Ready, Steady, Hook Up!

I decided I'd review a piece of Australian daytime TV 'royalty' today - the Aussie version of the hit UK series, Ready Steady Cook.

Hosted by 'binned' Channel Nine personality Peter Everett (remember his famous hissy fits on Renovation Rescue and the like?), the show took a fairly odd turn in 2005 after turfing former host (and former chef) Nick Stratford in favour of Everett, someone with limited kitchen knowledge and next to no hosting skills when Network Ten and Channel Nine swapped Bert Newton for a handful of C-grade celebrities.


Peter Everett is both uncomfortable and
awkward as the host of Ready Steady Cook

The concept of the show is simple (although Everett constantly gets it wrong). Two teams, consisting of a member of the audience and one of the show's list of rotating 'celebrity chefs', cook up a three- or four-course meal using just a handful of items brought in by the pre-chosen audience member. The first team uses red aprons and is referred to as the Tomato team, while the second team uses green aprons and is referred to as the Capsicum team. Which isn't too confusing, despite there being such things as green tomatoes and red capsicums. But you just try not to think about that too much.

In the completely random episode I happened to tape for the purposes of writing this review, the Tomato chef was Adrian Richardson, a pony-tailed husband and father from Melbourne who owns and operates La Luna in Carlton North, while the Capsicum chef was Jacqui Gowan, a no-nonsense head chef from Sydney who runs the kitchen at Garfish in Kirribilli.


Adrian Richardson
Tomato team leader

Jacqui Gowan
Capsicum team leader

Next we were introduced to the two audience members who were going to be particpating in the episode. As is the show's custom, the two audience members have a pre-existing relationship, and today we met two friends who were actors in a theatre company (which I have reason to believe has since gone belly-up). Our Tomato for the day was Amanda Burns, and our Capsicum was Naomi Yoshinaga.






I want to make this clear from the start: I have never met anyone involved with this show, nor the two contestants, but it was apparent from the outset just who the supposedly unbiased Everett was 'rooting for' (if you'll pardon the expression). He immediately sided with Naomi, and kept pandering to her, asking her wonderful and heartwarming stories of her childhood, her father's business, and her encounters with famous people. Compare this with his repeated questions to Amanda that related to embarrassing food stories, difficult former flatmates, and general cock-ups from her past.

The final count was as follows:

Embarrassing and/or 'weirdo' stories he asked Amanda: 4.
Complimentary and/or enriching stories he asked Amanda: 0.

Embarrassing and/or 'weirdo' stories he asked Naomi: 0.
Complimentary and/or enriching stories he asked Naomi: 5.

Does this seem fair to you? In fact, when it came to the one-and-only story for Naomi that was even slightly in the 'weirdo' category (relating to her love of Promite and honey, I believe it was), Everett tried to attach that story to Amanda! Talk about having a pre-disposition!

Additionally, I counted the amount of time he spent in Naomi's kitchen, and it was almost three minutes more than the time he spent in Amanda's kitchen. ("Shocking!")

So taking all this into account, I naturally found myself cheering on the poor Tomato lady, who was so clearly at a disadvantage before any cooking had even begun. I'm always more inclined to barrack for the underdog - particularly the ones who look so hottt. I quickly made myself a cardboard placard, which I held over my head as I walked in a small circle around my coffee table. The placard read: Vote For Amanda Burns.

Imagine my delight, then, when the studio audience was clever enough to agree with me. Amanda won the most votes, resulting in her taking home a brand new microwave for her troubles. Naomi, meanwhile, was forced to settle for a coffee plunger and two glasses. I hope she drinks coffee. Both girls also received a subscription to Super Food Ideas magazine.

Knowing the outcome, as we now do, allow me to give you a breakdown of the events Amanda and her chef Adrian went through to reach their goal:


Chef Adrian Richardson tells host Peter Everett
to keep away from the food: "... And if you don't
keep away, do you know what I'll do with this?"



Everyone laughs whenever Peter Everett
says the word 'spatchcock'



The menu Adrian and Amanda are putting together:
Crusted rib-eye with rosemary and, ah, garlic ... um ...
(Sorry, I'm getting distracted, here.)
Uh, with roasted sweet potato;
Moroccan-style couscous with dates and green beans;
Um, grilled fillet steak with green bean and herb salad;
*wipes brow; tries to avert eyes*
And an upside-down tart (not pictured on right) with a date glaze.



The finished product:
Truly worthy of the win.



Clearly beyond caring, Adrian & Amanda
get stuck into the complimentary wine
before the audience has even voted



While celebrating their win, Adrian makes his move

It was a little bit icky that Amanda never once mentioned having a boyfriend on the show, yet Adrian kept making references to her boyfriend as if hoping she would correct him and point out that she was single. For his part, Peter Everett did his best to imply that Amanda was in fact a lesbian living in a lesbian household filled with other lesbians who like to 'lesbian it up' together. Amanda kept her cool and didn't bite at either implication; allowing everyone to think whatever they liked.

It was even more icky that Adrian (who - Wifey assures me from having seen other episodes on other days - is married with at least one child) kept trying it on with Amanda, both during the episode AND AFTER THE CAMERAS WERE TURNED OFF.

(How do I know this? I'm not telling. But it ALLEGEDLY happened. I just have a spider-sense about it. My prediction? He asked Amanda out for a drink after the show.)

The chefs always "name" their culinary creations at the end of the twenty minutes, and Jacqui called hers: 'A box office hit, starring Jacqui and Naomi in a spatchcock thriller'. Clever use of a Hitchcock reference there, combined with Peter Everett's new favourite word, 'spatchcock' (even if Jacqui missed the whole point of the contestants being theatrical actors, not film stars - but anyway).

Adrian, meanwhile, took the opportunity to lay the groundwork for a green room snog by calling his: 'Seducing my lead actress with my sweet date dessert'.

So what did we learn from watching this episode of Ready Steady Cook?

1) Peter Everett is a knob.

2) It's possible that Adrian Richardson is a sleaze.

3) It's possible that I could be sued for defamation (if only I could be traced!).

4) Amanda Burns is hottt.

5) Naomi Yoshinaga is a good loser (despite using that statement about Amanda as the show began).

6) Peter, Adrian and Amanda are going into business together, opening a restaurant called The Kitchen Witch. (Good luck working with those two, Amanda.)

7) There are some excellent local chefs out there.

8) If Peter Everett, Adrian Richardson, Jacqui Gowan, Amanda Burns or Naomi Yoshinaga ever read this, I take it all back. You're all lovely people.

9) I am a coward.



Here's Adrian beating his meat after the show



Both teams' full menus from this particular episode can be viewed here. Further information on the show can be found here and here.


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Jillian Lashes Out

To celebrate the imminent return of US trainers Bob and Jillian to the Australian series of The Biggest Loser tonight (or at some point this week, if the ads have been misleading and they don't actually appear in tonight's episode), I thought I'd hunt down the article Enny made reference to in a comment she left here.

It's a very interesting article for all Loser fans (particularly those who love Jillian Michaels), which was clearly written before the current season started airing:

Jillian Michaels sounds off!

The Biggest Loser's former red team coach tells why she quit the US series but still travelled Down Under to train her successor for the Australian show. She vented to Who's Star Bodies senior editor Simone Casey.

Posted Jan. 31, 2007

So the big question from all the Loser fans, including myself, is why do the Australian show and not the American show?

OK, a couple of reasons to be that honest with you. This show is a very different animal to the show in the States. It's much more truthful, I'm allowed to be myself here, like nobody tries to create a character out of me, it's like all the good, all the bad, it's a very pure picture of who I am, whereas in the States it's like a caricature, an archetype and I resented it at this point in my career. There's so much more to me and I'm starting to feel that that archetype is limiting my ability to expand my brand.

And so that's part of it, and the other part of it is that I am training a successor, which is something that I've never got to do. This girl's going to be somebody who is going to be influencing millions of people and encouraging them to get healthier lives. It's reaching a new level within this industry to be able to influence other fitness gurus who work in your field, so that's an exciting honour for me. And also, it's only a month of my life, to come down here and train a protégé and be in Sydney and work with Channel 10, which is very different [laughs] than at home.

Did you get a hand in choosing your successor?

No, I think part of me came down here to be like rough her up and get her into shape and instead I was like, I adore her, we are like fast friends and I and I think she is fabulous and we are like literally in a love fest right now and we laugh all day long.

What's her name?

Her name is Michelle. She's fantastic and I can't say enough good things about her and in my mind, and I believe this really strongly, that there's a special place in hell for women that don't help other women, Madeleine Albright said that, and nothing has never rang more true for me and so I came down here to be like "OK, you listen to me, this is the responsibility that you're going to have," but I just love her. Now it's about explaining to her what she can expect and teaching her. No trainer's ever worked in a situation where they're training the same person all day, every day, for seven days a week, for four months of the year.

It's a long time.

Yeah, I've said "Look these are the injuries that are going to come up, this is how you need to manage that, this is how you should periodise your training schedule." I'm here to help her with that, I'm here to help her with production side, I'm here to help her with the group dynamic of her team and how to try to manage the game as best as possible. For me it's nothing like what The Biggest Loser is in the States, it's a different show, it's a different scenario and it's a totally different time frame.




Whereas to us watching it, I think it does look quite similar.

Really? Your show is on six nights a week, it's three and a half hours of show. In the States it's one, and a half an hour of that one hour is all weigh-in and elimination. Bob and I are in, I can honestly say, five minutes of the American show, and it's whatever kind of BS story they want to create. And I'm in five minutes of television and 90 per cent of the time I'm hating the story they've created or I'm like "That's not what happened, that's not what I said," whereas here, I'm like, "Yeah I said that, I certainly did that." A good example would be last year in the Australian show, we had this one guy that was extremely big, David, and he couldn't run, and so one of my boys, Adro, wanted to run with him and I said "No, Adro, go and run with the girls," and Adro's telling this story and said "I wanted to run with David but Jillian was like 'no, you run with the girls'". In the American show they would've cut it and made me look like a monster. Here, Adro was like, "She was like 'you need your workout, let me run with David and you go run with the girls and get your workout on'" and shows me with David going "Come on buddy, one more step". That to me, is like, I want people to see the truth of what's really going on. In the States they would be like "She said, don't you run with David" and cut to David like struggling, "Go run with the girls". And everyone would be like "Oh my God, she's a Nazi." Do you know what I mean? I'm through with that. Through with the, like the whole eliminating 36 people in the lawn then having them all cry. I was like, you know what, find someone else, I'm not going to do it. So you never know what the future's going to hold but to me this show is just a very different animal to me and I like the way that I can just be myself.

And they show more footage.

Yeah, it's so much more compelling to me, here the show finds the story in the contestants not the scale whereas in America it's ALL about the scale, and I just feel like it lacks soul, it lacks heart, because you don't see any of the internal work the people are doing. You don't see Matt on season two get sober after 12 years of drinking, you don't see Seth deal with his mother issues and leave a dead-end job and get into school to become a physical therapist, you just see the scale.

And even though you see them get skinny and you see the scale, I'm like "OK to me that's not the story" at what point does it begin to hinder me with regard to me saying I'm not that character.

It's been great, it's been a good launching pad for me and I'm totally thankful but it starts to limit your ability to branch out and brand yourself as somebody. I honestly see myself as much more life coach, I hate fitness, I really do. I know everything about it because it's changed my life and because I'm obsessive compulsive with being the best at something that I do but fitness for me, I don't love it, I don't love to workout. Just now in my life I'm finally starting to understand what it feels like to enjoy a workout because I'm so busy that it's time for me but I hate it, I've always hated it, I'm not the girl who was teaching aerobics at 14, I'm the girl that was a fat girl that struggled, whose her mother got her into martial arts because she didn't know what to do with me I was so falling out of control , and it changed my life because it gave me a place to channel my energy, it gave me an area that I could control, it gave me something I could excel in. It redefined my self-image because I went from the fat kid in the hallway at school that everyone would make fun of, to the kid that could break two boards with her right fist and I began to walk a little taller in the hallway, you know what I mean?

Fitness to me is just a tool that I use to help people achieve their dreams. It makes them stronger physically and therefore transcends them in every other facet of their lives and they go from like the loser who can't to the person who j ust ran five miles. They go "Oh my god I never knew". And when they can see that, it's like they come alive in every other facet, they go, "Yeah I can do this, maybe I can do this, maybe I'm not that person that I thought I was,".

For Loser in the States, they just made me look like a crazy person in the gym and it's not who I am. Yes I am, but there's a good reason and there's a method behind my madness, I just started to feel limited by the portrayal so if I did go back, I don't know.

Never say never.

You never say never and if I did go back it would definitely have to be a scenario where I'd felt like I'd already expanded my brand and for it not to be a small facet of my reality and go it's almost like a character that I'm seeing on TV.

What about the personalities of the American contestants verses the Australian contestants, did you notice a difference?

Last year, yes, this year I'm going to say no. Last year there was a lot of game playing and a lot of Big Brother-type stuff going on, but this year they're very much like the Americans, they're working hard.

There were Australians coming into this game last year going "I won't workout if you don't workout," and this year they are like all in the gym.

So it's really just the mix of people.

Yeah, absolutely.

I can't wait to see the new series.

I hope you like it, so far I'm really pleased with it, it's less scandalous in the best possible way.

For more, see the Feb. 12, 2007 issue of Who Magazine (and stay watching from tonight for more - no doubt short-lived - fun with Bob and Jillian).


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Applications Open Now For Big Blogger 2

[Theme music is heard: "Da-da, da-da, da-da, da-da, DUM!"]


Big Blogger is returning in 2007


That's right; the fake online reality TV show parody that last year took the world wide web by storm will be returning to TV Is My Life for the duration of the seventh series of Australian Big Brother.

You can apply to be a Big Blogger Housemate by leaving a comment on this post. Please don't specify if you want to be a 'regular' Housemate, an Intruder, a Special Guest, or so on. Big Blogger will be the one to decide who enters the House, and in what capacity they partake of the game. If you're interested in being involved, simply say you want 'in', and Big Blogger will get back to you.

Applying does not guarantee that you will necessarily be accepted into the House. (But not applying guarantees that you won't be accepted ... if you know what I mean.)

Terms and conditions apply. (But I'll fill you in on those later.) Read last year's "Applications Open Now" post (and all the comments written by Yours Truly therein) for a good idea of what you can expect. More details to come.


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Even MORE Freakin' Fattest Freakin' Losers... FREAKIN'!

Last night saw the arrival of two new contestants in the game. For those of you trying to keep track of how many contestants have actually been in this second series of Australia’s version of The Biggest Loser, this now makes eighteen.

Last year it was twelve.

But anyway, the more people they can help, the better for everyone. The remaining six contestants in the house last night thought differently, though. They felt cheated and robbed and ripped off and other childish things like that.

Especially the Whinging Red Team Members (which means Courtney, Pati and “Moanalotta” Munnalita – not so much Marty). For the most part, despite the sting of the surprise, Marty, Laura and Damien were welcoming and mature about the whole thing. Damien and Laura gave the new contestants (dubbed ‘The Outsiders’) a tour of the house, and – together with Marty – congratulated them on their weight loss so far (Courtney and some of the others did so as well … but only because Damien and crew had said it first; the difference in their sincerity was stark and obvious).

Another big element to this latest surprise was that The Commando, that much feared ‘bully’ of a personal trainer the contestants had all had to deal with at one time or another, turned out to have been training The Outsiders all along. So that put a bit of fear into the six contestants, who were forced to watch a video montage of The Outsiders’ training regime over the past six weeks or so.

Let’s meet the new players, shall we?






Name: Steve Willis

Role: ‘The Commando’

Points of Interest:

1. Is an ex-SAS officer.

2. Part of his Australian Special Forces background includes him being a Counter Terrorism Team Commander. (That makes him Australia’s answer to Jack Bauer! Or at least Curtis Manning. Or maybe Tom Baker.)

3. Doesn’t actually appear to be a bad guy at all. He seems quite nice – and, despite what the contestants may think, he wants the best for them.

4. Makes me laugh by copping attitude from the contestants when he’s only playing a ‘role’ that he’s been instructed to play. It’s not like he’s actually that heartless in real life, you idiots.

5. Has been training ‘The Outsiders’ since day one; meaning that they’ve had the ‘benefit’ of his extra-charged weight-loss regime the whole time the 'original' contestants have been in the house.


“You’re just full of excuses!”







Name: Chris

Team: N/A. He’s one of ‘The Outsiders’

Age: 23

Height: 198cm

Starting Weight: 149kg

Target Weight: 90kg

Points of Interest:

1. Talks like he has a bubble of phlegm in the back of his throat that he won’t cough up.

2. Seemed quite nervous about coming into the house at this point in the game (and fair enough), despite his apparent bravado.

3. Is a real contender for the prize, weighing in as the 3rd biggest loser (in terms of percentage) out of the now eight remaining contestants.










Name: Kimberlie

Team: N/A. She’s one of ‘The Outsiders’

Age: 32

Height: 173cm

Starting Weight: 141kg

Target Weight: 99kg

Points of Interest:

1. Seemed a bit weak during the first stages of her video training diary with ‘The Commando’.

2. Appears to have ‘come into her own’ over the past sex weeks, showing a real strength and determination that was missing at the beginning.

3. Has a rather unfortunate fat and half-fat body shape, including a fat face with a thin neck and rolls of fat on her stomach that resemble a second pair of breasts (giving her a similar type of appearance to what I call Damien’s “lobster body”). I truly hope she (and Damien) can lose this appearance as their weight continues to drop.







Watching the faces of the six remaining contestants as they were told two ‘new’ contestants would be joining the game was priceless. One in particular was just ridiculous in his immaturity:




But it’s clear from the training The Outsiders have undergone that they’re in it to win and they mean business. Chris is especially capable of taking it out, but they’ll both have a target on their backs as soon as their immunity runs out.

But just look at how well they’ve trained!








Okay, so maybe it doesn’t translate very well into still photographs, but trust me: They’ve put in the hard yards just as much as anybody else!

The fact that Kimberlie and Chris have managed to lose as much weight as they have (20.3kg and 31.3kg respectively – compared to Courtney’s 28kg) while living at home, going to work, training just four hours per day, going to parties, flying to Fiji on holidays - and everything else that comes with living a normal life – is just fantastic.

The producers of the show have decided to show that “even you at home” can do what the Losers are doing. (If you have a Commando handy, presumably.) While it’s true that The Outsiders didn’t have to worry about the mind games and eliminations the other contestants had to endure, the other contestants haven’t had their real lives impacting on their weight loss attempts, so I say they’re both difficult struggles but comparing the two is like comparing apples and oranges.

They’re both extremely difficult, but neither one is a walk in the park and neither group has experienced what the other has experienced. But they will.

I so so so so so so hope Damien wins the series. He’s been the most deserving of all 18 contestants since the first day they entered the house. I can’t see it happening, personally, but it doesn’t stop me wishing for it to be so!


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Long Distance Neighbours

So Karl and Susan are of to London on holidays. And we all know who they're going to run into while they're there.

Twice.

Because, you know, London's a small place, with hardly any people there. Chance encounters with people you know from the other side of the world are actually quite common.

Anyway, I guess after so many years of frenzied support from the English fans of the show, it was about time that the storyline took a couple of stalwarts from the cast across the seas to visit 'The Mother Country' and involve them firsthand in this way.

I just think it's a shame that so many ridiculously impossible 'special guest stars' are being crammed in to so little screen time. It must be another reflection on the small number of people who live in the heart of London. I know for a fact that you can't walk fifty paces through Trafalgar Square without running into the likes of Julian Clary, Emma Bunton, Michael Parkinson or Jonathan 'Jono' Coleman. And the less said about Neil Morrissey as a priest, the better.

It's strange, then, that Terry Nutkins, Jo Whiley, and Little Britain's Matt Lucas and David Walliams were all also on hand to pop in for tea and scones.

But perhaps the most amusing thing for me, is the idea that local English residents - as opposed to English tourists when they're visiting Australia - will soon be going on Neighbours-themed tours of London, pointing out all the "Neighbours landmarks" to each other in awed voices:

"Look! That's the park bench where Susan left Izzy some money, BEFORE SHE EVEN REALISED WHO IT WAS UNDER THE NEWSPAPER."

"See that there? That's the carriage of the London Eye where Karl proposed to Susan!"

"Hey, check it out! That's the double-decker bus seat Karl and Susan sat in when they were taking THIS EXACT TOUR!"

"Wow, I think that's the pier where < PLOT SPOILER CENSORED >, although all the blood's been cleaned up since then."

I'm actually really looking forward to the next two weeks of the show. The overseas scenes, the return of Izzy, the death of < SOMEONE >, and apparently the kidnapping of someone else. I'm not sure who that is - maybe it's baby Kerry again. Hopefully it's Lolly being kidnapped by a psychotic Sandy, except I know it's not yet Lolly's turn to leave the show, which means we'd only be subjected to lots more overacting and poor delivery of dialogue ... so perhaps it's better if Lolly just hung around and played a supporting role in the Ringo / Rachel storyline.


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CONNOR UPDATE:

It's been approximately six months since my much admir'd Connor O'Neill was last mentioned on the show, and over nine months since he disappeared. Imagine my delight, then, when he was finally referenced in Friday's episode - in relation to St Patrick's Day tomorrow. Nice touch, Neighbours writers. You're looking out for me, I can tell. Cheers.

Total number of 'Connor' references since my last 'Connor Update': One. Toadie received a box this evening that had been sent from China. As soon as this was stated, I immediately turned to Wifey, and with wide eyes and excitement in my voice, I blurted: "Connor!"

I remembered Steiger telling Toadie that Connor's wallet had been found in Beijing and handed in to the Australian embassy there, so as soon as the words had been spoken, I figured this box was going to have been sent from the missing Irish lad.

Sure enough, Toadie said something about recognising that handwriting anywhere - it was Mr O'Neill himself. I was delighted. Finally, some closure on the point that's been keeping me awake at nights. I'm pretty sure actor Patrick Harvey won't be returning to the show because there are no rumours of him returning (although he and the producers still have about three months left to surprise me, if their original "let's see how we all feel about the idea in a year's time" notion is to be believed - which is what they said about the possibility of Connor returning, back when Harvey left the show), so I reckon they figured it was a good time to close off that particular chapter. And I'm glad the box didn't contain Connor's dismembered head or anything.

The idea of St Patrick's Day being 'tomorrow' made the timing of the box's arrival a bit cheesy and obvious (after all, if he's meant to be so 'slack', all of a sudden, what motivted him to send the box a few weeks in advance and get the timing of its arrival so spot-on?!), but at least there seemed to be SOME kind of purpose to the box arriving in the mail. Irish gifts and trinkets of no obvious, logical or sentimental value were randomly sent to Ned, Toadie, Steph and Max. The gift for Steph and Max appeared to be wrapped in yellow paper, but I'm not sure if I was just unable to tell what it was. Maybe it was a yellow jumpsuit for Charlie, all rolled up or something. i really didn't get a proper look at it. And Steph appeared to take it away without looking at it closely or opening it, meaning that we're either going to see what it is next week - and it'll mean something pertinent to her current situation of being man-less - or it was just a McGuffin to talk about how much things had changed since Connor left. I'm not sure what other purpose the whole incident was meant to hold for any of the characters.

But it made me ecstatic. Connor is, indeed, alive. So the only questions now are:

1) Will he ever be returning?

2) Will Connor references continue to be be dropped in conversation on the show forevermore now, resulting in more of these darned 'Connor Updates'?

3) What was Connor doing in Beijing so shortly after leaving on a driving tour around Australia?

4) What the Charles Dickens was the point of him sending the garden knome thing to Toadie, back when we all thought Connor had been buried underneath the "Irish Rose" plant Robert Robinson planted in Paul's front yard?

5) What was the deal with Robert Robinson letting Connor go, unharmed (seeing he was the only person at the time who knew Robert's evil secret), and then driving Connor's ute away without Connor, if Connor was in fact fine and on his merry way around the country (and over to Asia)?

6) Why did Connor stop paying his third of the mortgage?

7) How come he hasn't contacted Toadie or provided him with a method of BEING contacted? (I don't buy the ultra-convenient excuse of it being "just like Connor", as we never saw evidence of Connor being anything near as slack and useless as that.)

8) When will Dee come back? On the day of Toadie and Steph's eventual wedding, in another year or so? And will Connor turn up in time to join the Bridal Party? I can only hope so.


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Walking Away Empty-Handed

2007 is definitely going to go down as The Year Of The Game Show. I'm not sure what started it off, but the fact that all three commercial networks in Australia decided to launch a primetime game show (all promising to out-do each other) at the beginning of the year certainly had me intrigued. And I've seen enough of each one now to pass judgement on the shows.

First, although the last of the three to premiere, we have the one I got sick of watching the soonest. It's Network Ten's The ConTest. I quite like Andrew G (well, I don't hate him, anyway - and he's a natural TV host), and Brigitte Duclos is a member of The Cage (to which I listen on the radio every morning), but the fact that this show is so 'samey' from week to week (not to mention that basically half of the hour-long broadcast is spent by Andrew, Brigit and the voiceover guy all telling and re-telling us that the contestants can't see each other's scores) makes for an extremely boring show. The contestants are all clearly nervous and react accordingly, and it's just cringe-worthy to watch.


The REAL ‘ConTest’ was Ten waiting to see if we’d
watch the show for more than a couple of episodes

If I was on the show (being a smart guy as I am), I'd no doubt do very well on the scoring. But my "gameplan" would NOT be to try to bluff the other players into thinking I'd done well - rather, I'd act all nervous and twitchy and shut my eyes in disappointment when Andrew told us the answers (WHEN I'D GOTTEN THEM RIGHT), to lull them into a false sense of security. That way, they'd all bomb out thinking I wasn't worth worrying about, and they'd all learn the hard way (when they got eliminated with no money) that I'd been playing them. By the time I was in the final round, I'd drop the act, and my opponent would realise they were up against a very smart cookie, resulting in them doubting themselves and folding - giving me the $50,000.

But I won't be going on the show, because I reckon it's got another month in it before it gets axed.

It also doesn't help that Brigitte can't speak English: "Should of you done it?"


Brigitte Duclos and Andrew G -
far too many teeth for two people

The next show I'll look at is another one that's worn a bit thin already; Channel Nine's 1 vs 100. When Eddie finished hosting Who Wants To Be A Millionaire last year to concentrate on running the whole network (of which he'd just become CEO), no promises were made in regards to whether or not Millionaire would be returning. Since then, the whole idea of the show has been re-envisaged overseas anyway, and 1 vs 100 is the result.


The odds are firmly stacked against you

Happily for Eddie (who's been doing a terrible job as CEO, by all accounts - certainly if the network's slipping ratings for the first time in 15 years is any indication), everyone at Nine was keen for him to step back into his hosting gig with their major game show. He's another one I don't hate (despite many doing so), and who is also frankly a very gifted TV host.

1 vs 100 is Millionaire on steroids, but unfortunately it doesn't hold my interest enough for me to make time on my Monday evenings to watch it. If it's on and I'm not doing anything else, sure - I'll watch it. But otherwise I don't care if I miss it entirely. That's not a good sign for a fledgling show into which the network has invested so much faith (and to which the CEO has attached his smiling face).


Eddie discovered a novel way of presenting to the world
the latest Channel Nine employees to get the sack

Finally we reach Channel Seven's The Rich List. I've read reviews that claim this one is the worst of the lot (citing the act of writing lists for things like shopping and other chores as being the most mind-numbingly dull thing one could ever hope to do), but I actually enjoy this show the most of the three. Especially when it's not sport or geography and I'm easily able to out-list all the silly contestants.


(I checked, and I'm not on it.)

I wonder why no one has never gone on the show and lied about their strong suits. I suspect the producers put people together into their teams and leave a gap in their understanding so they can be beaten on a topic or two. Instead of saying I'm good at popular culture and bad at sport (which is the truth), I'd tell them I was the opposite. Then they'd (hopefully) partner me up with "another" sports person, only to find that my partner would get all the sports questions right while I surprised everyone by blitzing the field in almost every other area! We'd be unstoppable!

Anyway, this is the one show of the three new game shows that I'm still happy to watch. And that's despite this incident.


Contestants build a list to win money – it’s
enough to get you excited about the shopping:
“Milk, bread, sugar, you’ve won $10,000!!”

All-in-all, I can't help but feel that the recent resurgence of game shows in this country has burnt us out and meant that they've all out-stayed their welcome inside a month ... and the real losers in the whole thing are us, the viewers.

(And possibly the networks, who have to watch all the money they've injected into the shows go down the gurlger when we all stop watching.)

But those three are not the only game shows we're able to watch in this country. Channel Nine still has its old stalwart Temptation at 7pm, hosted by Ed Phillips and Livinia Nixon. And even earlier than that, Nine pits Bert Newton up against Seven's host of The Rich List, Andrew O'Keefe, when Bert's Family Feud goes head-to-head with Deal Or No Deal. (Other recent game show flops have included Channel Seven's You May Be Right and The Master.)


Ed ‘The Man’ Phillips asks the questions while
Livinia ‘The Ninny’ Nixon makes inappropriate comments

Bert Newton and his funky new hairpiece have
joined forces to present Bert’s Family Feud

”… that is the question”

Before I finish, I can't avoid referring to the recent 'Midas touch' curse that has befallen the once-great Larry Emdur. During the 90s he was the Game Show King, hosting The Price Is Right and then Wheel Of Fortune. But his luck started to change when both shows were axed (not long after the short-lived Ca$h Bonanza thing that was filmed on the Gold Coast - and don't forget that his first game show, Family Double Dare, only last a few episodes). He was moved to Weekend Sunrise (but has since been replaced by Seven's "Everywhere Man", Andrew O'Keefe), and has now been employed by Network Ten (completing his circuit of the major networks) hosting Celebrity Dog School (which was recently shafted from its great timeslot on Sunday nights to its dead-end timeslot on Saturday nights).


Larry's asking price was wrong,
so the show was axed ...

… and then he ended Wheel’s run, took
Laura down with him, and single-handedly
ended John Deeks’ voiceover career into the
bargain (apart from those JB Hi-Fi ads)


The future certainly looks grim for Larry (who is another fine TV host), and I guess all that remains for him now is to send his CV to the ABC, SBS and Channel 31.


--------------------------------------------

(Oh, and while 'researching' for photos for this post, I came across the following image from The Price Is Right ... it made me giggle. Can you tell why?)


How much, ladies?


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The Biggest Whinger

Munnalita.

Wifey and I can't stand her. The way she makes everything a question? It's irritating beyond belief? But you know what's worse? It's how she doesn't take responsibility for her actions? And how she argues with Marty and Michelle (and anyone else who doesn't give her what she wants)? It's, like, completely childish?

Having two Mars bars at Temptation is NOT alright, Munnalita, as evidenced by the fact that you lost your Team the Weigh-In last night. Yes you did, and you deserved to lose it. It's YOUR fault - and if you hadn't eaten those chocolate bars, you may have weighed even less than you did (bringing your Team's total weight loss to a larger percentage than the Blue Team's).

Don't get me wrong; I love the Blue Team and I'm oh-so glad they finally won a Weigh-In. But I'm just hoping that tonight's elimination will result in the right person being sent home.

And by "the right person", I of course mean:



She's a bitchy little mother hen, who claims to want a child of her own (she's already filled a wardrobe with baby clothes, which sounds like a real sickness to me), but isn't above telling Michelle off (and WRONGLY justifying her actions days later) for daring to challenge her over eating two Mars bars during a Temptation - when it was already agreed that Courtney would be the one to go for the challenge.

At every point during the week this week, she's been WRONG. Her interviews to camera have revealed that - although Courtney refers to Munnalita as the only person in the house he can completely trust - she doesn't trust a soul ... including Courtney.

She was wrong to eat a Mars bar at Temptation. She was definitely wrong to eat a second one. She was wrong to defend her actions as anything other than weakness at the moment. She was CERTAINLY wrong to argue with Michelle about it. She was wrong to storm out of an argument (twice), which is the coward's way of ending a losing argument. She was wrong to turn her sights on Marty, one of only two good guys on the Red Team (the other being Greg) for taking the lead at training sessions and trying to get the whole Team to do better. She was wrong to dress up her complaints about Marty as him not letting her do her own thing or "relax into the training session".

But perhaps the most delightful incident for me last night of her being wrong about something, was when Pati revealed in a private interview to camera that Munnalita was wrong to presume she and Courtney had her vote. Pati actually plans to vote with Greg and Marty (apparently), and I think that's a much more honorable way for her to go. Courtney and Munnalita have the Red Team stitched up in a really negative way if their preferences are allowed to go through ... and no one who deserves to be there will still be in the game in a couple of weeks if that's what happens.



I know there's going to be a twist in tonight's elimination episode, and TV Week kinda spoils what that twist is (so don't read it if you don't want to know). I won't say anything in detail about it here, but I just really hope those who make the decision on who to eliminate tonight will take out either Munnalita or Courtney.

But somehow, I fear that either Marty or Greg will be leaving us tonight. And that makes me sad.

Wifey refers to Munnalita as the most childish and spoilt little snivelling brat she's ever come across - and Wifey's done teaching rounds with primary school kids!

If there's one thing Munnalita needs, it's a swift kick to the head.

If there's a second thing she needs, it's to be eliminated from the show. Let's hope and pray that her number's up.


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No Neighbourly Love Lost

Despite the fact that the (unnamed) reporter for The Age who penned the following article can't spell 'Ramsay Street' (a crime for which I was also guilty until an anonymous commenter corrected me about it last year - and my thanks to you again, Anonymous), this little gem seems quite interesting.

I'm not sure just why a very sour-grapes Dale would want to come out swinging after so many years, but I guess bitterness has a way of festering inside you until you burst, if you don't deal with it straight away.

As Dale's character, Jim Robinson (Paul's father), died in 1993 - marking the actor's departure from the show - I'm unsure as to how exactly he believes the producers wanted him to be involved in the twenty-year anniversary special.

Incidentally, the twenty-year anniversary special was two years ago now, so it looks like The Age is really at the cutting edge of entertainment news.

My thanks to Spankk for the link.

Former Neighbours favourite Alan Dale says he hates the makers of the TV soap, saying he left feeling ripped off.

Dale, who played Jim Robinson in the glory years of the Ramsey Street soap from 1985 to 1993, has since become a success in the US where he has appeared in an array of high profile programs.

But despite that success, 59-year-old Dale remains bitter over how he feels he was treated during his time on Neighbours. He says he snubbed the progam's 20-year anniversary because he felt ripped off.

"I didn't like it there, they were not nice people," Britain's Daily Mirror quotes Dale as saying.

"They treated us badly, so I don't owe them anything.

"Like that 20-year thing - sounds wonderful, go back for the 20th anniversary, why not?

"And they're making a TV show out of it and there'll be a documentary of course, and they're making money out of that.

"They'll sell it all over the world, make millions, and still not a dollar for us."

Dale has accused the producers of trying to keep quiet international sales of the program for fear of having to pay the actors more.

"When we decided that we hated each other, the company and me, one of the things the company did was to market everything they could out of us and pay us nothing," Dale said.

"We didn't discover that the show was a hit in England until it was on the front page of the local paper.

"They didn't tell us because they didn't want us to know, because they might have to pay us more.

"All along the way, I fought with them about the fact they were ripping us off.

"It was just awful, so I didn't go back for the 20th anniversary thing, and I don't do any of the magazine articles or anything like that."

Dale says he regrets not moving to the US sooner - he's turned up in a slew of top programs: The OC, CSI: Miami, ER, Lost, NCIS, The X-Files, The West Wing, 24 and now Ugly Betty.

He is married to former Miss Australia Tracey Pearson and based in Los Angeles.

As Spankk says, "I think he was having an affair with Anne Haddy."


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That's A Bit Rich!

The Rich List got it wrong! In the second week of Channel Seven’s new game show, one of the lists the contestants were asked to complete was: ‘Name Recurring Characters On The Muppet Show’.

I nearly had a heart failure.

I had tried this exact list the week before for myself (during the show’s premiere episode), purely out of interest to see how many I could honestly list without assistance if I was given my ‘dream list’. I didn’t realise at the time that the same contestants I was watching then were going to be asked that very list the following week. I came up with about sixty character names, and then I was quite disheartened to see that the show didn’t reveal the full list after the silly contestants bombed out with ‘Waldo’ (they meant Waldorf, but who’s stupid enough to think it was Statler & Waldo?!).

A week or two later, I noticed during the closing credits that they started to advertise the show’s website, where all previous lists were … well, … ‘listed’, and you could suggest your own list (to save the researchers doing too much work, presumably).

I should also point out that Aussie Rock Chick emailed this information to me as well when she saw it, because she knew from my angry rant on hers and/or Adam’s blogs that I was highly frustrated that they’d never shown the full Muppet list so I could scrutinise it. Thank you again, ARC.

So I was finally able to see the ‘full list’ (as far as they were aware) of recurring characters on The Muppet Show.

I must say, they should have run their list by me first:

ANIMAL
ANNIE SUE
BEAKER
BEAUREGARD
CAMILLA
CRAZY HARRY
DR BUNSEN HONEYDEW
DR JULIUS STRANGEPORK
DR TEETH
FOO-FOO
FOZZIE BEAR
GEORGE
GONZO
HILDE
JANICE
KERMIT THE FROG
LEW ZEALAND
LINK HOGTHROB
LIPS
MAHNA MAHNA
MARVIN SUGGS
MILDRED HUXTETTER
MISS PIGGY
POPS
ROBIN
ROWLF THE DOG
SAM THE (AMERICAN BALD) EAGLE
SCOOTER
SGT. FLOYD PEPPER
STATLER
SWEETUMS
THE FLYING ZUCCHINI BROTHERS
THE MUPPET NEWSCASTER
THE SWEDISH CHEF
THOG
UNCLE DEADLY
WALDORF
WANDA
WAYNE
ZOOT

Where’s Rizzo? Where’s Lewis Kazagger? Where’s Gaffer? Where’s Baskerville the Hound? Where’s J P Grosse? Where’s Nigel the Conductor? Where’s Beautiful Day Monster? Where’s Doglion? Muppy? The Snowths? The Talking Houses? Winny (aka Claudia Bird)? Gladys the Cafeteria Lady? Elmer and the whole freakin’ Jug Band?!

Not to mention the recurring Sesame Street characters, who - by appearing in more than one episode - technically qualify as 'recurring characters'. (Note: Even though the question does not specifically require them to be known as recurring Muppet characters, the Sesame Street gang are also known as ‘Muppets’ in the strictest sense of the term. So there's no weasling out of their omission on that score!) So that means Big Bird, Bert, Ernie, Cookie Monster, Count von Count, Oscar the Grouch, Herry Monster and Grover are all missing from the list as well.

Expect one HELL of an angry letter, Channel Seven!


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Pepper & Spice

Wifey and I watch Neighbours each and every night (we even tape it to watch later if we're not going to be home at 6:30pm). It's our little guilty pleasure. I recognise that this is considered extremely strange behaviour by most of you (but not all), as it's not exactly a show with a high level of respect by most Australians.*

But lately the show has been doing its darnedest to push that "G-rating" barrier to further and futher extremes. One wonders (doesn't one) if they'll cross the line ... if they haven't already.

Allow me to elaborate:

In recent months, the storylines have included Paul Robinson's did-he-or-didn’t-he swearing fiasco, as well as his repeated seductions of various womenfolk in the fictitious Erinsborough. These unhappy lasses have included Rosie (in all but the Biblical sense), Pepper, Lyn, some blonde floozie, the brunette woman he was seen doing business with before he started dating Lyn, and two chicks he basically forced Ned to invite over after they served them "electronic goods" in some unstated furniture store (surprisingly not called Erinsborough Furniture - has anyone else noticed that the characters all use "Erinsborough Mail" addresses for their email accounts?). This wouldn't be too bad, but his treatment of them all leaves a lot to be desired.

Add to that the fact that he has one leg shorter than the other (by a whole calf and foot), and you have to wonder how he keeps pulling so many women. It must be the money, I guess. ARE WOMEN QUITE SO ONE-DIMENSIONAL??!

He continually discards his women after sleeping with them, and never has to encounter an angry, jilted ex. That doesn't seem fair, does it?!

Not to mention the message this is sending young kids watching the 6:30pm timeslot. I'm aware of at least one reader who's felt uncomfortable with her children watching the show during all this carrying on, and we haven't even gotten to the main point of this post yet.




Wow, there it is. Bang. Just like that. A lesbian kiss. One that came out of nowhere, I might add. The blonde (Pepper Steiger) was lamenting her bad luck with men, her job, and so on, when the brunette (Rosie Cammineti) tried to assure her she was an attractive, intelligent woman of substance, blah blah blah. Naturally, because it's the most logical thing to do, Pepper then lent in and kisses Rosie, leaving both of them looking awkward, weird and surprised.

Cut to the credits.

Next episode opens on the same scene, but this time - instead of looking awkward, weird and surprised - Rosie leans back in for more. Just in case anyone wasn't watching the previous episode. Lesbian kisses for everyone!

(As an aside, I admit that I did find it humorous when the two girls later agreed to keep their kissing encounter to themselves and never tell anyone else about it, and then went out to the local bar arm-in-arm for a friendly drink ... only to announce to the other characters who saw them enter - and who now knew about their secret dalliance because one of them spied it happening and told the others about it - that they felt like "coming out tonight".)

I posted the above pic earlier in the year, so I knew it was coming, but to be honest I expected them to flog the pants off the moment. (Um, no pun intended. If that was one. I can't be sure.) If I'm being completely frank about it, I was really waiting for the weekly ads for the show to promise sapphic coupling, the likes of which we had not seen on Ramsay Street since the last time. (Actually, the last time was just a before Christmas, when Pepper’s own mother was spotted kissing her female lover by Janae Hoyland, so this is becoming familiar territory for the show.)

So I was surprised to see the moment arrive with absolutely NO pomp or circumstance to draw in extra viewers. And the following episode wasn’t touted as “the follow-up to the most AMAZING lesbian encounter you’ve EVER SEEN (in a 6:30pm timeslot)” as I thought it’d be. So I must at least credit the applicable Neighbours personnel for not using the moment as a cheap ratings stunt.

But still.

Is it ‘wrong’ for parents to feel concerned for their children when they’re watching a same-sex kiss at such an early hour (and with no warning)? I don’t think it is. I believe it’s fair enough for such content to be on at a later hour and/or with a warning beforehand. Consider the airing times for such shows as Queer As Folk, The L Word, and other such shows. They’re not aimed at children, and for good reason. Parents have the right to shield their children from that kind of awkwardness for a few years at least, don’t they?

I’m not making a political or discriminatory statement, here. This is totally irrespective of my views on “same-sex kisses in society”, et al. I’m just saying that it’s pretty risqué material for a show like Neighbours, and I wonder what their reasoning is for pushing the envelope so much in recent times.

Clearly they have plans for this moment between Rosie and Pepper to evolve into one or both of them questioning their sexuality (my tip is that neither will ‘switch sides’, though), once they’ve had their fun with the amusing misunderstanding their friends all currently have about them (which they’re unaware of at this point). Then there’s the whole “Pepper feels like she’s turning into her lesbian mother” thing, and the “escalating tension between Frazer and Rosie” thing … so I’m sure the writers will get a bit of mileage out of it. But does that make it okay?

And one other thing; that’s three lesbian kisses the show has given us (all since 2004). Are they planning to reciprocate with a man-to-man kiss at some point? Somehow I think they won’t. There are some things even Neighbours wouldn’t do, and – fortunately or unfortunately (depending on your point of view) – that’s one of them.


* Although, within the industry, it still holds a lot of sway.


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Heroes Gets Lost

I’m about to give a less-than-favourable review of Heroes, but don’t get me wrong – I’ve watched all five episodes that have so far screened on Australian TV and intend to continue watching it. I do enjoy it, but I just think it steals many of its more creative and storytelling elements from a show that outshines it (IMHO), Lost.

If you haven’t seen it, Heroes is a show about a group of young people (why are they all young people – will this change or at least be explained at some point? Why aren’t we seeing elderly grandparents suddenly developing the ability to drive at the speed limit, rather than twenty kilometres too slow?) who find themselves gaining superhuman abilities. Each person discovers a different ability. One guy can fly; one can paint the future. One girl is indestructible; another loses time and appears to be a Hulk-like character when her subconscious takes over. One guy is able to ‘wish’ himself through time and space, while another guy appears to adopt the powers of those around him, like a sponge. And then there’s the cop who can read minds (you wouldn’t want him to pull you over for a speeding ticket!).

Apart from one standout Japanese character, all the others in this ensemble cast of unlikely superheroes are (of course – because that’s just how things work on US television) Americans. (At least Lost features a Brit, a Saudi, and an Aussie – still not as many Aussies as you’d expect on a flight from Sydney to LA, but at least those other nationalities are represented!) But let’s not get too caught up in that aspect.

Instead I want to focus on the aspects of Heroes which remind me – a little too much – of Lost. Bear in mind as we go through this list, that Lost did it first. (And, in most cases, better.)




Lost does not have an opening credit sequence as such. Instead, only a title card for the name of the show is given. All other credits are played over the top of the first scene. Actors’ faces are not put against their names in the ‘regular’ fashion.

Heroes does not have an opening credit sequence as such. Instead, only a title card for the name of the show is given. All other credits are played over the top of the first scene. Actors’ faces are not put against their names in the ‘regular’ fashion.





Lost has an ensemble cast of characters all going through a tough time together and wanting to discover the truth about where they are and what their companions are up to.

Heroes has an ensemble cast of characters all going through a tough time together and wanting to discover the truth about who they are and what they can do.





Lost utilises the intriguing storytelling method of looking back at parts of each character’s backstory in order to tell a new aspect to the one long story on the island.

Heroes utilises the intriguing storytelling method of jumping around from main character to main character in order to tell the one story – eventually hooking them all up in the one place and giving them the same purpose.





Lost employs the clever method of having tiny links between the main characters in their ‘former lives’ (such as common minor characters or appearing on TV screens in the background of each other’s flashbacks) to intertwine their lives before they’d even met. This rewards the eagle-eyed viewer and adds depth to the overall story.

Heroes employs the clever method of having tiny links between the main characters in their ‘former lives’ (such as common objects like comic books being in each other’s possession or appearing on computers, newspapers and TV screens in the background of each other’s stories) to intertwine their lives before they’d even met. This rewards the eagle-eyed viewer but does not seem to propel the story.





Lost has clever references in characters’ names (Jack Shepherd, John Locke, James Ford, Henry Gale, etc) that mean something about their personalities to the intelligent viewer.

Heroes has the character name ‘Hiro’, which is similar to the show’s title.





Lost has Jin and Sun, a pair of Asian characters whose dialogue we understand through the use of subtitles and one of them being able to speak English. They are Korean.

Heroes has Hiro and Ando, a pair of Asian characters whose dialogue we understand through the use of subtitles and one of them being able to speak English. They are Japanese.





Lost has ‘The Others’, whose exact motives are unclear, but who clearly wish to capture the survivors and/or play mind games with them. These people fill the need for having ‘baddies’.

Heroes has Mr Bennet and his associates, whose exact motives are unclear, but who clearly wish to capture the Heroes, determine the extent of their abilities, and/or play mind games with them. These people fill the need for having ‘baddies’.





Lost has the cute brunette (Kate) with a troubled past (and present) who finds herself having to choose between two men (Jack and Sawyer).

Heroes has the cute blonde (Niki) with a troubled past (and present) who finds herself having to choose between two men (DL and Nathan).





Lost has the quiet but brilliant dark-skinned guy (Sayid) who doesn’t let on as much as he knows or is thinking.

Heroes has the quiet but brilliant dark-skinned guy (Mohinder) who doesn’t let on as much as he knows or is thinking.





Lost had the infiltrating nasty guy (Ethan, then later Goodwin and Henry ‘Fenry’ Gale, aka Ben) who pretended to be one of them and a friend until he turned on them for his own nefarious purposes (although he was doing someone else’s dirty work for them).

Heroes has the infiltrating nasty guy (Mr Bennet) who pretended to be a friendly adoptive father to the cheerleader (Claire) but will eventually turn on her (and the others) for his own nefarious purposes (although he’s doing someone else’s dirty work for them).





Lost has the little black kid with the old-man name (Walt) who may or may not have amazing abilities.

Heroes has the little black kid with the old-man name (Micah) who may or may not have amazing abilities.





Lost has elements of the supernatural or the ‘unexplained’ running as a major part of its basic plot.

Heroes has elements of the supernatural or the ‘unexplained’ running as a major part of its basic plot.





Lost was promoted as “The new series of Lost”.

Heroes was promoted as “The new Lost”.






All that being said, Heroes is impressively put together and lots of fun to watch. The drama and intrigue are enjoyable and for the most part it’s an enticing story. But personally, I’m not as impressed as I might have been if they hadn’t so obviously lifted everything that makes the show so good directly from Lost.

The original and the best: Lost.


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