We No Speaka Your Language, Jerks

... Spoiler Alert! ... Spoiler Alert! ...


If you haven't yet seen (and you intend to see) episode 7 of The Amazing Race Series 11 – All Stars Edition (TARAS), do not read any further!


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The last TARAS episode we saw here in Australia ended with Teri & Ian being the last team to reach the Pit Stop and the fifth team to be eliminated from the All Stars edition of the show. The Pit Stop was located inside the grounds to the ‘Old Fort’ (Ngome Konwe) in Zanzibar Town, Tanzania.

The Detour was ‘Perfect Pitch’ or ‘Perfect Angle’. In ‘Perfect Pitch’, teams had to make their way three-quarters of a mile to the Prymas Palace and choose a grand piano. Then, they needed to use the provided tools to tune one of the keys. Once the concert pianist played a piece of Chopin's music and determined that their piano was in tune, he would hand them their next clue. In ‘Perfect Angle’, teams made their way approximately half a mile to the Escada Boutique to pick up a mannequin and carry it another 400 yards to the Panoramik Laboratory. Once there, teams had to use an x-ray machine to locate a clue embedded somewhere inside their mannequin which needed to be positioned at a very specific angle for the image to capture the name of their next destination and commemorate Marie Curie.

The unaired ‘Roadblock’ required teams to row a boat out onto the reflecting pool in front of the palace. The objective is unknown.

For the record, this was the order in which the teams reached Phil on the mat last episode, and the order in which they started this leg of the Race:

1. Charla & Mirna
2. Oswald & Danny
3. Uchenna & Joyce
4. Dustin & Kandice
5. Eric & Danielle
6. Joe & Bill
7. Teri & Ian


Note: If you're already ahead of this point in the series, please refrain from giving any spoilers in your comments. Thank you.

As always, I’ll provide my thoughts on each team in this episode, listing them in the order in which they arrived at the Pit Stop (hence the 'Spoiler Alert!').



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1. Dustin & Kandice


Last week: 4
This week: Up three places

A mystery from last week’s episode was solved this week: There was a 16-hour difference between the first and last teams in their departure times. This must have made is very difficult for Phil and the production team to be making their way from place to place and film Phil’s in-between bits to the camera as he explains each task and destination (which he has to do as they go, clearly). But to answer Andrew’s question from last week, it would appear that, yes, they kept the teams to their twelve-hour stopover only. I was misled because they didn’t show it in the previous episode (like they did in this one). Why they chose to show it this time but not the previous time is a bit strange (and confusing), but that’s TV producers for you. Now, on with the review: The funniest thing Dustin & Kandice have said in quite a while was stated at the start of this episode:

Dumb Blonde # 1: We’re gonna see Chopin play!
Dumb Blonde # 2: For real?
Dumb Blonde # 1: Well, … he’s dead …

It’s strange to think that the only change in the line-up from last episode to this one was that the two all-female teams swapped positions. No one else moved on the ladder. Part of this may come down to the fact that Dustin & Kandice arrived third at the ticket booking agents’ office (after Charla & Mirna and Oswald & Danny), but managed to secure their tickets and leave for the airport first. As they arrived at the Pit Stop, they wisely chose to drop their backpacks on a park bench and run on without them. I say ‘wisely’ in my most sarcastic tone (I’m using my sarcastic face as I type this), because who knows what might have happened to them after they abandoned them there. I was hoping they’d find them missing when they returned to the bench, but it appears nothing went awry in that regards (more’s the pity). I thought it was fantastic that Dustin & Kandice started out on the next leg while the other teams were still finishing this leg, but I think it only cruelly whetted our appetites to see what would be happening in the 8th leg of the Race …




2. Oswald & Danny


Last week: 2
This week: No change

Donny & Osmond made the right decision to join forces with Charla & Mirna at the ticket booking agents’ office at the beginning of this leg. True, it didn’t help them get their flights before Dustin & Kandice, but at the time, it was definitely the right decision. The fact that they, Uchenna & Joyce and Charla & Mirna were waiting for their tickets for up to seven hours in that office was a bit ludicrous, but I guess we can only take them at their word. I think I might have gone elsewhere to trying another method of obtaining my flight tickets, but perhaps there were no alternative methods of booking flights. After all, what would I know. Later on, it was nice to see Oswald apologising to their taxi driver for presuming he spoke English – that’s the kind of attitude tourists should adopt more often! (The apology, I mean – not the presumption.) He may be well-mannered, but he’s a bit of a butterfingers: He broke two piano strings before they were able to complete their Detour task! Then their hand gestures behind the pianist’s head as he played their Chopin piece for them was most amusing, although I think he was being very kind to them to allow their ‘tuned’ piano through (it still sounded out-of-tune to me!). The second team to head off on the 8th leg of the Race before some of the other teams completed the 7th, Oswald & Danny were very respectful of the concentration camp they were heading off to visit, which was another example of their nature. These two are most people’s favourites, now … and I’d certainly be happy for them to win because they’re just such nice guys. In fact, I guess they’re my favourites as well. But I still find Eric amusing (when he’s not fighting with Danielle or the Guidos).




3. Uchenna & Joyce


Last week: 3
This week: No change

It looked like Uchenna & Joyce were going to jump the queue by phoning the ticket booking agents’ office while the other three teams were sitting there waiting to be served, but Dustin & Kandice convinced the woman to hang up on him, which put them back. They had to sit through the (supposed) seven-hour wait like the other teams, but still ended up breaking away from the teams behind them, including Charla & Mirna. I laughed when Joyce (while searching for the outdoors Chopin-imitating piano player) opened the door on someone using a toilet! They were the final team to embark on the 8th leg of the Race before the episode ended.




4. Charla & Mirna


Last week: 1
This week: Down three places

Although these girls are HILARIOUS to watch, that’s really not a compliment. They were mean (speaking down to and offering a commission) to the woman who worked at the ticket booking agents’ office, making her feel like a child. Then they were rude to their taxi driver, making fun of the fact that he’s Polish by asking if he likes Polish sausage. (I wonder why he doesn’t like you, you arrogant pigs!) No surprises that in the next situation they found themselves in, they were getting no assistance from any of the Polish residents – of course, that could have been because they had a camera crew with them and were speaking loudly and obnoxiously in another language. Or the fact that they had a dwarf with them. The people (who were no doubt on their way to work) would have been ignoring them because they didn’t want to be roped into some kind of circus trick. “Roll up! Roll up! See a dwarf and an amazing angry woman eat you alive!” But when they compared the Polish natives to Americans and said that people would never treat tourists like this in America, I threw a chair at my television. Mirna read the ‘Angle It’ option on the Detour clue as ‘Angel It’. Angels you ain’t, sweetie. When they did such an awful job tuning the piano, Mirna’s “Sounds good to me” was a pathetic attempt at coercing (or bullying) them through the task. If that sounds good to you, you have no pitch, b!tch! Later on, the again encountered that strange phenomenon of the Polish not helping the loud and odd-looking Americans. Even the cop wouldn’t help them! I was laughing at that. Thankfully for them, they eventually managed to find a young woman who spoke English and was willing to help them. The mannequin they used was really in the wars by the time they got him to the hospital. He’d lost a hand and his leg had come out of its socket. Charla’s comment: “He’ll be fixed at the hospital” was great. Then she tried to cover his private parts to protect them from the x-rays. Had she forgotten that she’s on a race and was wasting valuable time? Sometimes I wonder about these two!




5. Eric & Danielle


Last week: 5
This week: No change

It appeared to be the beginning of the end with this couple last week. Eric and Danielle were at each other’s throats (a little) from the start. Eric told Danielle that Warsaw’s in Poland, adding “you knucklehead” in a playful tone that was lost on the oft-humiliated girl. She fought back, and they argued over what in effect was a poorly chosen moment to stick the boot in. He belittles her a bit too often, and she clearly ain’t the smartest cookie in the pack, but reminding her about this constantly on an international television show probably isn’t the kindest thing he could do for his girlfriend. Still, I don’t hate him because sometimes the things he says are genuinely funny. But yes, the bullying aspect of his character is extremely unappealing. When Eric & Danielle found themselves stranded together overnight with the Guidos, the old guys’ repeated attempts to secure a promise out of them that they’d leave the hotel in the morning together (for whatever purpose that could possibly have served) showed that the old guys are beginning to lose the plot. I thought Eric & Danielle’s piano tuning left a lot to be desired, but they completed the task and made it to the Pit Stop before Joe & Bill.




6. Joe & Bill - SAFE!


Last week: 6
This week: No change

The biggest indication that the Guidos were panicking in last place was when Joe went NUTS at the departing plane after they (and Eric & Danielle) were refused entry because they’d finished boarding already. Joe was a stereotypical American tourist at his best! They should know by now that airlines can’t load extra passengers once the doors are closed. The reasons are varied: security concerns, the plane’s weight has already been distributed, balanced-out and taken into consideration by the pilots, extra luggage can no longer be loaded (although in this case they only had carry-on luggage so this shouldn’t have mattered), the safety message from the flight attendants has already begun and can’t be interrupted, the passenger manifest has been checked and locked away, and the flight has been given clearance to take off. Ignorant passengers who believe that it’s simply a matter of opening the door back up so they can walk on (and that it doesn’t have any further effect than that) only make themselves look stupid. Anyway, Bill was suitably embarrassed by Joe’s meltdown at the terminal, so at least one of them kept a (reasonably) level head. It was interesting to note that the Guidos (or the Gweridos as I now call them) decided not to shadow Eric & Danielle’s choice of Detour task, despite making that decision last time with Teri & Ian and it working to their advantage. This time their decision to go their own way worked to their disadvantage, and so it should. They should have been smarter about it. They took longer with the x-ray task than Eric & Danielle took with the piano task (although it looked like being the other way around for a moment there), and ended up reaching the Pit Stop in last place. Luckily for them (and unluckily for the rest of us) they were spared from elimination. grumble grumble grumble



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Last week's tips:

First Team: Oswald & Danny. (Wrong)
Last Team: Charla & Mirna. (Wrong)
Yield? Yes. (Wrong)
Fast Forward? No. Correct!
Elimination Week? Yes. (Wrong)
Biggest Argument: Eric & Danielle. Correct!
Smartest Team: Oswald & Danny. (Wrong) – It was Dustin & Kandice, as much as I hate to admit it.


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Next week's tips:

First Team: Oswald & Danny.
Last Team: Eric & Danielle.
Yield? Yes.
Fast Forward? No.
Elimination Week? Yes.
Biggest Argument: Eric & Danielle.
Smartest Team: Oswald & Danny.



If you haven’t already done so, check out the review of this same episode that Javatari posted on his blog.


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