girl were doing that series of Telstra ads during Idol a few years ago, playing Jenny the stupid and inconsiderate schoolgirl. Remember? They were all set in Jenny's bedroom or basement, and the two actresses even attended one of the semi-finals in character, holding up signs similar to those they'd used throughout the course of the commercials.) As she approached the assembled employees, she pointed to her assistant and whispered to the camera, "He's fired as well." When her assistant told the employees that the factory was going to close, she was standing next to him, where she used her hands to "mime" a set of doors closing. And true to her word, she finished the scene by singing an impromptu song to the employees about their sacking: "Today you were all sacked, and you might be feeling really blue, But tomorrow is a new day, it's just up to you-oo-oo-oo-oo, So exit now, C'mon, get out ..." In the group scene, Rebel was definitely at her weakest of the night. She said she was in Ten's popular new reality series, Big Sister. She did the lamest of lame handstands, but it was meant to be lame, so it was funny to watch her attempting it. When Akmal appeared in the chair next to her, she introduced him as her boyfriend, then took a pretty nasty knock from her "beloved" about her weight and the drain she's personally causing on the environment. No matter how much I might hate her skit show, or how poorly she might have done in this final scene particularly, taking the kind of backhanded insult Akmal served her up was more than a little harsh. (It's one thing for a "fatty" to make fat jokes about themselves; it's quite another thing for someone else to make fat jokes about another person - without their permission, anyway, and Rebel certainly didn't make it clear that she'd okayed it in advance.) I actually enjoyed her performance in her individual scene and the two pre-recorded segments, so I choose to remember those moments as her highlights.

* Please note the sarcasm in that statement.

Finally, Josh Lawson came out to wow us with his female ensemble cast-fondling abilities. This time, he was the owner of a discount airline ("Jetplus" - I wonder who that's a reference to!), being interviewed on a TV talk show. Apparently he did the show once before, back in the 90s, and was amazed to see the female co-host: "Oh, you have not aged well, darling!" He specified that he wanted to be introduced as Sir Nigel Esquire the Fourth (and a half), before the intro music played and he started reading the ensemble cast member's cue cards: "Welcome back - I'm so sorry!" His list of prior jobs included pizza delivery boy and petty theft, and when he was introduced as Sir Nigel Bradford esquire the fourth, he interrupted with a "And a half, I think we'd agreed! Oh dear. Oops!" He was asked to explain his low-cost airline, and answered that question like this: "How many times have you sat at the airport and though, "Argh! There's got to be a better way!"? Well, I've come up with that better way. With Jetplus. (beat) That explains nothing." When questioned about what the advertised "creature comforts" will be included, Josh answered that he'll be there in person on every flight flying Sydney to London, giving passengers foot massages (which he then tried to demonstrate on ensemble cast member Nicola Parry (with whom Josh has a prior theatresports background, as I've mentioned before, and I'd say - both from her panicked reaction and his committed intention to get her boots off so he could "massage" her feet - that he knows she hates it or is extremely tickling or something). For entertainment, the passengers are invited to skydive on the end of a bungee rope. Then, in a brilliant stroke of genius that very few are able to provide, he laughing told the camera that the three of them "have so much fun when I come on the show," before turning to Nicola again and saying, "Tell them that story you told me last time. Don't be shy; she sings an amazing song. She has the voice of an angel that swallowed a nightingale." I'm guessing Nicola misheard or misunderstood what was meant by that comment, because she gave him the deadliest filthy look I think I've ever seen (in character, though). However, I suspect it may have been more about her trying to maintain a deadpan face, rather than sending him a "message" in the glare. Apparently, what we call "flight attendants", he calls "cough cough" (literally). When Nicola asked what she'd have to do if she wanted to become a Jetplus flight attendant, Josh laughed good-naturedly and assured her that she was MUCH too old. Finally, Jetplus' advertising campaign, where they claim that they're fighting childhood obesity, was brought up - and Josh was asked how this could possibly be true. He told them that they offer free lyposuction mid-flight, and when Nicola made the mistake of saying, "Oooh", he scathingly remarked, "Yeah, 'Oooh'; it's got HER attention!" In the Family Plus Benefit commercial, Josh was standing with two young schoolgirls (obviously playing the roles of his daughters), and he told us how he'd sold his computer "... because Mummy left. She thought it'd be fun to go off and have a new Daddy". He said the best thing about the family plus benefit was the smiles on his little girls' faces, although he got their names muddled and cracked it when they corrected him: "Dammit! I want name badges on both of you!" With the $5,000, he said, "Ooh, I think a holiday - how does that sound, girls? Daddy goes to Hawaii and you guys can fend for yourselves? High-five!" Not surprisingly, they didn't respond to the high-five. In the factory boss segment, Josh was asked if this was the toughest thing he's ever had to do, to which he replied, "Yeah," then brightened as he remembered, "... No! At the fun fair I had the hammer (mimes slamming a sledgehammer onto the strength-tester sensor) and got the thing almost to the very top." The filmmaker (who was played by TGYH creator and location director Rob Sitch, by the way - if you were trying to place the voice) then asked him about Josh's own recent pay rise while 75 people were about to lose their jobs; he asked how he justifies that decision. "I try not to," Josh told him, "It's dodgy. DODGY!" Then he looked at the camera. "Is that recording?" His assistant entered and asked Josh if he felt okay, but Josh replied that he'd had a bad "quince" this morning (I couldn't work out if that's the same thing as a quiche, or something else I've never heard of). When his assistant asked if he could get Josh anything for it, Josh said another "quince" would be good. As they all walked to the assembled employees, the filmmaker reminded Josh that his father had started this factory, and asked him how he thought his father would feel about him closing it down ... to which Josh (in a brilliant stroke of genius) replied, "Well, you can ask him," and then turned to his assistant and asked, "Dad, how do you feel about it?" When talking to one of his employees about the tough times he was going to face and how much Josh was sympathetic towards him, he broke into laughing and apologised for not being able to be sincere with him about his bleak prospects. Another employee said he didn't think Josh even knew what they do; Josh further compounded this perception by agreeing that he didn't know what they did, but he pointed to two women in coveralls and hairnets, and asked, "You guys do the Laverne and Shirley re-enactment at the Christmas party, don't you?" In the group scene, he was told via satellite link-up that his was the "greenest" household in Australia, and he got so ridiculously overexcited about it, it was hilarious. He then kissed his "wife" (played by Roz Hammond; the same ensemble cast member he groped twice, last time he appeared on the show). His jubilation turned into jeering, when he snarled into the camera, giving the audience the finger and chanting, "In your face! Ohh, you idiots!" He then took us through the most complicated and hysterical recycling bin system any of us have ever heard; even though it was convoluted, he spoke as if it was the simplest way of doing things that had ever been suggested. Josh is great; he's always great, and he'll always be great. How great Josh art!

The most startling thing about this episode was that it was the first in the history of the show to start WITHOUT any version of the title line. That's right, I listened to it back and forth for about forty minutes (and you KNOW I did), but when Nicola Parry entered the scene and joined Rebel in the "main studio" for the Global Aid broadcast, she only says hello and introduces herself, then they cut to the opening "titles" of the show-within-the-show and continued from there. At no point did anyone say, "Thanks God you're here!", and I think this was because Rebel was meant to be the one to say it. Why else was she left alone on the soundstage for several dead-air seconds with nothing to do and no one to talk to, if not so she could greet the entering Nicola with the opening line? Unsurprisingly, this (simple) point was completely lost on the Wedge actress, who simply said, "Hi".

Oh well, they can't all be geniuses like me.

You can watch Dave’s schoolroom Olympian scene for yourself by visiting the official website.

.

Zach Comes Out And The Winner Is Unleished

2007-07-31T07:48:00.000+10:00

Well, it's over for another year - and not a moment too soon. After last night's ridiculously-drawn-out finale, I almost haven't got the strength to carry on writing this rubbish. (I'm only forcing myself to get through this for the two of you who're still reading these recaps - the one of you who skims for rude words like "bum", and the other one who actually leaves a comment agreeing or disagreeing with my views on the Housemates in question. You guys are my muse.)

But back to the point: Eventually, and by only the slightest of margins (51% to 49%, allowing for a 3% margin of error, haha), Aleisha Cowcher was declared the winner of Australian Big Brother 2007.

Woop-de-doo.

I can't say I was terribly pleased with the result (partly because of how long it took to actually reach it), but as I've stated before, I think Travis would have made better use of the prize money. It's all well-and-good that Aleisha has become the second female to win the show in Australia, but as that record had already been set by Dead-Head Reggie in 2003, I was rather hoping we'd be able to witness a new record being set last night - and a double one, at that. Zach would have been the first gay Housemate to win, and, more importantly (because one's sexual preference shouldn't matter - which is not the same thing as it not mattering), the first Intruder to win. That's where he would have been most impressive, because it would have been a testament to his likeability, that he was a good enough bloke to not only be accepted by the other Housemates who repeatedly had the opportunity to nominate him for eviction, but also by the general population of the country, who had the ability to vote him out whenever they so wished.

Zach was a fan favourite ...
but not a favourite of enough fans.

Ah, what am I saying - that's exactly what happened anyway. Zach got right to the end and was barely pipped at the post, so the boy has everything to be proud of. The fact that this country is still 51% full of homophobic morons is not his fault.

But like I said, Aleisha's not a bad choice for winner of the show - she was entertaining enough and certainly brought us her fair share of laughs. She was ditsy, but not dumb; blonde, but not an airhead; a girly-girl, but not vain and insipid. She wasn't mean, like Emma. She wasn't odd, like Rebecca. She wasn't a bully, like Michelle. She wasn't crazy, like TJ. She wasn't someone I went to uni with, like Kate. She definitely had her moments of delusion - thinking the sun shone out of Emma and that she was simply misunderstood was not one of her most endearing qualities - but those incidents were few and far between. She was a delightful little bubble of laughter and light ... and I don't think I could have sounded more patronising there if I'd tried. But anyway ...

Winners are grinners.

Good luck cashing THAT cheque, girl!

Aleisha shows her horror at being
kissed by her Mum on live TV.

It's been touched on elsewhere already, but it has to be said: That BB Panto was the biggest waste of time ever! And according to the online rumours, Bodie was beside himself with fury that he had to "act" his bit with TJ - and also be interviewed with her by Gretel. And speaking of Bodie and Gretel, that rubber-chicken-hurling incident in the closing moments of the show was WITHOUT A DOUBT the best moment in Big Brother 2007 all-up. If you don't know what I'm talking about, SHAME ON YOU FOR MISSING IT!!

One of the props from the BB Panto was a rubber chicken (I don't really remember how it was relevant, and it's probably best if you don't ask questions and ruin the flow of the story, thank you very much). For some reason (remember, no questions, please) Bodie kept hold of the rubber chicken for the rest of the show, cavorting with it and waving it over his head at the audience. Then, when all the Housemates were gathered on the stage and we were finally about to welcome Aleisha and Zach onto the stage, Bodie (in whatever passes for his wisdom) decided to throw the rubber chicken from where he was standing at the back of the stage towards the audience.

Now, I'm not sure if he was aiming for the crowd, or if what unfolded was precisely what he intended to happen, but when the rubber chicken sconed Gretel in the back of the head and she reacted in such anger and obvious pain, discomfort and embarrassment, he froze in place in shock. Whether he wanted to savour the moment or he was genuinely startled by the precision aim (intentional or no) of his chicken toss, he went down in BB history as one my all-time heroes.

Let that be a lesson to you, Gretel. If you continue to come back and host the show, next year it'll be a porcelain turtle, and it'll aimed at your nose.

Last year it was turkey-slapping. This year it was chicken-tossing. What'll it be in 2008? My money's on pheasant-plucking.

.

Ex-O

2007-07-30T08:01:00.000+10:00

Last night Billy and Travis were evicted from the Big Brother House. Boring Billy’s eviction didn’t surprise me too much, but frankly I thought Travis was in there for the long haul.

I’m happy enough for both Aleisha and Zach to still be in there (particularly Zach), but thought it would have been better if Billy had been evicted alongside Aleisha (awwwwww), and Zach was left to run the hours down with his new hetero bestie, Trucker Travo.

But really – as long as Billy’s gone, any of the others could win this thing and I’d be happy enough (but that doesn’t mean I won’t be voting for my favourite tonight: Zach).

Still, back to the boys …

Billy had a remarkable run in the House, for someone who was pretty much entirely unremarkable. He started out as Hayley’s ex, and played a great part in the first week of the show. Then he was summarily forgotten by BB, and allowed to ‘float’ in his non-Housemate status for a few weeks, and yet was not evicted, until he was finally granted Housemate status and allowed to stay.

By this point, Billy had started getting friendly with Aleisha, and as the weeks went on, their romance (of sorts) blossomed (of sorts). The pair became inseparable, and the voting public clearly liked having a romance in the House – for it meant that they were both ultimately safe until the final throes of the show.

Billy, with the girly-man hair.

Billy was also interesting in that he and Andrew seemed to develop a genuine friendship in the House, even though they were effectively ‘spit brothers’, as Andrew is Hayley’s current flame. But that didn’t appear to bother either of them (nor Hayley, it must be said), and the two guys got along like a house on fire. Which would be fine, because Andrew’s a fireman.

Moving on to Travis, this love-him-or-hate-him husband and father was undoubtedly the most ‘ocker’ contestant we’ve ever had on the show; even more so than stupid airhead Reggie Bird, who won $25,000 on series three and blew it all within a couple of months (with nothing to show for it at the end, the moronic idiot). Trav’s imitable way of adding ‘o’ to end of most words or shortening them to his own version of slang or nicknames (sometimes utilising common nicknames or rhyming slang, but sometimes coming up with his own mystifying style of calling things by anything other than their actual name.

‘Bummos’ is one of my least favourite examples. It’s what he calls eggs, because they come out of a chicken’s bum (a startling mishmash of facts if ever I heard one). The idea that the Housemates all had a lengthy debate about exactly where on a chicken’s anatomy the eggs were produced, and if they’d all hatch into baby chicks if left in the hen’s nest was simply mind-boggling. But enough of their stupidity.

Travo came thirdo ...
and that's goodo-nough for meo.

I liked Travis, and I made no bones about it. I certainly don’t believe that he was “putting it on” – clearly the lad hasn’t got the intelligence for that (some people will see controversy and conspiracy wherever they look for it), but he was obviously a very genuine and caring bloke with a wife and son he adores and a heart as big as his ludicrously-sized pectorals.

He would have made better use of the prize money, had he won it, but that’s clearly not going to happen.

Will the eventual winner throw the money away on beer and Skittles like Reggie did? Only time will tell ...

.

Lucky Grills - RIP

2007-07-29T08:12:00.000+10:00

Last night a one of a kind Australian entertainer was lost to us. The oddly-named Leo 'Lucky' Grills was an actor, an author, a musician, and even (more recently) a comedian.

He played the title role in the 1976 police series Bluey, although he was far better known to younger audiences as Detective Sergeant Bargearse, from the dubbed Bluey footage screened for comical effect in the 1993 season of The Late Show.

I grabbed this from some news site somewhere online:

“Fellow entertainer Danny McMaster has told Macquarie radio in Sydney the 79-year-old was still performing happily yesterday. He says Grills died in his sleep last night.”

(Hey, I may not be credited my source correctly, but at least I’m not passing it off as my own work!)

I wonder who farted ...

Grills will be sorely missed; particularly by those of us who were used to seeing him chase down criminals who’d stolen his doughnuts, singing love songs to young nymphettes he’s somehow managed to get up to his apartment, or simply farting his way out of an elevator - all using Tony Martin’s voice.

Lucky Grills:
26th May, 1928 — 27th July, 2007.

.

Thank The Lord For Your Presence # 23

2007-07-26T08:38:00.000+10:00

Wow, what a show!! I don’t think anyone could have watched last night’s episode of Thank God You’re Here (TGYH) without agreeing wholeheartedly with the final decision, as to the night’s winner. Where does Shaun Micallef get his speed from, and how much does he pay per barrel?!!

A more hilarious scene I don’t know that I’ve seen, and it’s further proof that he’s one of the show’s best-ever celebrity guests. In fact, this show was just MADE for Shaun Micallef, Frank Woodley, Matthew Newton (pre-woman-bashing), Hamish Blake and Josh Lawson. But I’m getting ahead of myself (and somewhat off-track). Let’s start at the beginning …

The four celebrity guests in last night’s show were comedians and radio hosts Tony Martin and Shaun Micallef, former Full Frontal disaster Julia Morris, and American stand-up comic Eddie Ifft. I had no idea who Eddie Ifft was, but apart from a striking resemblance to US comedian / puppeteer David Strassman (famous for his creations, Ted E Bear the shy but lovable teddy bear, and Chuck the evil wooden puppet), he didn’t look at all familiar. Which says I’m hanging out in all the wrong places, because apparently he’s coming been on tours to Australia for years. And it’s my loss, because I thought he was brilliant. (But there I go again, with the “getting ahead of myself” thing.)

Tony was the first to strut his stuff, and although he sometimes looks uncomfortable and ill-at-ease on the TGYH soundstage, he nevertheless always manages to come up with some pearlers. It turned out that he was the director of a stage musical based on the life of Sir Donald Bradman (called “The Don”), which was a cruel stunt for the Working Dog team to pull on Tony, seeing they know only too well that he has absolutely no knowledge of cricket whatsoever (and neither do I - I felt particularly bad for Tony when this fact was revealed after the hooter, because I imagined my friends doing the same thing to me and knew I’d find it very difficult to say anything even remotely amusing if I was struggling to vaguely remember any cricketing terms I’d once heard somewhere to make it all sound relevant). However, Tony did well as always. Before even entering the scene, he and host Shane Bourne discussed his likeness to the title character in the “Where’s Wally?” - or "Where's Waldo?", depending on where you live in the world - books (“You’ve found me!”), which is familiar territory to anyone who’s heard his radio shows, seen his stand up, or remembers The Late Show on the ABC from the early 90s. After walking through the door, he told us he was ordered to make a musical based on the life of ‘Sir Don’ by the Prime Minister, and said that this was a show for the Big Brother audience; tests had shown that sitting around a house doing nothing of interest for close to three months, ‘possibly cutting the odd fart’, was apparently what the kids want these days. He also said that his musical was unconventional, in the sense that it’s actually quite good (as a lover of theatre, allow me just to say “Ouch!” at this point). When asked who he’d cast to play Sir Donald Bradman, he initially told us it was Channel Nine presenter Karl Stefanovic, but it turned out to be a young Asian actor with lots of enthusiasm and a strong accent (“I‘m just thinking of the Asian market”), whereas Mrs Bradman was being played by Nikki Webster (who, it must be said, was either in a very unflattering wardrobe, or else seems to have put on a fair bit of weight recently … and let me just assure you that there was no ‘wardrobe’ on the puffy cheeks and double chin … “Ouch!” again!). When asked why he’d cast Ms Webster in the role, he replied that he thought someone who’d done the occasional cover shoot for Zoo Weekly magazine had what it takes to play the part. Nikki then launched into her pre-determined lines, which unfortunately took us back over the same ground Tony had already covered. (But what’s a girl to do? Another bikini shoot? Yes, most likely When she loses some weight, anyway.) Tony answered Nikki’s question about spending Act Two in a bikini by saying that the Zoo people were investing in the musical. We were then treated to a mini-performance of one of the musical numbers (thankfully we were spared Tony being forced to join in), which ended with the dancers simulating their own deaths by choking. Now, I’m no cricket genius, as I explained earlier, but even I realised this was a reference to Donald Bradman “choking” before he reached his 100 run average milestone, instead finishing up with a 99.94 average or something like that. But, when questioned about the move, Tony attributed it to a statement about Mururoa Atoll at the time. He then finally managed to get a cricket joke in on the final siren; he said the actors then launch into twelve hours of cricket, and clarified that it’s a “one day musical”. The two pre-recorded segments this week were a dog food commercial (there we are again with the TV-themed concepts on TGYH), and a press conference for a sportsperson announcing their retirement. In the dog food commercial, Tony was asked what he’s noticed about his dog’s coat since he started feeding him the new brand, and he replied that it’s more fashionable now. He also said that the ‘Pro’ version of the product was compatible with his printer, and his one word to summarise the dog food was: “Brown. It’s browner than other dog foods.” In the press conference, he said he decided to retire when those pictures of him were leaked on the Internet, and that he’s now being used as a ballast on Sea Patrol. Good thing he wasn’t sharing this episode with Sea Patrol star Josh Lawson; otherwise that comment may have gone down a little poorly (although I’m sure not really). His sponsorship deal mostly involves him turning up at nightclubs, stumbling about, and punching out a cabbie. When a young red-headed child we escorted into the room by two women, he said he wished to deny that Captain James Hewitt was the father of his son. The group scene, which consisted of our four celebrity guests being berated over their awful performance on a cruise ship, included Tony as a ventriloquist - complete with wooden dummy. He was asked why his lips moved when the dummy ‘spoke’, and Tony replied that his agent worked that out, and that it was contractual.

Eddie Ifft (strange surname; funny guy) was the second cab off the rank last night, and he arrived on stage dressed as a cowboy. I thought it might have been funnier (and possibly more nerve-wracking for Eddie; in a good way) if he hadn’t been dressed up in what pretty much amounts to native costume for an American, on his first time on the show … but whatever. As a country and western singer being interviewed on a (shock horror!) TV show, he entered the stage and shot his fingers like guns at the audience as part of his cheesy greeting. He was asked how he is, and as he reached for the mug in front of him, he replied, “Good, if this is whisky!” The interviewer said that he picked up some pretty unusual awards, and Eddie added, “and a bad case of something ‘down there’.” When the interviewer then said something about his hats, Eddie snapped, “Them’s fightin’ words!” (I think he was just waiting for somewhere to say this line, because it didn’t fit the context at all, but deferred the question wonderfully - so well played, Eddie!) He was shown a picture of himself with Dolly Parton, and was asked about the childhood dream he’d managed to fulfil the day he met her … and Eddie just chuckled evilly to himself (he didn’t have to say anything; we all knew perfectly well what he was thinking). When asked why he’d decided to include bagpipes in his music, Eddie answered, “Dunno - somebody slipped me a mickey or one of those acid things, and the next thing I know I was thinking, ‘This needs a little bit of Scotland!’”. He was guilty of taking his horse up to the 14th floor of a hotel, and when his mugshot was shown (which intentionally looked awful), he laughing reminisced that “that was a good night!” He admitted that he went to rehab for the hot women (“Hello Paris Hilton!”), and has learned one thing throughout his career: “Don’t come on these dumb talk shows”. Eddie had clearly done his ‘research’ (or perhaps it showed when this episode was filmed), because when asked his favourite thing about Australia, he replied, “The Qantas flight attendants - oooh, they’ll meet you in the toilets!” When ‘Jamie’ - a good fan of his who was on crutches after a serious car accident - was brought out to join him on the couch, Eddie said he was going to have Jamie at his next concert, and bring him up on the stage with him so he could: “… admit to the public that you were the one driving!” In the dog food commercial, Eddie said his dog no longer wears braces, and that the chunkiness of the dog food meant that … actually, to be honest I can’t remember what I meant by the notes I made about this bit. I’ve written “gotta come out, gotta get a good grab on it”, and I remember the audience groaning in amused disgust, so I presume it had something to do with dog vomit or defecation, although neither thought is bringing back the lost memory of what this joke was. Anyone who can remember should please set me straight in the comments. In the press conference segment, Eddie said the highlight of his career was the threesome he once had, while the lowlight was the twosome. He said he intended to go on Pole-Dancing With The Stars, and when the red-haired kid was escorted into the room by the two young women, Eddie introduced them as: “… the threesome I told you about”. (So very wrong, but so perfectly self-referential.) As the cruise performers, Eddie was cast as the comedian who spent half an hour reciting a monologue about his divorce (“If you knew her, you’d laugh”), and had sprayed the audience with capsicum spray (and also threatened to do the same to his employers during this dressing-down). I thought Eddie did a great job and may have benefited from seeing the short-lived US version. Or maybe he saw the Aussie version, seeing he’s visited our shores so often. His stand-up experience could only have helped, as well. I hope he’ll be around long enough (or back soon enough) for a return visit or two!

Julia was up next, and she was a pleasant surprise, in that she wasn’t as painful to watch as I’ve historicall found her stand-up to be. Entering the scene with her arms full of shopping bags, it was easy to see she was playing the part of an over-spending shopaholic wife. While most of Julia’s replies were very funny, where she really shone was in her e’er-so-casual remarks designed to put off answering a direct question or comment from her ‘husband’, as played by ensemble cast member Daniel Cordeaux. His opening line, “Thank God you’re here - I missed you,” was flippantly batted away with her almost-distracted agreement, “Why wouldn’t you”. Similarly, when he told her they had a problem and asked if she knew what it was, she countered with a vague, “Is it the big thing or the little thing?” But by far most impressive in this vain, was when Daniel asked if she knew who he’d gotten a call from, and she answered with the brilliant, “Yeah, no, tell me everything”. Having forgotten to bring home the milk and bread she’d originally set out for, apparently (“I think I left it in one of the stores”), she was happy to admit she had “issues”. Her husband had received an 18-page credit card statement, which Julia explained away by saying the credit card company’d had printer problems. When he said, “Let’s go through it,” she countered with an excited, “D’you wannoo? D’you wannoo?” Some of her purchases were beyond bizarre, including a cigar humidor for her husband, a non-smoker (“No, but when you [take up smoking], they’ll be humid”), and children’s clothes although they have no kids (she held them up against her and said, “They fitted in the shop”). Her therapist had told her she had “Fat Lady Syndrome”, and to meditate, but Julia said, “I haven’t got the time; there’s too much to shop for!” In the dog food commercial, she assured us that the brand in question was tasty, because she’d never make her dogs eat anything she wouldn’t eat. I only wrote down one word from her press conference segment, and it was “lesbian”. I don’t even think it related to a particularly funny comment, either. In the group scene, Julia was dressed up like a peacock-inspired dancing girl, whose feathery headdress fell to the floor when she tried to move a little too energetically (i.e. not much at all). She was a stripper with a twist - the twist being that she started to take her clothes off no one wanted to see it. All things considered, it was a great effort from Julia - particularly in her individual scene, and I wouldn’t be loathe to seeing her return.

And now we come to Shaun. Brilliant, amazing Shaun. Shaun of the World. Shaun of the Dance. Shaun of the Dead. Shaun, who can do the impossible. Shaun, who can do no wrong. Shaun, to whom I would gladly father a child. Words cannot adequately describe the exceptional job Shaun did with his individual scene … but here are an awful lot of them anyway … To start with, Shaun was clearly feeling somewhat mischievous, because as Shane shook his hand to wish him good luck, Shaun grabbed it and tried to pull him through the door with him. This friendly tug-o-war continued for ten to fifteen seconds, with the audience cheering them on and (just like us at home) no doubt wishing Shaun would win the tussle, just to see what Shane did about it. When Shaun finally let go of Shane, the basket the former was holding to take through the door with him got caught on the handle. After a few attempts at freeing the basket, Shane finally reached around the wall and handed it directly to Shaun (much to the delight and amusement of the audience). And all this before the scene had even begun! When Shane found himself in a forest picnic setting where a few baskets had already been set up, he exclaimed “I didn’t need it anyway!” and promptly threw the basket to the side. He then helped himself to some of what appeared to be chicken, only to be discovered by one of the ensemble cast members. Full of beans and high on red cordial, Shaun greeted him with an over-enthusiastic (not to mention mouthful of chicken bits flying everywhere): “Oh, hello Roy, what a pleasure to see you here!” ‘Roy’ asked him where they were, and he answered, “What?” When ‘Roy’ specified the gooseberries he’d apparently gone to fetch in his basket, Shaun replied, “Oh, the gooseberries - I wondered where they were - excuse me for just a moment,”. Then he turned, tipped his hat, spat the chicken into it, lifted it back to his head and spun back around to face ‘Roy’ again with a wide grin on his face - all in one swift movement. It was fantastic! He was told to grab a chair, so he did (literally), and then laughed maniacally at his own literal humour. He was asked if he’d spotted anything worth shooting, and he said just a couple of politicians and his mother-in-law, who he said he just “winged”, because he didn’t want to … shoot her. His companions asked him what made his sandwiches so wonderful, and he said the triangle shape into which he’d cut them. “I wanted to go for a dodecahedron shape, but it was too difficult to cut.” Then he launched into a massively exaggerated, British-accented monologue about London. “I don’t know if you’ve been there, but it’s all the rage; everybody says you simply must go!” When he was told that the other had, in fact, been to London, Shaun replied (just as maniacally as before and still in his upper-crust British accent), saying: “I’ve been to London, I’ve been to Birmingham, I’ve been to Paradise, but I’ve never been to me.” He was then asked about his success with the ladies, and his reply was hilarious: “A gentleman never tells … but I removed her underpants.” Suddenly, his fiancée appeared and he exclaimed, “Gwendoline! I didn’t recognise you with your clothes on!” She prompted him for what he ‘always says about guns’, and while eating an apple to aid in his stalling of his answer, he said, “What I always say about guns is … (eats) … it takes me a while to get around to it, but when I do, I say … (eats) … I say … (eats - at this point he’s eaten most of the apple) … could you pass me those scones, please?” Then, while his fiancée addresses his companions, Shaun was making ridiculous faces behind her back, much to the delight of the audience. He claimed that it was originally his idea not to pronounce the T in ‘croquet’, because it used to sound like some sort of potato snack. Then, out of nowhere, he stood facing the audience like an art critic might stand while appraising a Van Gogh in a museum, and declared, “I love what you’ve done with the place. Had this wall removed and all these people put in.” Brilliant! He then knelt down on one knee to speak to Gwendoline, pretending that his hat was floating down the imaginary river (really the part of the stage that extended outside the confines of the false scenery), then something about putting it in hand because he didn’t have a dustpan (I remember that I laughed at this bit, but I can’t now recall exactly what this part of my notes referred to - does anyone out there remember?). Then he tolod Gwendoline that he’d told her father that not only does he want her hand in marriage, but everything below the pelvis. What an exhausting scene (even just to watch!). I dread to think what the audience might have done to judge Tom Gleisner if he hadn’t awarded the prize of the night to Shaun after this performance. It was hands-down the best anyone’s ever done on the show, IMHO. In the dog food commercial, Shaun was asked what made him switch to the brand they were discussing, and he said that it was the large sum of money they were paying him to make the commercial. He also said that the one word he’d use to describe the product was ‘circumspect’. In the press conference, he said he was retiring because his wife’s not well, and although he doesn’t really want to talk about it, “… when you have leprosy …”; however, she feels much better now. She weighs less, but that’s the thing with leprosy. He said they plan to spend whatever time they have left, with what’s left of her. He was asked what he says to the kids who look up to him, and he initially misunderstood the question, snapping back, “I tell ‘em ‘Freak you, buddy!’ … Oh, the kids?” After revealing his sponsorship deal with RUAGE and their mysterious, non-explanatory poster, he was asked, “What’s RUAGE?” And his reply, “This is the question we want people to ask,” was an excellent side-step of the question! On the cruise ship in the group scene, he played a magician who affected a French accent. He referred to having a pop-up top hat, and when Eddie was asked why his impersonation of Sean Connery sounded French (a happy coincidence), Shaun butted in with, “Because I did it.” His employer addressed him sarcastically as The Great Lazlo, to which Shaun modestly replied, “Please just call me Great.” After accidentally segueing into an Italian accent for a moment, he began lurching like Igor (although I can’t now remember why). He’d also thrown the rabbit from his act overboard because it was misbehaving, but when his employer demanded to see him perform his rabbit trick, he put his white gloved hand into his hat, then pulled it back out with two fingers extended in a capital V, announcing, “Here he is!” The whole scene ended in a mutiny, as the four performers began advancing on the two employers who were grilling them over their various misdeeds.

All-in-all, it was a remarkably exhausting and draining episode of TGYH to watch, much less review or appear in. But it was one of the all-time best, for sure. I hope this is a sign of more of what we can expect to see this season! In the meantime, though, you can watch Shaun’s drop-dead HILARIOUS picnicking British fiancé scene for yourself by visiting the official website.

.

Menopause Has Come To Neighbours

2007-07-24T08:42:00.000+10:00

I’ll start by admitting that I’ve been quite excited by all the fuss Network Ten has been making over the past two months about the “change” that’s been coming to Neighbours, so now that it’s come and gone (well, not quite gone, per se), I thought I’d let you know if I think it was worth all the effort.

I quite like the new opening credit style; and the new version of the song isn’t what I thought it’d be (I thought it’d be some truly horrendous faux-rock attempt at ‘updating’ the theme, in the style of the short-lived wailing Home and Away theme that lasted for about three weeks at the start of the year - but thankfully it’s nothing of the sort).

The use of the photo booth motif in the opening credit sequence is a nice way of grouping the families and friendship circles together for the sake of the montage of smiling happy people; but I think they could have ended with a few more than just the four Poloroid-style shots at the end (if you’re curious, the Poloroids shown depict Karl and Susan; Paul and Elle; Oliver, Rebecca and the yet-to-be-introduced Declan; and Harold and Lou).

It strikes me that a clever and impressive thing for them to do (although I almost doubt they’d do it, despite my opinion that it’d be well within their power and not an extreme strain on their budget) would be to alternate the four final Poloroid shots to include the other families and groups. They could have Ned, Janae and Mickey; Frazer and Rosie; Carmella and Ringo; Adam and Pepper; Rachel and Zeke; Toadie and Steph; and newcomers Steve, Miranda and Bridget.

Of course, notable by their absence from the new credit sequence were Sky, Kerry, Boyd and Charlie. With the exception of Charlie, who was simply shafted from the opening credits and will be continuing with the show, the omission of the first three characters I just named make perfect sense. Here’s a tip: don’t expect them to see out the next fortnight on the show.

Thankfully, the opening whiny, extended “Ho-oh-oh” sound has been dropped - I always liked to sing it with an exaggerated reference to whoever had just been visible at the end of the “previously” bit, as if the first note was an insult being levelled at that character (who says I need to get out more?!). Frankly, I’d had enough of carrying out this daily ritual (not to mention that Wifey always held that the ad lib being sung was actually ‘Oh-oh-oh’ - but it simply wasn’t), so I’m very grateful that the new credits open instead with a building drum beat, designed to draw the viewer in with unstated excitement and anticipation.

While we’re on the subject of music, the show’s producers have done away with most of the merry little (commercial) ditties they used to play in every second scene; now we get constant semi-orchestral music in the background of just about the entire show. It’s a palatable change (some of those other tracks were getting a bit long in the tooth with how frequently they were replayed), but it’s very Home and Away.

Something else that has been discarded is the obligatory groan from the viewing audience during the opening moments of each episode. Yes, they’ve dropped the terrible puns in the titles of the episodes. Turning the writers’ focus back onto the stories rather than the clever little pithy way they can incorporate a well-known phrase or catchcry into a thematic wisecrack in three words or less would appear to be a good move. Although some of the episode titles over the past few years were admittedly quite clever and relevant and on occasions flat-out brilliant and highly amusing, it’s clear that the need to continue thinking up droll (or otherwise) titles that amount to a play on words or a double entrendre is just a waste of everyone’s time. We now find ourselves back in the creative vortex of naming the episodes ‘5274’ and so on.

Another aspect of the “new-look” Neighbours is the decidedly Home and Away-style of filming they’ve adopted. This approach might suit some, and perhaps it’s a more modern tactic, but there was always something I quite liked about the way Neighbours was filmed. It set itself apart from Home and Away’s more ‘trendy’ style. I should point out that Wifey’s far more adamant and passionate about this point than I am. But like I said to her, if I wanted to watch Home and Away, I’d … shoot myself in the head.

*drum fill*

I wondered if any of the sets were going to change as well, but apart from some more and different outdoor locations being implemented into the show (which is where the Home and Away-style of filming is most noticeable), the other sets appeared to be the same. However, I heard Harold telling someone that the ‘renovations’ being carried out on the General Store would be finished soon, which seemed like a great way to retcon the idea of extending the set and changing things around a bit (because I don’t recall anyone mentioning any such renovations before now - although it’s possible I just missed it).

New characters were introduced in the form of Ned’s heretofore unmentioned older brother Steve (and his family), to whom he has apparently “never stopped raving about Melbourne”; hence their decision to pack everything up and move down here without setting up a house or organising their careers. Sounds perfectly plausible to me. Susan threw in a casual reference to having once met them at Drew’s funeral; a nice little touch by the writers to remind us all that Drew hailed from the country town of Oakey just like the Parker family - but perhaps a bit of a stretch, because surely Susan would have been beside herself with grief at the time, and may not necessarily instantly recognise people she’d met five years ago at such an emotion-charged event. But then again, what would I know?

It was hard not to miss how often everyone was cracking jokes and being a bit of a funnyman. About halfway through the episode I turned to Wifey and said, “Everyone’s a comedian”, because it was already starting to feel unrealistic (inasmuch as that’s EVER possible on Neighbours, of course!), but thankfully it doesn’t appear to have remained a constant and isn’t one of the changes to the show.

However, I think I’m going to have to draw the line at the joey kangaroo. As luck would have it, the Parkers were still on their way into Melbourne (from Brisbane) when they happened upon some road kill in the form of a female kangaroo. Lying nearby - supposedly unhurt - was the newly orphaned joey, who later named ‘Pouch’ by Mickey, who is probably undeservedly proud of himself for coming up with the name. I don’t know why Ramsay Street needed to suddenly include such a thoroughly common native Australian animal as a pet (because - you know - we ALL have kangaroos at home), but perhaps the kitten, chickens, turtle, gallah, sheep and twenty-two dogs who already reside on the street weren’t enough animals living in six consecutive houses to cover all their bases. So it’s a good thing Steve Parker’s a veterinarian - the residents of Ramsay Street alone should keep him gainfully employed for many years to come!

UPDATE: It turns out that I was right about the rotating Poloroid shots at the end of the opening credits - the new official website (check it out if you‘re so inclined, because it’s MUCH better than anything that’s gone before) shows a lengthy promotion of footage from the upcoming few months of the show (but be warned, the video contains considerable spoilers - you don’t have to watch it, though) … which ends with a different set of Poloroids than the four we’ve seen on the show so far. I’m not sure how frequently the shots will alternate, but I presume that this means we’ll be seeing different shots in the opening credit sequence before too long.

The other thing the website’s promo shows is that a new version of the opening credits isn’t too far away (so perhaps the Poloroid shots will only change each time the entire opening sequence is modified or updated). A brother for Bridget (Steve and Miranda) is on the way, and soon we‘ll see him tackling Bridget for the football before it gets thrown to their parents.

In short, there’s much I quite like about the “change” that’s just come to Neighbours. I like the new version of the song, I like the new opening and closing credits, I like the new characters and sets, and I like the gutsy, bold move they made to highlight the changes (rather than try to slip them through, under the radar). I’m not completely against the addition of the baby kangaroo, I don’t mind a few more lighthearted moments being included on the show (as long as they keep them in check), and the new filming style will also probably grow on me. So I’m definitely a fan of the new-look Neighbours. If you haven’t checked it out for yourself yet, I reckon you should have a look and see what you think.

Who knows? You might come for the credit sequence, and stay for the drama and intrigue.

(Unlikely, though.)

You can also see the giant (spoiler-filled) promo for yourself, if you dare, by visiting YouTube.

.

Joker Joel & Zoltan The Insignificant

2007-07-23T08:36:00.000+10:00

I was a little surprised last night on two fronts. First, I thought Joel was more universally loved than it appears he actually was. And second, I can’t believe Zoran (the entirely unimpressive and unintelligible) had more save votes than his jocular buddy. In fact, I can’t believe I-bring-nothing-whatsoever-of-value-to-the-House Zoran lasted more than a few weeks on the show.

But first things first: I know it’s not the popular opinion in this ‘ere blogosphere to have any affection whatsoever for Joel, but I guess I ain’t gonna curb my preferences for no one (just as I wouldn’t expect you to change how you feel about any of the Housemates based solely on my opinions of them). I thought Joel was great value; he was lots of fun and he was bloody hilarious. I would have liked to see him get to the final three. I’ve said it before; my preference for the final threesome was always Travis, Joel and Zach (and before Zach came along, I was happy enough for the third to be Aleisha).

Joel always brought a smile to the other Housemates’
faces. Whether it was through doing so poorly at
Friday Night Live, through his use of silly faces and
amusing voices, or simply by falling down all the time.

Some people didn’t like that they never saw the “real” Joel when he was in the House (as if we could ever properly determine that when we know no other Joel to begin with). Some thought he was nothing but a guy with silly voices, stupid facial expressions, amusing wisecracks and lame pratfalls. But I tell ya this: If I was in the Big Brother House, I’d be being just as stupid as well - because that’s who I am. After all, Joel is in there to entertain. I see nothing wrong with him making his fellow Housemates laugh (as well as those viewers who are also amused by his antics - and I appreciate that that’s not everyone’s idea of chuckle worthy behaviour); if that’s the way he carries on in his real life (as it very much appears he does, based on what he’s said numerous times in the House and has been backed up by his “loved ones” on the odd Eviction Night special), then good on him.

I always got a chuckle out of the way he looked at the roof in silent bewilderment when Big Brother spoke to the Housemates, and he was good natured enough to go along with the whole “You’re the worst play in the history of Friday Night Live” thing. He brought amusement and happiness to the show and to many viewers nationwide - how does that make him ineligible to win?

Clearly, by others being preferred winners. But I can’t see how Zoran ended up higher on the scale of winning worthiness than Joel.

Zoran is one of those people who seemed to avoid elimination whenever he was up, purely because there were others far more vile and repulsive who were nominated along with him - so he was the lesser of two evils. I can’t see that he’s an attractive guy to look at (but I’m happy to be corrected on this if necessary; after all, what would I know about it!?), and as far as being an interesting person, … *snore*

The most interesting thing about him is his name. Zoran. Cool name. It speaks of mystery and intrigue and magic tricks with a top hat and a cape. But in reality, he was nothing like it. He was boring as.

Okay, so he made up part of the Susannah/Thomas/Zoran triangle, but he was clearly never a major player in that incident, because Thomas and Susannah are now a couple on the outside (she didn’t wait for Zoran, for example - and while we’re on the subject, I thought it was more than a little mean to string Zoran along with the news that Susannah and her boyfriend has split up … in front of the live audience … and make Zoran think he might have a chance with her or maybe even that she possibly split up with the dude so she could be with him [Zoran]; just because I thought he was boring doesn’t mean I enjoyed watching him potentially humiliated on a live national television show simply for wearing his heart on his sleeve a little bit). He also spent a few weeks there flitting back and forth between not being able to stand Daniela, and finding her somewhat attractive (and even flirting with her, it must be noted). But those (fairly mild) instances aside, what exactly did Zoran bring to the House?

I’ll tell ya. Nothing. Except maybe frustration for many viewers (and the occasional Housemate) who couldn’t understand what he was mumbling about. He certainly kept the caption-writers at Network Ten busy - almost every conversation Zoran had in the House had to have the dialogue appear along the bottom of the screen so it could be understood. Particularly at night when he was tired, and/or had been drinking. I wonder how long it took the poor caption-writers to work out what to type on the screen. How many times did they have to watch the footage over and over before they could work out what he was saying? Did they just make it up, and have a lot of fun while they were at it? Maybe they pieced it together from what the other Housemates were saying back to him in all of his conversations.

He seemed like a nice enough guy, and there were a couple of instances there where he genuinely seemed to learn from his fellow Housemates (Laura about water usage - although I don’t know if he took this onboard; Zach about the way the gay community is often treated; Nick about talking over people; Zach again about how he can unintentionally come across as intimidating; and the group at large about his volume and food-pecking habits), but there just didn’t seem like enough of a personality and character to warrant him staying in the House for anything NEAR as long as he did.

I think, of all the guys on the show this year (including Cruz and Harrison in The White Room and Golden Key Winner Nick, who had less ‘screening‘ than any of the other Housemates because he won a competition, rather than going through the whole audition process), Zoran was easily the most bland and uninteresting … simply because I thought he had nothing to offer (besides a hairy chest and stomach for the others to wax in one action-packed, edge-of-your-seat thriller of an episode).

When he found out he’d been evicted, Zoran had this to say:
“IhadsuchagreattimeintheHousesoIcouldneversayanything
badabouttheplaceorthepeopleinitdoyouknowwhatImean?
ItwassogreattohaveeveryoneintheHouseandIhadafantastic
timegettingtoknowallthesepeoplefromdifferentyouknowwalks
oflifeorwhateverdoyouknowwhatImean?”

But when I put my astounded surprise to one side for a minute, I can see that the new twist this year after winning Friday Night Live is what caused a few of the less interesting characters in the House to still be there so late in the game. Personally, as much as I wish them well and think they’re a lovely pair, I would have preferred for Billy and Alisha not to be safe for the final four. Zoran shouldn’t have survived as long as he did, and some of those who were voted out only went because the Housemates we, the viewing public, would actually have preferred to be eliminated were either not nominated, or were saved at the last minute by the winner of the Games that week (Emma, I’m looking at you, here).

Here’s the twist I’d like to see incorporated in the 2008 season, if it goes for another year: Each week, viewers can vote to save or evict ALL of the Housemates. The Housemates don’t know it, but everyone in the House is up for possible eviction EVERY week. Nomination nights still go ahead as normal (so we can see what they all think of each other - it’d help a lot of us determine who we did and didn’t like, after all), but the playing field is level and fair.

They’d have to come up with a different kind of twist for the winner of the Games (not saving themselves or any other Housemate from the chopping block), but once they come up with some alternative perk for them, this system would be a win-win-win situation. The producers would win because they’d get a lot more money from all the possible evict and save votes being dialled through for everyone in the House, the viewers would win because we could literally get rid of the people we didn’t like in the order we truly wanted to (not being limited to directing our ire at a chosen few), and the Housemates would win because only those truly deserving of being evicted would (in theory) find themselves joining Gretel on stage “after the break”. No more free rides because your buddy won the Games and saved your neck, therefore dooming a Housemate who’s more worthy of winning being evicted before their time.

But these are just pie-in-the-sky dreams, I know. Since when have the show’s producers ever cared much for ‘fair’? Or when have they listened to something someone’s suggested online Their natural enemy appears to be the blogging community (even though we make up so much of their viewership). Oh well. Nothing ventured nothing gained, I guess.

My preference for next week is definitely that Billy and Aleisha get evicted together (aww, how sweet for them!), leaving Travis and Zach for the final two. And then I honestly wouldn’t care which of them won (although I certainly agree with a comment MelbourneGirl made on an earlier post here, that the money would probably be wasted or unnecessary on anyone other than Travis, who’d undoubtedly put it to better use with his young family and low-earning income). Zach, Billy and Alisha would all spend a lot of the money at nightclubs and on the silly purchases of youth. I know I might spark some heated debate with these closing comments, but I stand by my view that - by and large - there’s a certain kind of common sense with spending money wisely that comes with age and maturity. (Plus, Travo’s been my number one tippo since the begino.)

.

Thank The Lord For Your Presence # 22

2007-07-19T09:10:00.000+10:00

Last night’s line-up on Thank God You’re Here (TGYH) was equally as impressive as last week’s, which indicates that we could be in for a top season indeed. The four guest celebrities were radio hosts Merrick Watts, Hamish Blake and Kate Langbroek, as well as newcomer Nish Selvadurai (known simply as 'Nish'), a comedian/singer from the group that parodies Il Divo and calls themselves Il Dago.

Merrick was up first, and I was looking forward to his return to the show after his inaugural appearance last year. I was pleasantly surprised by his wit and value-for-money (i.e. free), so I was expecting big things this time around. Thankfully, he delivered (for the most part). Dressed in a tuxedo and entering a high-stakes card game, it was clear that he was meant to be a caricature of James Bond, but Merrick introduced himself as Gary. After mentioning catching a train, he was asked how he got back - to which he replied in a deadpan voice it was a return ticket, so he figured it’s be stupid to fly. He was asked how he got rid of the Aston Martin, to which he replied that he got a cream from his doctor. The fragrance he was wearing was Aeroguard, he said he remembered one of his fellow players “from the other time”, and he called him Zoran. Each player then asked for a series of complicated moves from the dealer in quick succession, leaving Merrick the floor to make his own request: “I’ll have … two different cards, please”. 'Zoran' then demanded to know what Merrick was going to bet. Merrick pointed to the player on his right and said, “Him. He can be your man slave.” His gambling venue of choice is apparently Captain Pokies, and he ordered an avocado and vodka, or as he likes to call it, vodka and avocado. When Roz sidled up to him as he sat at the table, and asked suggestively, “What does a woman have to do to get your attention?”, he looked straight at her at eye level (so you can guess where he was looking) and replied, “That’ll do.” When he won the 20-million-pound pot, Roz asked him what he was going to do with all that money. “Well, you‘re not getting any,” he near-snapped, before seeming to relent a little and adding, “Okay, you can have one, but don’t come back when you’ve spent it all on the pokies.” The less said about the very end of the scene, the better (the line “Watch how he disarms ('Zoran') with his rapier-like wit” was misheard by Merrick, who launched some kind of karate-stlye attack instead of cracking a joke), but overall I thought he did a great job in this scene. The two pre-recorded bits last night were both TV-related (I’ve noticed they’ve resorted to TV-type scenes a lot, even just over these first two weeks - last week it was the basis behind Peter Helliar and Stephen Curry’s scenes, as well the housing development commercial they made [also the secondary premise behind the Astronaut’s press conference, if we‘re being technical]; and this time Nish’s scene, the group scene, and both of the pre-recorded segments were based on the idea of screening on TV). The first segment was a commercial for a laundry liquid, and the second was a story for Japanese television on a troubled Australian zoo. For the laundry liquid ad, Merrick’s best line was in his claim that using the product has changed his life … because he used to be a woman. When showing the Japanese reporter around the zoo, he said the best thing about working there was taking the animals home with him at night. He also claimed to be a ‘kangaroo whisperer’, telling the reporter that the kangaroo in front of him had just said she was very pretty - however, the next thing the kangaroo said was apparently inappropriate and angered Merrick for its cheek. Later, in the reptile enclosure, when Merrick had a large snake draped around his shoulders that was approaching the reporter and sticking its tongue out at her, Merrick explained that the snake thought the microphone she was holding was actually an ice cream. For the group scene, an all-female daytime talk show similar to the doomed (although probably still broadcasting at the time they filmed this episode) Channel Nine atrocity The Catch-Up, both Merrick and Hamish were both extremely unattractive dressed up as women, and Merrick duly proclaimed that he recently performed a one-woman show at the Sydney Opera House called “One Ugly Sheila”. He (she) then went on to strongly advise the viewing audience to give their men whatever they want - particularly sexually, was the implication - because they work hard all day and deserve it. He was very funny throughout the whole show.

Kate was the second celebrity guest to brave the elements, and this was only her second appearance on the show since the finale episode of season one. Dressed as a cheerleader, she (and the audience) couldn’t go far wrong in trying to guess the scene she’d be in. Not surprisingly, then, Kate had clearly decided to mold her character in the traditional “S-L-U-T … what does that spell?” stereotype of a high school cheerleader. Turning up for an audition for the cheerleading team, she spelt out a couple of her initial answers (“Great! G-R-E-A-T!”), and told us that her skills including her milkshake bringing all the boys to the yard. When asked if she was under 25, she replied, “Kilos?”, and listed her personality as her disability. When asked what she thought they could do to get the crowd involved in the game, she answered that maybe they could get everyone to buy a ticket and come along. She offered to do a cartwheel, then said she’d just have to take her undies off first. Finally, there were a series of questions, all of which she managed to turn into double entendres: How will you welcome the team? “Before the game?” When they come on. “To me?” How about when they score? “Oh, that’ll happen many times!” And finally, what about when we’re beaten? “That’s a bit of a fantasy of mine.” She was definitely quick-witted in her responses, even if they were a little predictable. IMHO, the funniest thing she said all night was in the laundry liquid commercial, suddenly turning on the narrator asking her questions and demanding to know who they were and why they were asking her about her washing. She also said the laundry liquid was the highlight of her life, because “I’m so desperately unhappy”. There wasn’t much in her Japanese TV interview that struck me as hilarious; the funniest thing she did was probably imitating the koala’s mating noises. On the panel in the group scene, she told the others that she wanted to talk about her uterus, and the book she’d written, entitled ‘What Men Want’, took 600 pages to say what was effectively “an easy lay”. Kate did very well, but I wasn’t 100% sure she deserved to win the night (which is what happened). Still, it wasn’t the world’s greatest injustice. (That was when the Buffy the Vampire Slayer spin-off Angel was cancelled in the US after five exceptional seasons.)

First-timer Nish was up next, and I must admit to never having seen or heard of him before. Sure, I’d vaguely heard of Il Dago before, but that was about it. I was pleasantly surprised with much of what he said and did last night. As he was greeted in his scene, which was a clear nod to the ABC’s show The New Inventors, he was told, “Great idea, by the way,” to which he replied, “Yeah, (I’m) full of that”. The host of the show said, “Tell us a bit about yourself, Ken,” to which Nish purposely looked past himself to the three judges in expectation. After a bit of a chuckle all round, he explained that he gets up in the morning and just has to invent. His latest invention? The Funtabulator. He observed that every good invention has a dial on it, advised that you have to pre-heat it, and when the contraption was turned on and it began doing whatever it is it’s meant to do, he asked with pride, “Funtabulous, isn’t it?” When the panel of judges began asking him lengthy technical questions about how it can be used for specific causes, he simply agreed, “You could use it for that, yeah”. When asked how he’d use it for another long-winded purpose, he replied, “Sparingly”. Not surprisingly, the newer version that’s coming out soon will “do it better”, and the people he sees buying his invention are “hot chicks - they‘ll love it”. The host prompted him about using the strength of the quotient … “to achieve maximum results”. He was shown a series of pictures where his invention was being used. One was in a pre-school, another was camping (“Camping gets boring”), and the third was with the Prime Minister (“He needs all the help he can get”). He finished off the scene with his invention’s slogan: “Don’t just lift it, funtabulate it!” In the laundry liquid commercial, Nish advised that stubborn stains just need a firm talking to, and in the Japanese TV segment, he told the reporter that the koala is actually a lizard. In the group scene he played an American-based plastic surgeon, who told the panel of woman and women-impersonators that he takes women who are unhappy with themselves, and he fills them with plastic. The young model next to him was apparently an 82-year-old woman who’d gone under his knife, and when Merrick asked him what he could have done to him for $500, Nish’s answer was genius: “For $500, with your body the way it is, it’s not going to work out in your favour.” I loved Nish’s contribution to the show, especially for his first time on TGYH, and I hope we get to see him again.

Enter Hamish Blake, perennial fan favourite and quick-witted darling of TGYH. Hamish’s individual scene began with him entering his parents’ house, dressed as a schoolboy and being followed by a policeman. His exceptional entrance, where he tried valiantly to block the policeman from entering and making many and varied wisecracks about having had a big day and that they should all go to bed, was extremely funny and a stroke of genius. I think it rates amongst my all-time favourite entrances ever on this show (the others being Matthew Newton’s two entrances from his smashed car and crashed airplane, although the ‘genius’ in those instances were due to the creators of those scenes rather than anything Newton did, Josh Lawson once saying “Thank God you’re here” to the ensemble cast member before they had a chance to say it to him , and a handful of Shaun Micallef and Frank Woodley’s scenes, where they rabbit on and on about something stupid, not even letting the ensemble cast member get their opening line in). His various excuses for the policeman’s presence (“He followed me home” / “I’ve decided to hire protection”) were extremely funny, and his interpretation of the policeman’s line that Hamish was found driving on a road (“Yeah, with golf clubs”) was also great thinking. When his parents were told that he was driving a car on the footpath, he explained wearily that sometimes you get bored with the ‘regular road’. When his parents told him to sit down, Hamish casually turned to the policeman and said, “You can probably go, mate”. Then is was revealed that there were 17 people in the car when the cops pulled him over, and in the boot they’d discovered … “Dave, Steve, Macca …” His trombone case was full of stolen jewellery, and his attempts not to have to open it in front of them were admirable. Apparently he was also drunk behind the wheel, and when his father asked him how long he’s been drinking, he replied, “Not forever, obviously. The first few years were milk,” and here he indicated his mother before adding, “… and thank you very much”. The scene started out very well (thanks to Hamish), but didn’t seem to mine much gold out of the possibilities (no thanks to whoever wrote the scene’s script). In the laundry liquid commercial, Hamish tasted the product and deemed it “outstanding”, while in the Japanese TV cross, he tried to convince the reporter to try the “bush chocolate” (animal droppings), before confiding in her that there’s really no difference between kangaroos and wallabies; they simply get more money out of calling them two different animals. In the group scene, he was possibly the least attractive cross-dresser you’d ever hope to meet. He advised punching kids as a form of discipline, and advocated a few positive words and a catheter as a cure for bed-wetting. When Kate said she wanted to talk about her uterus, Hamish raised one hand in the air and cried, “Testify!”, and when talking to Nish via satellite, he confessed to having regrets now about the plastic surgery he had done, where he’d had a beard put on (this comment even made ensemble cast member Nicola Parry - who’s usually excellent at keeping a straight face - break into a wide smile).

I think I would have preferred any of the guys to win the night over Kate, but that’s not to say that I thought Kate was terrible, because she wasn’t at all. You can watch Hamish Blake’s naughty schoolboy scene for yourself by visiting the official website.

PS - Host Shane Bourne and judge Tom Gleisner were also in attendance.

.

Brazilian Idol Melted Down For Scrap

2007-07-16T09:59:00.000+10:00

Truthfully, I didn’t mind Daniela too much, but it was fairly obvious from the get-go that she’d be the Housemate to get the boot this week.

The thing that seemed like a massive waste of time, however, was the “special intrusion” of grumpy, delusional, self-important Australian Idol judge and Top 40 radio host, Kyle Sandilands. Although the “poor widdle diddums” got a headache and had to leave on his first night in the House (actually, migraines are quite serious and I’m only teasing … I occasionally suffer from them myself), his tirade against Big Brother in the Diary Room was really quite hysterical to watch. I found myself loving it! The poor woman who was ‘voicing’ Big Brother at the time was clearly out of her depth talking to someone who answered back and wasn’t going to accept her rulings, and I could just imagine that the lengthy pauses in her ‘discussion’ with Kyle were filled with panicked calls to the Executive Producer asking what she should do. It was interesting to note that Kyle gave BB an ultimatum, after which the camera cut back to the other Housemates for no particular reason whatsoever, and then we returned to the Diary Room in time to witness Kyle and BB closing their negotiations. RIPPED OFF!!

But whatever. Kyle’s a bit of a norrie and although he often speaks the truth on Idol (if a little harshly), he’s still a bit of a knob with an opinion of himself that FAR outweighs his actual worth, IMHO.

Kyle’s head was hurty, so he went to beddie-bys …
and never emerged. For a while there I wasn’t sure if he’d
snuck out of the House or died in his sleep. Or been eaten.
Unfortunately for us all, he appears to have survived.

Kyle was apparently in the House to shake up the Housemates and cause them to look at each other a little differently. He was also meant to make life difficult for them by “accidentally” leaving the meat behind in the Big Brother Shop (something that was spoilt by the female Big Brother voice and for which he chewed her out over later). None of this he succeeded in accomplishing very well, but let’s be fair and say that his early and unscheduled departure from the House prevented him from putting his entire plan into action.

But it didn’t matter anyway, because nothing Kyle did this weekend was going to influence the voting public enough to evict anyone other than Daniela.

I never thought Daniela “was all that”.
Her dead, emotionless, zombie-eyes scare me at night.

With Michelle gone from the House (I’m still thanking the Lord above for that), only Daniela and Aleisha remained to represent the fairer sex. I can’t say that I ever really thought the other nominees were in any trouble this week.

Are there any avid Daniela fans out there? I can’t think what would draw you to her, frankly. We didn’t see enough of her to be invested in. She was either trying to invoke rebellion in the hearts and minds of the long-term Housemates, but she was really pushing a load of it uphill. If she wasn’t starting arguments or deliberately causing trouble, she was arguing with Michelle (I was with her on that one, actually) or boasting about how good looking she is.

I just couldn’t see any appeal in her -- which is not at all the same thing as disliking her. I certainly wouldn’t put her on the same level as Michelle, Demet, TJ or Emma, but neither would I say she was an interesting Housemate to watch like Joel, Travis, Zach or even Bodie (drunken pig-ishness in the latter aside). Does anyone else note how I’ve split the Housemates there? All “nasty” group is made up entirely of girls, while the “good” group is made up entirely of guys. Am I being sexist? Or did the Big Brother producers (as I’ve said all along) stupidly choose female Housemates who would either become mega-biatches or wallflowers, while the guys are either amusing clowns or hunky spunks. I think the sexism derives from those who selected this year’s Housemates, and I think it’s appalling. Hopefully next year they’ll give us a real range of personalities, rather than just saying “an mother, a Muslim, a Mormon and a Barbie doll” is representative of “all walks of life”.

But I’ve strayed from my original point about Daniela, which is just this:

Ho-hum.

.

Thank The Lord For Season Three

2007-07-12T08:04:00.000+10:00

It was with GREAT pleasure that Wifey and I settled down to watch the season premiere of Thank God You’re Here (TGYH) last night. As massive fans of the first two seasons (and you can read my reviews of each episode on this very blog, if you so desire), we were excited beyond belief and were living in a bubble of anticipation about the event.

Yes, we literally get THAT excited about our favourite TV shows.

I’m going to be recapping (I can hardly call it 'reviewing') each episode of TGYH, just as I have with the previous two seasons. As always, please feel free to leave comments either agreeing or disagreeing with my dissertations on each performer, and on the ‘best bits’ I bothered to mention.

The celebrities on the first episode were Peter Helliar, Stephen Curry, Cal Wilson and Josh Lawson. I thought it was a bit harsh to make the two newbies go on first, but sometimes a bit of a baptism-by-fire is the best way to get things over and done with.

Peter started things off by confessing to host Shane Bourne that he only has one character in him (Straughnie, the infamous AFL footballer), so it was unfortunate for him that he was instead cast as a 70s TV presenter for a show aimed at young teenagers, who had apparently bought his ‘threads’ at Threads ‘R’ Us (and had said to say ‘Hi’ to his co-presenter, as well). He had a new piercing, loved the new pop group ‘The Three Guys’, and loved the new Laxco-Smithy portable radio because of its knobs. As the astronaut in the group scene, he was wearing the full space suit and told Shane, “Just when you thought I couldn’t get any cuddlier …” It was then revealed that he was being kept in quarantine for farting on the return journey (and that it was “so bloody boring”), that the $22 million he paid as a rich man to go on the flight “didn’t even include petrol money”, and that he’d originally made his fortune by finding a wallet on the street. I loved that in the closing moments of the group scene, when the others were deteriorating into an all-out argument, he fell asleep in his quarantine chamber and was last shown leaning against the glass, snoring. As for the two pre-recorded bits, the first involved a Delfin-style TV commercial for a housing development, where Peter played the role of a gay man, and the second was an audition for some kind of Shakespearean role. Unfortunately I didn’t write anything down about Peter for either one, so he mustn’t have said or done anything remarkably funny in them (or maybe I just missed his good bits, I don’t know).

Stephen was up next, and he found himself being ushered around to the back of the set so he could enter the scene as if he was a guest on a daytime talk show (similar to Ellen). Finding out that he was apparently a well-known fashion designer, he used the clever and amusing stall technique of reaching for a prop and mucking around with it for a moment. He grabbed his mug, looked unimpressed that it was empty, and glared (and indicated to) an imaginary assistant off-screen to run and get him something to drink. He mentioned that his designs were going to be exclusively available at 7 Eleven stores, and when a picture of Elton John appeared on screen (in front of a polka dotted background) and he was asked what advice Elton had given him recently, Stephen replied, “Never stand in front of polka dots … because it makes you look so gay.” Donnatella Versace was the next celebrity to appear on the screen, to which Stephen told us, “Yep - that’s my Dad.” He then established that he was anti fake fur, that you wouldn’t wear his designs anywhere you wanted to be popular, that he recently went out with his own daughter, and that the only thing he can’t do is juggle. He also elected to sum up his designs in one word: “Antidisestablishmentarianism.” When the first model came out wearing one of his designs, he asked, “Who are you? You are igloo,” before noting that she was “freezing her feathers off.” He told us how the most satisfying thing he’s ever done in his life was when he recently visited an African village and gave them bikinis so they could concentrate on getting a good tan. After the scene he confessed that he’d had a great spew before he went on, then began miming Shane’s words from the autocue. When the four of them emerged for the group scene and he was the only one not dressed in the big white Astronaut gear (instead wearing the rather more sedate blue jumpsuit), he asked Shane, “Ever felt like you don’t fit in?” It was soon revealed that he had been left behind at the space station, and via video link-up he claimed that they were all playing hide and seek when the others decided to leave him behind. He was amusingly bouncing around slowly on his chair to create the effect of weightlessness. The cute nickname that the Cosmonauts had apparently given him when he arrived was ‘Twatface’, which they assured him was Russian for ‘champ’. I also didn’t take down any notes about his Shakespearean audition, but one line he gave in the housing development commercial (standing with a woman and two kids) was that the great thing about the area was that other people’s kids follow you around.

New Zealand-born Cal was the third celebrity to brave the elements last night, discovering she was a live-in nanny whose morals were a little questionable and whose work ethic left a lot to be desired. When being questioned by the parents who’d hired her, she admitted to giving her young charge some aspirin with vodka (“put her right to sleep”), taking the children to the beach “to count syringes”, and the pokies bar, where the kids learnt to “sit on the one machine until it pays out”. When threatened with being fired, she revealed to her employers that a hidden ‘nanny cam’ in the vase in their bedroom meant that she had some interesting home movies of them, and she told them she wanted to “stay on”. In the housing development commercial, she advised viewers not to buy right by the lake (“cos it’s a bit whiffy”), and when asked if she does any impressions during her Shakespearean audition, she said yes, and spoke of John Howard’s wavy eyebrows. In the group scene, Cal was one of the returned Astronauts who got engaged in space, and she announced that she wanted to return to the final frontier to get married. When Josh (her fiancé) stormed out of their press conference, she took it pretty badly, sculling down his glass of vodka and cracking on to ensemble actor Daniel Cordeaux, who tried valiantly to bring some sort of order to the chaotic press conference.

But the winner of the episode (and my clear choice as well, although I thought all four celebrity guests did a great job) was fan favourite Josh Lawson. Now that he’s landed a job on Channel Nine’s uber-expensive flop Sea Patrol, I feared he wouldn’t be back for the third season of TGYH. Happily, he was there last night to brighten our day and entertain the troops. To start his scene, he emerged from a spaceship as a green latex-wearing alien (named Barry, naturally), who was surrounded by bewildered onlookers. After explaining that he’d originally parked around the corner but received a ticket, he told the group that he’d been studying them for many years … then centred in on one woman in particular and specified that in actual fact they’d been studying her. He then asked the man next to her if he’d already “bagsed” her. He told them he loved “the dwarfy alien who runs your country … the one you call How-ward”. Apparently he’d landed his spacecraft in the Queensland hinterland because he wanted to visit Hollywood on the Gold Coast. It turned out that his entire ship is powered by a Nokia charger, but that it was really annoying when he made a long trip like this and forgot to bring it with him. Turning back to the woman he indicated earlier (played by Shaun Micallef alumni Roz Hammond), he said he was here to make friends, then grabbed hold of her breasts. When his mistress/commander appeared from inside the spacecraft, he explained guiltily that the women of his species “all look the same” to him. He pointed to ensemble cast member Ed Kavalee and said, “You. As the most attractive male of your species …” then pointed uncertainly at actor Ben Anderson and said, as if reconsidering his decision, “… although …” before turning back to Ed and saying with certainty, “no, you”. Ed then touched his hand and Josh reacted strongly - he’d just gotten pregnant. When Daniel also touched his hand a little later, Josh reacted strongly again, groaning, “Oooh, twins”. His final message started out peacefully and wonderfully, but then degenerated into groping Roz’s chestal region once again. Hey, why the heck not. His involvement in the group scene was as the returning Astronaut who’d proposed to Cal in space, had a massive drinking problem and was drinking a large glass of vodka instead of water at the press conference, snapped at Cal for suggesting they get married in space, and stormed out, sparking the turmoil that brought the scene to such a brilliant-but-frenzied conclusion. In the housing development commercial, Josh said the best part about living there was the wife-swapping nights, and then snapped at the camera, yelling, “We don’t like outsiders!” The most amusing thing about his Shakespearean audition was his “tap dancing routine” which consisted of excitedly tapping one foot on the spot to the music (and looking like he was very impressed with himself). When the audition was cut short, he even had the gall to ask the director for $5 for his bus ride home! Josh is always highly entertaining, and great fun to watch. He has a razor-sharp wit and never disappoints. I love him and want to have his babies (simply by touching his hand, which should be easy enough).

I was interested to note that one of the main ensemble cast members from seasons one and two was missing from the line-up last night. In addition to those already named in this recap, Nicola Parry, Rebekah Foord and Russell Fletcher were featured, but there was no sign of Heidi Arena (formerly of Last Man Standing fame).

Judge Tom Gleisner is still there making his inane observations this season, but at least they’d given him some worthwhile snippets of “real-life TGYH situations” for him to screen so we can have a smile and not have to listen to so much of Tom filling the gaps between the scenes with his awful Dad jokes.

Wifey and I are sooooooo glad TGYH is back on our screens; I’m sure the season will pass all-too-quickly for our liking, but at least we’ll have had heaps of fun watching the hilarity and unscripted chaos run its course.

The show’s official website has been significantly updated and improved, so now you can look at Stephen Curry’s talk show scene for yourself by visiting the website.

.

Shut The Door (And Your Mouth) On Your Way Out, Love

2007-07-09T08:12:00.000+10:00

It was with a high level of satisfaction and absolutely NO surprise whatsoever that Michelle was evicted from the Big Brother House last night.

She had definitely out-stayed her welcome when she started becoming so annoying and unbearable to watch (let alone live with), but her drunken, heartless, ignorant and bullying tirade against Aleisha sealed her fate once and for all.

The verbal diatribe was uncalled for, entirely inappropriate, highly misinformed, hypocritical at every step, and just plain mean. Nothing Michelle says about she and Aleisha both blowing up and getting over it (and having made up since) excuses the fact that when Michelle had had a few drinks, she became a nasty bully who yelled over everyone else (although she also did this when she was sober) and committed offences she was angrily accusing others of committing (pointing in faces, repeating herself, yelling abuse, saying her life was worse than someone else’s, etc). There is simply no excuse for bullying – I find it the worst characteristic in all possible forms of human behaviour.

Michelle needs to stop making excuses (does she even believe them herself? Probably, and that’s half the problem) and accept that the way she treated Aleisha was completely unacceptable.

For someone I thought I was really going to like when she first entered the House, this “breath of fresh air” didn’t take long to raise an almighty stink. Zach continues to amuse and delight me, however – and I’ve grown much more fond of Aleisha in the wake of Emma (as I suspected I might), and – of course – since Michelle unfairly attacked her and reduced her to tears again and again.

I still think Joel and Travis will make it to the final three – and that Aleisha will probably join them. Daniela’s a certain eviction this coming week. No doubt about it.

Michelle: A Breath Of Fresh Air Turned Foul

As for Feral Michelle, I’m not looking forward to seeing her on tonight’s Nomination show – or on Friday’s FNL, either. The less I see of her the better, IMHO.

What a shame she had to be such a horrid person. She reminded me a lot of Perry from last year. Both started out as amusing because they liked to “tell it like it is”, but both quickly became painful to watch and it was a relief to see them get evicted.

.

J'ame Over (INSERT MORE COINS)

2007-07-02T08:32:00.000+10:00

I was actually a little surprised when Jamie was evicted last night. I thought for sure that Zoran's number was up. What had Jamie done so wrong to suddenly have 25% of the votes swing against him?

I'd been lax in my views on BB's favourite genius geeky gamer - but even Jamie's "loved one" knew the score! I thought he still had the online community behind him, but I see now that he'd lost their support sometime during the "I'm NOT CRYING!" incident, where he went all troppo and punched the floor.

Just a tip, Jamie, in case you ever find yourself entering a compound like the Big Brother House again and living your life on nationwide TV: Telling your fellow Housemates that they're not as smart as you (even if it's true, and it ain't necessarily so) isn't exactly evidence of your supposed higher intelligence. Do you think that's going to let people warm to you?

And repeatedly telling yourself aloud (ie: telling the people watching at home, let's be honest) that you're just an ordinary guy and a geek and someone who's been downtrodden, etc, is such a TRANSPARENT attempt to gain the public's support that it was embarrassing.

I almost sided with Gretel's questions last night to 'out' you as a game-player, but as usual "Ms Killmen" went too far and only succeeded in coming across as a snappy old b!tch who had it in for you big-time. Thankfully, you were either too high on the public's adoration to notice, or else too wise to your ruse being uncovered to show any recognition of the jig being (as they say) up.

You were my initial favourite, but I tend to agree that you went a bit too far with the mock humility bit of being such a battler.

When Jamie got "jrunk", or reiterated his
super-intelligence, he came across as a jerk.

Still, I didn't think people would turn on you as much (or as quickly) as they did. I guess you can be glad that the prizes went up a notch last night from $3,000 cash to $5,000 and the 3 mobile phones increasing from a normal phone to some kind of snazzy video one or something. I think the car also stepped up a bit, but I haven't really been paying too much attention to what cars they've been getting so far.

Were you REALLY a geek, Jamie? Are you REALLY into sci-fi and gaming and computers and stuff? Is poker REALLY a sign of geekism? I'm not so sure, but I bet the public will demand answers of you this week. If it was all a ploy to gain the public's sympathy, I hope you've done your research ...

My early (pre-Nominations) tip is that Michelle will go this week (that's if Danielle can't or doesn't save her). In fact, I reckon she'll be the one the public will put up for eviction. If so, hopefully Danielle can't remove her from the line-up. Last week was a frustrating week to watch, and although I've never cared too much for Aleisha, I found myself wanting to get in there and knock Michelle to the ground (I don't advocate violence against women, btw). Michelle's a disgraceful know-it-all bully when she's drunk.

If the tide of popularity turns (or continues to turn, as the case may be) against Travis and Joel, I'd be quite happy for Aleisha or Zach to win this season. I reckon Zach's actually quite deserving, and it'd be great to see an Intruder (the last person to enter the House this year, no less!) be the eventual winner for once.

.

All Stars Fade Away

2007-06-29T08:12:00.000+10:00

... Spoiler Alert! ... Spoiler Alert! ...

If you haven't yet seen (and you intend to see) episode 13 of The Amazing Race Series 11 – All Stars Edition (TARAS), do not read any further!

--------------------

The last TARAS episode we saw here in Australia ended with Eric & Danielle being the last team to reach the Pit Stop but the third team to be saved from elimination on the All Stars edition of the show. The Pit Stop was located at Umatac (Fort Nuestra Señora de la Soledad) in Guam, an organised unincorporated territory of the USA. The Finish Line was located inside the San Francisco Botanical Gardens, back on the mainland.

In the Detour for this leg of the race, teams had to choose between ‘Under’ or ‘Over’. In ‘Under’, teams had to swim underwater to gain access to a cave where their next clue was anchored to the cave’s floor. In ‘Over’, teams had to use a paddle board to reach a buoy to which their next clue was fastened.

Photos on the official CBS website suggest that the unaired Roadblock involved jumping off a cliff into the water below (because Mirna and Danielle were shown doing this task in the photos). The location of the Roadblock was most likely in Hawaii near the Detour, though the exact location is unknown.

At the San Francisco Mint (in the Race's final task), one team member had to answer four questions relating to their opinion of other teams on the Race. Their answers corresponded to a four-digit code. The other team member then had ten minutes to guess the answers and enter the code into a safe containing the last clue. Success meant that the lucky team could get a head start on the other teams, but if they failed, teams were still allowed to proceed once the ten minutes had passed.

For the record, this was the order in which the teams reached Phil on the mat last episode, and the order in which they started this leg of the Race:

1. Dustin & Kandice
2. Eric & Danielle
3. Charla & Mirna
~~4. Oswald & Danny~~

Note: As always, I’ll provide my thoughts on each team in this episode, listing them in the order in which they arrived at the Finish Line (hence the 'Spoiler Alert!').

--------------------

1. Eric & Danielle: WINNERS!

Last week: 2
This week: Up one place

Well, well, well! Look who’s a happy boy, then! (Me, not Eric – when it’s all said and done, who cares about Eric?!) I hoped from the start that he’d win, and was almost surprised (yet very, very glad) that he did! Especially considering the dead weight he had to drag around with him (no offence, Dummielle). I’m not going to gloat (much) about Eric & Danielle’s win, although I will repeat what Wifey said last night as we watched it … they were definitely the underdogs this season. They got Yielded twice, were pulled off a flight, got stranded at an airport twenty-seven hours behind the lead team, arrived in last place twice (once at a non-elimination leg and once when Joe & Bill were right in front of them but had a half-hour time penalty, spearing E+D at the last second, argued, were ganged-up against by the other teams, hadn’t had the benefit of working together as a team before, and so on. So I thought it was the most satisfying outcome that they overcame all this and won. Between that, and Eric’s highly amusing (and often inappropriate) wit, I enjoyed them the best out of all eleven teams. Interestingly, the Race was filmed in November / December 2006 (last night’s final episode aired in the US in May 2007), and Eric & Danielle have since stated that they’re no longer a couple (due to the geographical distance between their homes), but apparently they’re great friends. I’d wonder if the intellectual distance also played a part in their break-up, but that’d just be me being spiteful again. But when looking at the events of this final episode, I was interested to see how Eric & Danielle and Dustin & Kandice were walking the aisles of their first flight out of Tokyo, looking for Charla & Mirna. What, you guys are friends, now??! Ain’t it funny to see how fickle the concepts of betrayal and friendship really are. Just last week these two teams couldn’t bear to speak to each other, but now they’re so concerned with not being at the back of the pack that they’re confiding in each other about the whereabouts of the third team. I was actually quite surprised at how well Eric & Danielle were doing, up until their flights to San Francisco. They were going from strength to strength, and overtook the other teams on the beach and in the kayaks. When they got to the final task, using the safe at the San Francisco Old Mint, I was humoured by Eric’s comment that Danielle likes gossip, so they should be okay. In truth, Danielle was the only person to break their partner’s code and retrieve the clue – unfortunately for them this only gave them a two-minute head start on the others, who were given their clue when the ten-minutes had run out. Personally, and I’d say this regardless of which team had succeeded at the task (or if none had succeeded at all), I thought this sucked that they were simply given the clue when the time ran out. I understood the resulting tension and drama at having all three teams close together, but no teams is aware of any other team’s placement once they’ve left each other’s company (for all the other teams knew, E+D could have gotten lost after leaving the Old Mint, D+K could have left the Old Mint just moments after E+D, C+M could have taken a faster route to the Botanical Gardens and beaten both other teams, etc), so just handing over the clue rather than making the two team members swap roles at the safe cracking task seemed weak and unfair (and almost cheated us out of extra tension and enjoyment). But that being said, Eric & Danielle were fortunate enough to reach host Phil Keoghan at the Finish Line first, winning $US1 million. Eric then phoned his former teammate Jeremy, who seemed to think that he was now rich (interesting theory), and promised to give Eric some ‘spankings’ when he returned home. (Clearly Eric’s the sub.)

~~2. Dustin & Kandice~~: ELIMINATED! (2nd Place)

Last week: 1
This week: Down one place

Although I was happy to see Eric & Danielle win the Race, if I was being fair (and in my mind’s eye, at least, I was being fair), Dustin & Kandice would have been the most deserving team to win. When you consider how well they continually played this game and how frequently they were either in first place or at least the top half of the pack, you’ve got to give them their dues: They did very well throughout the season and played the smartest game all up. However, the winner isn’t about the team who won the most prizes throughout the Race or whoever was the most ‘clever’ in legs past … they had to be the first ones to reach the Finish Line, and they weren’t. Non-elimination legs, Yields, Fast Forwards, Intersections … these things are all elements to the Race as much as the Roadblocks and Detours are, so there’s no use complaining about them or saying they’re not ‘fair’. Every teams begins the first leg of the Race equal to every other team, and whatever happens from there is up to how well they do from leg to leg. Seeing that Dustin & Kandice had been so ‘tight’ throughout the Race and never seemed to argue at all, it was sweet justice to see them have such a major meltdown on the kayak and in the car afterwards. Although they made up and became “besties” again, it became a pretty bitter disagreement between them and Kandice was particularly hurtful to Dustin out of frustration and embarrassment. However, it must be acknowledged that she had a point – Dustin had made some stupid decisions while they were in the kayak, like getting out and walking it (it’s so incredibly difficult to get back into a kayak once you’re out in the water). When the heat truly was on, these girls turned nasty (both towards each other, and towards other teams – although they’d been doing the latter all along). When they arrived at the airport to buy tickets to San Francisco, one of them asked the gold-plated question: “I wonder if there’s a place to buy tickets?” Yes darling, that would be called a ticket counter. I realise it must be a bad feeling to finish the Race in second place (Eric stated it was the hardest disappointment he’s had to deal with in his whole life, further cementing the guy’s shallowness), but you can’t feel too bad for these beauty queens turned reality TV show contestants. They walked away with a swagful of freebies, including their own catamarans. (“What’s a catamaran?”)

~~3. Charla & Mirna~~: ELIMINATED! (3rd Place)

Last week: 3
This week: No change

Imagine the uproar these two would have made about dwarfs being able to achieve the same things as normal-heighted people if they’d won! They preached enough about it just for coming in third place. As far as I’m concerned, Charla & Mirna were only ever comic relief on this Race, so it’s a good thing they didn’t fluke it in the final leg and win the big bucks. They were too hypocritical about the integrity shown by other teams to gain any credibility at all, for mine. They made an exceptionally smart move by checking the United flight out of Tokyo, which ended up getting them to Hawaii almost an hour before the other teams (after landing twenty minutes earlier than expected). But it was all for naught when the other two teams had a couple of hours to catch up to them. When they asked C+M what flight they were on, their answer that they were sitting right behind them was quite funny. Choosing the ‘Over’ Detour task meant having to paddle on a surfboard, and they seemed to struggle a little with this challenge (although they still finished it before the other teams completed the ‘Under’ task – in fact, they’d left the area before D+K even arrived!). Charla’s instruction to Mirna to “just stay low” was easy enough for her to say! On the home stretch, the weird thing to note about Mirna was her insistance on calling the Botanical Gardens “the Botarrnical Gardens”. What a strange pair.

--------------------

Last week's tips:

First Team: Dustin & Kandice. . (Wrong)
Last Team: Charla & Mirna. Correct!
Yield? No. Correct!
Fast Forward? No. Correct!
Elimination Week? No – one team will win, and the other two will not. (Big prediction, I know!) Correct!
Biggest Argument: Eric & Danielle. (Wrong) – surprisingly, it was Dustin & Kandice!
Smartest Team: Dustin & Kandice. . (Wrong) I guess this was Eric & Danielle.

--------------------

My Predictions For TARAS:

Correct: 41
Wrong: 43
That’s pretty average (certainly the worst I’ve done since I started making predictions two seasons ago). This is the first time I’ve gotten more Wrong than Correct. But oh well – they’re all complete stabs in the dark, anyway. :)

If you haven’t already done so, check out the review of this same episode that Javatari posted on his blog (once it’s up).

.

Where's The Fire, Ya Giant Flirt?

2007-06-25T08:24:00.000+10:00

I certainly wasn't surprised when fireman Andrew and wannabe ladies man Thomas were evicted last night - they were the obvious choice for a romance-hungry crowd that wants Billy to stay in the House for Aleisha's benefit, and loves Joel so much that they want to have his babies (I hear there's a waiting list being drawn up by Harry M Miller, which will have Joel busy for a good few years to come).

I've said everything I want to say about the "boys only" nomination fiasco here, so I'll just glide over that issue straight away and look at the results of the night:

Andrew and Thomas. Neither irked me (although I cringed quite a bit at - or should that be for? - Thomas misreading the girls around him and getting too excited about Susannah for his own good), but at the same time, I certainly wasn't crazy about either of them. I found their departures to be neither sad nor a relief. They were just 'blah'.

Handy Andy was Alpha Boring.

I'm sure Andrew would have been happy to see Hayley again (I have no doubt that they're crazy about each other), but I don't believe that he was REALLY as blasé about being evicted as he kept making out that he was. That was false disinterest so he didn't look or feel humiliated by what he probably expected would be his final week in the House (and he was right).

As far as him ruling the roost, it's true that he did - but then, pretty much SOMEONE'S gotta do it. That's human nature.

Oh no, that's right ... THAT'S Human Nature.

Thomas, meanwhile, was having a high-ol' time (once TJ was gone) but missing Susannah in a way that made him come across as a bit of a (lovable?) tool. He did no wrong, really, and getting the role of Leader in the "Big Brother is AWOL" task gave him his best Daily Show footage yet ... but also resulted in him falling victim to the 'tall poppy syndrome' (as opposed to the 'tall toolhead syndrome').

It was ridiculous how much he admired himself in the mirror, but this fact was made all-the-more unbearable by his membrane-thin attempts to garner praise and admiration out of other Housemates with his lame-arse questions about whether his arms are "too big".

Thomas: My arms aren't that big, are they?
Susannah: Yeah! Absolutely, they're huge!
Thomas: Really? OMG, LOL!!!1! I never knew!*

* paraphrased

Thomas loved his OWN body too much to be
serious in his flirting with any of the girls.

So now we're down two hunks and have only three or four more to get rid of. Then we'll have an interesting - and yet not maddening - House with people who are worth watching.

Actually, one thing I DID think was a bit harsh about last night's show was how long they made Billy wait in the 'Exit Room' before being told to return to the House. I hope he wasn't busting for the loo!

.

Naval Gazing

2007-06-22T08:20:00.000+10:00

... Spoiler Alert! ... Spoiler Alert! ...

If you haven't yet seen (and you intend to see) episode 12 of The Amazing Race Series 11 – All Stars Edition (TARAS), do not read any further!

--------------------

The last TARAS episode we saw here in Australia ended with Eric & Danielle being the last team to reach the Pit Stop but the third team to be saved from elimination on the All Stars edition of the show. The Pit Stop was located at Trilho da Taipa Pequena 2000 Park in Taipa, Macau, China.

In the Detour for this leg of the Race, teams had to choose between ‘Care Package’ or ‘Engine Care’. In ‘Care Package’, teams had to fill a 500-pound package with various humanitarian aid items for a neighbouring island. Once that was completed, the teams then had to board a transport plane and participate in an ‘air drop’ training exercise. Though the easier of the two Detour tasks, the mission took at least half an hour to complete. In ‘Engine Care’, teams had to clean an engine pod and associated flap section on the wing of a B-52 bomber until one of the base's sergeants felt the portion of the plane was clean enough.

In the Roadblock, teams had to perform a search-and-rescue mission. Using a GPS receiver, team members had to locate a pilot in the Guam forest, receive new GPS coordinates from him, locate the landing zone, and signal for a helicopter to pick them up and take them back to the naval base.

For the record, this was the order in which the teams reached Phil on the mat last episode, and the order in which they started this leg of the Race:

1. Dustin & Kandice
2. Charla & Mirna
3. Eric & Danielle
4. Oswald & Danny

Note: If you're already ahead of this point in the series, please refrain from giving any spoilers in your comments. Thank you.

As always, I’ll provide my thoughts on each team in this episode, listing them in the order in which they arrived at the Pit Stop (hence the 'Spoiler Alert!').

--------------------

1. Dustin & Kandice

Last week: 1
This week: No change

The ‘beauty queens’ (I put the term in inverted commas because I think there are very few teams with uglier and more deceptive personalities on this Race) started off the leg by giving Eric an ego boost as a way (I can only presume) of clearing the air in case he’d learnt the truth about Oswald & Danny’s Yield from the previous episode: “You look very buff today, Eric … in your white shirt”. Unfortunately, Eric seemed a bit startled by this praise, and Danielle found it amusing (she even wanted to have a look), so the girls’ ploy seemed to have paid off. Later, we heard Eric remark on how much they now hated Oswald & Danny, indicating that they mustn’t have learned the truth about the story behind the Yield until they saw the episode on television back home months later. When using the GPS receiver to search for the naval pilot, Dustin likened it to looking for your ‘Easter basket’, which either highlights her stupidity, or casts aspersions on the kind of surprises her parents use to hide at the bottom of the garden in lieu of chocolate bunnies. There wasn’t much these girls did wrong on this leg (once again), so they took out the first place honours with relative ease (once again). Smart money has them for taking out the entire Race next week. Smart, emotionless money, that is.

2. Eric & Danielle

Last week: 3
This week: Up one place

You gotta hand it to ‘em; just when you think these guys are out, they manage to keep climbing back to the near-top of the pack. Eric may have looked buff today in his white shirt, but Danielle had taken her regular dose of dumb pills in the morning, resulting in her getting lost on the Roadblock at the naval base. She didn’t know how to use a compass, but apparently Eric had already used up his entire Roadblock allotment for the Race (this was the first official indication that each team member had only a certain number of Roadblocks they could perform for the duration of the Race … and means Danielle has to do whatever they’re faced with in the big season finale next week!). I don’t know what it is about these two, but they’re my sentimental favourites to win. I don’t think they’re the most deserving team (that’d be the robotic ‘beauty queens’), nor the viewer favourites (that’d be the recently-departed Oswald & Danny), nor are they the comic relief (that’d DEFINITELY be Charla & Mirna), but they’re the team my heart was rushing for the most when I feared they could come reach host Phil Keoghan on the mat in fourth place last night. I’m not sure what Danielle was doing, continually crying in the bush, but if my GPS receiver kept saying, “GPS ERROR”, I’d probably show the pilot who was tailing me and ask if it was working properly. She waited too long before discovering she’d bumped a button she shouldn’t have. But she managed to complete the Roadblock before either Charla or Oswald, so (to be honest) she did very well with the challenge.

3. Charla & Mirna

Last week: 2
This week: Down one place

I scoffed aloud when Charla said she and Mirna chose to complete the humanitarian Detour task “… because I like to help people that are in need”. Sure, darlin’ – that’d be why you’re selflessly trying to win $1 million, right?! Truth be told, they fell behind on this one when they picked the wrong Detour task – although Charla probably wouldn’t have been able to scrub or wash the plane very effectively, either. So maybe they chose wisely after all. After the pilot of the plane from which they were conducting the care package drop performed the aerial stunt, Mirna’s comment, “I was like flying” seemed incredibly dumb. But her insistence that she tell the personnel on the plane with her that they had to hurry up and land the thing because they’re on a race was the icing on the cake. They know full-well what’s going on, you silly woman – and there’s no use trying to hurry them up! However, the most ridiculous thing from these girls on this leg of the Race, was when Charla just WOULD NOT STOP TOUCHING THE FRICKIN’ GPS SCREEN! I hope they don’t win next week. As much as they’re amusing to watch (particularly when they fall down), I don’t really want them to win the money.

~~4. Oswald & Danny~~: ELIMINATED!

Last week: 4
This week: No change

Oh boy – another less-than-perfect leg for these two. Karma still had it in for them this week, and they certainly didn’t help their own cause by continually falling behind and getting lost on the road (although, to be fair, every team seemed to have to turn around at least once in this episode). Oswald & Danny first flirted with fate when they missed the first flight out of China and risked everything to make a 45-minute connection in Tokyo to board the same flight as the other teams heading in to Guam. Thankfully for them, they made it (just), and they were studiously ignored by Eric & Danielle. When they were washing the plane, Oswald made me laugh by muttering, “I know you’re gonna yell at me,” in reference to the no-nonsense sergeant overseeing their work. The amount of water being wasted during this task made me want to cry. It could have kept Melbourne wet for three winters! But after arriving at the roadblock task dead last, and then Oswald not looking up from his GPS to find the pilot standing five metres away from him, there was no way they were gonna catch up to the other teams (much less beat them by more than half an hour because they were ‘marked for elimination’). The most perplexing thing about these guys was that they said they’d prefer Charla & Mirna to win the Race because they’re “a class act”. Huh??!!? Maybe if it’s a Special Ed class! I don’t get that observation at all. Of course, each team only knows what they see and hear, so nobody has the whole picture except for us, the viewers. It was a return to the amusing twosome when they were being reflective with Phil on the mat (after being eliminated), when Danny told Phil he had “no regrets, darling”, and then later said that Oswald would be wheeling him into the gay old people’s home he plans to open, and Oswald added that hopefully by then Danny wouldn’t be interrupting him all the time. They were funny guys, but there’s no use complaining over spilt Cubans. (Oh, and Oswald's "Teletubbies go to war" line was very funny, too.)

--------------------

Last week's tips:

First Team: Dustin & Kandice. Correct!
Last Team: Eric & Danielle. (Wrong)
Yield? No. Correct!
Fast Forward? No. Correct!
Elimination Week? Yes. Correct!
Biggest Argument: Oswald & Danny. (Wrong) – the ‘biggest argument’ was Danielle telling herself she was “so stupid” and making herself cry.
Smartest Team: Dustin & Kandice. Correct!

--------------------

Next week's tips:

First Team: Dustin & Kandice.
Last Team: Charla & Mirna.
Yield? No.
Fast Forward? No.
Elimination Week? No – one team will win, and the other two will not. (Big prediction, I know!)
Biggest Argument: Eric & Danielle.
Smartest Team: Dustin & Kandice.

If you haven’t already done so, check out the review of this same episode that Javatari posted on his blog (once it’s up).

.

What A Rush!

2007-06-21T12:16:00.000+10:00

Wow! Another season of 24 ended last night – and what a great show it is!

Sure, it’s entirely unbelievable in many respects, but it’s all about drama and intrigue and heroism and stretching oneself beyond all reasonable capabilities … and the people who put this show together do a GREAT job with suspense.

It was great to see some old friends returning this season (Milo, Wayne, Curtis, Aaron, Martha, … and the all-to-briefly introduced Morris at the end of Day 5), and the continuation of characters we knew very well (Chloe, Bill, Karen, James, Audrey and of course Jack). We also met many new characters, some of whom we initially couldn’t trust but generally came to like (Mike, Nadia, Tom, Sandra, Walid, Hamri, Marilyn, Josh and even Noah, to a point).

And – most importantly – we saw the ‘bad’ characters get just what they deserved (Lisa, Reed, Dmitri, Graem, Abu, Phillip, Cheng and especially Charles).

The cast of 24, 'Day 6'. Left to right: Dead, alive,
alive, forced to retire, pregnant, utterly exhausted,
forced to retire, alive, alive and unknown.

Unfortunately not everyone who worked on the side of ‘good’ managed to survive the Day (some survived in the literal sense, but took heavy damage to their body, psyche or career), but there had to be some casualties, in order to keep the viewers on the edge of their seats.

The thing about 24 is, we never know (while we watch) just who’s going to survive the Day. Apart from Jack (who may die one Day but not before Day 8 because I know he’s contracted that far ahead), very few characters are still alive who appeared in Day 1. In fact, I could count them on Captain Hook’s bad hand.

Okay, that’s a slight exaggeration, but in reality it’s only four. Jack Bauer, Kim Bauer, Mike Novick and Aaron Pierce. Everyone else is dead or unaccounted for. So them’s some pretty bad odds.

I certainly wouldn’t want to be working in CTU during one of these crisis Days, but I guess if my name was Jack I’d feel somewhat assured that I’d live through the tumultuous events that were going on around me.

I’d just be feeling pretty broken by the end credits. And I’m fairly sure I’d be ready for a nap.

.

Tragedy You Can See A Mile Off

2007-06-20T09:13:00.000+10:00

Does anyone else think it's BLINDINGLY OBVIOUS that the 'trauma' in Frazer's life is actually the fact that (as a three year-old kid) HE was to blame for his infant brother Paul's death?

I'm happy to be proven wrong, but I'm sure that would add a new dimension to his understanding of what's wrong with his family and why his parents have always been so 'cold' - they were protecting HIM from the guilt of whatever it is he did that lead to the baby's death.

Anyway, it's just a theory ...

.

Loopy, Lying Laura Losing It & Lucks Out

2007-06-19T08:35:00.000+10:00

It's getting pretty tiring watching so many chicks take a bullet this season, but if that's the way the voting public wants it to be, that's the way the producers of the show should honour it.

I know Big Brother has the right to change the rules at any time, but that doesn't mean he's right to exercise that right. As far as the the voters are concerned, they apparently WANT the girls out who've been voted out. You may disagree with the decision, but you can't fault the argument that that's BEEN the decision. Those who have a beef with the evicted Housemates need to vote (or vote more often).

So to turn it on its head like this makes a farce out of the whole voting system in the first place, and invalidates the idea that the surviving Housemates are the ones the viewers want to stay in the House.

Don't get me wrong; I think it's crazy how many female Housemates have been shown the sliding door, but by making the nominations an all-boy event, the producers have removed any semblance of the public having the power over the Housemates.

Not to mention that they then allowed the female housemates to nominate without being nominated. The LEAST the producers could have done would have been to have the boys nominate each other and leave it at that. Bringing the girls in as well only served to further inbalance the nomination process. That's why the Intruders don't nominate until they can BE nominated!

I think BB's made a dog's breakfast of the whole situation, and then pretended it's a sexual inequality thing to try to cover their knee-jerk reaction.

If the House is going to be too boring with all males living in it, let the public discover that to their own peril! Don't steer their hand involuntarily to suit your own purposes! More maybe the producers should learn that the public isn't interested in a pack of girls who'll bitch and moan all the time - clearly that's what the voters have been saying in recent weeks.

Put some women in the House who bring something other than the ability to gossip and have a meltdown. If the producers think they aren't out there, they're not doing a very good job of canvassing their auditionees.

I don't particularly care for Andrew, Billy, Zoran, Zach or Thomas, but Jamie, Joel and Travis are good value (IMHO) - and I don't like that the general make-up of the House has been tainted in this pathetic attempt to 'redress the sexual inequality issue'. Dude, you just crossed that same line yourself by holding an all-male nominations night. You massive, ridiculous tool.

But whatever. I'm annoyed at BB's decision but I know I'll just sound like a whinging guy when I say that. But I'm not stnaind up for my gender - I'm standing up for the whole idea of the public spending their money on saving the Housemates they want to save. The male Housemates were right last night when they said it should have been all male Housemates up at once, or no change at all. And I'd add to that, that the female Housemates shouldn't have nominated if they couldn't BE nominated.

Because there were males nominated every time a female got evicted, this change to the nomination process is an effective slap in the face of all those voters who've paid 55 cents per vote to evict or save who they wanted to evict or save.

Sure, I would have preferred some of the girls who've been evicted NOT to have gone, but we've always had to accept the results as they've come in -- why can't the BB producers accept them as well?!

Moving on to Sunday night's eviction: Laura.

Laura's Lies Belied The Truth.

I can't say that I particularly care she's been evicted.

So I won't.

.

Integrity On Sale: Just $45!

2007-06-15T08:24:00.000+10:00

... Spoiler Alert! ... Spoiler Alert! ...

If you haven't yet seen (and you intend to see) episode 11 of The Amazing Race Series 11 – All Stars Edition (TARAS), do not read any further!

--------------------

The last TARAS episode we saw here in Australia ended with Eric & Danielle being the last team to reach the Pit Stop but the third team to be saved from elimination on the All Stars edition of the show. The Pit Stop was located at Hong Kong Jockey Club, Happy Valley Racecourse on Hong Kong Island, China.

In the Roadblock for this leg of the Race, teams had to perform the world's tallest Skyjump, walking around the outer rim of the observation deck of Macau Tower, and then take a tethered jump off the deck to the ground below.

The Detour was ‘Noodle’ or ‘Dragon’. In ‘Noodle’, teams had to make two bundles of traditional Chinese noodles. In ‘Dragon’, teams had to carry a dragon head and drum and carry it 3/4 of a mile to Nan Van Lake to find the one dragon boat the dragon's head matched.

After the Detour, teams had to locate a marked Mini Moke and drive themselves to the Pit Stop.

For the record, this was the order in which the teams reached Phil on the mat last episode, and the order in which they started this leg of the Race:

1. Oswald & Danny
2. Dustin & Kandice
3. Charla & Mirna
4. Eric & Danielle

Note: If you're already ahead of this point in the series, please refrain from giving any spoilers in your comments. Thank you.

As always, I’ll provide my thoughts on each team in this episode, listing them in the order in which they arrived at the Pit Stop (hence the 'Spoiler Alert!').

--------------------

1. Dustin & Kandice

Last week: 2
This week: Up one place

The smartest thing these girls have done in a while is take a punt on Oswald & Danny’s willingness to trade in their integrity and honour for $45. It showed how desperate the boys were and how readily they were happy to lie down and become someone’s bitch for the right price. And not even for a particularly high price. For some reason, the girls thought Eric & Danielle were a stronger team than Charla & Mirna, despite the results of this season saying quite the opposite. Personally, I’d have Yielded the team I knew was closest behind me, which would have given me a greater lead on ALL the teams, but these girls obviously has a reason for wanting to get rid of Eric & Danielle (they’re probably thinking of Eric’s prowess on the Race last time when he was partnered with Jeremy – but the key difference this time is that he’s now partnered with Duh-nielle). Still, the whole ploy ended up working for them, because they were able to break free from the other teams and arrive in first place … again. A truly telling moment for Dustin & Kandice was when Charla was talking to Oswald and saying how she’d have gladly given the boys some money without attaching any strings to the deal – and I believe her, because her priority is to see Dustin & Kandice eliminated before they get to the final three teams – but while watching this exchange, Dustin & Kandice suspected Oswald of double-crossing them and making a deal with Charla & Mirna instead. Talk about projecting your own evils onto another person! It’s clear that their distrust of the boys highlighted their own personal downfalls (it takes one to know one, etc). Their true colours were again on display when they reached the Pit Stop and lied to Eric & Danielle’s faces about what they’d told Oswald & Danny to do with their Yield ‘power’. Instead of being honest and saying they’d specifically instructed the boys to Yield Eric & Danielle, they flat-out deceived them by saying they’d only told the boys to Yield “someone else other than us”. Their story isn’t going to hold up to scrutiny when Oswald & Danny have a chance to talk to Eric & Danielle during the twelve-hour rest period – unless the latter refuse to speak to the boys (in which case their ire will be misdirected during the penultimate leg next week – at least in MY opinion it will be).

2. Charla & Mirna

Last week: 3
This week: Up one place

When Mirna likened Oswald & Danny’s deal with Dustin & Kandice to making a deal with the devil, I both snorted at her hypocrisy … and silently agreed with the sentiment. I’m not sure making a deal with herself and Charla would have been any better (each team wants to win, after all – and they’d already made a pack to work together and keep the beauty queens out of the top three teams if they could), but it was clear that Dustin & Kandice were ready to hang the boys out to dry (which is exactly what they did when they deflected the blame of the Yield back onto them as they were lying to Eric & Danielle about what they instructed Oswald & Danny to do at the Yield). When Charla & Mirna were doing the ‘Noodle’ Detour, it was surprising and irritating just how much Mirna went on and on about Charla having told her to cut the pasta thicker – when it should have been very thin. She kept on and on about it as they were completing the task, she kept on and on about it when they were in the car driving away, and she kept on and on about it when they were being interviewed about the leg during their twelve-hour rest period. Ridiculous. Does she not care about how she’s making her cousin look and feel in front of an international audience? Instead of being gracious about it, she clearly only has her own image at heart – she’s cruelly putting Charla down to make herself look better. Not an attractive quality at all. But I guess she felt that she needed a confidence boost after her truly abysmal attempts at driving! I don’t know why she didn’t learn how to drive manual (“stick”) when she applied for the All-Stars version of the Race … particularly after she’d had such similar trouble the first time they were on the Race! You’d think some simple driving lessons in a manual car would have been a smart investment before setting out! But oh well. It made it hysterical to watch, and helped give Eric & Danielle the jump on them (which was a necessary psychological scare for the girls, even though it didn’t amount to much because Eric & Danielle were ‘Marked For Elimination’). But what was with that oh-so-helpful bus driver continually beeping his horn at Mirna when her car wasn’t moving? He could have jumped out to help, or at least waited quietly – clearly if the car’s broken down and the woman’s in trouble, beeping your horn repeatedly isn’t actually going to HELP, moron!

3. Eric & Danielle - ”Marked For Elimination” (but SAFE!)

Last week: 4
This week: Up one place

I was glad to see these guys arrive at the Pit Stop in second place – they did well, considering they started off in last place and were also Yielded. It was also good for them that Oswald & Danny had such a terrible leg (not their first such leg in this Race, incidentally), and also that Mirna’s so shocking behind the wheel, because these factors all helped them leap from last to second place … even though their half-hour penalty pushed them back into third place. Earlier in the episode, when Eric & Danielle were running through the gardens in the rain, Danielle took a fall and Eric didn’t appear to show much (if any) sympathy. But his initial response could have been edited out, because he was immediately heard to tell her she was alright – when there’s no way he could have known this without checking first if she’d hit her head or broken a leg or something. Also, they were both laughing about it – so she clearly wasn’t injured. I think they removed his initial response for the sake of brevity. I thought the ‘Dragon’ detour looked like the swifter of the two options, but Eric & Danielle proved that doing the ‘Noodle’ one properly was the better decision – and they were able to overtake both Charla & Mirna and Oswald & Danny at this point. I still think these guys are likely to be eliminated before we get to the final three teams, but my man-crush on Eric means part of me is still hopeful they’ll make the cut.

4. Oswald & Danny - SAFE!

Last week: 1
This week: Down three places

Well, didn’t these guys have a terrible leg! I knew they’d be in financial trouble of some sort when such a big deal was made out of them only receiving $73 for this leg of the Race – we don’t usually hear this information (or at least no drama is made out of it) unless it’s gonna be important. And important it was! It was the reason they felt desperate as they stood waiting to enter Macau Tower – and their justification behind making ‘a deal with the devil’ in Dustin & Kandice. They sold out. They traded their integrity for a measly $45. (So that’s what thirty pieces of silver will get you nowadays?) Frankly I thought the power to Yield another team for thirty minutes would be worth more than $45. But anyway, they made the deal (against their better judgement, I might add – but they still made the deal), and almost immediately regretted it. It didn’t help that Mirna told them she’d have given them money for nothing (and – presumably – their chicks for free), but by then Oswald & Danny were wracked with guilt regardless. And then the Yield Karma Fairy followed them on the rest of the leg, swatting at them with a big plank of Karma wood and causing them to royally stuff up at almost every turn. First they caught a Karma Taxi, which took them all over the place but never to the right place. Oswald’s prayer in the back of the taxi was very amusing: “God, grant me the patience to accept the things I cannot change … and the intelligence to bury this taxi driver’s body when I kill him.” Their non-English-speaking taxi driver (here’s an idea – find one who CAN speak English!) got them worked up into quite a state, and so began their unravelling decline. They were the only team to choose the ‘Dragon’ Detour (which I actually thought would have been quicker than the ‘Noodle’ Detour – if they had good directions), and made an absolute dog’s breakfast of it. They got lost on the streets and “took the long way around”. It didn’t help their cause later when they were so patronising to their poor, long-suffering taxi driver: “This is going to be very easy for you!” The fact that they were also saved from elimination was a little odd (having two such legs in a row is uncommon at best), but made sense when I thought about it: With two legs remaining and only the final leg containing three teams, having the non-elimination leg now was the only way they were going to stretch the Race out into the right amount of episodes. I just wasn’t sure what would have happened if Eric & Danielle arrived in last place this time: They were told by host Phil Keoghan in the last episode that if they were last this time they would be eliminated. Strange, but at least all four teams are now in another episode – these guys make for some good drama! I’ll be interested to see what Javatari thinks of all this, because he hates non-elimination rounds but wants Oswald & Danny to win. I wonder if he’s changed his mind on either of those two points after seeing this episode. Who’ll be the final three teams, racing to the Finish Line for the $1 million? There’s only one way to find out …

--------------------

Last week's tips:

First Team: Oswald & Danny. (Wrong)
Last Team: Eric & Danielle. (Wrong)
Yield? Yes. Correct!
Fast Forward? No. Correct!
Elimination Week? Yes. (Wrong)
Biggest Argument: Eric & Danielle. (Wrong) – It was Charla & Mirna.
Smartest Team: Dustin & Kandice. Correct!

--------------------

Next week's tips:

First Team: Dustin & Kandice.
Last Team: Eric & Danielle.
Yield? No.
Fast Forward? No.
Elimination Week? Yes.
Biggest Argument: Oswald & Danny.
Smartest Team: Dustin & Kandice.

If you haven’t already done so, check out the review of this same episode that Javatari posted on his blog (once it’s up).

.

The Ice Queen Melts As It's Game Over

2007-06-11T08:17:00.000+10:00

When Emma’s name was read out last night for the first eviction, Wifey and I both cheered, “Yes!” and punched the air with our fists. Okay, maybe not literally with the air-punching, but our relief at seeing the back of Emma was genuinely expressed through the syncronised “Yes!” that each of us blurted out in unison.

I know she was considered ‘entertaining’ to watch and made the show ‘interesting’, but there’s a point when someone’s bitchy behaviour is just too much to bear. Emma had backstabbed (and then put on her innocent face) far too many times for my liking, and it was beginning to spell the end for me watching any more of the show this season – I honestly had that much of a problem with her. She caused too much friction and sapped all the fun out of watching the House.

"Ding-dong, the b!tch is dead ..."

The fact that she simply doesn’t (or perhaps now she does, but at the time she was in the House, she didn’t) acknowledge that she was actually the worst behaved Housemate I can ever recall on the show just infuriated me further. Her repeated, “I don’t bitch about her behind her back, but”, and “I’m not trying to be a bitch, but” and “Ordinarily I haven’t got a bad thing to say about her, but” and “It’s not in my nature to be nasty and mean to someone, but” and “I’m just not that kind of person, but” drove me up the wall.

I don’t condone violence against women, but …

Ahem. Anyway, I honestly expected Daniela to be the second evictee last night – not because she necessarily deserved it, but because I figured the voting audience wouldn’t care about her as much, due to her Intruder status. (Frankly, it was a surprise Laura wasn’t nominated last week, or that Billy chose to put Rebecca in Aleisha’s place, rather than Laura.)

But I guess enough of the public have been hating Rebecca, just as Wifey and I have been hating the antics a la Emma. Personally, I haven’t minded Rebecca too much. Sure, she was a weirdo – but who isn’t? (Certainly not me, but please excuse the double negative. It wasn’t not unintentional.) Sure, she was religious – but so what? So are Osama Bin Laden and George W Bush, but you never hear a bad word said about them! Sure, she was annoying, but have you people seen the kinds of comments I leave on Ms Fits’ Friday Q+A posts?

Something that bugged me about Rebecca was her insistance on using the term ‘irregardless’ when making statements she wanted to be taken seriously. ‘Irregardless’??! I think she meant either ‘regardless’ or ‘irrespective’ … or maybe a mix of the two. But ‘irregardless’ is definitely not a (real) word. I yelled at the TV every time she said it, which was quite regularly (if only it had been more irreregularly).

Note: the word is so controversial that it actually has its own Wikipedia page, documenting its origins, its gradual acceptance by (largely) North Americans (and residents of Boston in particular), and the ideology (with which I wholeheartedly agree) that it’s a redundant word because it’s a double negative.

It was also slightly bothersome that she cried so much. I could understand Emma and crew making fun of her for her tears (although at the time I thought Emma was particularly hurtful and harsh in the way she chose to do this), and if I’d been in the House I would have been quite annoyed (and probably snapped at her) for her continual hugs goodnight, etc. And her incessant attempts to get the Housemates to play youth group-style games.

Hmm, maybe there was plenty to dislike about Rebecca …

Irregardless Irrebecca: No More Games For You.

No, I stand by my original belief: I don’t think she was all that bad. Her friendship with Jamie (who I quite like, most of the time) was the exact thing he needed at the time, and her ability to think well of everyone and try to get along with each person in there – even if they showed nothing but contempt for her – was a refreshing change from the norm.

She certainly played the most games while she was in the House, but not the sort of games the Housemates usually get accused of playing. That one scene of her dancing around the bedroom inside her doona cover while everyone around her ignored her and had their own conversation (although she thought she was the star of the moment, unaware that no one was paying her any attention) was especially embarrassing to watch. But at least she amused herself.

But it appears the Australian public weren’t amused as well. I think this sends out an interesting challenge to the House: If there’s a fellow Housemate you really don’t get along with, WATCH OUT! Chances are you’ll be evicted alongside them, and you’ll have to spend the next few months doing the interview-and-appearance circuit with them by your side! It happened with TJ and Bodie, it (kinda almost maybe) happened with Demet and Hayley, and now it’s happened again with Emma and Rebecca.

I’d love it to keep happening with the likes of Laura and Daniela, or Zach and Travis …

.

Airport Shmairport

2007-06-08T08:10:00.000+10:00

... Spoiler Alert! ... Spoiler Alert! ...

If you haven't yet seen (and you intend to see) episode 10 of The Amazing Race Series 11 – All Stars Edition (TARAS), do not read any further!

--------------------

The last TARAS episode we saw here in Australia ended with Uchenna & Joyce being the last team to reach the Pit Stop and the sixth team to be eliminated from the All Stars edition of the show. The Pit Stop was located inside the grounds of Carcosa Seri Negara, a luxury hotel located near Perdana Lake Gardens in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.

In the second and final Fast Forward on this Race, teams had to travel five miles to a film set located at the former Kai Tak Airport where a high-speed stunt was being filmed for an action movie. When they arrived, they had to get in a car with a professional stunt driver and complete a stunt course, which involved sharp turns and ended with the car flipping over.

This leg's Detour was ‘Kung Fu Fighting’ or ‘Lost in Translation’. In ‘Kung Fu Fighting’, teams had to travel five miles to Tonkin Street and find a nearby building (the former Cheung Sha Wan Police Quarters). Once there, they had to climb up an 11-story bamboo scaffold while avoiding an ongoing battle between stunt kung fu experts to reach the top and retrieve their next clue. In ‘Lost in Translation’, teams needed to make their way four miles to Kowloon City and find Nga Tsin Wai Road. Once there, they had to search among hundreds of similar-looking Chinese signs for the specific sign shown in a photo in their clue. When they matched the photo with the correct store sign, the owner would hand them their next clue.

In the Roadblock, one teammate had to kick down stunt doors in an abandoned building and search through the rooms for their clue.

Teams also had to pull a model boat carrying a Travelocity gnome from one end of a pond to the other without having the gnome fall into the water.

For the record, this was the order in which the teams reached Phil on the mat last episode, and the order in which they started this leg of the Race:

1. Dustin & Kandice
2. Charla & Mirna
3. Eric & Danielle
4. Oswald & Danny
~~5. Uchenna & Joyce~~

Note: If you're already ahead of this point in the series, please refrain from giving any spoilers in your comments. Thank you.

As always, I’ll provide my thoughts on each team in this episode, listing them in the order in which they arrived at the Pit Stop (hence the 'Spoiler Alert!').

--------------------

1. Oswald & Danny

Last week: 4
This week: Up three places

These guys got lucky (in a sense) but also played a smart leg by hunting down the Malaysia Air office and getting a priority stand-by ticket number (BC-4). They managed to get the first flight (by a long shot), which in turn enabled them to go for the Fast Forward once they landed in China and stay well ahead of the other teams. One thing that confused me was how they were able to pay for their second taxi if they’d spent all their money on their first. I’d say they weren’t being honest about having no more money when they made that claim to their first taxi driver. What an amazing car stunt that was! Interesting that the producers didn’t tell them what the stunt was going to be beforehand – showing their fear would have made it more exciting (and perhaps made them pull out of it), but I guess no one might have completed the Fast Forward if they were told they were going to drive the car up a ramp and crash it on its side. It wasn’t too surprising that these guys again went from worst to first. The challenge now will be for them to hold on to their position for another three episodes.

2. Dustin & Kandice

Last week: 1
This week: Down one place

After Yielded Eric & Danielle in the previous leg, it was amusing to see Dustin & Kandice board an elevator at the airport with Eric & Danielle … and then travel on the thing in deathly silence. What a frosty elevator ride that was! I can only imagine how uncomfortable that would have been. It was terribly obvious (as it was a few episodes ago, when Eric & Danielle were pulled off a flight after the airline staff had overbooked it) that the airline employee serving Dustin & Kandice at the information desk had her voice dubbed over later by an American actress! Both all-girl teams were involved in a fair amount of airport nastiness in this episode. When all four girls were arguing over the order of their names at the China Air counter, it got a bit annoying. They were all trying to out-bully and –intimidate each other in how they treated the airline’s employees. Yelling at the clerks and telling them that their names were ahead of someone else’s won’t make it so – the employee’s the one who can tell you what the order of names is. How do they know who’s names are on the list first? Just shut up and let the people behind the desk tell you what’s what! (I understand their frustration and attempts to get on the flight ahead of the other teams, but being so stupid about it isn’t going to help.) I’m not sure exactly what Dustin & Kandice were proposing when they said they could “make a beauty queen sandwich” out of Mirna, but it certainly sounds interesting and I’d like to know where you get tickets to the show, please.

3. Charla & Mirna

Last week: 2
This week: Down one place

I seem to alternate between laughing at these two and getting annoyed at their hypocrisy. We started out this leg listening to how Mirna claimed they were going to run this Race without resorting to ‘dirty tricks’ (her way of describing how Dustin & Kandice had Yielded Eric & Danielle in the previous leg), but just a few hours later she and Charla were employing their own nasty tactics at the airport to get ahead of the beauty queens. When Mirna told the ticket salesman in a near sing-song voice, “Desmond, kick some people off” with her eyes widely fixed on him and a pleasantness that belied its treachery, I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that Desmond went home early and hid under the bed. But then the girls flip-flopped again and became happy jokesters. Mirna pushed Charla through the airport on a luggage trolley (why they don’t always use this idea in airports, I don’t know), and then later began to pull Charla along, the wheels in the diminutive one’s sneakers enabling her to literally glide through the crowd. I wondered for a moment if these two were going to finish in last place, but that moment was quite fleeting because it was obvious all along how much further behind Eric & Danielle were. Even though Charla & Mirna were driven to their destination port (rather than their departure port) and originally caught the ferry that took them in the opposite direction, it was pretty clear that this didn’t really put them far enough behind to be overtaken by Eric & Danielle.

4. Eric & Danielle - SAFE!

Last week: 4
This week: Down one place

Eric & Danielle were keeping up with the two all-girl teams at the airport until they made the inexplicable decision to go and exchange their money instead of securing standby tickets on the next available flight. This decision pushed them off the China Air flight and way back into the mists of time. Although they seemed to rocket through the tasks once they reached China, it was probably favourable editing to keep the show moving rather than an accurate reflection of how much more quickly they were completing all the challenges, compared to the teams who’d gone before them. When Eric’s stubbornness raised its ugly head again and he refused to listen to Danielle when she suggested they ask a taxi driver for directions to the Pit Stop, I knew he’d pay for his irrational behaviour. Sure enough, although not eliminated, their interviews afterwards were done separately – and you’ve gotta wonder if there’s trouble in plastic paradise.

--------------------

Last week's tips:

First Team: Dustin & Kandice. (Wrong)
Last Team: Charla & Mirna. (Wrong)
Yield? No. Correct!
Fast Forward? No. (Wrong)
Elimination Week? No. Correct!
Biggest Argument: Charla & Mirna. (Wrong) – teams didn’t really argue between them very much, but Charla & Mirna and Dustin & Kandice had the biggest run-in with each other.
Smartest Team: Eric & Danielle. (Wrong) – Going to the money exchange at the airport resulted in them falling into last place.

--------------------

Next week's tips:

First Team: Oswald & Danny.
Last Team: Eric & Danielle.
Yield? Yes.
Fast Forward? No.
Elimination Week? Yes.
Biggest Argument: Eric & Danielle.
Smartest Team: Dustin & Kandice.

If you haven’t already done so, check out the review of this same episode that Javatari posted on his blog.

.

Susannah Sandwiches: SOLD OUT

2007-06-04T09:50:00.000+10:00

I must be honest: For a blonde, Susannah’s quite attractive. To me. Someone who’s usually attracted to brunettes. But she’s only somewhat attractive in a purely superficial way. I don’t think there’s terribly much to like about her as a person.

It pains me to say this, but if I was in the Big Brother House with Susannah and she was doing as little as she was seen to be doing for the past six weeks, I’d have been angry with her ‘princess’ tag and want to nominate her for eviction as well.

I don’t like siding with the likes of Emma and co, but on this point I’m in full agreement with them. Susannah could have done SOMETHING around the place, instead of lazing about and expecting the others to do everything for her.

Apart from that, the only thing of note about Susannah is the fact that at least two of the boys in the House (Thomas and Zoran) were highly attracted to her. Despite her having a boyfriend on the ‘outside’. Of course, her mouth said one thing about being taken, and her actions and flirtation said another thing entirely. So I’m not too surprised that Thomas in particular found the line a bit blurred and confusing. I’m not suggesting his sleazy attempts to elicit a declaration of love for him out of her were okay and not embarrassing for everyone, but she certainly didn’t help matters by the continual hugging and touching and flirting.

That being said, it’s interesting to note how well Zoran and Thomas got along (and continue to get along – they shared a literally three-minute hug, with one or both of them absolutely sobbing – after Susannah’s eviction last night). When you consider that in effect they were vying for Susannah’s affections and time – and frequently saw each other as a threat to becoming her best bud in the House – they both speak quite highly of each other. I’d have expected them to be mortal enemies, perpetually trying to out-champion each other to win Susannah’s admiration like it’s some schoolyard competition.

Maybe Thomas and Zoran are secretly attracted to each other as well? Perhaps they were actually hoping to start something between the three of them!

Poor Little Princess: Without Thomas and Zoran to cuddle
up to, Susannah will have to settle for her boyfriend again.

Whatever their motive, I’m glad we’re not (and haven’t so far been) subjected to boring old “angry guy versus angry guy” dramas where the two blokes try to out-do each other to win the girl. That would have been plain unbearable.

It's interesting to recall her 'selling point' upon being voted into the House on Opening Night. She was the 'fun thirty year-old', remember? Well, it quickly became redundant once she was in there, and she easily fitted into the twenty-something attitude and lifestyle of her fellow Housemates. She was 7% plastic and 93% slacker.

So Susannah’s out of the House now, and she’s been reunited with her boyfriend, Anthony (who she only started dating six weeks before entering the House). I hope she’s happy with him – and I hope he’s happy with her.

I wonder if the show has opened his eyes as to how little she’s willing to do around the house?

.

That's The Way The Cookie Crumbles

2007-06-01T08:07:00.000+10:00

... Spoiler Alert! ... Spoiler Alert! ...

If you haven't yet seen (and you intend to see) episode 9 of The Amazing Race Series 11 – All Stars Edition (TARAS), do not read any further!

--------------------

The last TARAS episode we saw here in Australia ended with Joe & Bill being the last team to reach the Pit Stop and the fifth team to be eliminated from the All Stars edition of the show. The Pit Stop was located inside the grounds of Pieskowa Skala Castle in Krakow, Poland.

The first of two Yields on the Race was located on the elevated walkway near the Kampung Baru Mosque.

The Detour for this leg was a choice between ‘Artistic Expression’ or ‘Cookie Confection’. In ‘Artistic Expression’, teams had to travel one third of a mile on foot to Dewan Lama. Once there, they had to use an ancient technique known as batik to exactly duplicate one of three patterns onto and then dye a 45 square-foot piece of cloth. In ‘Cookie Confection’, teams made their way on foot half a mile to Chow Kit Bomba and had to search through 600 boxes of traditional Malaysian festive cookies, by biting into them, and find the one cookie that had a black liquorice centre.

The Roadblock on this leg was a nod to Malaysia's eco-friendly practice of recycling. Team members had to choose a bicycle with a side cart attached and then scour the nearby Taman Sri Hartamas neighbourhood for residents willing to give them their used newspapers. Once they had collected enough newspapers to make a stack eight hands high, they would receive their next clue.

For the record, this was the order in which the teams reached Phil on the mat last episode, and the order in which they started this leg of the Race:

1. Oswald & Danny / Uchenna & Joyce
2. N/A
3. Dustin & Kandice
4. Charla & Mirna
5. Eric & Danielle
~~6. Joe & Bill~~

Note: If you're already ahead of this point in the series, please refrain from giving any spoilers in your comments. Thank you.

As always, I’ll provide my thoughts on each team in this episode, listing them in the order in which they arrived at the Pit Stop (hence the 'Spoiler Alert!').

--------------------

1. Dustin & Kandice

Last week: 3
This week: Up two places

The first comment I’ve written down in my notes on last night’s episode for Dustin & Kandice is: “That monkey’s crazy!”. I wrote that line down because the girls were almost hysterical about how crazy the monkey was behaving, although we only saw it sitting on the handrail at the mega-steps and maybe running up a few steps alongside them. THAT’S crazy?? The idea that one of them then told the other one to push the monkey off the handrail as they made their way back down the stairs. What kind of cruel people ARE these chicks?! Still, they were probably the smartest team when it came to choosing the Detour task – there’s no WAY I’d ever have chosen the cookie task over the dyeing task (but perhaps it sounded better in print when you hadn’t seen images of both tasks, like we did). I don’t know what it is about these two that prevents me from liking them. I think it may be that they’re so purrrrdy (although they’re really not my type at all). Is it perhaps that they think they look great and call themselves the ‘beauty queens’ that gets me off-side? Maybe I’m just prejudiced against two blondes running around daring each other to push poor defenceless monkeys off handrails. Whatever it is, I know they’re often the smartest team in the pack, and they rarely do anything to get my blood boiling, but I just can’t bring myself to cheer them on. I must have lingering and unconscious ‘issues' with the popular girls from my high school days or something.

2. Charla & Mirna

Last week: 4
This week: Up two places

It took me a while – after the episode had finished airing last night and I thought back to the promo ads Channel Seven had run all week for it – to realise that the ‘dirty trick’ they’d supposedly played on Eric & Danielle that was meant to have cost one of them their position in the Race (or so the ad implied) was actually their minor run-in at the start, when Charla & Mirna were using the hotel computers and wouldn’t let Eric & Danielle use one of them. What an anti-climax (although at least they can’t be blamed for making it too obvious – as I certainly thought it was – that one of those two teams was going to be eliminated). These two are still hilarious to watch – even when they catch the best flight (by three or more hours) and stuff it up by choosing the cookie task to no avail. The images of Charla in particular biting into six cookies all piled on top of each other and spitting the crumbly mess out onto the ground was quite amusing. Not to mention the shot of them chasing down the bus as it turned a corner. Charla & Mirna were the first ones to give up on the cookie task (but not the last), and the newspaper Roadblock proved that Mirna can neither drive a car NOR ride a bike! Exactly how useless IS this girl?! It was all fun and games until Mirna’s “local fame” went to her head and she started advising the nearby children to “stay in school” and “don’t do drugs”, because they were apparently the next Charlas and Mirnas of the world. Blech! What self-indulgent rubbish. I think it’s about time they were eliminated, now. They’ve served their purpose, but they shouldn’t be in the top three teams, methinks.

3. Eric & Danielle

Last week: 5
This week: Up two places

When I saw Eric’s reaction at being Yielded in this episode, I haven’t laughed so hard since the good ol’ days of watching Charla trying to eat two feet of Polish sausage and falling on her face in a mini suit of armour! Eric’s outrageously inappropriate comment (”Those dirty, dirty hookers. Those dirty pirate hookers.”) was so unexpected and ludicrous that I broke up in laughter. I know I shouldn’t have – it certainly wasn’t a fair label to give the girls – but my surprise at hearing him say that was huge. And to be honest, I also thought it was kinda funny. Danielle was equally pissed off (in fact, I reckon she was ore upset about it than Eric was), and I look forward to seeing how this will affect their relationship with Dustin & Kandice next week. Eric tore up the beauty queens’ photo and then mimicked their voices with each half of the photo, but Danielle was angry about it all the way up to the Pit Stop when she spoke to host Phil Keoghan about the memories it brought back of she and her partner Dani being Yielded the first time they were on the Race, and how it ended up resulting in their elimination. I wondered if Eric & Danielle were going to be awarded a time penalty for catching a taxi to the cookies (when the clue clearly stated they must proceed on foot), but this seems to have been overlooked by the producers of the show. Eric was still in good spirits when they reached the Roadblock, laughing at how he always chose the ‘easy’ tasks and Danielle always chose the more difficult ones (remember, they have to choose who’ll complete the task before they know what it is – they base their decision on the very unhelpful ‘riddle’ they get asked in their clue – then once they’ve determined who’ll do the task, they open the second envelope and only THEN do they find out what it involves), and even Danielle seemed happier than when they’d been Yielded. I’m sure catching up to Charla & Mirna – and even beating Oswald & Danny to the Roadblock – must have helped make them feel better about their lot. When Danielle broke her bike on the gutter and then asked why her bike was so hard to ride, I yelled at the TV: “Because you broke it, dumbass!” I was quite suspicious about the amount of newspapers the residents of (what appeared to be) one small street had stacked up in their houses. I’d put money on the fact that the show’s producers had lined this up with the residents in question, and even provided them with the newspapers that they could bring out to the Racers when they heard them calling from their bicycles. The amount of papers that each of them collected from just a few houses each was ridiculous! What a fire hazard, having them stacked up in their houses like that! Mark ‘Jacko’ Jackson would be very unimpressed.

4. Oswald & Danny

Last week: Equal 1st
This week: Down three places

I guess it had to happen, but I can’t believe how badly these guys went this week. It was a total wash-out for them, and if not for the bigger mistake made by Uchenna & Joyce when booking their flights, I think it’s fair to say that Oswald & Danny would have been given their marching orders last night. Thankfully for them, they decided to go with the safer flight option to Malaysia (which only landed about 40 minutes after Uchenna & Joyce’s connecting flight was scheduled to land), but thereafter, almost every decision they made was a poor one. They roamed the streets looking for the cluebox on the elevated walkway for what seemed like a pretty long time (Dustin & Kandice passed them, found the cluebox, Yielded Eric & Danielle, read their Detour options out loud, made their decision of which one to go with, and hot-footed it out of there before the boys even returned and found the cluebox for themselves). For some bizarre (to me) reason, Oswald & Danny also decided to go with the cookie task, but soon gave up after arguing over whether they had to bite into every cookie in each box (for the record, they DID have to do that, and Oswald was right – Danny could easily have cost them hours and hours by doing the task incorrectly and possibly missing the one liquorice-centred cookie they were searching for). While walking to the dyeing task, they continued to argue, then decided to return to the cookie task. They tried it again for a little while (still incorrectly), gave up on it for the second time, walked to the dyeing task, and proceeded to stuff up their first attempt by miscounting the number of times they had to apply the floral pattern print before dyeing the sheet. It really wasn’t their day. But it wasn’t over yet. When they reached the Roadblock (moments after the Yielded Eric & Danielle got there – and bear in mind the boys had collected their clue from the elevated walkway before Eric & Danielle had arrived and turned over their hourglass – and Eric & Danielle did the cookie task successfully!), Oswald told Danny he’s prefer not to do this task because he’s afraid of bicycles (no, really). This meant the already grumpy and exhausted Danny was forced to jump on one of those bikes and pedal around, calling for old newspapers. Because Mirna, Danielle and Dustin or Kandice (whichever one of the beauty queens it was – I still have trouble working out which of them does what, if the shot of their faces is too quick) had each collected so many more newspapers than necessary, Danny appeared to run out of newspapers, so he resorted to buying them from a petrol station (should this have resulted in another time penalty?). He got a drink from a resident first, and seemed to walk away with their glass. Then he used all his money to buy roughly seven times the amount of newspapers he required to complete the task (and a bottle of lemonade, apparently), leaving them with almost no money with which to pay their taxi driver for their trip to the Pit Stop. Or that’s what we were expecting to see. Who knows if it was edited out for time, or if Oswald had some extra money on him as well. His singing chant to Oswald while he was riding away on the bike was amusing but telling of his current state of mind: “Hating you … hating you …” Let’s hope his fury will have subsided by next week’s episode, because these guys are Wifey’s and my favourite to win (alongside Eric & Danielle).

~~5. Uchenna & Joyce~~: ELIMINATED!

Last week: Equal 1st
This week: Down four places

These guys took a massive gamble in risking a one-hour window in Frankfurt to catch their connecting flight to Malaysia. As expected (from all the conversations we were shown regarding how big a chance they were taking), they didn’t make their second flight and had to wait until the next day. Tey then promptly disappeared from our screens until the very end of the episode, when they finally landed in Malaysia and retrieved a clue that simply told them to proceed to the Pit Stop (they must have known they were out at this point, due to not having to complete any tasks on the entire leg). Was this their comeuppance for accepting the first place prize from Oswald & Danny in the last episode without first knocking it back? Who knows. The point is, Uchenna & Joyce have already won this Race once before, whereas none of the others in this season have been so fortunate. I think their positive outlook at the end – coupled with their honesty and integrity all throughout the Race – really showed them for the lovely people they are.

--------------------

Last week's tips:

First Team: Oswald & Danny. (Wrong)
Last Team: Eric & Danielle. (Wrong)
Yield? Yes. Correct!
Fast Forward? No. Correct!
Elimination Week? Yes. Correct!
Biggest Argument: Charla & Mirna. (Wrong) – Who woulda thought it’d be Oswald & Danny!?!
Smartest Team: Oswald & Danny. (Wrong) – Certainly not! Unfortunately it was either of the female teams. I’m leaning towards Dustin & Kandice for better decisions once they were in Malaysia (over Charla & Mirna’s better choice of flight to Malaysia)

--------------------

Next week's tips:

First Team: Dustin & Kandice.
Last Team: Charla & Mirna.
Yield? No.
Fast Forward? No.
Elimination Week? No.
Biggest Argument: Charla & Mirna.
Smartest Team: Eric & Danielle.

If you haven’t already done so, check out the review of this same episode that Javatari posted on his blog.

.

How Unfortunate!

2007-05-29T16:04:00.000+10:00

I just found this pic on my camera - it's from Channel Seven's Sunrise program from a couple of months ago. I was getting ready for work one fine morning (at approximately 7:19am, would be my guess), when a story about supermarkets being caught selling mutton as beef came up and the woman they interviewed was shown with the following unflattering caption:

It was the nicest compliment she'd receive all week.

Obviously the caption related to the story, but the sight of the caption underneath the face of this poor lady make me balk, and I simply had to snap a quick photo of it to share with you all.

Then I promptly forgot all about it until I was flicking through the photos on my camera this afternoon.

And now you've been inappropriately amused.

It's all part of the service.

.

All Hayl The BB Nickhead

2007-05-28T07:46:00.000+10:00

First things first - last Monday, Big Brother surprised the House by announcing that one half of the couple had to go. And Andrew & Hayley had to decided which of them it would be.

NOW.

Hayley chose to sign her own dead warrant (as it were - no offense, Emma ... oh, that's right, you haven't heard yet, have you), which meant that Andrew would be the one hanging around.

I think it would have been great if BB had given them the choice of who'd stay and who'd go, and then reverse whatever decision they made (ie. tell Andrew that he was evicted, rather than Hayley). but apparently I think up twists that are too good for this show, so I'd better just keep my ideas to myself.

Anyway, Tuesday night Hayley was evicted, Aleisha celebrated her 21st birthday, and two new Housemates were sent in. It was a busy hour of BB TV.

I purposely held on to Hayley's eviction until today, so I could show both evictees together (seeing they didn't share the eviction stage until last night anyway).

It's probably not the popular opinion, but personally I thought Hayley and Andrew got a raw deal at the hands of Demet, Bodie, Emma and so on. It appears that Andrew and Emma are getting along okay now, but who knows if it'll last. Hayley got into a big fight with Bodie, which brought Andrew in on it too, and that unrest stuck around for the duration of Bodie's time in the House (and his week of interviews in the real world thereafter).

I'm not sure that Andrew & Hayley deserved what they got. Sure, they may have seemed boring after the first week when their secret was revealed, but that's partly because BB talked up their 'secret' so much that anything that followed the revelation was going to feel like an anti-climax. No one else was very exciting, either (except perhaps for Tornado TJ and Bonehead Bodie, but look where being 'exciting' got them!).

"Don't Call Me Fake, Dude."

I can understand why the show's producers would feel that the couple would have a kind of monopoly on the House, but I don't really agree that evicting one of them outside the normal eviction procedure is fair. And here's why:

1. The voting audience is meant to choose their favourite Housemate to win. Robbing them of the chance to evict Hayley (or save her) is undercutting this supposed public decision (regardless of whether you think she would have won the show or not).

2. The producers knew what might happen, monopoly-wise, when they decided to put both of them in the House in the first place. Pulling the rug out from under them and saying one had to go regardless of nominations and voting results is unfair by definition.

3. I don't believe they had any kind of monopoly, anyway. Anyone who won Friday Night Games was able to put either of them up for nomination if they wanted to, and the idea that they'd save themselves from being put up for eviction by winning the Games is stupid - they can only save ONE person, so if they were both in the top three on Nomination night, Andrew (for example) would have to choose EITHER himself OR Hayley to save. Then it'd be up to the public to vote out who they most wanted gone from the three who were nominated. Their 'couplehood' could have been broken by the Housemates themselves, if they'd realised this and voted for both of them. Or maybe there was no need to because only Bodie and Demet appear to have had a problem with them. That probably says something in itself about whether or not they 'deserved' to be evicted.

There are also rumours going around about Hayley having planned all along to come out of the House by a certain week (if she hadn't already been evicted) so she could attend her sister's wedding in Spain (or something like that). I'm not sure if that's true, but if it is ... was the whole 'discussion' on which of them should fall on their sword just a well-executed act? And does that mean Andrew's tears on Monday night were crocodile tears? If so, DODGY! But maybe not, so I won't judge.

Last night we finally saw the end of whingey know-it-all, Nick - the Starburst Golden Key Winner who was a real let-down, as far as drama was concerned. He promised Gretel and the audience on the stage (and then the Housemates, once he was in the House) that he would 'definitely' speak his mind and cause some trouble. How often have we heard these claims before?! But alas, he did practically nothing to ruffle any feathers, and instead seemed to care more about protecting his own neck rather than make good on his promise.

BORING!

Even once he was nominated, he was heard telling some Housemates that if he survived this week's eviction, he'd tell Emma what he thought of her and really let the 'real him' come out.

WHY WAIT??!

I couldn't understand why he didn't do this the moment he realised he was being shy and reserved. Maybe the voting public wouldn't have voted you out if you'd been a bit more interesting, chum! (Although, look at TJ and Bodie ...)

From Golden Key Winner to Golden Key Whinger.

Without trying to be mean (it just comes naturally, yuk yuk), look at that photo of him. Can't you see a certain element of rat or meerkat to his facial features? He certainly has a kind of rodent quality, for mine. (Okay, so that was probably being just plain uncalled-for mean.)

It's clear that the fool shouldn't have tried to go from "a pack-a-day man" to "a quit cold-turkey turkey" without preparation. I know he had nicotine patches in there with him (I spotted them on his arm on a few occasions), but that wasn't enough to stave off the accusations of whinging. He should have realised he'd be taken to task for his constant complaining and done something about it, so he gets no sympathy from me.

However, his farewell message (although much milder than they all made it out to be) was still the most controversial in quite a while - certainly the best of this season so far.

Let's hope others will shake the House up a bit by leaving farewell messages that have a bit of 'kick'.

.

Would You Like Polish Sauce With That?

2007-05-25T07:55:00.000+10:00

... Spoiler Alert! ... Spoiler Alert! ...

If you haven't yet seen (and you intend to see) episode 8 of The Amazing Race Series 11 – All Stars Edition (TARAS), do not read any further!

--------------------

The last TARAS episode we saw here in Australia ended with Joe & Bill being the last team to reach the Pit Stop but the second team to be safe from elimination on the All Stars edition of the show. The Pit Stop was located inside the grounds of Lazienki Palace in Lazienki Park, Warsaw, Poland.

At the Intersection (which was new to Australian viewers but not to the Racers – more on that later), teams had to form pairs (making four individual Racers) to complete tasks and make decisions together until further notice, which included completing the Fast Forward.

The Fast Forward was to have each team climb a set of stairs up two different towers (the tower of St. Mary's Basilica and the tower of Town Hall) and count how many stairs there were. They then had to add up the result and tell it to a guard, who would give them a clue directing them to the Pit Stop.

The Detour was ‘Eat It Up’ or ‘Roll It Out’. In ‘Eat It Up’, the intersected teams would make their way one and a half miles to an old market. Once there, each team member had to use traditional methods to make one three-inch length of Polish Kielbasa sausage. After finishing, the teams would be served eight feet of cooked Kielbasa. Once each person ate two feet of sausage, the teams would receive their next clue. In ‘Roll It Out’, the intersected teams would make their way one and a half miles to the J. Mazurek bakery and properly roll out twenty bagels. When finished, they would make their way on foot one quarter of a mile to a nearby restaurant with a delivery of fresh bagels for the headwaiter.

In the Roadblock, one team member had to don a full suit of authentic medieval armour and lead a horse half a mile through the forest to the castle gates. Once at the castle, they had to deliver the horse to the stable boy, enter the courtyard, and search for the Pit Stop.

For the record, this was the order in which the teams reached Phil on the mat last episode, and the order in which they started this leg of the Race:

1. Dustin & Kandice
2. Oswald & Danny
3. Uchenna & Joyce
4. Charla & Mirna
5. Eric & Danielle
6. Joe & Bill

Note: If you're already ahead of this point in the series, please refrain from giving any spoilers in your comments. Thank you.

As always, I’ll provide my thoughts on each team in this episode, listing them in the order in which they arrived at the Pit Stop (hence the 'Spoiler Alert!').

--------------------

Equal 1st. Oswald & Danny

Last week: 2
This week: Up one place

All teams were visibly moved by visiting the Auschwitz concentration camp, but some seemed more genuinely affected than others. Those who came across as most sincere in their responses were Oswald & Danny, Uchenna & Joyce and Joe & Bill. I thought that the producers showed a surprising amount of tact in removing all fast-paced music and elements of ‘rushing’ from the Auschwitz segments of the show, and I thought the whole thing was handled well and respectfully. It wasn’t long before we were introduced to the idea of the Intersection. This is a new concept in the Race for Australian viewers, but it was clear from the fact that Phil didn’t introduce it as a ‘new’ thing (as he does when these things are introduced for the first time) – and from Dustin & Kandice’s comments later – that Intersections were first seen in Season Ten, which Channel Seven (in all its wisdom) HAS NOT YET SCREENED IN AUSTRALIA! Mark my words – when we eventually see Season Ten (rumoured to be later this year), Phil will introduce the Intersection as “a new thing on The Amazing Race”. But I digress. The point is, Oswald & Danny hooked up with Uchenna & Joyce because they were the first two teams to reach the Intersection marker, forcing Dustin & Kandice to wait for the other three teams who were in a bus four hours behind them. There was a Fast Forward in this episode (I tipped a Yield instead, which sucks), so because the two ‘intersected’ teams had a four-hour lead on all the others, it made obvious sense that the Fast Forward would be attempted by the leading foursome. In fact, this was a pretty stupid place to put a Fast Forward. The producers knew the teams would be separated in two groups of three on those buses, and they also knew the lead pair of teams would be four hours ahead of the others while team number three waited at the Intersection marker for the second bus to arrive. So what a pointless spot to put the Fast Forward! Part of the drama of a Fast Forward is the idea that another team may be racing for it just ahead of you, but considering there was no suspense on this facet, each team knew exactly what was going on. What a waste! I don’t think someone thought that through properly at all. After completing the Fast Forward, Oswald & Danny and Uchenna & Joyce arrived at the Pit Stop as a still-intersected team, and Oswald & Danny showed their true colours when they immediately gave Uchenna & Joyce the prize for first place (a lovely tropical holiday), the moment Phil told the four of them that he only had one prize to award. I wonder if – again – someone didn’t think this through very well and the Fast Forward was placed in the wrong leg, because these teams were never separated – although the others behind them eventually were – and this means that the next leg should technically begin with both of these lead teams starting at the same time. What’s the purpose of this? None that I can see; I’d say it was a bit of an oversight. But aren’t Oswald & Danny lovely?

Equal 1st. Uchenna & Joyce

Last week: 3
This week: Up two places

Following on from the above tirade, it’s worth noting that the Fast Forward these two teams undertook was flippin’ simple. Count the stairs of two towers and tell the guard the total number. Even if they’d stuffed it up the first time, they could simply try again. I mean, they HAD over four hours to get it right! I’d just have said a bunch of different numbers around the one I originally tried, if my first answer was incorrect. And I’d have continued guessing until I got it right (unless the rules stated that I had to do the whole challenge again before I could guess another total number). It was interesting to note that Uchenna & Joyce, although flattered and thankful to Oswald & Danny for their generosity, did not say anything like, “Oh, no – we couldn’t accept that! You have it!” Funny how they were happy to take the holiday without protest! (Actually, so would I.)

3. Dustin & Kandice

Last week: 1
This week: Down two places

These girls sure aren’t my favourite team, but you’ve gotta feel sorry for them starting out in the lead and then being stranded by that dam Intersection marker until the other teams showed up. And it was amusing how the other teams showed up in reverse order of their preferred Intersected partners! Charla & Mirna were their LEAST preferred partners, but they were there first, and after briefly considering hiding out and waiting to see who turned up next, they realised it might be another long wait, so they bit the bullet and joined up with Mirna and her pet dwarf. For some bizarre reason the four girls said grace before they began eating their two feet of sausages each. The beauty queens were laughing at the way Charla & Mirna ‘communicate’ with each other (which means their arguing), and after this task was completed, they were separated from their Intersected groups and took off in first place (of the remaining four teams, I mean). As much as it pains me to admit it, these girls are often speedy and effective, only making mistakes occasionally, which see them lose their place. Coming in third on this leg really showed how they kept the other three teams at bay, considering they had no hope in hell of catching up to the teams ahead of them.

4. Charla & Mirna

Last week: 4
This week: No change

There was much to laugh at with these girls in this episode. From the weird faces Charla made as she tried to eat more sausage that her stomach could handle, to the comical attempts to make her throw it back up again, to the arguments she had with Mirna at the table and in the car, to Mirna’s atrocious driving ability (“How do I take off the handbrake?!”), to – of course – the ABSOLUTELY HYSTERICAL shots of Charla dressed up as Gimli (even moreso than when I said it a few episodes ago) and falling flat on her face … twice! What brilliant footage that was! Wifey and I kept rewinding it and watching it over and over again. We were nearly crying with laughter. It was better than Funniest Home Videos (but then again, most things are). Anyway, I’m getting ahead of myself. It wasn’t until the four girls arrived at the sausage-making task (after specifically deciding not to go with the bagel-making task) that Charla thought to mention that she doesn’t even like sausages. What, you couldn’t think to mention that earlier??! Then, when the beauty queens asked Charla why she was eating so slow and she said “I don’t know, maybe there’s something wrong with me”, did anyone think that maybe it’s because she has the stomach of a dwarf??! Goodness me! The sounds of Charla trying to make herself sick were truly disgusting (as was the sight of just a little bit of vomit hanging from her lip), and when Mirna enlisted the help of two taxi drivers (yes, she actually said “both of them” and then asked why they were both driving her there), she invoked the wrath of Taxi (the Egyptian god of paid transportation), which in turn caused them headaches when she started yelling at the drivers to take her to her destination for less money than they were asking for. What followed was a shameful display of tears, emotional blackmail, tantrums and bullying. I loved it when the taxi driver said, “Goodbye” and shut the car door on her for not being willing to pay him $100. In the end, one of the drivers settled on $50 and off they went. Strange that she’d argue over $100 when she’s trying to win $1 million. Charla might have had more luck with leading the horse if she’d been, … for example, … Mirna. The horse needed someone to lead it, not be worried about being stepped on by it. The horse walked over to the roses for a snack and walked in circles because the person leading it couldn’t take big enough steps to steer it in the right direction with certainty! It was a silly decision to get Charla to complete that task.

5. Eric & Danielle

Last week: 5
This week: No change

This wasn’t the best episode for Eric & Danielle. They were bickering over a $2 cup of coffee (I could see the argument being made by both of them, so I’m glad I wasn’t there to have to take sides), and the responses from both of them deteriorated into childish “nerr-nerr” retorts, which was no doubt embarrassing for each of them. After being Intersected with the Gweirdos, it should have been clear that as long as they could stay level with the older guys, they’d be certain of staying in the Race, because Joe & Bill had a half-hour time penalty at the Pit Stop for not arriving in first place (another reason I wonder if the Intersection and/or Fast Forward were necessarily placed in the smartest spot of the Race by including them here when they did). When deciding to go for either the sausage-making or bagel-making tasks, Danielle surprised no one by asking, “24 inches is big, no?” (YOU’RE the American – inches is YOUR measurement!) I began to wonder, as Eric seemed to struggle with the sausage-eating task, if he wasn’t perhaps throwing the task intentionally, so that the Gweirdos were guaranteed to be the eliminated team. (Interesting thought, yes?) When Dustin finished her sausage but almost immediately threw up in the provided bucket, Eric called out, “Ladies and gentlemen, Miss California!” – which made everyone crack up. This is the perfect example of what I find so amusing about Eric: His wit and sarcasm (rare for an American, frankly). The noise of Charla making herself sick was gross for everyone to listen to, but particularly poor Danielle, who was struggling to block it out and not feel ill herself. After the task was completed, both Eric & Danielle and Joe & Bill returned to their taxis rather than look for their marked cars, which allowed Dustin & Kandice to overtake them. Although reaching the Pit Stop last, these guys were only a minute or two behind Joe & Bill, so the Gweirdos’ time penalty ended up costing them their position in the Race.

~~6. Joe & Bill~~: ELIMINATED!

Last week: 6
This week: No change

No one thinks much of Joe & Bill, and this episode gave us another indication of why that is. Although Joe was amazing in finishing his sausage-eating task first (no jokes, please) – and that’s before any of the four girls, who had started much earlier – he undid any goodwill he’d earned with that little accomplishment by being snippy with Danielle when Charla dressed up in the knight outfit and saying (rather unnecessarily, I might add), “Charla looks like a dressed up rat”. After all, what does that even mean?!! They were a couple of old bitches and I for one am certainly not upset to see them go.

--------------------

Last week's tips:

First Team: Oswald & Danny. Correct!
Last Team: Eric & Danielle. (Wrong)
Yield? Yes. (Wrong)
Fast Forward? No. (Wrong) – Dammit, I got these the wrong way around!
Elimination Week? Yes. Correct!
Biggest Argument: Eric & Danielle. Correct!
Smartest Team: Oswald & Danny. Correct!

--------------------

Next week's tips:

First Team: Oswald & Danny.
Last Team: Eric & Danielle.
Yield? Yes.
Fast Forward? No.
Elimination Week? Yes.
Biggest Argument: Charla & Mirna.
Smartest Team: Oswald & Danny.

If you haven’t already done so, check out the review of this same episode that Javatari posted on his blog.

.

He's Makin' A List, An' Checkin' It Twice ...

2007-05-24T23:03:00.000+10:00

Top three reasons why I love My Name Is Earl:

Number 3:

It's ludicrous.

Number 2:

It's hilarious.

Number 1:

(Brothers Randy and Earl are sharing a bed and falling asleep)
Randy: Hey Earl?
Earl: Yeah, Randy?
Randy: Who do you think would win in a fight - Muppets or Sesame Street?
*beat*
Earl: I don't really think they'd fight. They're both pretty peaceful.
Randy: But what if they had to? Like in that head-choppin'-off movie, where there could be only one.
*beat*
Earl: Muppets.
*pause*
Randy: Okay, what about Muppets or Fraggles?
Earl: Muppets.
Randy: Okay, what about Muppets or He-Man?
Earl: Just He-Man, or He-Man and his friends?
Randy: Just He-Man.
Earl: Muppets.
Randy: (Smiling) That's who I had.
*pause*
Randy: Good night, Earl.
Earl: Good night, Randy.

The cast of My Name Is Earl, clockwise from left:
Ethan Suplee as Randy Hickey, Nadine Velazquez as
Catalina, Eddie Steeples as Darnell, Jaime Pressly
as Joy Darville, and Jason Lee as Earl Hickey.

I admit that I'm a late convert to Earl, which is nearing the end of its second season here in Australia (although apparently Channel Seven airs the episodes out of order). I watched a couple of episodes of the first season, and while I enjoyed them very much and knew I'd like the show if I allowed myself to get into it, I felt there was enough TV on my plate at the time - and it wasn't on a convenient night for me, anyway.

This season, however, I have no such problem. It's on in the gap between Big Brother and Lost, so Wifey and I are happy to have it on and we both get quite a few chuckles out of it.

It really is very clever.

Brothers Randy and Earl are dumb, but
thanks to Karma, they're trying to be better people.

Jason Lee stars as Earl J Hickey, a petty crook with occasional run-ins with the law, whose newly-won $100,000 lottery ticket is lost when he is hit by a car. While lying in his hospital bed after the accident, he develops a belief in the concept of karma when he hears about it during an episode of Last Call with Carson Daly. He decides he wants to turn his life around and makes a list of all the bad things he's done. After a few good deeds, his $100,000 ticket comes back to him. He sees this as a sign and, with his new lucky money, he proceeds to cross items off that list, one-by-one, by doing good deeds to atone for them.

It's an interesting concept, and it works in large part thanks to the characters. The writing is strong, and the storytelling style is both fresh and amusing.

If you haven't yet given it a go, you haven't got long to start. Maybe invest in the season one DVD boxset instead, to get a feel for the characters. It's guaranteed to make you laugh, and then you can get the second season later on, before the third season starts airing here next year.

.

Demet No-Moore

2007-05-21T07:46:00.000+10:00

(Because it's pronounced 'Demi', you see ...)

There's not much I can say about just how much this woman irritated me in the House. She was quick to start fires and sow the seeds of doubt and mistrust between Housemates, and that kind of behaviour just gets under my skin.

Maybe she was doing it deliberately (which by no means excuses it in my book), and maybe she was just that crap at accurately retelling events the way they actually transpired.

Workmates of a good friend of mine actually know Demet, and warned me at the outset that she was a b!tch. Frankly, while she was still in The White Room, I couldn't see it. I was happy when Cruz opted out and then they voted Kara out of the Room. I probably would have preferred Harrison to go into the House because I didn't want the whole 'a psychic told me I'd go into the House' thing to be validated, but I also saw that a tall, buff, headband-wearing blonde himbo wasn't really what the House needed, either. At that point I didn't see what my friend's workmates were saying about Demet.

But I soon saw what they meant. She's nasty. And although not as bad as Emma (but no one's as bad as Emma!) at being cancerous and tearing people down behind their backs (under the pretense of "not being one to tear people down behind their backs, but ...") Demet was silly enough to think that being the newest Housemate in the group wasn't going to alienate her enough.

Demet was truly demented.

When she pissed Andrew and Hayley off by spreading those stories about what they told Nick in the Rewards Room (whether she thought she was accurately re-telling the conversation or not -- and she certainly wasn't), she very stupidly placed herself in the unenviable position of being the biggest target for eviction.

What a silly girl.

And all that rot where she was going on about her "sixth sense"? Puh-lease! She first claimed that no one in the House was fake, then she said that Andrew & Hayley are "fake" (whatever that means - and I certainly do NOT agree with that, anyway), and was unable to tell that she'd just shortened her Big Brother experience so drastically.

Frankly, I'm very glad that she's out of the House - she was stupid, boring, had an irritating voice, and was totally - like, totally - fake.

(The only thing fake in the House belongs to both Emma and Susannah. And the whole environment in itself. The people are real, Demet. Only the cardboard cut-outs at Friday Night Games are fake.)

.

A Change Is Coming ...

2007-05-20T20:41:00.000+10:00

Have any of you seen those new Network Ten teaser promos that simply say "A change is coming"? The image shown is what appears (to me) to possibly be a black letterbox (as in for your mail, not the format on your TV screen), with white numbers ticking over from 621 to 630 like a tacometer in the gap where the mail would go, which then fade to orange. Then, amidst the dramatic clash or chord, we hear the Network Ten female voiceover artist say, "A change is coming" in the sexiest tone she can muster.

Now, I may very well be wrong about this, but I wanted to register my prediction that this is a reference to the upcoming change to the Neighbours look and feel. Apparently sometime in September (which possibly means these teaser ads will be around for a long time yet - or again it may mean that I'm terribly wrong about all this), we're going to be treated to a new version of the Neighbours theme song and opening credit sequence.

I reckon these images might be a taste of what's to come:

(My apologies for the poor quality of these images.)

Time will tell whether or not my guess is accurate. If not, fair enough. But if so, I hope you'll all agree that I'm just ace. It certainly looks like a letterbox to me, and the '630' would of course refer to the time the show goes to air in Australia. I'd say it's a fairly safe bet to believe that's what these ads are on about.

Either that, or Network Ten has thought of a novel new way to announce when Gretel Killeen will be going through menopause.

.

We No Speaka Your Language, Jerks

2007-05-18T08:42:00.000+10:00

... Spoiler Alert! ... Spoiler Alert! ...

If you haven't yet seen (and you intend to see) episode 7 of The Amazing Race Series 11 – All Stars Edition (TARAS), do not read any further!

--------------------

The last TARAS episode we saw here in Australia ended with Teri & Ian being the last team to reach the Pit Stop and the fifth team to be eliminated from the All Stars edition of the show. The Pit Stop was located inside the grounds to the ‘Old Fort’ (Ngome Konwe) in Zanzibar Town, Tanzania.

The Detour was ‘Perfect Pitch’ or ‘Perfect Angle’. In ‘Perfect Pitch’, teams had to make their way three-quarters of a mile to the Prymas Palace and choose a grand piano. Then, they needed to use the provided tools to tune one of the keys. Once the concert pianist played a piece of Chopin's music and determined that their piano was in tune, he would hand them their next clue. In ‘Perfect Angle’, teams made their way approximately half a mile to the Escada Boutique to pick up a mannequin and carry it another 400 yards to the Panoramik Laboratory. Once there, teams had to use an x-ray machine to locate a clue embedded somewhere inside their mannequin which needed to be positioned at a very specific angle for the image to capture the name of their next destination and commemorate Marie Curie.

The unaired ‘Roadblock’ required teams to row a boat out onto the reflecting pool in front of the palace. The objective is unknown.

For the record, this was the order in which the teams reached Phil on the mat last episode, and the order in which they started this leg of the Race:

1. Charla & Mirna
2. Oswald & Danny
3. Uchenna & Joyce
4. Dustin & Kandice
5. Eric & Danielle
6. Joe & Bill
~~7. Teri & Ian~~

Note: If you're already ahead of this point in the series, please refrain from giving any spoilers in your comments. Thank you.

As always, I’ll provide my thoughts on each team in this episode, listing them in the order in which they arrived at the Pit Stop (hence the 'Spoiler Alert!').

--------------------

1. Dustin & Kandice

Last week: 4
This week: Up three places

A mystery from last week’s episode was solved this week: There was a 16-hour difference between the first and last teams in their departure times. This must have made is very difficult for Phil and the production team to be making their way from place to place and film Phil’s in-between bits to the camera as he explains each task and destination (which he has to do as they go, clearly). But to answer Andrew’s question from last week, it would appear that, yes, they kept the teams to their twelve-hour stopover only. I was misled because they didn’t show it in the previous episode (like they did in this one). Why they chose to show it this time but not the previous time is a bit strange (and confusing), but that’s TV producers for you. Now, on with the review: The funniest thing Dustin & Kandice have said in quite a while was stated at the start of this episode:

Dumb Blonde # 1: We’re gonna see Chopin play!
Dumb Blonde # 2: For real?
Dumb Blonde # 1: Well, … he’s dead …

It’s strange to think that the only change in the line-up from last episode to this one was that the two all-female teams swapped positions. No one else moved on the ladder. Part of this may come down to the fact that Dustin & Kandice arrived third at the ticket booking agents’ office (after Charla & Mirna and Oswald & Danny), but managed to secure their tickets and leave for the airport first. As they arrived at the Pit Stop, they wisely chose to drop their backpacks on a park bench and run on without them. I say ‘wisely’ in my most sarcastic tone (I’m using my sarcastic face as I type this), because who knows what might have happened to them after they abandoned them there. I was hoping they’d find them missing when they returned to the bench, but it appears nothing went awry in that regards (more’s the pity). I thought it was fantastic that Dustin & Kandice started out on the next leg while the other teams were still finishing this leg, but I think it only cruelly whetted our appetites to see what would be happening in the 8th leg of the Race …

2. Oswald & Danny

Last week: 2
This week: No change

Donny & Osmond made the right decision to join forces with Charla & Mirna at the ticket booking agents’ office at the beginning of this leg. True, it didn’t help them get their flights before Dustin & Kandice, but at the time, it was definitely the right decision. The fact that they, Uchenna & Joyce and Charla & Mirna were waiting for their tickets for up to seven hours in that office was a bit ludicrous, but I guess we can only take them at their word. I think I might have gone elsewhere to trying another method of obtaining my flight tickets, but perhaps there were no alternative methods of booking flights. After all, what would I know. Later on, it was nice to see Oswald apologising to their taxi driver for presuming he spoke English – that’s the kind of attitude tourists should adopt more often! (The apology, I mean – not the presumption.) He may be well-mannered, but he’s a bit of a butterfingers: He broke two piano strings before they were able to complete their Detour task! Then their hand gestures behind the pianist’s head as he played their Chopin piece for them was most amusing, although I think he was being very kind to them to allow their ‘tuned’ piano through (it still sounded out-of-tune to me!). The second team to head off on the 8th leg of the Race before some of the other teams completed the 7th, Oswald & Danny were very respectful of the concentration camp they were heading off to visit, which was another example of their nature. These two are most people’s favourites, now … and I’d certainly be happy for them to win because they’re just such nice guys. In fact, I guess they’re my favourites as well. But I still find Eric amusing (when he’s not fighting with Danielle or the Guidos).

3. Uchenna & Joyce

Last week: 3
This week: No change

It looked like Uchenna & Joyce were going to jump the queue by phoning the ticket booking agents’ office while the other three teams were sitting there waiting to be served, but Dustin & Kandice convinced the woman to hang up on him, which put them back. They had to sit through the (supposed) seven-hour wait like the other teams, but still ended up breaking away from the teams behind them, including Charla & Mirna. I laughed when Joyce (while searching for the outdoors Chopin-imitating piano player) opened the door on someone using a toilet! They were the final team to embark on the 8th leg of the Race before the episode ended.

4. Charla & Mirna

Last week: 1
This week: Down three places

Although these girls are HILARIOUS to watch, that’s really not a compliment. They were mean (speaking down to and offering a commission) to the woman who worked at the ticket booking agents’ office, making her feel like a child. Then they were rude to their taxi driver, making fun of the fact that he’s Polish by asking if he likes Polish sausage. (I wonder why he doesn’t like you, you arrogant pigs!) No surprises that in the next situation they found themselves in, they were getting no assistance from any of the Polish residents – of course, that could have been because they had a camera crew with them and were speaking loudly and obnoxiously in another language. Or the fact that they had a dwarf with them. The people (who were no doubt on their way to work) would have been ignoring them because they didn’t want to be roped into some kind of circus trick. “Roll up! Roll up! See a dwarf and an amazing angry woman eat you alive!” But when they compared the Polish natives to Americans and said that people would never treat tourists like this in America, I threw a chair at my television. Mirna read the ‘Angle It’ option on the Detour clue as ‘Angel It’. Angels you ain’t, sweetie. When they did such an awful job tuning the piano, Mirna’s “Sounds good to me” was a pathetic attempt at coercing (or bullying) them through the task. If that sounds good to you, you have no pitch, b!tch! Later on, the again encountered that strange phenomenon of the Polish not helping the loud and odd-looking Americans. Even the cop wouldn’t help them! I was laughing at that. Thankfully for them, they eventually managed to find a young woman who spoke English and was willing to help them. The mannequin they used was really in the wars by the time they got him to the hospital. He’d lost a hand and his leg had come out of its socket. Charla’s comment: “He’ll be fixed at the hospital” was great. Then she tried to cover his private parts to protect them from the x-rays. Had she forgotten that she’s on a race and was wasting valuable time? Sometimes I wonder about these two!

5. Eric & Danielle

Last week: 5
This week: No change

It appeared to be the beginning of the end with this couple last week. Eric and Danielle were at each other’s throats (a little) from the start. Eric told Danielle that Warsaw’s in Poland, adding “you knucklehead” in a playful tone that was lost on the oft-humiliated girl. She fought back, and they argued over what in effect was a poorly chosen moment to stick the boot in. He belittles her a bit too often, and she clearly ain’t the smartest cookie in the pack, but reminding her about this constantly on an international television show probably isn’t the kindest thing he could do for his girlfriend. Still, I don’t hate him because sometimes the things he says are genuinely funny. But yes, the bullying aspect of his character is extremely unappealing. When Eric & Danielle found themselves stranded together overnight with the Guidos, the old guys’ repeated attempts to secure a promise out of them that they’d leave the hotel in the morning together (for whatever purpose that could possibly have served) showed that the old guys are beginning to lose the plot. I thought Eric & Danielle’s piano tuning left a lot to be desired, but they completed the task and made it to the Pit Stop before Joe & Bill.

6. Joe & Bill - SAFE!

Last week: 6
This week: No change

The biggest indication that the Guidos were panicking in last place was when Joe went NUTS at the departing plane after they (and Eric & Danielle) were refused entry because they’d finished boarding already. Joe was a stereotypical American tourist at his best! They should know by now that airlines can’t load extra passengers once the doors are closed. The reasons are varied: security concerns, the plane’s weight has already been distributed, balanced-out and taken into consideration by the pilots, extra luggage can no longer be loaded (although in this case they only had carry-on luggage so this shouldn’t have mattered), the safety message from the flight attendants has already begun and can’t be interrupted, the passenger manifest has been checked and locked away, and the flight has been given clearance to take off. Ignorant passengers who believe that it’s simply a matter of opening the door back up so they can walk on (and that it doesn’t have any further effect than that) only make themselves look stupid. Anyway, Bill was suitably embarrassed by Joe’s meltdown at the terminal, so at least one of them kept a (reasonably) level head. It was interesting to note that the Guidos (or the Gweridos as I now call them) decided not to shadow Eric & Danielle’s choice of Detour task, despite making that decision last time with Teri & Ian and it working to their advantage. This time their decision to go their own way worked to their disadvantage, and so it should. They should have been smarter about it. They took longer with the x-ray task than Eric & Danielle took with the piano task (although it looked like being the other way around for a moment there), and ended up reaching the Pit Stop in last place. Luckily for them (and unluckily for the rest of us) they were spared from elimination. grumble grumble grumble

--------------------

Last week's tips:

First Team: Oswald & Danny. (Wrong)
Last Team: Charla & Mirna. (Wrong)
Yield? Yes. (Wrong)
Fast Forward? No. Correct!
Elimination Week? Yes. (Wrong)
Biggest Argument: Eric & Danielle. Correct!
Smartest Team: Oswald & Danny. (Wrong) – It was Dustin & Kandice, as much as I hate to admit it.

--------------------

Next week's tips:

First Team: Oswald & Danny.
Last Team: Eric & Danielle.
Yield? Yes.
Fast Forward? No.
Elimination Week? Yes.
Biggest Argument: Eric & Danielle.
Smartest Team: Oswald & Danny.

If you haven’t already done so, check out the review of this same episode that Javatari posted on his blog.

.

The Storm In A TJ Doesn't Bode Well

2007-05-14T08:27:00.000+10:00

It was with great relief that I watched Tornado TJ being evicted from the House last night. She'd been driving me insane and comes a close second to Emma for the title of Most Infuriating Housemate of 2007, IMHO.

TJ: What a nutbag.

I know it amuses some of you, but the way TJ was so obviously slightly bonkers as she lost her temper with the boys and kept turning every conversation into mockingly (or blantantly) pointing out how the other person was always to blame for everything (she was never to blame - even when she apologised, she apologised for trusting the other person and taking them at their word or not seeing that they weren't 'mature enough' to handle her), and this kind of manipulation should never been applauded or rewarded.

She has serious abandonment issues, desperately needs to have a man in her life (although is adamant that this is not to 'complete her', but rather to give her something to 'play with'), and when someone stands up to her, she sees red and goes absolutely MENTAL at them. She has an untapped rage inside her that's going to cause her a lot of pain one day. And anyone who happens to be near her when she goes off.

I pity the fool.

Speaking of which ...

Bodie brought his misery on himself.

I actually found Bodie amusing some of the time - but on the downside, he was also stupid for returning to TJ after finally breaking ties, a lapdog to Emma when he proved he couldn't think for himself if a pretty (plastic) lady tells him how to think, and a pathetic 'dobber', sparking quite a few of the clashes between other Housemates around him.

There was plenty not to like about him, but I disagree that he was acting like a misogynist pig. He was just randy and dumb. He always said he only wanted the same thing that TJ had CLAIMED she wanted (a no-strings-attached 'squeeze' in the House), so he wasn't using her by hooking up with her. When it became clear that she was completely deranged and a psychotic troublemaker - and he dumped her once and for all - he should have held his ground rather than falling for her late-night whispers and promises of 'just cuddling' when his randy side dictated how he should behave with her in the dark and under the covers. Idiot. He has no one to blame for his current situation (touring the country with TJ in tow) but himself.

I don't agree with his attacks on Andrew & Hayley (they may appear 'boring', but the claim that they're 'fake' is just a stupid statement to make), but his constant chant-starting behaviour makes me giggle (mainly because others will mindlessly join in, even when the chant is intentionally stupid), and some of his tricks, pranks and comments were truly hilarious.

Still, the pair of them deserved each other, and when Bodie 'prayed' to God not to let him be evicted with TJ, God made sure they both got what they deserved.

.

Airport Loungin' Around

2007-05-12T13:14:00.000+10:00

... Spoiler Alert! ... Spoiler Alert! ...

If you haven't yet seen (and you intend to see) episode 6 of The Amazing Race Series 11 – All Stars Edition (TARAS), do not read any further!

--------------------

The last TARAS episode we saw here in Australia ended with Uchenna & Joyce being the last team to reach the Pit Stop but the first team to be safe from elimination on the All Stars edition of the show. The Pit Stop was located on the grass out the front of the Fortaleza de Maputo (literally, ‘Strength of Maputo) in Maputo, Mozambique.

The Detour for this leg was ‘Solve It’ or ‘Schlep It’. In ‘Solve It’, teams had to make their way one third of a mile to the Beyt al Chai hotel where they would put together a 62-piece puzzle that recreates an image from a style of local artwork known as Tinga Tinga. In ‘Schlep It’, teams made their way one mile to the Kijangwani Lumber Yard. Once there, they had to choose a local handcart and load two 50-pound logs into their cart. Once loaded, teams had to travel more than a mile to deliver the logs to a shipyard.

This leg's Roadblock had one team member learn how to use a traditional wooden weapon called a rungu used by members of the Maasai people by throwing it 65 feet to destroy clay targets in order to retrieve their next clue from inside.

For the record, this was the order in which the teams reached Phil on the mat last episode, and the order in which they started this leg of the Race:

1. Charla & Mirna
2. Dustin & Kandice
3. Teri & Ian
4. Oswald & Danny
5. Joe & Bill
6. Eric & Danielle
7. Uchenna & Joyce

Note: If you're already ahead of this point in the series, please refrain from giving any spoilers in your comments. Thank you.

As always, I’ll provide my thoughts on each team in this episode, listing them in the order in which they arrived at the Pit Stop (hence the 'Spoiler Alert!').

--------------------

This episode gave new meaning to the term ‘Airport Equaliser’, although it was anything but equal. Someone with better maths skills than me informed me that there was an amazing 27 hour gap between the first flight out of Johannesburg and the last, so the eventual winners of this leg were able to benefit from a longer-than-usual Pit Stop (normally only 12 hours, but they had to wait for everyone to arrive before the 12 hours started). This should see an even more relaxed and recuperated couple of teams in the lead and an perpetually harried final couple of teams in the next episode.

1. Charla & Mirna

Last week: 1
This week: No change

The first thing I noted in this episode was Mirna telling her taxi driver, “Don’t hit the people, mister”, which earned her the vicious scowl the comment deserved. The girls managed to infuriate the woman at the first airport counter who refused to serve them until morning and wouldn’t let them make any calls on her phone (fair enough, really – no need to talk to her like she’s a child or an idiot). The decision to fly to Johannesburg and try their luck there was the smartest move they’ve made on the Race so far (Johannesburg being a much bigger city than Maputo, so the likelihood of more flight options would be vast – why nobody else thought this was a wise idea is frankly beyond me), and from there they managed to talk their way onto the best possible flight to Tanzania. Upon reaching the dhow (the ferry boat thing), they are told that due to a storm that’s purportedly on its way (scoff), they’ll have to wait until the following morning. The shots of the (utterly harmless) clouds and the sound of thunder did nothing to convince me that this was anything other than the producers trying their best to close the gap a little and keep the episode interesting. If the girls hadn’t still finished in first place, I might have been a bit angrier about this than I am. It was transparent and pretty harsh, seeing their good decision-making was being penalised for being too good! (Those who can’t stand Charla & Mirna would have been pleased with this set-back, but no matter who it was, it’s was unfair.) Oswald & Danny were the second team to the dhows, so they shared with Charla & Mirna (the dhows could carry a maximum of two teams per trip). On the way, Charla was seasick, and when Oswald applied a cold compress to the back of her neck to help, she replied with, “You guys know a lot of beauty tips”. Beauty tips??!!? Well, I guess we can cut her some slack, considering she was so sick at the time. When they arrived at the Pit Stop in first place, host Phil Keoghan informed them that they’d each won a catamaran, and naturally he then had to explain to them both was a catamaran is.

2. Oswald & Danny

Last week: 4
This week: Up two places

I don’t think I’ve mentioned this yet, but whenever I speak about these guys (to Wifey or the seven workmates of mine who are all avid fans of the show), I refer to them as Donny & Osmond. I just wanted to share that with you. These guys were lucky to catch up to Charla & Mirna at the dhow, and were unsurprisingly good at the ‘Solve It’ Detour task. Why they then stopped for fruit instead of high-tailin’ it to the Pit Stop is beyond me (actually, they said they were dehydrated and I believe them – but still!), because it cost them their newly-acquired lead. Danny’s instruction to Oswald when he was throwing the rungu at the clay pot (“You’ve got to have a limp wrist!”) was a carefully chosen phrase for comic effect. These guys are good fun and very nice (helping Charla on the dhow and not ridiculing her for her ‘beauty tips’ comment), but sometimes they need to think smarter. I know it’s in them; hopefully they bring it out in the next leg. Losing first place because they stopped for fruit should hopefully remind them of what they’re there for.

3. Uchenna & Joyce - ”Marked For Elimination” (but SAFE!)

Last week: 7
This week: Up four places

This was a great comeback from these two, who were “marked for elimination”, as the new lingo goes. They arrived at the mat in third place, had to wait their half hour, but still managed to hold on to their third place spot. It was amusing to hear Uchenna basically giving Dustin & Kandice a lecture on slavery on the dhow (but why not, while he’s got a captive audience? … pardon the pun), and I hope they continue to do well in the coming weeks.

4. Dustin & Kandice

Last week: 2
This week: Down two places

These chicks did nothing very interesting in this episode.

5. Eric & Danielle

Last week: 6
This week: Up one place

I was amused by Eric’s joke about the “Tanzanian Devil”, particularly because Danielle had to think about whether or not he was right – and he had to tell her that he was joking. What a pair these two make! The perfect couple I don’t think! IMHO, Eric & Danielle were extremely unlucky to be dragged off their original flight to Johannesberg, because it had been Eric who’d spotted the airline’s office open upstairs, Eric who’d led the other teams up there, Eric who’d done all the talking with the airline employee, and Eric who’d arranged for tickets to be booked for himself & Danielle, Uchenna & Joyce, Dustin & Kandice and Oswald & Danny. So the fact that Eric & Danielle were the team chosen as being “one team too many” and pulled off the flight would have been VERY hard to swallow. If I’d been Eric, I’d have been arguing that one of the other teams should have been the one to go, but I guess it’s a good thing for him that he didn’t resort to that. It’s no secret that Eric is my favourite team this season (as opposed to Eric & Danielle, yuk yuk), so I hope they do well next week even though the ad features them looking very unhappy about something important.

6. Joe & Bill

Last week: 5
This week: Down one place

These guys made some stupid decisions in this episode, from choosing to stay in line rather than follow the other teams upstairs (even though the other teams never returned, so something must have been up!), to being rude about Eric & Danielle being pulled off the plane – if they’d thought about it, Eric & Danielle would have had a better chance of being on the next possible flight, so sticking with them would have been smarter than hiding from them and laughing. They only put on their thinking hats when they’d arrived at the Detour and cleverly decided to stick with their last remaining opponents, Teri & Ian, rather than do the opposite task and possibly fall way behind. This decision worked well for them, because they completed the puzzle much faster than the other team and took off. Teri & Ian never caught up, thus sealing their fate. They might has well have stopped off for fruit along the way.

~~7. Teri & Ian~~: ELIMINATED!

Last week: 3
This week: Down four places

This couple was starting to irritate me a little with their arguing about sleeping in the airport to ensure they were at the head of the line, but they were more annoying still in their decision to wait in the queue instead of going upstairs to the airline’s office and getting on the standby list. Mistake followed mistake, which compounded their delays until they were still racing a day after Charla & Mirna had finished the leg. When Joe & Bill and Teri & Ian finished the puzzle Detour task, for example, it was dawn the following day. It wasn’t too surprising that Teri & Ian went out in this leg, because they appeared quite haggard and tired throughout what ended up being a three-day leg for them. I’m sure they were happy to book into a hotel room, have a shower, and go to bed.

Channel Seven impressed everyone by showing the ad for the ‘next episode’ during the closing credits … and of course it was the ad for the episode we’d just watched. Well done, Seven. You continue to amaze us all.

--------------------

Last week's tips:

First Team: Oswald & Danny. (Wrong)
Last Team: Uchenna & Joyce. (Wrong)
Yield? Yes. (Wrong)
Fast Forward? No. Correct!
Elimination Week? Yes. Correct!
Biggest Argument: Teri & Ian. Correct!
Smartest Team: Uchenna & Joyce. (Wrong)

--------------------

Next week's tips:

First Team: Oswald & Danny.
Last Team: Charla & Mirna.
Yield? Yes.
Fast Forward? No.
Elimination Week? Yes.
Biggest Argument: Eric & Danielle.
Smartest Team: Oswald & Danny.

If you haven’t already done so, check out the review of this same episode that Javatari posted on his blog.

.

It's Dirty Work, But Somebody's Gotta Do It

2007-05-11T08:09:00.000+10:00

... Spoiler Alert! ... Spoiler Alert! ...

If you haven't yet seen (and you intend to see) episode 5 of The Amazing Race Series 11 – All Stars Edition (TARAS), do not read any further!

--------------------

The last TARAS episode we saw here in Australia ended with Rob & Amber being the last team to reach the Pit Stop and the fourth team to be eliminated from the All Stars edition of the show. The Pit Stop was located on the Martial Glacier in Ushuaia, Argentina.

For the Roadblock, one team member had to use a large, landmine-seeking rat on a series of complicated leads and cords to find a race marker above a deactivated mine. Once their rat gave the signal that it had found something, an Apopo Mine Technician would search the area. When the Race marker was found, the team would receive their next clue.

This leg's Detour was ‘Pamper’ or ‘Porter’. In ‘Pamper’, teams had to travel half a mile to the Maputo Central Market, choose a nail polish kit, and convince people to pay them to paint their nails, which in Maputo is a job usually performed by men. Teams needed to earn at least 30 meticals, which is about one US dollar, to receive their next clue. In ‘Porter’, teams made their way two miles to Market de Janet where they would use their bare hands to fill 10 large 45-pound bags with coal and sew each of them shut. Then, teams had to carry one of the ten heavy bags to a specified address where the owner would hand them their next clue.

For the record, this was the order in which the teams reached Phil on the mat last episode, and the order in which they started this leg of the Race:

1. Oswald & Danny
2. Eric & Danielle
3. Teri & Ian
4. Joe & Bill
5. Dustin & Kandice
6. Uchenna & Joyce
7. Charla & Mirna
~~8. Rob & Amber~~

Note: If you're already ahead of this point in the series, please refrain from giving any spoilers in your comments. Thank you.

As always, I’ll provide my thoughts on each team in this episode, listing them in the order in which they arrived at the Pit Stop (hence the 'Spoiler Alert!').

--------------------

1. Charla & Mirna

Last week: 7
This week: Up an impressive six places!

Who woulda thunk it?! I was quite surprised at how well these ladies did, although because this episode was aired as a double with the one that followed it (and the second episode was far more controversial), I have very little to say about the teams in this one. However, I did note with amusement that Charla is a big fan of TV’s Scrubs. (She was wearing a T-shirt that said, “I miss you” and appeared to feature a picture of actor Zach Braff!)

2. Dustin & Kandice

Last week: 5
This week: Up three places

When these two hiked two miles (or whatever it was) up the mountain of snow without their backpack containing the equipment they needed (and had to retrace their steps looking for it), I knew the blondes were back! Strangely, this seemed to be their only real mistake this leg (but it was enough to make them look stupid), and they were lucky enough to find the hidden beacon quickly, overtaking other teams who were having no luck in the snow.

3. Teri & Ian

Last week: 3
This week: No change

The only thing I noted about this episode for these guys was that they stupidly drove to the wrong market to do the ‘Porter’ Detour task. So they ended up doing the ‘Pamper’ one instead, which they completed very quickly and managed to overtake about five other teams. Ian’s frustration was starting to show a little more in this episode, but thankfully Teri wasn’t on the receiving end of it (too much).

4. Oswald & Danny

Last week: 1
This week: Down three places

I was surprised at how (relatively) badly these guys did at the start of this leg. They basically had a meltdown on the ice (pun intended, even though it’s a really crap one), and it looked like they may be in last place for a while. But they managed to bounce back and they had a couple of amusing moments, as usual. The first was in their pre-leg interviews, where they were both wearing a small flower behind their ear or in their scarf, making them look like they were having a great time and enjoying the Race. The second – and clearly the most amusing – was when they arrived at the mat covered in FILTHY coal dust from the ‘Porter’ detour task, threatened to hug Phil, and then chased him around the park a bit to a tune not too dissimilar to the Benny Hill theme music. We saw another joking side to Phil at this point, until the very real possibility that another team was hot on their tail forced them to properly check in and move along.

5. Joe & Bill

Last week: 4
This week: Down one place

Team Guido should be re-named team Weirdo. Their ‘argument’ with Eric wasn’t everything the ad had cracked it up to be (and I kinda agreed with Eric that they were behaving and reacting like tools), but Eric probably didn’t have to antagonise them so. Still, Eric’s a bit similar to Rob & Amber in that way – he knows that shaking up the other teams can only aid his own cause, so why not give it a try. The only thing I’ve written down in my notes is my surprise that Joe & Bill thought guys painting nails would be weird.

6. Eric & Danielle

Last week: 2
This week: Down four places

I must admit that Eric seems to know a fair bit of stuff, for a ‘COLEGE’ guy who never went to college and works as a waiter. He knew that Mozambique was in Africa, whereas Danielle (who knows how to wear clothes and that’s about it) had no idea where it was. I was impressed that he knew that, because Americans (God bless ‘em) aren’t exactly renown for their knowledge on world geography. At the end, in their footrace against Joe & Bill, his exasperated, “Dammit, Danielle!” was harsh, but in the heat of the moment (and feeling, as he must have, that she was letting him down by not running fast enough and possibly signing their elimination notice), I could understand it entirely. Maybe his annoyance is really aimed at himself for choosing to take Danielle on this Race instead of his former Race partner Jeremy (who would have been pulling his weight in this series, rather than just watching it*).

* Think about it.

7. Uchenna & Joyce - SAFE!

Last week: 6
This week: Down one place

Surprisingly, I haven’t written a single thing down about Uchenna & Joyce for this episode. They were unlucky in places, but also made rash decisions (like not getting one of the kids from the coal mine to direct them to the address they were heading to, like almost every other team before them had thought to do). Thankfully for all you U&J fans out there, this was the first no-elimination leg, so the happy couple were back in the second episode. But the new twist on the non-elimination legs was revealed to be a rather nasty one indeed! Unless they arrive at the Pit Stop in the next leg in first place (not impossible but extremely difficult), they have to wait half an hour before being checked in, which could be the difference between being safe and being eliminated. However, they no longer have all their money and possessions (excluding their passports and the clothes on their backs) confiscated. I really don’t mind Uchenna & Joyce, although viewers who didn’t see their original season with Rob & Amber (or perhaps those who did but who were cheering Rob & Amber on for the win) often don’t see what’s so charming about this pair. I think it’s their happy ability to stumble through the Race with a little less than 100% brains at work, but with such bright enthusiasm.

--------------------

Last week's tips:

First Team: Eric & Danielle. (Wrong)
Last Team: Charla & Mirna. (Wrong)
Yield? No. Correct!
Fast Forward? Yes. (Wrong)
Elimination Week? No. Correct!
Biggest Argument: Joe & Bill. (Wrong) – It was Oswald & Danny on the ice.
Smartest Team: Oswald & Danny. (Wrong) – I guess it was Charla & Mirna.

--------------------

Next episode's tips: (as tipped in the comments last week, once the ‘double episode’ thing was realised)

First Team: Oswald & Danny.
Last Team: Uchenna & Joyce.
Yield? Yes.
Fast Forward? No.
Elimination Week? Yes.
Biggest Argument: Teri & Ian.
Smartest Team: Uchenna & Joyce.

If you haven’t already done so, check out the review of this same episode that Javatari posted on his blog.

.

The Nation Kates You

2007-05-07T08:08:00.000+10:00

Okay, I can say it now, because she’s out of the House: Kate's the Housemate I know in real life. (I said I wasn't going to identify which of them I know until the Housemate in question was voted out.) It was a no-brainer that she'd be voted out first. She actually IS like that in real life.

SHOCK-HORROR! SHE WASN'T BEING MISREPRESENTED!

I think she’ll be better off for being out of the House and away from those idiots who were (initially, perhaps) giving her a hard time. But Kate was struggling in many ways in there, and I think being reunited with friends and family will do her the world of good.

Although she and I were never really close, I certainly knew her as a loud, ‘rough’ girl who said what she thought and enjoyed a good time with boys ‘n’ beer.

That’s why I knew she’d be Evictee # 1.

Being Evictee # 1 must be a strange feeling. For all the proud thoughts of love and warmth Gretel was sharing with her on stage tonight, surely the one thing going through her head was: EVERYONE HATES ME!

Kiss THIS, Kate!
The first official casualty of Big Brother 2007.

The rejection is pretty major, and very, very public. I can’t imagine it’s anything other than twelve parts of embarrassing.

But the stuff about pre-eclampsia was worth noting. Wifey disagreed with Kate’s assessment that hospitals don’t advise mothers on the risks and likelihood of pre-eclampsia so they don’t “spoil the funness of pregnancy”, because Wifey was told about it and she read heaps on the topic in the pregnancy books she hunted down.

Perhaps the problem is relative to Geelong-based hospitals. Or maybe Kate just needed to pay more attention to what she was being told, and/or do some pregnancy research of her own, like Wifey and I did.

Either way, it can only be a good thing that the end result of this is the way attention was drawn to pre-eclampsia. I’m all about raising awareness for such important matters (in part because it’s cheaper than raising cash), so if anyone wants to know more about pre-eclampsia, here’s the link you need.

I think it would have been a better House if Kate had stayed in there a little longer (and I’m not talking as someone who knows her, either), but there was no way the 13 year-old girls who make up the majority of the votes on Big Brother were going to leave her there after that horrendous first week she had.

And the fact that Kate doesn’t have the perfect body – that was certainly reason enough to vote her out ... at least, it is when you're a vapid pre-teen who idolises the Emmas of this world.

It's wrong, but there you have it.

.

Karma'ngeddit

2007-05-04T08:35:00.000+10:00

... or ...

Pride Cometh Before The Elimination

... Spoiler Alert! ... Spoiler Alert! ...

If you haven't yet seen (and you intend to see) episode 4 of The Amazing Race Series 11 – All Stars Edition (TARAS), do not read any further!

--------------------

The last TARAS episode we saw here in Australia ended with David & Mary being the last team to reach the Pit Stop and the third team to be eliminated from the All Stars edition of the show. The Pit Stop was located on a beach made of black volcanic ash near Playa Petrohué in Chile.

Teams chose between ‘Navigate It’ and ‘Sign It’ for this leg's Detour. In ‘Navigate It’, teams had to use a map of Punta Arenas to get to the town plaza where a sailor would hand them a compass. Then, using the compass, the teams needed to walk directly south to find the Nautilus Building, a deep-sea salvage business. In ‘Sign It’, teams had to choose a pole and building supplies and carry them up a flight of stairs to Magellan's Map. Using the map as a reference, teams needed to figure out that Magellan's journey around the world began and ended in Seville. Then, teams had to build a traditional local signpost listing – in the correct order – the fourteen ports of call from Magellan's voyage. While the signs didn't have to point in the right direction, all the cities had to be spelt correctly.

The Roadblock on this leg was to sort through 1,600 pieces of mail until they found one of two letters addressed to their team, which were written by one of the other teams from their ‘original season’. The team member completing the task then had to read the letter out loud to their partner, after which they received their next clue.

For the record, this was the order in which the teams reached Phil on the mat last episode, and the order in which they started this leg of the Race:

1. Rob & Amber
2. Uchenna & Joyce
3. Eric & Danielle
4. Dustin & Kandice
5. Oswald & Danny
6. Teri & Ian
7. Joe & Bill
8. Charla & Mirna
~~9. David & Mary~~

Note: If you're already ahead of this point in the series, please refrain from giving any spoilers in your comments. Thank you.

As always, I’ll provide my thoughts on each team in this episode, listing them in the order in which they arrived at the Pit Stop (hence the 'Spoiler Alert!').

--------------------

1. Oswald & Danny

Last week: 5
This week: Up four places

I don’t know why, but these guys seemed to come from nowhere. Perhaps it’s just because I’m a bigger fan of Eric & Danielle, so I was cheering them on in my head a bit more, but Oswald & Danny just seemed to take out the first place position with ease. It was good to see someone other than Rob & Amber winning a prize for arriving at the top of the pack, and after coming second to Rob & Amber for the first two legs, I guess these guys deserved a win. When host Phil Keoghan told them they’d won a holiday, Danny asked him, “Will you be coming with us?”, to which Phil’s reply was, “That’s a whole different reality show”. I love Phil – he’s very witty and an all-round top bloke (that’s the highest form of praise an Aussie male will give to another guy).

2. Eric & Danielle

Last week: 3
This week: Up one place

I really hoped Eric & Danielle were going to somehow beat Oswald & Danny to the mat, but I’m not too fussed about the guys winning – I just wanted Eric to win something (he came first so often in his ‘original season’ that I know he can do it … even if he’s carrying around some dead weight with him this time in the form of Danielle – sorry, darling, but it’s true). I thought the Roadblock in this episode was a fantastic idea (and one that would really only ever work on a season like All Stars - unless the team’s friends or family members were to write them a letter and they read them towards the end, when they were missing home a bit more), but I truly felt cheated when Eric opened his letter and it was from his former racing partner Jeremy and Danielle’s former racing partner Dani. I mean, it made perfect sense and I’m sure meant a lot more to them, BUT I WANTED TO HEAR FROM BJ & TYLER!! It’s possible that the two letters were penned by different teams in their ‘original season’, so maybe the other letter than Eric didn’t find was written by BJ & Tyler. And maybe it was a second copy of the letter Eric read aloud. I dunno. Anyway, neither of the top two teams really put a foot wrong on this leg, but starting out earlier in the pack and getting on the first charter flight really set the pace for them all being able to stay ahead of the game. (They could have made mistakes and fallen back, of course, but my point is they were in a better position by being in the lead.) Oh, and pretty much the only contribution Danielle made in this episode was confusing Argentina for Australia. Nice. She’ll be getting no sympathy from me.

3. Teri & Ian

Last week: 6
This week: Down three places

I’m starting to wonder about these two. They don’t strike me as quite the smarties I initially thought they were. I suppose, to be fair, I should point out that their only real mistake was to head down the wrong path when they reached the beach and were looking for the cluebox … but as we saw later, they weren’t the only team to do this. And they also managed to talk their way onto the 9:50am flight, so they were doing alright, really. In fact, if they hadn’t headed the wrong way at the beach, they may have been in the first ferry, and possibly finished the leg in first or second place (Eric – who grabbed the first ticket for the ferry – would have been racing them for the top position … with Danielle in tow, I suppose).

4. Joe & Bill

Last week: 7
This week: Down four places

What a pair of tossers! There’s really not much to like about these guys at all, IMHO. They started out the leg by repeatedly asking the guy at the airport check-in counter if he could let them on the flight (that Teri & Ian had just successfully talked themselves onto), but when the guy said the flight was closed, they just DIDN’T GIVE UP! Why don’t you guys SHUT UP for a moment? The dude said it’s closed! (I can understand them wanting to do everything they could to talk themselves onto the flight, but they really went on about it FAR too much.) They did well to overtake Rob & Amber and Dustin & Kandice during the Detour, and seemed to sweep ahead and leave them far behind – at least until most of them caught up with each other at the pier while they waited for their ferry. After leaving the letter Roadblock task, they bickered all the way to the mat – whereupon everything was okay again (once Phil told them they were the fourth team to arrive). The ad for next week’s episode looks interesting. Eric seems to have a pretty heated argument with them, and I can’t help but wonder who comes out looking better from that little run-in. Eric certainly seemed to be making the childish comments, from what we saw on the promo, but that’s often just Eric’s way of dismissing those he’s arguing with, so we can’t really tell at this point who’s being more petty.

5. Dustin & Kandice

Last week: 4
This week: Down one place

These girls made another big mistake in this episode: Joining forces with Rob & Amber! Who would have thought we’d ever be saying that was a poor decision?! One important thing we learned in this episode (courtesy of Oswald) was that Kandice (the slightly more attractive of the two, IMHO) is a noisy snorer! We have no idea if it’s true or a vicious rumour/lie/joke, of course, but it’s worth noting nonetheless … because it points out that no one’s perfect. Except for Wifey. When they teamed up with Rob & Amber and found themselves running in the opposite direction to Joe & Bill (who were using their map and compass), based purely on Rob (who wasn’t using either item) believing he knew where the building they were looking for was, the girls should have stopped in their tracks, checked their compass, and done things properly. That was a warning bell indicating Rob’s panic if ever there was one. So although Rob led the foursome off track, the beauty queens only had themselves to blame for following him. Moving up into fifth place from this pretty major setback was actually a very good turnaround.

6. Uchenna & Joyce

Last week: 2
This week: Down four places

After a great result last episode, it was disappointing to see Uchenna & Joyce plummet so far down the ladder. Having said that, however, their drop wasn’t as dramatic (or final) as another team I could mention, so let’s keep things in perspective. Joyce had apparently asked an airline employee for directions to the next cluebox before visiting the ladies room, and while in there, Rob allegedly (actually, he admitted as much himself) took the instructions and high-tailed it outta there. Perhaps the employee assumed they were ‘together’, but seeing Uchenna must have witnessed it (or at least knew about it), why he didn’t say something to Rob is a mystery. Maybe he did and it just wasn’t captured on camera (which would explain why both Rob and Uchenna were re-telling the story in their respective taxis later). When they reached the Detour, Uchenna & Joyce selected the ‘Sign It’ option (as did Rob & Amber), and both teams struggled to complete the task. Rob knew a surprisingly large amount of history, as evidenced by knowing that Magellan's trip started and ended in Seville (he didn’t simply work this out by looking at the map – he actually knew his facts!), and Amber was right in telling him to keep it to himself because the other teams didn’t know that. Uchenna & Joyce worked on the assumption that Magellan's voyage started in Guam (for some inexplicable reason), and it wasn’t until they re-read their clue and studied the map a little closer that Joyce worked out they needed to start and end with Seville. This pleased Uchenna no end, and led to their departure from the task (and being the only team – of the four who attempted it – to finish the task). Joyce’s ability to decipher that clue seemed to make up for her abysmal attempt at the boardroom Roadblock a few episodes ago. I know they all want to be pleasant to one another when there’s no actual racing going on, but I was surprised how heartily Joyce in particular was laughing at Rob & Amber’s re-telling of how they’d tricked Charla & Mirna into thinking there was a cluebox down the wrong path at the beach they’d just left.

7. Charla & Mirna

Last week: 8
This week: Up one place

Well, that another big episode – no pun intended – for these two. We started off with Mirna practicing some stand-up material at the expense of her diminutive cousin (“I have to make up for our shortcomings”), and stating – with a straight face – how she has to do more than any other person has ever had to do on the Race. Once the scoffing stopped, I saw her point. Mirna’s always carrying everything, running (and sometimes dragging) Charla along, doing all the driving, speaking to most locals herself, and so on. It’s true; she has a rough time of it – but at least she can see over the counter at McDonald’s. Have some perspective, Mirna! You’re cousin’s a dwarf! She hasn’t exactly had a problem-free life, herself! I imagine. Not that I’m advocating treating Charla with felt gloves or patronising her with sympathy, but COME ON. She was HOOKED-UP WITH A LITTLE DWARF MAN WHO SPOKE NO ENGLISH at the end of the previous leg, woman! You don’t have to blow your own trumpet about your work on the Race. (Of course, I’m just being funny – I actually greatly enjoy watching Charla & Mirna in the Race, and if Eric & Danielle, Oswald & Danny and Uchenna & Joyce were all eliminated, I’d be delighted to see these girls win.) When Charla didn’t bring their purses up the steps from their car and Mirna had to run back down again (all the while verbally insulting and embarrassing her tiny relative for forgetting their passports, etc), I couldn’t help but feel for Charla and the onslaught she was receiving. Why didn’t she ask if Mirna had brought their purses with her? But I guess that’s just how they are. New Yorkers. Loud and brash, getting near-hysterical and carrying on like loons … but they love each other all the same. (And the Full House audience goes: “Awwww.”) Although things settled down between the girls after that, the pressure of frequently being in last place clearly played on their minds because as they carried the signpost materials up the steps, Mirna had another shouty meltdown directed at her cousin (who – it must be said – was probably trying to be helpful and not look useless, but really needed to do as Mirna was saying and stop making things worse for everyone). When calling for a taxi later, it was amusing to learn that the girls have a whistle! Probably a great idea when you aren’t gonna know every language and be able to hail a taxi very easily in foreign lands, but I don’t know why we haven’t seen it until now. Then there was the taxi run-in with Rob & Amber as the two teams were the last to leave the airport. This was the first of three noticeable run-ins with the season favourites (the other two major run-ins being when Amber lied about the fictitious cluebox at the beach, and the brief verbal spat between Mirna and Rob during the letter Roadblock), and in each instance I couldn’t help but side with Charla & Mirna. They were pretty much the victims in each instance, showing that when their backs are against the wall, Rob & Amber’s tactics will happily turn to bullying. Misleading I understand, psyching their opponents out is fine, and I’d even try my hand at some sneaky dealings if I was on the Race and wanted to avoid being eliminated. But I’d never want to win by being a bully. When Charla & Mirna caught up with Rob & Amber (and Uchenna & Joyce) on the pier, Mirna naturally demanded to know what Amber was ‘playing at’ by lying about the cluebox. This was a little silly, but Amber’s reply was misunderstood or misheard by the girls. Amber claimed that she was telling Rob she’d “got it” (realised where the clue was), rather than telling the girls as she passed them that she’d got the clue, but Charla told the camera later that it made no sense for Amber to be telling Rob that she got the clue. Um, that’s not what Amber said, Tiny (even though what Amber said was a blatant lie). Mirna’s claim that she knows when someone’s lying because she’s an attorney seemed a little boastful (not to mention unlikely), but all-in-all these girls are the sort of team I can’t help but watch with fascination. One other thing: Consider what the ad for this episode was saying. For Charla to be a ‘hero’, the implication is that they were going to out the ‘villains’ (which I guess isn’t far from the truth). But it was probably wrong of Channel Seven to presume that everyone prefers Charla & Mirna over Rob & Amber. I know of at least two people (Javatari and Mars) who’d disagree with that assessment quite strongly.

~~8. Rob & Amber~~: ELIMINATED!

Last week: 1
This week: Down (and out) seven places

Okay, I know I tipped Charla & Mirna last week to be eliminated in this episode, but in my defence I hadn’t yet seen the ad that went on and on about Charla (“the girl everyone loves” – you say what, now?) being asked to be a “hero”. When Colls Bolls left a comment about this ad in last week’s post, I didn’t know at that point what she was referring to (although I agree with her view that the term ‘hero’ is overused – and because Charla wasn’t in fact asked to save anyone’s life, the term was definitely misused in this instance), but once I did see the commercial, it was pretty obvious what was going to happen. At least Phil’s voiceover last week didn’t make it 100% certain that Rob & Amber would be last (he could just have been referring to a fight, as I said in last week’s post), but good old Channel Seven again spoilt things for everyone by making it a no-brainer that Charla & Mirna were going to beat Rob & Amber to the Pit Stop. (I have too much integrity to go back and change my tip mid-week, however.) Rob & Amber spent a bit of time researching the shipwreck on the Internet (why does no other team think to do this?), but then wasted most of that time thinking it was a painting they were looking for (tip to the show’s producers: send teams to find a painting but let them think it’s an actual landmark in some future series – that’s a frickin’ great idea!). Why Rob “doubted” that Uchenna & Joyce’s taxi driver would know where the shipwreck was (when, as Amber pointed out, their own taxi driver had known) is anyone’s guess. I think it was just Rob’s ego and misplaced bravado at work. At the ‘Sign It’ Detour, it was amazing that Rob misspelt the word ‘Philippines’. How he could possibly misspell Phillipeans is beyond me. It was written right there on the map! Philipenes! He even said, “It better not be a spelling thing”, but apparently neither he nor Amber thought to check the spelling of the word ‘Fillepeaunes’! How dumb is that. (Seriously, though – why didn’t Amber go and check the spelling of each word as Rob hammered them all in, once they’d gotten it wrong twice already?!?) Clearly they’re not used to being in last place, and when the pressure’s on, Ron in particular likes to charge ahead with no pause to think things through properly. Teaming up with Dustin & Kandice didn’t really help their cause, particularly when Rob let his ego lead them off in entirely the wrong direction! When you’re holding a compass in your hand and you need to head due south, why you wouldn’t have a look at the compass before tearing off towards some building you’d seen earlier (and don’t even know if it’s the right one – and while another team is running off in the opposite direction) is just ludicrous. Later, Rob & Amber even started to get snippy with each other while they were waiting in the airport. When they took what was arguably Charla & Mirna’s taxi, Rob lied that they’d rung a taxi as well. But inviting bad karma like that was always going to come back to bite him. I must say that despite my criticism (which wasn’t really criticism as such anyway) of Amber tricking Charla & Mirna into thinking that the cluebox was further along the wrong path at the beach, I thought Amber’s “cover story” later when Mirna accosted her about the incident was brilliant. Claiming that she was simply telling Rob she’d worked out where the cluebox was (although impossible and obviously a lie) would have been transparent and infuriating for the girls, but there was nothing they could do to prove Amber’s story wrong. Apart from using Amber’s own admission on tape as evidence that she was lying. No matter which way you slice it, Rob & Amber’s elimination last night was their own fault. They can’t blame anyone other than themselves, and they can’t even really put it down to bad luck. There was a bit of bad luck involved, but the fault was definitely their own. Even though I didn’t mind them this season, it was kinda amusing to see them fall so far.

--------------------

Last week's tips:

First Team: Eric & Danielle. (Wrong) – I was very close, though!
Last Team: Charla & Mirna (or possibly Rob & Amber – but my tip is for Snow White & The Angry Dwarf). (Wrong) – I was very close again! But no cigar.
Yield? No. Correct!
Fast Forward? Yes. (Wrong)
Elimination Week? Yes. Correct!
Biggest Argument: Charla & Mirna. Correct!
Smartest Team: Dustin & Kandice. (Wrong) – Not considering they teamed up with Rob & Amber (which – on any other leg – would ordinarily have been a smart move). I’d have to say it was either of the first two teams; Oswald & Danny or Eric & Danielle.

--------------------

Next week's tips:

First Team: Eric & Danielle. (I’m sticking with them because they’ve been steadily increasing through the ranks from 4th place, to 3rd place, and now sit comfortably in 2nd place – with no Rob & Amber left to steal 1st place from them!)
Last Team: Charla & Mirna.
Yield? No.
Fast Forward? Yes.
Elimination Week? No.
Biggest Argument: Joe & Bill.
Smartest Team: Oswald & Danny.

[-- Aside --]

I’d like to offer my most heartfelt condolences to Mars. I’m not sure if she’s going to be reading this post or not (she’ll possibly boycott it – and the rest of the season of TARAS - now that Rob & Amber have been eliminated). I’m not gonna say, “I told you so”, because that would be childish (and redundant, because – as we all know – I did tell you so).

[-- Aside Ends --]

If you haven’t already done so, check out the review of this same episode that Javatari posted on his blog.

.

Kara-zy Harry

2007-05-03T08:34:00.000+10:00

The White Room thing finally ended last night, sparing those three poor souls any further psychological damage.

Thank goodness Kara didn’t get in to the Big Brother House last night! Her constant swearing meant we were sometimes hearing back-to-back beeps, which drowned out not only what the other Wildcards were saying, but what Big Brother himself was saying!

It drove me mad, and I wanted her to SHUT UP for a moment so we could hear everything else being said. She was constantly swearing and being censored.

It seemed like the only times she wasn’t being bleeped was when she was crying hysterically, so all-in-all I was delighted when Demet and Harrison voted her out.

Krazy Kara Kan’t Keep Kwiet!

Once they’d had their moment of victory, the pallid pair were whisked away to the Friday Night Live games arena, where the “Dress Russell Crowe Mid-Air” challenge from last Friday was repeated for the two of them to out-play one another.

But Demet’s scared of heights, so it was an easy win for Harrison.

Unfortunately, that wasn’t how the final Wildcard was going to be decided, so the two of them stood – where else? – in front of a large white backdrop while the official BB Housemates (who’d been watching the whole thing on their TV screens) voted one at a time for which Housemate they wanted to join them.

Winning the physical challenge didn’t do Harrison any favours, because it appeared that most Housemates saw him as a threat to their own eventual success as the winner of Big Brother (or at least Friday Night Live).

Hunky Harrison was too threatening as a potential
fellow contestant for the Housemates to vote him in.

And so Demet was made a Housemate and joined the House for fun and hi-jinks – hoping for ‘real food’ but discovering to her dismay that the House was now on The White Room’s “special diet” as well, so she perhaps had a few more days of porridge gunk ahead of her.

The good news for Kara and Harrison, however, was that they could feast on whatever they wanted. Joining Gretel and Cruz on stage, they were given their holidays and cash (but just how much did they win? We weren’t told – which was interesting in itself), and a platter of food to share.

Did the Housemates make the right decision? Will they warm to Demet as much as (or more than) they would have warmed to Harrison? Only time will tell.

The most annoying thing is that the Housemates inadvertently proved Demet’s psychic right. In her BB auditions, Demet spoke of being told by a fortune-teller that Demet would be spending time in a large house filled with many people.

.

Cruz Control

2007-04-30T22:52:00.000+10:00

Well, Big Brother has started in Australia for another year. We’ve seen over a week of shows so far, and marvelled in BB’s gumption to cause friction by playing with a couple’s relationship the way he has with Andrew and Hayley. The addition of Hayley’s ex-boyfriend Billy into the House was inspired, genius and cruel – all at the same time.

It’s been a big year so far – no prize money (although not really, as we’ve seen tonight), a new Friday Night Live winner’s twist, ‘The White Room’, the secret couple, Mr X, and so on.

And here’s something for you to consider …

I know one of this year’s
Housemates in real life!

I won’t tell you who until they’re evicted (or win), but you’re free to guess. I’d be interested to know which of them you think I might know. (Bear in mind that I don’t know them very well – they used to work at my old workplace, but they weren’t one of the ‘problem people’.)

I’m happy to sign autographs, if you like. $5 a pop.

Anyway, last night’s episode saw our first sort of Housemate sort of evicted. Cruz elected to hit the red button and leave The White Room.

And fair enough.

Those people are going crazy in there, and it’s not too surprising, really. They have no stimulation (visual, audio, etc), and eat nothing but a suspicious white gruel made of oats and stuff.

When we first saw Cruz’s intro video, I felt sure I wasn’t going to like him. Claiming to be a male chauvinist and proud of it, it was difficult to see what could possibly endear him to the (largely female) voting public and entice them to vote him in.

Of course, he probably didn’t record that video thinking it’d be shown to the public who would then decide who to vote in, so in a way, I bet he was later thinking, “D’oh!”

But after seeing him interviewed a couple of times and watching him in The White Room for a week, there was nothing obvious about the boy to dislike. Maybe what he said was all for show? Perhaps he was just trying to stir up a bit of controversy so the show’s producers would put him in the House when those comments were filmed? Who knows and who cares.

The point is, I was ready to loathe him but found no follow-up reasons to do so.

I’m about to Cruz control
and I think I like it, yeah, yeah.

As for what happened in last night’s episode when Cruz hit the red button, I was VERY annoyed with BB and his CONTINUAL method of stuffing everything up.

When Cruz hit the button, we cut back to Gretel and she told us that Cruz shouldn’t play poker because BB was intending to go much higher than that.

Well, maybe if BB had FRAMED the offer properly, that would have been clear to the Wild Cards in The White Room and to the viewers watching at home. Because there was NOTHING in what BB said to signify that things were going to get interesting.

Instead of saying he was going to offer the Wild Cards money to leave The White Room and they had ten seconds to accept the offer because it was a ‘one-time’ deal, and then telling them it was $500, he should have told them he’d be increasing the money until one of them hit the button.

That would have added suspense and intrigue (not to mention pressure and greed) to the tension in The White Room (and for us watching at home).

Instead, BB didn’t even tell the Wild Cards when the ten seconds had started, so they were all surprised (as were Wifey and I) when BB announced that their time was up.

“What an anti-climax,” I said to Wifey, thinking that was the entire ‘carrot’ they were going to be offering.

When BB then upped the amount to $750, Cruz hit the red button because it was UNCLEAR that BB intended to keep offering more money. I’d say he was going to hit the button at $500, but was waiting for BB to give them some kind of indication that the clock had started ticking.

It was a complete foul-up of what could have been a much more exciting segment. Imagine the tension that the four Wild Cards might have gone through, if they wanted to leave the room, but wanted to let the money keep climbing, and yet didn’t want another of the four of them to ‘buzz in’ first!

THAT would have been worth watching.

But no, true to form, BB likes to completely misrepresent what he says to the Housemates and pauses in all the wrong and confusing places. The dude needs a new scriptwriter – and some elocution lessons!

Buddy, if you want the things you say to make sense and be worded in such a way that they’re not ambiguous and confusing, I’m happy for you to fly me to the Gold Coast so I can help you out. The way your dialogue is strung together at the moment is just embarrassing – not to mention friggin’ annoying!

And stop pausing in the wrong spots and rushing two sentences together where you’re meant to pause!

Here’s something BB said on Friday Night Live, complete with the pauses where he placed them. Hyphens indicate where he ran two words together in a mad hurry, almost making them sound like the one word. Each ellipsis (which is the fancy word for those three dots) indicates a lengthy pause:

“Housemates-start … when you hear … the buzzer-Do not … start … until Big Brother … instructs you-Ninja, … crack … the egg.”

What he SHOULD have said, complete with pauses and NO rushing of one word into another, is this:

“Housemates, do not begin until you hear the buzzer. Ninja, crack the egg.”

It drives me CRAZY (if you can’t tell) that no one’s had the guts to tell the show’s Executive Producer (BB himself) that he needs to tidy up the way he delivers his lines and have his script written in proper English. Or at least written in such a way as to get the best potential drama out of each moment.

It really sounds like he’s making it up as he goes along, and doesn’t realise what he’s going to say until he gets partway through each sentence. It’s a mess.

But let’s get back to Cruz and the other Wild Cards. Personally, I’m glad they’re getting worthwhile prizes, like a holiday to New Zealand. I reckon if they stayed in that room and got nothing more than a handshake and a cuddle when they came out, that’d be pretty rotten. I’m not fussed that they’ve done nothing on the show or even that they’re the four least-likeable options of the six “vote-‘em-in” Housemates who were on offer to the voting public last week – I think it’s the least the show’s producers could do for those poor kiddies who got their hopes up about going into the House and then weren’t even voted in.

Regardless of what you think of the four Wild Cards (Cruz = chauvinist; Kara = foul-mouthed nutbag; Harrison = headband-wearing blandy; Demet = Muslim who belly-dances and therefore shucks the Muslim religion so why even mention it? Are you just trying to look multicultural, BB? ‘Cos I find that more offensive), the poor dears deserve something worthwhile for their time and effort.

And so the three nominated Housemates this week are Kate, Bodie and Jamie. I think (and hope) Kate gets evicted, but you never can tell. I think Emma’s shown a really awful, b!tchy side to her this week, and Jamie’s a sweetie. Bodie’s hilarious, while Kate is probably the least likeable in the whole House.

Oh no … after TJ.

What a cruel, vindictive, thinks-she-knows-it-all b!tch TJ is! I can’t wait for her eviction. I don’t find her entertaining to watch at all – she’s a waste of everyone’s time.

Oh, and a memo to Zoran: DO SOMETHING.

.