Big Blogger - Scandal!

Tacky: Tonight, on Currant Affairs ... It was a worldwide phenomenon, but did Big Blogger wrought his own system? We'll take a look inside the dealings of this high-profile fake online reality TV show parody and speak to one of the Housemates who came to us to SPEAK OUT against what supposedly went on during the making of the show. We uncover the lies you were told, and the full extent of the corruption that is Big Blogger.

[Theme music is played. Title card: "Currant Affairs". Cut to self-absorbed TV 'reporter-cum-anchorwoman' sitting at a desk, rifling through various blank sheets of paper like she's solving the world's economy and we're just interrupting. As the music fades and the camera zooms in, she looks up and does her best to smile.]

Tacky: Hello, and welcome to the show. I'm Tacky Grimface. Well, it was a runaway success for TV Is My Life, but how much can you believe about what Big Blogger told you? Well, for starters, nothing. That's right, it turns out that most of the details Big Blogger shared with his audience were falsified. Our investigative reporter, Lee Porter, reported this report.

[Cut to the story. We see a woman in silhouette talking to the camera. Her face and voice have been obscured, but her English accent is still prominent.]

Pomgirl: Yeah, I was totally shocked when I realised how many lies we were being told. Both us as Housemates, and the general population reading at home. Everything was based on a web of lies! [She breaks down, sobbing.]

Lee: Those are the words of our anonymous source from inside Big Blogger. Four months ago, Big Blogger was launched on the runaway success blog TV Is My Life, and although everyone involved with the production of the show that we approached for a comment refused to be interviewed, one of the show's disgruntled former Housemates approached us.

Pomgirl: It's just wrong. Somebody has to teach them a lesson. They can't get away with this.


Pomgirl declined to be identified

Lee: So, what of the lies? It turns out that the first lie, about the "runaway success story" of the blog itself, is complete and utter crap.

Knobby Scientist Type: Uh, that's right, Lee. We've had a look at the ratings summary for TV Is My Life, and they come out at a woeful average of about 38 visits per day. That means the site sometimes has as few daily visitors as just 20.

Lee: And is that low?

Knobby Scientist Type: Even my blog on boring science matters (which I won't go into here) attracts upwards of 250 visitors a day. Hyuk, hyuk, hyuk.

Lee: I see. So the claim that the blog and indeed the fake online reality TV show parody itself are a runaway success would be?

Knobby Scientist Type: <BEEP>ing <BEEP>, Lee.

Lee: Whoa. That's a big lie, then.

Knobby Scientist Type: It certainly is. [He catches a bit of drool hanging from his bottom lip just in time.] Oops, sorry about that.

Lee: But perhaps the greatest deceit was one that was perpetrated upon the show's contestants themselves. Chief amongst the lies was the line Housemates and readers alike were fed that said, "I've cut out twelve pieces of paper and written a different Housemate's name on each piece. I'll draw one out of a hat for each eviction ... and that's the person who will be evicted." (Source). According to our anonymous Big Blogger informant, this is far from the truth.

Pomgirl: No, it never happened like that. That's a load of bunk.

Lee: So what did happen? How were evictions decided?

Pomgirl: As far as I'm aware, some kind of chocolate packet was used instead.

[A dramatic discord is played.]

Lee: That's right. Currant Affairs has been able to obtain this photograph, taken the week Tammiodo was evicted, which highlights the so-called "eviction procedure" in all its seedy detail.




Pomgirl: See, if you click on that photo, you'll be able to view the larger version and you'll notice that our names weren't being drawn out of a hat at all. The statement from Big Blogger that they were, was a total fabrication and a misrepresentation of the truth. We were lied to.

Lee: But that's not all.

Pomgirl: Yeah it is.

Lee: So there you have it. Another example of network big-wigs feeding lies to the average Joe reading their computer screens at home or in the office when they really should be working. And why do we keep letting them get away with it?

Pomgirl: I think it's because they hold all the power. Big Blogger -- who I've never met, by the way -- is constantly making up stories and lies to maintain power and control over something that was really running amok from the early days. I mean, did you know that I won the UK version of Big Blogger, but when I came all the way down here, all they gave me were a couple of pieces of junk for all my time in the House?

Lee: But ... I thought you wanted to remain anonymous.

[Pause.]

Pomgirl: Yeah, I do. I said that someone in the House won the UK version of Big Blogger and only got junk for her troubles. Great value, too, that girl. I forget her name. "Pommygirl" or something. Top chick. Really attractive.

Lee: Well, that's the truth of the matter. Something this "Big Blogger" person could learn to administer every now and then. Of course, for some, it's a case of "too little, too late".

[We see the footage from earlier being played for us again, showing Pomgirl sobbing -- but this time, it's played in slow-motion.]


Big Blogger: Fraudster or cheat?
We deny that they mean the same thing.

Lee: Is Big Blogger just a Big Bully? Or how about a Big Bother? Maybe he's a Big Brother? No, wait -- that one's taken. Well, at any rate, he's a big nuisance, and hopefully the show will never see the light of another computer screen. This reporter, Lee Porter, finds it utterly abominable that such trickery and deceit can be allowed to continue on the Internet in this country. Or however far the Internet reaches these days. For Currant Affairs, this is reporter Lee Porter reporting.

[Cut back to Tacky in the studio.]

Tacky: Mmmm. That's certainly a timely warning for anyone wanting to get involved in a future series of that particular fake online reality TV show parody. You have been warned. [She takes a breath and tries to smile.] Coming up after the break: Neighbours' Connor O'Neill. Is he really dead or alive? Our insider tells the whole story.


Bouncer: Arf! Arf! Rrrrrr ... arf!

[Music plays us to the break.]


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