It Has Finished

Let me start by apologising for the ridiculously-long wait for this post. It’s been almost a month since the ninth season of The Amazing Race finished airing in Australia, but with one thing and another (including not having to ‘beat’ the following week’s episode now that it’s over), I allowed this write-up to slip further and further back on my list of blogging priorities. For anyone who’s still interested (and I know there are at least three of you out there because of the feedback I’ve received in the comments and on email), I hope the finale’s events won’t be such distant memories that you have trouble associating what follows with what you recall thinking and feeling yourselves when you saw the show’s conclusion.

I should also point out that if you haven’t seen The Empire Strikes Back, The Crying Game or The Sixth Sense, you may want to be careful about reading this post, as various plot twists to these movies are also spoilt in this post. (No, really.)

And now, without further ado, let us begin.


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... Spoiler Alert! ... Spoiler Alert! ...

If you haven't yet seen (and you intend to see) episode 13 of The Amazing Race Series 9 (TAR 9), do not read any further!


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The last TAR 9 episode we saw here in Australia ended with the DWC, or Dating WASP Couple (AKA Joseph & Monica; “Team MoJo”), being the eighth team to be eliminated. The pit stop was located at The Marble Temple in Bangkok, Thailand.

There was another pit stop in the middle of this double episode, which was located on board ‘The Big Swan’, a touristy boat in the middle of Lake Yamanaka near the base of Mt Fuji in Japan. The finishing line was right back where they’d started the race a month earlier; in fact, on the same grounds from which they’d departed … at some kind of stadium or other (I didn’t catch exactly where it was) in Denver, Colorado, in the ‘good old U.S. of A.’

For the record, this was the order in which the teams reached Phil on the mat last episode, and the order in which they started this leg of the race:

1. FHG – Freaky Hippy Guys [“The Hippies”] (BJ & Tyler)
2. BFG – Buff Frat Guys [“The Frats”] (Eric & Jeremy)
3. TBC – Token Black Couple [“No Alternate Nickname”] (Ray & Yolanda)

The interesting thing about this double-episode season finale, then, was that neither at the mid-way point (a pit stop I didn’t realise last week was expected) nor at the finish line right at the end, did the above order officially change.

In a shocking break with tradition, I’m going to provide my thoughts on each team in the episode by listing them in reverse order of how they arrived at the finish line (hence the 'Spoiler Alert!').


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3. Token Black Couple (TBC) – To start with, Ray and Yolanda amused me by singing their ‘Frat Girls’ song early in this double episode. And then they lost me pretty soon after that by being so hopeless at navigating their way through the streets of Tokyo. Don’t get me wrong; I would have been equally terrible at this, but in a race for a million dollars, nothing would stop me from asking directions of everyone I saw. When they reached the ‘maidens’ task, I was amused to discover they didn’t know what a ‘maiden’ was. And after completing the task, I’m not sure that it’s terribly polite manners to tell your ‘fair maiden’ that she’s much heavier than she looks! The most forehead-slapping moment of the finale went to the TBC when they lost their toll ticket for the highway they were traveling on. It must have been in the car somewhere! What’s the bet it was in Ray’s pocket. The comment from the toll booth operator was a classic: “Unbelievable!” After they’d sorted out the problem and the toll booth operator patted Ray on the behind by way of dismissing him, he seemed surprisingly freaked out. He’s black; has he never played basketball?? By the time they finally reached the amusement park, their arguing was making them fall apart once again, although a brief moment of confusion made them smile:

Yolanda: “Did he say right or left?”
Ray: “He said right, but he pointed left.”
Yolanda: [Beat] “Let’s ask someone else.”

Not surprisingly, the TBC was the last team to arrive at the pit stop that was cunningly hidden in the middle of the finale, but of course were not eliminated. They lost all their money for the final leg, however, which forced them to beg for money early the following morning. They chose to enter a Denny’s restaurant, and through an apparent likeness (at least to the Japanese businessmen eating breakfast there) to Janet Jackson on Yolanda’s behalf, the pair was able to collect a fair bit of cash. At Tokyo Airport, Ray specifically asked a check-in operator what their (her company’s) earliest flight to Anchorage was. So when they discovered (too late) that there was a flight with another airline that they could have caught and Ray angrily complained that they’d asked but hadn’t been told about their options, I agreed with the airline staff. Actually, I think they may have caved and let them on the flight, now that I think about it. My notes don’t say either way, and that episode featured two separate airports. Speaking of which, there were basically two ‘airport equalisers’ in each leg of this double episode. In the first half, there were the elephants and the eloquently-named ‘Time Capsule Hotel’. In the second half, there were the two airports; Tokyo and Anchorage. But back to my point: Ray didn’t ask about other airlines or connecting flights, so he should only have been angry with himself. Once in Alaska, Ray and Yolanda had to stop for directions again. But like I said, it’s better to be doing this than to speed off in the wrong direction entirely. (And at Ray doesn’t suffer from Dave’s Disease ™ from the NDC.) Once they reached the frozen lake, it was pretty obvious that the TBC were going to come in third place. They were pretty-much in third place for the entire double leg, but good on them for their (mostly) positive attitude. Ray’s second best line was delivered in this episode*, when he said: “I always bet on black.” On this occasion it didn’t work out for him. He should have bet on red (a red-headed hippy and his goon buddy, that is).

* His very best line was in the first episode, when introducing himself to crazy hot-head Lake from the BSC -- read the comments from my first post for the details of this exchange.

2. Buff Frat Guys (BFG) – it was always going to be a tough race between the BFG and the FHG, and this double episode was certainly a nail-biter for fans or haters of either team. It was never a sealed-deal by any stretch of the imagination, and it came right down to the wire with the final challenge. But true to the ‘unknown’ nature of the game and the element of ‘chance’, the ever-successful BFG were unable to pull through in the very last task. Which made me a very happy camper indeed! Although getting a better flight to Tokyo from Thailand at the start of the leg, Eric and Jeremy still made some silly choices that helped the FHG catch up to them by nightfall. I must say, though, that the ‘Hachiko’ they were supposed to find after reading the clue in the neon lights on the street corner was not the man with the clue envelope, but the statue of the dog he was sitting behind! (Not that it really mattered.) When faced with delivering parcels on bike across the city or carrying maidens to a bungalow, surprise-surprise, they chose the maidens. Their comments that they ‘hope they get a hot one’ and ‘this is a naughty fantasy come true’ were – again – probably a little tasteless, given the sanctity of the maidens they were discussing, but hey – they’re Frat Boys. One of Jeremy’s funnier lines of this episode was when he dubbed the hotel they slept in as the Time Capsule Hotel. Given the quirky sleeping arrangements, it seemed like an appropriate moniker. It was a very ‘sci-fi’ comment for a ‘jock’ to make. He also said, “I hope I don’t wake up and it’s 1972”, which was less brilliant, because that would make it a Time Travelling Hotel (as a time capsule goes forward in time, so to go back in time you’d need some kind of scientific and sub-spatial anomaly or black hole or flash of lightning or flying DeLorean or something like that … as we all know only too well). The following morning, Jeremy continued the team’s list of racially insensitive comments by stating that he’d found that in order to be understood by the Japanese, he had to talk really fast (because the Japanese speak comparatively quickly, you see – how droll). It was interesting to note how easily he fell for Tyler’s rather obvious (I thought) attempt to mislead him on the rollercoaster task. Of course he’s going to try to trick you, you meathead! Once they both saw the regrettably-obvious clue on the third and final ride, however, he was clearly embarrassed that he’d been so easily tricked (rather than legitimately feel any anger with the FHG for trying to deceive him). At least, I hope for Jeremy’s sake that that’s what it really was; otherwise he’s a hypocrite of the highest order. As these two teams raced to the pit stop on ‘The Big Swan’, Jeremy again amused me greatly with another funny comment. (For someone with so many despicable qualities, he still manages to make me laugh quite frequently … does this say more about his multi-faceted personality or my open-mindedness / weakness to commit to a single opinion of the man, do you think? Discuss.) He said, “Don’t tell anybody, but I was on the swan boat club in high school. I was actually the captain.” The race to the silly-looking swan boat was great (more of that in the FHG’s blurb), but I went right off Jeremy again when he started whinging and complaining to Phil about Tyler. The Hippies are playing dirty now? You’re not very happy with the Hippies? Oh, grow up! You’ve been bad-mouthing and back-stabbing everyone from the very beginning of the race! Remember your derogatory and sexist comments about Monica before you even knew her name? What about canceling the TBC’s and FHG’s taxis? Don’t try to bleat about a simple mislead showing their ‘true colours’, you wimp. Come back to me when you’re ready to grow a spine and take back a small dose of what you’re always dishing out in large quantities. Puh-lease. Ahem. Anyway, on to the final leg: The guys amused me with their ‘kung-fu’ speak in the car as they drove from ‘The Big Swan’ early the following morning, but despite claiming that the FHG were going the wrong way, it was actually them who were taking the longer route to the hotel. Thankfully, they stayed in the dark about this (and a few associated advantages the FHG also held over them at this point in the race) until after the race was over. I would have loved to be there to see the looks on their faces when they were told what actually happened, though! It was great to see the Hippies and Frat Boys trying to trick and hide from each other as they each arrived at the airport. It didn’t really matter in the long run (as they ended up on the same flight into Anchorage), but their attempts to lose and bamboozle the other team were the stuff of great comedy. Comments frequently heard throughout the series were repeated ad nauseum in this episode, such as: “Damn you, Frat Boys!” and “I hate those Hippies!” The first was more comical while the second was more sinister and spiteful. But it reflected the people saying them, I guess. It came right down to the final task with the flags. The Frat Boys were leading the whole way, but when the Hippies showed up, it was anyone’s race once again. Although both teams stuffed up their first attempt at placing the flags in the order of the countries they’d visited throughout the race, it wasn’t a surprise to see Eric make a bigger mess of his second attempt while BJ worked it out with relative ease. I think the most heartbreaking spot to come in TAR is second. If you’re the first team to be eliminated, it’s humiliating; sure. But you’re soon forgotten and the shame is limited. Coming third isn’t so bad because you’re not ‘the biggest loser’ and clearly weren’t close enough anyway. All positions in between are fair game. But second place shows that you were so close that it’s an especially bitter pill to swallow that another team beat you. And it’s even more delightful when that other team is the runner-up-team’s ‘mortal enemy’ (just like when smarmy and arrogant Survivor team Rob and Amber came second to Echenna and Joyce a couple of seasons ago!). So the little devil who sits on my left shoulder was absolutely thrilled to see Eric and Jeremy lose to BJ and Tyler … and to watch them grimace as they had to accept a big ol’ plateful of humble pie into the bargain. But their story wasn’t over yet. In a true movie-moment for me (akin to finding out that Darth Vadar is actually Luke Skywalker’s father at the end of The Empire Strikes Back, or that the girl was really a guy in The Crying Game, or that Bruce Willis’s character was dead all along in The Sixth Sense, or that Barf’s full name is actually ‘Barfolomew’ in Spaceballs), we discovered that the ‘Frat Boys’ were never frat boys at all! They were college drop-outs! It was a suitable moment of further shame for the lads, and the theme of ‘deception’ was not lost on me. :)

1. Freaky Hippy Guys (FHG) – first of all, I must agree with Dxxxx’s comment here about how deliriously happy she is (and I am, and we are, etc) that these guys came in first place to take out the million-dollar prize. For although I could have ‘handled’ the DEC, the TBC or the NDC winning the money if things had gone differently for the FHG, I certainly didn’t want teams such as the BFG, the DWC or the BSC to win. (For an explanation as to those acronyms, you may want to start reading these reviews from the first episode of series nine, located here.) BJ and Tyler definitely deserved to win the race, and not just based on their personalities. They also earned it the hard way, fighting back from non-eliminated last place on two separate occasions and playing a very competitive game, often arriving at the pit stop towards the top of the field. It was a nail-biting two hours, particularly right at the end when the flag-placing that BJ was doing was slightly wrong (but as I said above, so was Eric’s consecutive attempt), and we were never sure which of them was going to correct their error before the other. Thankfully the Hippies knew what they were doing more than the Frats did, and this meant that everybody’s favourite team** was the first to make it to the finish line and collect the prize money. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves here. This was a two-hour episode, and it turned out that it was also two legs. The pit stop in the middle there was one that I wasn’t expecting, so there was twice the anxiety, twice the adrenaline rush, and twice the possibility for failure as was first anticipated. When the teams arrived in Japan, BJ and Tyler truly shone. Their brilliance at the bicycle delivery task was outstanding, and helped make up lost time on the later flight they’d been forced to catch out of Thailand. Did anybody else notice the hilarious ‘rocked-up’ version of “Turning Japanese” which was playing underneath their speedy dashes to and fro throughout the city on their bikes? It was also played later for the BFG, but was mainly used for the FHG. I was highly amused (although if you know what this song is actually about, it doesn’t really fit). On the surface of it, however, it was a suitable if predictable song to feature at this point of the race. The FHG managed to beat the TBC to the ‘Time Capsule Hotel’, and catch up to the BFG once again. In my opinion Tyler did well to try and trick Jeremy on the roller coaster detour into thinking that he’d missed the clue (the attempt itself wasn’t very convincing – even though Jeremy fell for it hook, line and sinker – I mean the idea to trick him was brilliant), but unfortunately for Tyler, Jeremy was able to spot the clue on the last ride anyway (they all did; I think it was probably too easy to spot). BJ and Tyler’s last-minute panicked dash to the paddle boats and then their frenzied peddling across the water to ‘The Big Swan’ against the BFG was a tense moment indeed, and I’m glad they arrived first. Jeremy’s whinge about Tyler’s ill-fated mislead on the roller coaster when talking to Phil on ‘The Big Swan’ was just ridiculous. As was ‘The Big Swan’. But that’s enough culture-bashing from me. What the Hippies did was no worse than anything the Frat Boys had done throughout the entire race, and I don’t think anybody else would argue otherwise (although if you would, I’d be very interested to hear why). In the second leg of the finale, the FHG did very well in not boasting to the BFG that in fact they’d arrived at the hotel a long time before the BFG, and by asking the hotel desk clerk to pretend he doesn’t speak English, they actually got him to lie to the BFG for them! That was a brilliant move and helped the boys book their next flight without the BFG getting the same edge (although thanks to the airport equaliser, it turned out not to matter in the long run). The two teams were neck-and-neck all the way through to the frozen lake challenge, where their obvious muscle disadvantage to the BFG caused them to fall slightly behind. And then there was the Snow Shoe Disaster ™. Wifey and I were both sitting there, watching them walk straight past the snow shoes time and again, yelling “NOOOOOOOOO!!!” at the television. (C’mon; show of hands – who else did the same thing?) I couldn’t believe that after all this time they were falling further and further behind the Frats right at the end of the race by ‘doing a Franberry’ (ie. walking straight past something without seeing it). Thankfully their confusion didn’t last too long (although they also got lost on their snow hike, so I don’t really know how far behind they actually fell). Either way, they were able to catch up to Eric and Jeremy at the flag task and show the Frats who was boss. As they were arriving at the final task, Tyler said he thought the end was near. “Besides,” he added, “I smell Phil working in the shadows.” Not long after that, they were hearing Phil himself saying those immortal words: “Five continents, nine countries, more than 59,000 miles … BJ and Tyler, you are the official winners of The Amazing Race!” It was as it should be.

** Everybody in our house, anyway!









As with every TAR finale, we were treated to quick glimpses of the eliminated teams as they awaited the finalists at the finish line. It was great to see The Franberries looking so happy for their spiritual brothers BJ and Tyler, and I also took a certain amount of evil glee in Team MoJo having to watch the Hippies win the much-coveted prize money. When making their ‘acceptance speech’, it was fantastic to note that the editors of the show arranged for it to cut to a shot of the ever-bickering Lake and Michelle when Tyler spoke the words, “It’s great couples therapy!” as he spoke about the race. Hilarious! I’m sure that moment wasn’t lost on anyone.


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Last week's tips:

First Team: FHG Correct!
Last Team: TBC Correct!
Yield? No (Obviously.) Correct!
Fast Forward? No (Obviously.) Correct!
Elimination Week? No (Wrong – this surprised me; I thought we’d seen all the non-eliminations, and by leaving one until the very end like that, any team that knew what was going on would have known they weren’t being eliminated. Kind of undermines the whole point of them being ‘unknown quantities’, really. But okay.)
Biggest Argument: TBC Correct!
Smartest Team: FHG Correct!
‘Family Edition’ The Following Week ? Yes (I reckon Channel Seven will want to capitalise on whatever success they’ve had with TAR 9 and continue their ‘Amazing Thursday’ promotion by heading straight into TAR 8. If this is the case, these weekly episode summaries will continue. If not, see ya next year!) (Wrong – this surprised me, too; I don’t know what Channel Seven plans to do about this now. Maybe TAR 9 wasn’t enough of a ‘ratings winner’ to warrant continuing with the less-than-critically-acclaimed TAR 8 – Family Edition after all. I hope this doesn’t mean an Australian airing of TAR 10 is in any jeopardy!)


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My total tips:

39 Correct!
29 Wrong.
2 Uncertain …


Not bad, I guess. (For someone who never leaves the couch.)

Thank you for going on this journey with me. I hope you enjoyed my rather verbose recaps on each episode, and if we ever see another TAR series on AUstralian television again, you can bet 'dollars to doughnuts' I'll be posting about it here. I'd love you to travel around the world with me 'n' Phil on that occasion, too. Until then:

Bon voyage.


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