Zach Comes Out And The Winner Is Unleished

Well, it's over for another year - and not a moment too soon. After last night's ridiculously-drawn-out finale, I almost haven't got the strength to carry on writing this rubbish. (I'm only forcing myself to get through this for the two of you who're still reading these recaps - the one of you who skims for rude words like "bum", and the other one who actually leaves a comment agreeing or disagreeing with my views on the Housemates in question. You guys are my muse.)

But back to the point: Eventually, and by only the slightest of margins (51% to 49%, allowing for a 3% margin of error, haha), Aleisha Cowcher was declared the winner of Australian Big Brother 2007.

Woop-de-doo.

I can't say I was terribly pleased with the result (partly because of how long it took to actually reach it), but as I've stated before, I think Travis would have made better use of the prize money. It's all well-and-good that Aleisha has become the second female to win the show in Australia, but as that record had already been set by Dead-Head Reggie in 2003, I was rather hoping we'd be able to witness a new record being set last night - and a double one, at that. Zach would have been the first gay Housemate to win, and, more importantly (because one's sexual preference shouldn't matter - which is not the same thing as it not mattering), the first Intruder to win. That's where he would have been most impressive, because it would have been a testament to his likeability, that he was a good enough bloke to not only be accepted by the other Housemates who repeatedly had the opportunity to nominate him for eviction, but also by the general population of the country, who had the ability to vote him out whenever they so wished.


Zach was a fan favourite ...
but not a favourite of enough fans.

Ah, what am I saying - that's exactly what happened anyway. Zach got right to the end and was barely pipped at the post, so the boy has everything to be proud of. The fact that this country is still 51% full of homophobic morons is not his fault.

But like I said, Aleisha's not a bad choice for winner of the show - she was entertaining enough and certainly brought us her fair share of laughs. She was ditsy, but not dumb; blonde, but not an airhead; a girly-girl, but not vain and insipid. She wasn't mean, like Emma. She wasn't odd, like Rebecca. She wasn't a bully, like Michelle. She wasn't crazy, like TJ. She wasn't someone I went to uni with, like Kate. She definitely had her moments of delusion - thinking the sun shone out of Emma and that she was simply misunderstood was not one of her most endearing qualities - but those incidents were few and far between. She was a delightful little bubble of laughter and light ... and I don't think I could have sounded more patronising there if I'd tried. But anyway ...


Winners are grinners.

Good luck cashing THAT cheque, girl!

Aleisha shows her horror at being
kissed by her Mum on live TV.

It's been touched on elsewhere already, but it has to be said: That BB Panto was the biggest waste of time ever! And according to the online rumours, Bodie was beside himself with fury that he had to "act" his bit with TJ - and also be interviewed with her by Gretel. And speaking of Bodie and Gretel, that rubber-chicken-hurling incident in the closing moments of the show was WITHOUT A DOUBT the best moment in Big Brother 2007 all-up. If you don't know what I'm talking about, SHAME ON YOU FOR MISSING IT!!

One of the props from the BB Panto was a rubber chicken (I don't really remember how it was relevant, and it's probably best if you don't ask questions and ruin the flow of the story, thank you very much). For some reason (remember, no questions, please) Bodie kept hold of the rubber chicken for the rest of the show, cavorting with it and waving it over his head at the audience. Then, when all the Housemates were gathered on the stage and we were finally about to welcome Aleisha and Zach onto the stage, Bodie (in whatever passes for his wisdom) decided to throw the rubber chicken from where he was standing at the back of the stage towards the audience.

Now, I'm not sure if he was aiming for the crowd, or if what unfolded was precisely what he intended to happen, but when the rubber chicken sconed Gretel in the back of the head and she reacted in such anger and obvious pain, discomfort and embarrassment, he froze in place in shock. Whether he wanted to savour the moment or he was genuinely startled by the precision aim (intentional or no) of his chicken toss, he went down in BB history as one my all-time heroes.

Let that be a lesson to you, Gretel. If you continue to come back and host the show, next year it'll be a porcelain turtle, and it'll aimed at your nose.

Last year it was turkey-slapping. This year it was chicken-tossing. What'll it be in 2008? My money's on pheasant-plucking.


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