Fighting Will Get You Nowhere

... Spoiler Alert! ... Spoiler Alert! ...


If you haven't yet seen (and you intend to see) episode 3 of The Amazing Race Series 11 – All Stars Edition (TARAS), do not read any further!


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The last TARAS episode we saw here in Australia ended with Kevin & Drew being the last team to reach the Pit Stop and the second team to be eliminated from the All Stars edition of the show. The Pit Stop was located in the town of San Pedro de Atacama in Chile.

For the record, this was the order in which the teams reached Phil on the mat last episode, and the order in which they started this leg of the Race:

1. Rob & Amber
2. Oswald & Danny
3. Joe & Bill
4. Eric & Danielle
5. Uchenna & Joyce
6. Dustin & Kandice
7. Teri & Ian
8. Charla & Mirna
9. David & Mary
10. Kevin & Drew


Note: If you're already ahead of this point in the series, please refrain from giving any spoilers in your comments. Thank you.

As always, I’ll provide my thoughts on each team in this episode, listing them in the order in which they arrived at the Pit Stop (hence the 'Spoiler Alert!').



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This was an episode of fighting! Things are getting pretty heated now – and everyone means business. Let me break it down for you before we get into looking at each team … David & Mary are still cut with Charla & Mirna for overtaking them in the previous leg. This is just stupid, because the girls shouldn’t have been expected to sit at the back of a four-car convoy simply because the lead car was being driven by the couple who helped them out of the mud earlier that day. It’s a race, you silly-hillbillies. Of course they’re going to try to overtake the teams in front of them! (Anyway, there was no reason for Mary to presume the girls wouldn’t then let them back in front again – there were two other teams to overtake as well as them!) Mary’s reaction was plain ridiculous, and she continued to harp on about it throughout this next leg as well. But that wasn’t all. Teri & Ian teamed up with Dustin & Kandice, Teri & Ian fought with Charla & Mirna at the airport check-in counter, Eric & Danielle pissed off Joe & Bill, Charla & Mirna gave lip to Dustin & Kandice, Rob & Amber teamed up with Eric & Danielle, and then Charla & Mirna teamed up with Joe & Bill. It couldn’t be more confusing if I’d tried to muddy the waters! The thing is, if we thought this episode was fight-heavy, just wait until next week’s episode! The promo (and host Phil Keoghan’s voiceover) for it described it as a finish that we won’t want to miss and that people will be talking about for days! Then we were shown footage of Charla & Mirna, Rob & Amber and a couple of other teams scrambling through scrub and bushes in a mad fight to (presumably) reach Phil at the Pit Stop before the other teams. It strikes me that this could mean a bit of a scuffle takes place, or perhaps a really heated argument, or maybe just a good old fashioned bit of fisticuffs. Or – and this is perhaps the most likely of all possible eventualities – Rob & Amber may be eliminated. Whatever it is, it looks like a great episode, so I can’t wait to see it. But first, I have to finish reviewing last night’s leg. So let’s get on with it.



1. Rob & Amber


Last week: 1
This week: No change

Another impressive leg from these two – they certainly deserve their first place status for continually getting the jump on the other teams. But you know what? In all my two pages of notes from this episode (which is a whole page more than normal), I’ve written NOTHING down about Rob & Amber – apart from them briefly working in cahoots with Eric & Danielle and then arriving at the Pit Stop in first place – so either nothing else they did was very remarkable, or everything everyone else did was so amazing that I could only spare the time to write down about what the other teams were up to! Hopefully Rob & Amber provide me with more noteworthy fodder next time … like being eliminated! (Although, unlike the first time they appeared on TAR, this time I’m not eager to see them eliminated … I just think it’d be pretty funny.)




2. Uchenna & Joyce


Last week: 5
This week: Up three places

I’m not too sure just what these guys did right to lift them up three places and into second position. I guess it was a combination of catching the right flight and finishing the fish tank Roadblock in good time. And then not getting lost. Either way, it was somewhat amusing when Uchenna asked for directions from a woman in a restaurant, before hugging her and realising that he smelt of fish from the Roadblock. It’s not hard to see why these guys won their first Race, and it’s interesting to see them keeping up with their old sparring partners Rob & Amber in the top two positions.




3. Eric & Danielle


Last week: 4
This week: Up one place

I was happy to see these guys move up the ladder a bit from their fourth place position over the past two legs, even though they probably should have done even better. Eric played things very intelligently when he opened his car door to listen to the directions a local was giving Joe & Bill at the beginning of the leg, only to take off ahead of them and earn the kind of spiteful venom that only two cranky old gay grandpas know how to give. Their ‘smart gameplay’ kind of fell down at the fish tank Roadblock, though, when Danielle was too scared to grab the fish and Eric was too panicked at being overtaken to do anything other than scream at her in frustration (although I think he was enjoying himself as much as anything). Telling her to “use your boobs” to hold the flounder in the carry-case was both crass and smart (he had a point – she is perfectly proportioned to do that and stop the fish from jumping out of the crate). Even Rob seemed unimpressed with what Eric was calling out to Danielle in this instance (and he used to work in construction!!). For a moment it looked as though the ill-fated Dustin & Kandice were going to beat them to the Pit Stop (on the girls’ first attempt at clocking in), but thankfully Eric & Danielle stayed ahead of them. I hope they can do even better next week.




4. Dustin & Kandice


Last week: 6
This week: Up two places

These girls made one fairly large mistake this leg – and I think we all know what it was. That mascara. I mean, ughh! No, obviously I’m talking about them missing a cluebox entirely and accidentally stumbling across one of the Detour tasks without knowing what they were doing or what the two tasks were that they had to choose from. As they raced towards the Pit Stop, I wondered if Phil was going to just give them a pre-determined time penalty rather than send them back (with no information on where they’d slipped up) to find their missing clue. It was annoying that they managed to keep their position of fourth place between their two trips to the Pit Stop, but I guess they at least suffered a fair bit of wasted time – so they’ll start the next leg somewhat disadvantaged in that way (but not by very much, as we know most legs have an ‘airport equaliser’ of some sort). It would have been interesting to know what Phil would have said if the clue they’d missed was right back at the beginning of the leg; even before their flight or something. I guess that’s the instance where he’d simply have given them an hour’s time penalty or something. But while their missing clue was local, they were sent back to get it. Fair enough, I suppose.




5. Oswald & Danny


Last week: 2
This week: Down three places

These guys must have done something wrong this week, because they had been able to keep up with front-runners Rob & Amber so far, but this time they fell back into the middle of the pack. When Danny was doing the fish tank Roadblock, he kept slipping and falling down – it was pretty crazy (and I’m sure no good for his manicure). When they arrived at the Pit Stop and saw the dwarf standing there waiting with Phil on the mat, Oswald said, “Oh, Charla’s gonna be in love!” – which was quite amusing because we were all thinking it (and let’s face it: that’s precisely why the producers of the show arranged for him to be there).




6. Teri & Ian


Last week: 7
This week: Up one place

After their frenzied argument with Charla & Mirna at the airport (which got quite heated, really – with name-calling and everything!), Teri & Ian didn’t do much worth talking about until Teri was thrown from the boat during the white water rapid-riding Detour challenge. For a brief moment, it looked as though she was in trouble, but after we returned from the break, it quickly became obvious that this was merely a trick of the editing, and she was in fact pulled straight back into the boat by one of the professionals they were riding with. Her response later? “It was exciting to fall out of the boat!” I wonder how exciting she’d find it to fall off a cliff.




7. Joe & Bill


Last week: 3
This week: Down four places

The ‘Guido’ boys were a little bit narky this week. First they got cranky with Eric & Danielle for listening to the directions they got from a local and then driving away first (so they tried to park them in, in childish retaliation). Then Joe was cruelly pushing down on the fish in his carry-case at the Roadblock to get them to stay still and probably also to fit more in (animal cruelty, anyone?!). Following this, Joe only wrote down half the clue at the bottom of the fish tank (he should have emptied more fish out of the tank to see that there was more to the clue than the phrases he was reading), meaning that they didn’t know what they were looking for (and naturally got lost). If not for running into Charla & Mirna, they might never have found their way to the Detour challenge. These guys played a pretty disorganised and rushed game this leg, and it cost them severely. They were the biggest ‘movers’ on the ladder, dropping a whopping four places from last week. When they took off from the rafting Detour and backed their car into a fence, it showed that they were in full panic mode – and Joe’s tears over the incident were a bit much.




8. Charla & Mirna


Last week: 8
This week: No change

This week’s episode was all about these next two teams. Although Charla & Mirna are definitely stressful and frustrating to watch, they’re also downright hilarious! From the moment of Mirna’s (frankly) rude attempt to push in and ‘steal’ Teri & Ian’s customer service officer at the airport (and the ensuing argument), it seemed that these two girls were out to break friendships and anger every other team. It was a little bit nutty that Mirna was hyperventilating over catching the fish in the tank at the Roadblock (but fair enough, to a point – if you’re afraid of fish but your partner is a dwarf, I guess you’d often find yourself having to complete tasks you’d really prefer not to have to do). When Joe & Bill caught up to them as they searched for the cluebox that led them to the Detour, Mirna warned the guys, “Don’t screw us like the girls did!”, to which Bill replied, “Don’t worry; we won’t” … and I think his reply really spoke volumes (if you’re into reading subtext). The stress was beginning to show when Mirna complained that Joe & Bill had taken off for the rafting challenge before them – that’s exactly the kind of thing Charla & Mirna had done to David & Mary in the previous leg – and I’ve been defending the girls for that! Plus, Joe & Bill weren’t to know which Detour challenge the girls would choose, so expecting them to wait for them to move out first is both unrealistic and kinda naive. They’re in it to win, just as much as you are! I think the real frustration for Mirna here was that she’d given the guys the second half of their fish tank clue, rather than keep it to herself and make them go back to the Roadblock to retrieve the clue themselves (as she should have done – and as I’d have made them do). Once they’d changed into their rafting gear (overtaking Joe & Bill in the meantime, who were probably slowed down when they insisted on checking their hair and make-up as they got changed in the tent), the quick shot of Charla marching towards the lake in her helmet and padding and wetsuit and carrying the long oar reminded me of a dwarf in full battle gear and armour from The Lord Of The Rings! (*Is that wrong?*) Also in full panic mode at the end of their rafting challenge, Charla & Mirna couldn’t find their car keys and Mirna apologised to the local they’d kidnapped (for directions) for being in a bikini. Then they headed in the wrong direction and had to turn around. It wasn’t looking very good for them, but the ultimate payoff came when the producers got the shot they were hoping for: Charla hugging the dwarf who awaited them at the Pit Stop, complete with romantic music playing in the background. Forget for the moment that she’s a married woman (and perhaps the mini-man was married as well), but the assumption that simply because they’re the same height, they’ll fall instantly in love, is akin to asking someone from Canada if they know a Canadian guy you met once – what was his name again? – oh yeah, Dave. Or the producers of Big Brother putting a gay man into the House so that the gay man already in there will have a ‘love interest’ (because The Gays all love each other, don’t they?). If it wasn’t so funny and corny to watch, it would have been offensive. I guess we should credit Charla for not being bothered by what was obviously a form of ‘little person’ discrimination. She seems to be good-natured enough to put up with it … at least while she’s still in the running for the million dollars and doesn’t want to make enemies of the producers. Maybe if she’d been eliminated in this leg, we might have seen a bit more fire in her belly about them matching her up with another dwarf like that. (But I guess that’d only bring on all the “short-temper” jokes.)




9. David & Mary: ELIMINATED!


Last week: 9
This week: No change

About time. I’m glad these guys are gone – and I’m sure Javatari will be, too. What a couple of no-clue whack-jobs! I can’t say often enough just how ridiculously impractical Mary’s ideas of inter-team loyalty between themselves and Charla & Mirna are (so you’ll be pleased to hear that I won’t try to), but it quickly became obvious to both Wifey and myself that neither of us actually minded David. He was alright. In fact, he was a good guy who genuinely tried new things (he mentioned a fear – and lack of experience – with water, but was happy to do the fish tank thing [and once he got the hang of grabbing the fish, he ‘powered through it’, as another team member observed] and he was happy to tackle the rafting challenge), but he was often led astray and possibly even hen-pecked by his louder, more scaredy-cat wife, Mary. Not only was David inexplicably afraid of fish at the Roadblock (although I guess, if you’ve never seen them before, …), but he ended up impressing everyone by carting seven of them to the holding tank in each load. David also saw the sign directing them in the correct direction later, but when he pointed it out to Mary, she almost snapped at him: “Just go!” (meaning for him to drive straight ahead – which took them in a different direction and got them very lost and cost them too much valuable time). Perhaps he only has himself to blame for not standing up to her more often. When faced with choosing between the rock climbing challenge and the white water rafting challenge, David politely asked Mary if she could rock climb, and she yelled at him that she couldn’t. Of course, David also knew that she couldn’t swim (presumably he couldn’t swim either), so I gather he was trying to offer her an alternative. The panic was evident in her demeanour the more she snapped and yelled at David (who never once raised his voice to her and was only ever trying to spare his wife embarrassment, as far as I can tell), so that may be part of why Wifey and I both warmed to him a little. Perhaps the funniest moment of the night (even funnier than Charla hugging her new ‘love interest’ or dressing up as Gimli) was when Mary said in an interview filmed after the leg had ended that she knew falling out of the boat would mean her certain death … and David grinned at the camera almost evilly, as if imagining what bliss this might be.



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Last week's tips:

First Team: Rob & Amber. Correct!
Last Team: David & Mary. Correct!
Yield? No. Correct!
Fast Forward? No. Correct!
Elimination Week? Yes. Correct!
Biggest Argument: Eric & Danielle. (Wrong) - it was David & Mary.
Smartest Team: Joe & Bill. (Wrong) – I don’t know who it was because everyone made some pretty stupid mistakes on this leg, but it certainly wasn’t Joe & Bill. I guess maybe it was Uchenna & Joyce, although I can’t think of a specific reason; the results speak for themselves. Even Rob & Amber decided to ‘go it alone’ and ended up getting lost at one point. Uchenna & Joyce were the least stupid.



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Next week's tips:

First Team: Eric & Danielle.
Last Team: Charla & Mirna (or possibly Rob & Amber – but my tip is for Snow White & The Angry Dwarf).
Yield? No.
Fast Forward? Yes.
Elimination Week? Yes.
Biggest Argument: Charla & Mirna.
Smartest Team: Dustin & Kandice.



[-- Aside --]

I’d like to send out a little ‘hello’ to my good buddy Colls Bolls. Are you watching this season of TAR? Are you reading these recaps? Don’t be a stranger!

[-- Aside Ends --]



If you haven’t already done so, check out the review of this same episode that Javatari posted on his blog.


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