Book 'Im, Hardy

I must confess, tonight I watched my first-ever episode of First Tuesday Book Club. This is despite knowing one of the panelists in real life. I feel deeply ashamed (although, technically, I've only missed three episodes - still, if I suddenly landed a gig on TV, I'd be horrified and offended if anyone I'd ever met didn't tune in to each and every episode).

So for the purposes of this review, I accept that perhaps one solitary show is not enough on which to base an opinion ... but that's never stopped me before!!

The first thing to grab me was the way host Jennifer Byrne so flippantly disregarded my dear, dear friend.* Let me run you through the entire show, in its purist essence:

Jennifer: Hello, welcome to First Tuesday. I'm Jennifer Byrne. Well, last Christmas, my sister bought me two books, one was old and one was new. Tra-la-la-la-la, I'm so fabbo. Let's meet our Book Club members. Jason Steger is a little bit sexy for an old guy, and he recently predicted the Booker Prize winner in his column of The Age, of which he is Editor or something. Tee hee hee.

Jason: Oh, come now - about four other people also predicted that. Ho ho ho.

Jennifer: Yes, but I know you. Tee hee hee.

Jason: I can't take the credit for predicting that, ho ho ho. Alright, I will. Ho ho ho.

Jennifer: Lovely. Next we have one of Australia's writing darlings, Di Morrissey. I won't tell you how successful she is, but recently there was a celebration to mark her 100 billionth book sold. She threw the function herself, of course, because she's that modest and unassuming.

Di: It was char-ming. Caviar and charders for all, dontyerknow.

Jennifer: Lovely. Our third Club member has recently been asked to turn off the Prime Minister's leaking hot water supply, or something equally dull but important-sounding. Malcolm Turnbull, welcome to you.

Malcolm: Thank you. Did you know that Colin Friels once starred in a movie about my life?

Jennifer: No, I didn't. But tell me; what's your favourite book?

Malcolm: Well, let me tell you a little story that anyone who has read my bio on the website will already know - just to fill up this excess time we seem to have. I've read The Lord of the Rings books many dozens of times.

Jennifer: Many dozens of times?

Malcolm: Many dozens of times.

Jennifer: Many dozens of times?

Malcolm: Many dozens of times.

Jennifer: Many dozens of times?

Malcolm: Many dozens of times.

Jennifer: Many dozens of times?

Malcolm: Many dozens of times.

Jennifer: So why did you read those books so often in particular?

Malcolm: I guess I'm just a nerd at heart, Jennifer.

Jennifer: Lovely. So now on to our first book ... oh, sorry. We also have Marieke Hardy here, who brings no agenda, minutes or apologies to the meeting.

Marieke: [Opens her mouth to speak, but is cut off] ...

Jennifer: Lovely. Our first book this week was a delight to read, don't you all agree?

Jason: No.

Di: No.

Malcolm: No.

Marieke: No.

Jennifer: Lovely. Our second book was one I loved as a child. Wasn't it just the most perfect book ever written in the world, ever?

Marieke: Yes.

Jennifer: Ooh! I like you, now!

Jason: I don't think it was, no.

Malcolm: I think it was in part.

Di: I think it was close to perfect.

Jennifer: I don't care what you three thought; Marieke agrees with me.

[Marieke pokes her tongue out at the others.]

Jennifer: Next month we'll be reading two more books, as is our custom, but we'll be screening on a Sunday night, just to completely lose our audience. Good night.

FIN.

I mean, really. How obvious did Jennifer want to be about fobbing off the most intelligent person in the room? It was a disgrace; utterly disrespectful. Marieke had even taken her hair out of braids and pigtails for the event! I thought it was the height of rudeness (but I do not speak for her; she has to work with these people, after all).

I hope I just happened to catch a bad episode's introductions. Hopefully the other episodes haven't sidelined Ms Hardy with such apparent disdain?

And if my dear friend (whose online identity is probably not a secret, but still, I haven't linked to her or referred to her here by her blog name because I don't do that kind of thing) ever reads this (I don't think she does, as a matter of course), then maybe she'll be able to shed some light on what went through her mind when everyone else had a proper introduction / flirting conversation at the start of the show and she was all-but-ignored. I'd be fascinated to know what she thought of the incident. (Perhaps she'd requested no questions because her life is going nowhere and she has nothing to promote ... but I doubt it. She's a veritable hive of activity, is my friend.)

Or, possibly, she might be able to tell us how she was able to sit next to Malcolm Turnbull for half an hour and not hurt him very, very badly.


Marieke Hardy:
Was she snubbed?
(Yes.)

As for the show itself, I thought it was interesting, relaxed, enjoyable, and a bit like At The Movies, only this time there are five opinions rather than just two, which increases the likelihood that arguments will break out and someone will punch someone else in the soft bits. I hope that happens one day. I'd pay money to see that! (Are you paying attention, Jason Steger? Aim high!)



* I haven't seen this friend since a night at a pub about three years ago ... and before that, I hadn't seen her for over twelve years. But we're like that [crosses fingers].


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