Thursday, November 30, 2006

Look Who Won't Stop Talking (or "Shut Up, Ray!")

"You could kick a football
through my middle teeth!"


That's right, it's Channel Nine's Chief Knob-Jockey, Ray Martin. And he hosted a special tonight called:




It introduced us to Priscilla Dunstan, the so-called miracle woman who has single-handedly discovered the secret language of babies.

Well, that's the sceptic's way of putting it. In truth, she only ever claimed to have deciphered the natural sounds babies' bodies make physiologically when experiencing or suffering from certain issues or discomforts. It actually sounds pretty spot-on to me, despite some of the boffins in the forum/audience giving her a hard time (or perhaps trying to make themselves look important and like a pack of cleverdicks).

As Priscilla ran through the noises babies make and what they mean, I jotted them down, and at the end of the show I handed the page to Wifey, saying: "From now on, this is what Sweetums is telling us". The page looked like this:


"neh" - I'm hungry

"owh" - I'm tired

"eh" - burp me

"eairh" - I've got lower wind pain

"heh" - I'm uncomfortable (hot, cold, need a nappy change, tight clothes, etc)

"wah" - buy Daddy some presents

There are plenty of people out there who diss Duncan's findings (hey - she was on Oprah, for crying out loud!), but it seems to me that rightly or wrongly, she's onto a pretty good thing, here. Everything she said made perfect sense, and the testimonies we saw of real-life participants who gave it a go for a week before the show was filmed were all in favour of her unique 'decoding' efforts.

I guess science will prove her right or show her up for being a fraud in time. Meanwhile, we're gonna give it a go and see if our GENIUS CHILD can be even more perfect than before.


Priscilla Duncan: Superwoman or Superfraud?
Surely such a good-looking woman with a man's square
jawline and perfect ceramic hair wouldn't lie to us?


If you're interested in knowing more about it, this is her website, although you can read the basics for yourself (for free!) on her Wikipedia page.

It was a bloody noisy show (everyone in the forum brought along their babies and toddlers, making for a very distracting show to listen to!), but the thing I noticed the most was how many Channel Nine newsreaders have been 'on the job' lately! They're all popping out babies together! What are they putting in the water over there? The maternity and paternity leave payments must be crippling the station! (Hence this shameless promotional 'investigation', I'd wager.)


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Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Australian Idol 4

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Command Performance



Sadly, tonight the final episode of Commander in Chief will screen on Channel Seven.

Not only is it the final episode of the first season, but it's also the final episode ever - because the show hasn't been renewed in the US.




This is a shame, because despite the intense at at times insipid "Americanness" of the show (but what else would you expect, given the subject matter?), it was quite well done and compelling viewing. Wifey and I have really enjoyed it, even though Seven nearly lost us by yanking it off our screens earlier in the year and then bringing it back without fanfare (thank the Lord for TV Week!).


Geena Davis plays idealistic and likeable
President of the United States, Mackenzie "Mac" Allen.


Geena Davis is excellent as America's first female President, and her nemesis in the world of politics, Speak of the House (and third in line to the Presidency after the Vice President), as played exceptionally well by Donald Sutherland, tries every trick in the book - and a few he comes up with on his own - to defeat Davis' character and make his path clear to the top job.


Donald Sutherland plays villainous
Speaker of the House, Nathan Templeton.


In many ways it's a feminist's take on American politics, but that didn't diminish the show's level of enjoyment for me at all.

If you're in any way a fan of the show, don't miss the last episode tonight. And if you're not ... well, it's probably a little late to be getting into it now. But one thing's for sure: Sometimes American TV networks are dumb. Or maybe it's the US viewing audiences who don't give the good quality shows a chance. Look at their track record: Arrested Development. Angel. Joey. (Okay, I'm kidding about Joey - but the others are real!)

How can shows like According to Jim, Two and a Half Men and My Wife and Kids get made (and constantly renewed), when such high-quality programming is dragged out behind the shed and shot? It's almost criminal.


Left to right: The shy gay guy (and he's not even one
of the many lead characters!), the fiery but supportive
First Lady/Gentleman, Mr President in a dress, the evil villain,
the brilliant black guy, and the timid-but-blossoming hot babe.


We're going to miss Commander in Chief. It was fun while it lasted, and every single person in the cast (with the possible exception of the youngest daughter) was stand-out brilliant. I hope to see them all again.


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Monday, November 27, 2006

Today Tonight The World; Tomorrow Obscurity

Naomi Robson, that much-plagued host of Channel Seven's current affairs program, Today Tonight, announced live on air earlier this evening that this Friday would be the last time she'd sit in the hosting chair of the successful show.

It came as no surprise to anyone who's had even the slightest idea of what's been going on in TV-land over the past few weeks. This was the most obvious 'shock-announcement' I've heard since Hi-5 revealed they had decided against taking on a sixth member.

An article on her resignation (which includes a few of her more risqué problems with the media in the past year) can be found here. If you're up for a laugh, this video is a pretty hilarious collection of 'outtakes' from the set of the show. You're a very silly girl, Naomi. You should always assume the cameras are still rolling - because they obviously are!


"Thanks for watching Seven.
It's appreciated. cough-bullsh!t"


And that's nothing compared to the extremely 'blue' diatribe caught on tape of her swearing her head off. There's a tonne of bad language ahead, folks. You have been warned. [Whoa, Nelly!]

Maybe it's not such a bad thing that she's heading off to 'greener pastures' (some reports indicate that she wants to become Australia's answer to Oprah, fronting her own daytime talk show), but strange as it may seem, she's somewhat of an Aussie TV icon all the same. It'll alsmot feel strange to see evening television without her.

But for obvious reasons, my personal favourite current affairs host will always be Tacky Grimface.


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Sunday, November 26, 2006

Australian Idol - WINNER!

Well, he did it. Damien, ugly teeth and everything, came through and won Australian Idol. I must admit, even though he was my preferred winner (and I even voted for him), I was a little surprised to hear his name read out.

I always expected Jessica to walk away with it.

Like I said last week, both of them are excellent singers, and Jess in particular has a certain 'diva'-style quality to her that makes people sit up and take notice.

But for the reasons I already went into here, I thought Damien would do a better job of the 'Idol' mantle.

And now we'll see whether or not he proves me wrong.

(He got a standing ovation in the Sydney Opera House, damn it!)

It was great to see the others in the Top Twelve re-appear. Bobby, Guy and Lavina were great, Ricky, Reigan, Chris and Dean were okay, and Lisa, Klancie and Joseph were crap. (For their part, Jessica and Damien were both very nervous to start off with, but you've gotta excuse them that. Just this once.)

As for the other performers, Guy Sebastian was good, Shannon Noll was not (does anyone understand what he's saying? - he has the worst annunciation in the world!), Marcia and Deni Hines were boring (bad song, and Deni can't reach the high notes), Anthony Callea was excellent as usual, The Young Divas were bland (particularly Kate DeHuge, who really brings that quartet down), and the less said about Jessica Mauboy's Nanna Harriet "touching herself", the better!

But what was this? Angela Bishop interviewed a massive tomato on the red carpet:


"Agh! Look out! It's a giant tomato!"


Did Casey Donovan intentionally look for the worst possible dress she could wear? And is there a reason she's the only former Idol not to sing at the final? (Besides the reasons that she's crap, nobody cares about her, and she hasn't got an album out because she's crap and nobody cares about her?)

This is the kind of mistake teenage voters have made in previous years with their choice of the female Idols. But thankfully this year common sense prevailed.

Jessica was the best kind of performer - a true professional and a gracious loser. She'll go far and I'm sure she'll land a recording contract (hopefully not before she decides what her 'niche' or 'angle' is going to be). We don't have to worry about her.


Beautiful and talented; Jess won't have
any trouble getting an album out after this.


And Damien Leith is hopefully going to do very well for himself also. How proud would his wife have felt? I can't imagine it. She 'discovered' him in an Irish pub, brought him back to Australia, married him, convinced him to audition for the show, and then there she was, sitting in the Sydney Opera House and watching her husband being crowned as Australia's favourite amateur singer for the year.

Amazing.


My GOODNESS, it's a good thing they
went to work on Damien's appearance
since these photos were taken!


I think it's a great idea that they're not going to rush an album through in five days this time (they must have finally worked out that as a basis for a good first album, that approach doesn't always cut the mustard!), so I hope Damien gets to add a Celtic/Irish flavour to the album and make it interesting.

It'll be great to hear what he comes up with.

Until then, I'm gonna sit back, relax, and enjoy the knowledge that us Aussies voted in an Irish expat as our Idol. Who says we're a pack of racist snobs? Multicultural Australia, I say.

Well done, Damo. Have a pint on me.*



* Your shout, though.


.

Friday, November 24, 2006

Fly Me To The Moon ...




... Spoiler Alert! ... Spoiler Alert! ...



If you haven't yet seen (and you intend to see) episode 3 of The Amazing Race Series 8 - Family Edition (TAR 8), do not read any further!



--------------------



The last TAR 8 episode we saw here in Australia ended with the Rogers family being the last team to reach the pit stop and the second team to be eliminated from the Family Edition of the show. The pit stop was located at Welbourne Manor in Middleburg, Virginia.

For the record, this was the order in which the teams reached Phil on the mat last episode, and the order in which they started this leg of the race:

1. The Weaver Family
2. The Linz Family
3. The Godlewski Family
4. The Schroeder Family
5. The Aiello Family
6. The Bransen Family
7. The Gaghan Family
8. The Paolo Family

Note:
If you're already ahead of this point in the series, please refrain from giving any spoilers in your comments. Thank you.

As always, I’ll provide my thoughts on each team in this episode, listing them in the order in which they arrived at the pit stop (hence the 'Spoiler Alert!').



--------------------


There comes a point in every season of TAR where the teams find themselves turning on each other and tempers start to get really frayed. The constant stress and pressure to perform at the top of their game for thirty days in a row takes its roll pretty early on, and this episode was clearly the start of the cracks beginning to show through. And it looks like it only gets worse next week! Hehehe.


1. The Bransen Family


I was frankly surprised that the Bransen family came in first – but what a fantastic prize! In this day and age, free gas (petrol) for the rest of your life is an incredible prize to win! And worth a lot more than $20,000! You could fill up all your mates’ cars for free as well! (Probably not; they probably have rules about specific cars that can be filled for free, etc.) It has to be said that the two bus rides really levelled out the field in this episode; and not in an entirely ‘fair’ way. No one from the second bus had a hope in hell in reaching the pit stop in any of the top four positions, while those in the first bus (no matter how poorly they completed the tasks at the other end) were never going to reach the pit stop in any of the bottom four positions. The fact that the Bransen family happened to go on the simulator first locked them away in first place. Deserving? I’m not so sure about that … but it really doesn’t matter. As long as they reach Phil on the mat first, they’re entitled. Good on ‘em.




2. The Linz Family


It was good to see Megan holding her own while directing the boys to the Shrimp Boat detour task, when a couple of them were giving her grief and she turned out to be right. She’s a little rough around the edges, but it seems to me that’s just the result of being raised with her brothers running the roost. The only other memorable moment with this family was the childish and crude comments made by two of the brothers (I still have trouble telling them apart) when they were driving behind the ‘wide load’ towards the beginning of the leg. “I hate wide loads!” said one. “Wide loads are the worst!” added the other, before they broke up into giggles. Sometimes these guys give ‘immature frat boys’ a bad name.




3. The Schroeder Family


The funniest moments with this family were very early on, when Stepmother ‘Char’ (what’s that short for, btw? Charlie? Charmaine? Charcoal?) was saying that she’s a friend to her stepkids, rather than being a quote-unquote ‘stepmom’, and all the negative connotations that implies. Then we cut to Hunter mouthing the word: “What … ever!” behind her back when she spoke to him, and later (when she sensibly tries to stop him from bonding too much with Rolly Weaver) he tells Rolly that she’s a b!tch. it made for amusing television, but didn't endear them to us as a harmonious family unit.




4. The Godlewski Family


I couldn’t believe the line from Tricia towards the end, “A hanger is an airplane?”. Oh boy. I think you’ll find an airplane is an airplane. A hanger is something you put your clothes on. Derr! We saw the start of the frazzled nerves between the girls in this family that obviously results in next week’s blow-out (the footage of which has been shown in commercials for two weeks already, so I’m getting sick of it).




5. The Weaver Family


I’m not exactly sure what it is that some of the other teams so detests about the Weavers. (This is before their mental breakdown on the bus ride.) At the airport, one of the Aiello guys asked them a question and then claimed that they’d ignored him. I’m not so sure that’s how it actually went down (the exchange itself was off-camera). I know he asked them the question, but at no point were the Weavers trying to change their flight or ‘trick’ other teams into thinking that’s what they were doing. It’s possible that they didn’t hear the Aiello dude’s question, or didn’t think he was talking to them (or maybe they answered him and he didn’t hear them - or they responded with a facial expression or shake of the head which he missed – there are plenty of ways that miscommunication could have taken place). The reason I reckon there was more to the incident than we were shown is that just moments later the Weavers went out of their way to direct the newly-arrived Paolo family to the right counter, and told them all the various flight details to be helpful. I see no evidence to indicate they disliked the Aiello boys or were trying to be in any way underhanded. And yet, this intense loathing of the Weavers was generated during this leg, to the point that there was nothing the family could have done to avoid it growing. I think perhaps they were unfairly judged … and then when the sleep deprivation started getting to the Weaver sisters and their bus ride behaviour escalated beyond belief, the other teams found more reasons to hate them and categorise them as crazy. Were they pushed too far because they sensed no one liked them? Or are they, in fact, a pack of loons? No matter which way you look at it, they’re a surprisingly good team. Their one strategic mistake was to initially pick the mud task over the shrimp task in the detour. If they’d gone the other way, they’d have been in the first bus. But as it was, they ended up in the second bus … and then at the other end, they soared ahead again and led the second group to the pit stop. No matter what you (or the other teams) think of them, they’re a speedy and efficient team most of the time (bad luck and mental breakdowns aside).




6. The Paolo Family


This family gets more addictive to watch and more horrifying to witness with each passing episode. Again there were arguments (although not as many as last week), again the mother copped flack every time she spoke, and again the father said sweet-diddily-bupkiss. DJ’s most childish line so far was: “I don’t appreciate being yelled at like a 2-year-old!” Well, Junior, … stop acting like one! I can’t see this family getting much further in the race (unless they’re saved by a non-elimination leg or two). They’re constantly at the bottom of the pack and only narrowly avoid elimination. It’s been fun watching them each week, but maybe it’s time for them to go.




7. The Gaghan Family


It was another week of poor game-play by the Gaghan family. Except for the mud task at the detour – they raced through the mud field in one easy attempt due to the weight they weren’t carrying (with two small kids), and took off while the Aiello family watched in despair as they drove away. ‘Billy the Kid’ is still a little precocious, but I’m sure he’d just excited about being in the race and believes his own very favourable press (courtesy of his parents). Carissa is a doll, though. (No, really – they should look into it. I don’t think she’s real.) Bill’s funniest moment was when he cheered for everyone on the second bus: “We’re all in last place! Yayyyyy!” I stil like this team and hope they can lift their game so they’re not at the back of the pack again next week.




8. The Aiello Family: ELIMINATED!


To be fair, these guys didn’t do much wrong. They foolishly (as it turned out) chose the mud task (but everyone who did – except for the Gaghan family with the lightest load of children – had problems there). But once they were committed to the task, they kept going until they finally beat it (on their fourteenth attempt, and after finally changing drivers!). They beat the Weavers to the bus sign-up sheet, but at the other end they fell behind again, not rushing to grab a numbered ticket for the simulator as quickly as the Paolo and Gaghan families. So it wasn’t as if this leg was riddled with things they could have done better; not really. But they were the last team there, so home they go. I’m glad Tony wasn’t still giving the three guys grief (joking or not) about not being real men or not having earned his welcome into the Aiello family or his respect. That kind of thing isn’t amusing anyway, but he said all the right things about them in the end. And I thought they were good guys (if a little goofy).


Speaking of the simulator, Phil’s Phunny! Reading the clue details to us while he rode the 3.2 G simulator himself was something very different to his usual straight-faced exposition. I liked it! Phil’s my man, and I’d love to see him visibly having more fun with the things he has to read to camera (and with the teams) during the race.


--------------------


Last week's tips:

First Team: The Gaghan family. (Wrong)
Last Team: The Bransen family. (Wrong – Ha! How far from the truth could I get?!)
Yield? No. Correct!
Fast Forward? No. Correct!
Elimination Week? Yes. Correct!
Biggest Argument: The Paolo family. Correct!
Smartest Team: The Schroeder family. (Wrong – I’m not sure who it was, though … the Gaghans got through the mud the quickest, the Weavers beat the other three teams from the second bus to the pit stop, the Bransens came in first … but I just know it wasn’t the Schroeders)


--------------------


Next week's tips:

First Team: The Linz family (Why not? They’re pretty strong when they don’t stuff up).
Last Team: The Bransen family (From winners to losers?).
Yield? No.
Fast Forward? Yes.
Elimination Week? Yes.
Biggest Argument: I’m not even going with the Paolo family, here. Clearly the Godlewski family has a bigger meltdown than anyone.
Smartest Team: The Gaghan family (I hope).


.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Australian Idol - Final 2

Jessica or Damien? Damien or Jessica?

Traditionally, the only time I'll cast a vote on the outcomes of shows like Australian Idol or Big Brother is when it comes to the final week (the only except was with Big Brother earlier this year, when my vote alone successfully saw Katie evicted).

And I'm unswayed in my opinion from last week (and the weeks before). Damien would make a better Idol because he'd sell more albums than Jessica (sorry, Jess), and his version of the winner's single was far better than Ms Mauboy's.

Jessica is an exceptional singer and performer. I want to stress that point again, because my vote for Damien is not meant to imply that Jessica is by any means sub-par. She isn't. She's great, and I hope that in time she'll develop her own style which will highlight the strengths her singing voice can muster. I know that once she's found the kind of niche she wants to fit into, she's going to go very far.

But for the moment at least, she's a bit of a flash-in-the-pan kind of performer. She does 'diva' well, but many, many females can do that. There's nothing special or different about it, I'm afraid. She'll establish herself in time, I have no doubt.


Image stolen.


Damien, meanwhile, has already found his style (although to be honest, he still seems to be settling on a precise style - but that's okay). He has a remarkable falsetto range, can sing ballads beautifully, and can add a bit of a Celtic/Irish flavour to many of the songs he sings.

And his version of "Night Of My Life" (not to be confused with the Patrick Swayze number!) was amazing. Not run-of-the-mill, as both Wifey and I found Jessica's version to be, but stand-out brilliant. A much better song.

And boy, is he marketable to the mothers of the country! He seems to 'do something' for the slightly older set, and that's probably an area Idol promoters never thought they'd have a chance of breaking into!

Nah, for my money, it's a done deal. Vote for Damien. If you're in Australia, SMS the word 'DAMIEN' to 19 10 10.

(However, if Jessica gets the votes - which she may do because I reckon 'Team Dean' will probably throw their support behind Jess rather than Damien - then I won't exactly feel robbed. It's not going to be the kind of travesty we witnessed last year or the year before. The difference this time is that both finalists are top quality performers, instead of the winner in the previous years being far weaker than the runner-up but more popular for extraneous reasons, so there are far bigger injustices in the world.)

Still ... may the best singer win.

And at this point in the contestants' lives, that's Damien.


Image stolen.
(But at least this time I cropped it myself.)


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Friday, November 17, 2006

WRONG WAY - GO BACK




... Spoiler Alert! ... Spoiler Alert! ...



If you haven't yet seen (and you intend to see) episode 2 of The Amazing Race Series 8 - Family Edition (TAR 8), do not read any further!



--------------------




The last TAR 8 episode we saw here in Australia (the season premiere) ended with the Black family being the last team to reach the pit stop and the first team to be eliminated from the Family Edition of this fantastic show. The pit stop was located at the Rohrer family farm, a Mennonite farm in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania.

For the record, this was the order in which the teams reached Phil on the mat last episode, and the order in which they started this leg of the race:

1. The Godlewski Family
2. The Gaghan Family
3. The Weaver Family
4. The Rogers Family
5. The Schroeder Family
6. The Paolo Family
7. The Bransen Family
8. The Aiello Family
9. The Linz Family

Note:
If you're already ahead of this point in the series, please refrain from giving any spoilers in your comments. Thank you.

As always, I’ll provide my thoughts on each team in this episode, listing them in the order in which they arrived at the pit stop (hence the 'Spoiler Alert!').



--------------------


1. The Weaver Family


Those wacky Weavers! Good on ‘em! They seemed to come out of nowhere, and it very impressive of them to take first place. They swapped first and third places with the Godlewski girls, and used their map well. They only had slight issues with directions and being over-excited, and had a good, smooth run. (Note to the Weaver daughters: When you see the clue box and run all the way over to it screaming your lungs out, you show other, struggling teams where it is, and that makes you dumb.)




2. The Linz Family


These guys possibly played the best game of the episode, if only because they were able to move up from ninth to second place in the space of one leg. There was no squabbling, no arguing, no mocking and no harassing of any of their team members (ie. Megan) – which was great to see. In fact, Megan didn’t even partake in the ‘dead soldiers’ detour; the three boys carried the stretcher between them while Megan encouraged them from the side. To my mind, they made up for their terrible attempt at what must have been a surprisingly physical detour (in the previous episode) with the Amish buggies. As long as they’re not being jerks to people they meet, other teams, or even their own sister, I like these guys enough to cheer them on (depending on who they’re racing against).




3. The Godlewski Family


There’s not too much to say about these girls, either. I don’t really remember them too much from this leg of the race, but again, they weren’t as offensive to the ears as one may presume when you see that they’re four cackling sisters who are all dressed in bright pink t-shirts. They lost their lead early on in the race and never reclaimed it, although they didn’t really fall too far behind. Third is very respectable when there are still nine teams left in the race (even on the penultimate leg, third would get you into the final!).




4. The Schroeder Family


Mark made a couple of comments in this episode which caught my attention (one about a female ‘spy’ who didn’t answer his codeword for the briefcase), but his main contribution to this episode was when he got his family to trick the Gaglans into believing they didn’t know where the clue box was, despite knowing they were at the wrong location. Good decision, although it was against the team I was hoping would win.




5. The Aiello Family


I was suitably impressed by the guys in this team – particularly Tony. They managed to pull together and overtake a few other teams, moving up three positions on the ladder. The pride that soldier-boy David clearly felt simply by being on the field where the Civil War re-enactment was taking place was obvious (and a little sweet), but otherwise I thought they played a pretty good game.




6. The Bransen Family


Well, Walter is certainly unfit – and a bit of a whinging pessimist for my liking. He’s not cut out for the race if he continually can’t keep up with his daughters. He shouldn’t have insisted on doing the spy roadblock, either. He should have taken the opportunity to get his breath back and calm down / focus. He won’t do anyone any good if he has a heart attack. If he’d rested during the roadblock, perhaps he wouldn’t have needed to stop during the detour, and maybe they could have kept the Aiello family at bay. The girls looked literally pained by and for their father, and full credit to them for being so supportive when lesser families (yes, I’m looking at you, Paolos!) would have snapped and roasted him for far lesser crimes.




7. The Gaghan Family


I certainly got it wrong here, didn’t I! After a promising start in the first leg, the Gaghans stuffed up royally last night! They didn’t read their clue properly and were walking around the wrong part of D.C. for “over two hours” (by their own admission), and didn’t even think to ask anyone for assistance the way the Schroeders did! Then, to make matters worse, they took the Schroeders at their word – not having learnt anything from previous seasons about how teams will lie to your face if it gets them ahead of you. This is despite the Schroeders hot-footing it to their car and making a clean get-away (granted, the Gaghans may not have witnessed their departure, although after a while it should have become obvious that the Schroeders were no longer there … although again, this may have led the Gaghans to presume that the Schroeders had simply located the clue box and moved on). Still, it was a foolhardy way to play the game, and despite their amazing proficiency at carrying dead soldiers in the detour (which helped them catch up a fair bit), they certainly didn’t play a smart round. Hopefully they lift their game, because Carissa – in particular – is a little angel and I don’t want to see her cry when she gets eliminated!




8. The Paolo Family


Oh my goodness … these guys are so totally inappropriate! Again, the husband (I can’t even be bothered looking for his name on the above photo, because I’m so disgusted with him) hardly said a word while his wife Marion battled away with their two outrageously disgraceful sons, Finch and Brian. Sorry, DJ and Brian. All the carrying on about the ‘gas’ for the car, and telling their mother to shut up at every opportunity … not to mention expecting her to help carry dead soldiers (and then getting frustrated when she found it next to impossible). But just like last week, all their ridiculous behaviour was so surreal and unbelievable (literally unbelievable; as in, it was actually quite difficult at times to believe that it wasn’t all a horrendous act), that it was impossible to look away ... and I found myself having a tough time as the episode progressed: I certainly don’t want my favourite teams to be eliminated, but I’d much prefer that some of the teams I have no interest in at all were given the flick before the Paolo family get cut ... simply because they’re highly entertaining to watch, and I want to see Marion clock both of her sons on the head with a brick or something. Now that’d be good television! (Wouldn't it be hilarious if the Paolo family ended up winning the season?!)




9. The Rogers Family: ELIMINATED!


Well, this family was definitely the cause of the angriest moment of watching the show, for me. When son Brock (about whom I didn’t really have much of an opinion last week, but who grew on me in a big way last night) was unfairly ‘framed’ by his overbearing father Denny as the one who’d led them astray (when in reality it was Denny who read the map wrong and told them to drive in completely the opposite direction to where they should have been going), I wanted to yell at Denny and make him realise just who was at fault. But the beauty of TAR is that they set up situations like that perfectly; if Denny’s mouthing off for ages, blaming the wrong person for their problems, you can bet your bottom dollar he’ll be eating humble pie in a big way before the credits roll. And true to form, Denny was not only corrected by his daughter Brittney (who had the map – although by that time Brock had already been relegated to the back seat again), but Denny also helped the Gaghan family by letting them know they were searching for the clue box in the wrong location. Both errors were Denny’s, and both errors cost the family a spot in the race. I felt even angrier when his response to finding out their 'wrong way' journey was his fault and not his son’s (who he’d been lavishing guilt on for ages) was to say, “One person can only do so much”. Jerk. Clearly ‘apologising’ isn’t part of what Denny considers one person is capable of doing! Thankfully by the end of the episode he was smart enough not to blame anyone else but himself. And so he should; if he’s going to spout on about how the man is the ruler of the house and demand that his way is best and that he knows everything, then when it all goes pear-shaped he’s the only one who can-and-should shoulder the responsibility and the blame. He had it coming, but I don’t think the kids deserved it. Speaking of which, Brittney’s pretty cute. It’s hard to believe she’s 22 and Brock is only 19. As for their mother Renee’s closing line that she’s the glue that will hold the family together, I’m just glad she managed to turn up at the end and say something; correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think she was in the rest of the episode. It was good to finally meet her!


--------------------


Last week's tips:

First Team: The Gaghan family. (Wrong – very much not the case!)
Last Team: The Paolo family. (Wrong – close, though)
Yield? No. Correct!
Fast Forward? No. Correct!
Elimination Week? Yes. Correct!
Biggest Argument: The Paolo family. Correct!
Smartest Team: The Gaghan family. (Wrong – not even close)


--------------------


Next week's tips:

First Team: The Gaghan family (I’m not ready to give up on them yet).
Last Team: The Bransen family (he’s clearly pretty useless).
Yield? No.
Fast Forward? No.
Elimination Week? Yes.
Biggest Argument: Um, hello? Have you been paying attention? The Paolo family.
Smartest Team: The Schroeder family (just for something a little different).


.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

What A Trip

Even though I complained in this post about Tripping Over replacing the series return of The 4400 by being re-run late on Sunday nights, Wifey and I have been watching the show since it began about a month ago. And we quite like it.

We're not mad-crazy about it, but we certainly make the decision to watch it, and that says something.


Haha - get it?


The show is a joint ABC/BBC production, and features cast members from both Australia and England. The two Aussie guys are known to Australian audiences, and from what I hear, at least one (perhaps more) of the Pommy actors are known to British audiences. Actually, they know Daniel MacPherson as well, from his time on both Neighbours and The Bill.


The sexy young cast of Tripping Over.
Brits at the back; Aussies down under.


So what makes Tripping Over worth watching? Well, for starters, there’s the aforementioned Daniel MacPherson. Let’s not kid ourselves – he’s pretty. And frankly, I think he’s one of the better actors of his generation. So is Abe Forsythe, but he’s not as pretty. And the other three are all good actors as well. It’s a very strong cast all round, actually. The ‘parents’ and other incidental characters are all portrayed brilliantly by some very accomplished performers indeed. It’s quite impressive in that regard, and it never hurts to use attractive actors.

Then there’s the ‘modernness’ to the storytelling. It’s another of those clever series that showboats good writing with funky camera work and stylish design.

And of course the subject matter. Besides the usual ‘drama serial’ set-up of loves and turmoil, there’s the notion of young people travelling the world and having adventures while they 'search for themselves' on an overseas jaunt. It’s the way many people from Generations X and Y have spent a year or so of their lives, and the ‘travel bug’ is very addictive. For many, getting their ‘fix’ from watching this show would be a very real drawcard.

The appeal of national pride is smart work as well. The show is directed at both Australian and English audiences because characters from both countries act as international tourists and hosts at different points throughout the series. So no matter which of the two countries the viewers originate from, we get to see our own fellow countrymen and women in both roles ... at various points they host ‘the foreigners’ in the land we know so well (and tease them about their stereotypical foibles and make jokes about their heritage), and they find themselves lost in the travellers’ nightmare of being on an unknown continent at others.

Each episode caters to the age-old triple requirements for any drama: Humour, romance and angst. There’s always an amusing subplot going on, and there’s always a bit of a love story angle. But the majority of the show (and this is where the real ‘hook’ is, to get us back and watching the show again the following week) is in the dramatic and often tragic storylines that capture our sympathies and our interest ... and keep us wanting more (and hoping for that always-out-of-reach resolution). And it’s in this arena that Tripping Over does so exceptionally well.

Even though most of the characters are serial cheaters (which makes it hard to like them for many people … but I guess makes them feel ‘real’ and identifiable to many others), you can’t help but feel empathy towards them in their respective plights. And the liberal use of travel from Sydney to Thailand to London and back again makes it highly enjoyable to watch (and keeps us on our toes).

The scenery and locations used are refreshingly stark and the landmarks instantly recognisable (as you’d hope and expect), and the beautiful, specially built sets give the show a free and natural feel.

It appears to be the best thing since sliced bread, (at least according to Jellyfish in her comment at the above-linked previous post, ... although those aren’t quite the words she used), so if you’re not watching this show, perhaps it could be that you’re missing something really good?

Do me a favour; watch the Wednesday night episodes and boycott the Sunday night repeats ... maybe that’ll help Network Ten stop replaying the episodes so soon, and they’ll bring my other show back as originally intended and advertised!

You can download previous episodes of Tripping Over for $2.95 each at this site. An ingenious idea in this new age of multimedia TV ... but I wonder how many people are actually using that feature? Especially when Network Ten replays each episode for free four days later anyway!


.

Monday, November 13, 2006

Australian Idol - Final 3



There is a God. And He has taste.

All that remains to be said is: Go Damien. He's grown the most during the competition, and I've been really impressed with him. Plus, he's a fun guy to watch and has a smooth, smooth voice. Not to mention an amazing falsetto range.

Jessica's a great singer and everything, but I think more people would buy an album by Damien than an album by Jess. She just isn't different enough from any other singer out there.

Plus, I think we've all had enough of teenage "divas" for a while.


.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Thank God You're Here (TGYH) Seasons 1 & 2

Friday, November 10, 2006

May The Best Race Win




... Spoiler Alert! ... Spoiler Alert! ...



If you haven't yet seen (and you intend to see) episode 1 of The Amazing Race Series 8 - Family Edition (TAR 8), do not read any further!



--------------------




The last season of TAR that was screened here in Australia was the ninth season of this exceptional show. Just to be confusing, Channel Seven decided to air them out of order. Not that it matters much, unless people from overseas (naturally) assume that we've seen season 8 if we're already watching season 9.

However, just as other countries around the world are starting to see episodes of season 10, we're now starting to see episodes of season 8. Confused? Let me make it simple for you:

Channel Seven is stupid.

I don't want to harp on this too much, however, because at least we're seeing The Amazing Race in some form! Hopefully this time we'll run straight into season 10 when they finish airing season 8. You'll know the difference because season 8 is the only season not to follow the 'couples' format. This time the teams are four family members. Word has it that it didn't rate as well in the States as the other seasons have, but going from tonight's episode, I can't see that it's any different (quality-wise). Maybe I've just been starved for TAR fun since July.

Anyway, for anyone reading this who hasn't read my TAR 9 synopses (and as a refresher course for those who have), here's how this works:

I'll be recapping/reviewing the TAR 8 episodes on Fridays (or possibly sometime over the weekend) following each Thursday night screening. Your feedback is welcome (of course), and friendly debate if you disagree with anything I've said (particularly if you can't stand my favouite team or vice versa) is also encouraged.

At the end of each episode, I'll make certain predictions on what will happen in the following episode, and at the end of the season I'll give the totals of accurate versus inaccurate predictions. This is just for fun; nothing rests on it at all (except perhaps for my reputation / your devotion to my words of wisdom / etc).

I'll list each team in the order they finished the leg (or the episode, if it's a "To Be Continued" two-parter), so be warned: Don't read my post about the show if you've taped the episode and are yet to watch it. (I know that's pretty obvious, but I want to be sure everyone understands that basic concept.)

Most importantly: If you're already ahead of the episode I'm reviewing where you live, please refrain from giving any spoilers to the rest of us in the comments. Thank you.

There's one exception this time around to what I normally do in these reviews: I won't be creating amusing little nicknames (and acronyms) for each team. This is because they're all families, so the differences between each team's 'makeup' is minimal in that sense. It'd be best to use their actual surnames, for ease of remembering who's who. Don't worry, I'll include each family's photo as I discuss them, so you won't have to strain anything too much!

Let's get to it, shall we?


--------------------


1. The Godlewski Family


These girls didn't annoy me as much as I thought they were going to. I'm not sure that they played the best 'game' throughout this first leg and deserved to win the $20,000 (although, technically, the very fact that they reached the pit stop first means that they actually are deserving of the cash; I realise that's the very definition of who deserves the money), but they were considerably less irritating than they otherwise could have been. Perhaps that's just because we can only see so much of any one team per episode while there are still ten teams in the race. The Godlewski family may very well have their chance to annoy the crap out of me further down the track. Due to a minor moment of miscommunication, Sharon (who was driving) started to crack it with Christine or Tricia (one of the two) and it got really nasty for just a second. It's just worth noting because I think these girls have the potential for a majoy blow-out when things get more stressful and they're having a bad day on the road. Other teams gave them nicknames such as 'The Pink Ladies' and 'The Desperate Housewives', but I've already told you my stance on nicknames for this season. *stomps away and sulks in the corner*




2. The Gaghan Family


I quite like the Caghan family at this point. Yes, the family with the overly precocious, show-off, smartarse kid and the golden-haired daughter. The family of runners who believe they can outrun grown-ups (and then proved it when they successfully raced the Weaver family – all of whom are older than either of the Gaghan kids – to the pit stop). When Billy and Carissa were singing, “We’ll be comin’ ‘round the mountain, we’ll be comin’ ‘round the mountain, we’ll be comin’ ‘round the mountain” as Bill and Tammy pushed their buggy passed the exhausted Linz family’s buggy, I knew others would be pissed off with that behaviour, but I laughed for them. Good work. It wasn’t exactly taunting, but it wasn’t exactly not taunting, either! After seeing how having kids could be a hindrance in the rowing challenge, we were now seeing how having kids could be an advantage in the buggy challenge. I realise I may polarise my readership by enjoying the antics of the Gaghan family's very self-assured behaviour, but I liked them. For now. It should be noted that Carissa was one of the first people to help other teams put up their tents (along with her Dad and the Aiello boys).




3. The Weaver Family


I have no problem with the Weaver family; I’m certainly not going to get stuck into them simply for the fact that they have a strong faith in God. I’m happy for them. They recently lost their husband/father, for crying out loud. I’m definitely not going to have a go at them and discriminate against them for their beliefs. Unlike certain others in the blogosphere (who I won’t name here) whose intolerance towards that kind of thing is surprising – especially as the reason behind their anger is spouted as the perceived intolerance of the other party), I respect the Weavers for that and will not join the ‘trendy bandwagon’ of Christian-bashing. Of course, if they turn out to be a family of tossers and morons, then I’ll definitely get stuck into them. But it won’t be because of their chosen belief structure. That all being said, this family sometimes had me groaning in embarrassment, but mainly because they were so excitable and so jovial (how many times are you going to high-five each other?), that I occasionally felt like I was an embarrassed teen in the family ... except that the teens in this family didn't seem overly embarrassed, so I don't know what I was worried about. The crash in the buggy was a frightening experience - I'm not surprised the girls screamed and later cried when asked about it on camera; losing their father and then thinking they'd killed their mother by running over her would have been no fun at all. I'm not mean; I didn't find it amusing to watch. But I did laugh when Linda asked the truckie who gave them his map if he knew Jesus. "Yes I do. He's my friend." High-fives all round.




4. The Rogers Family


You know what? I have absolutely nothing to say about this family. They barely registered as a blip on my radar. The only thing I remember from any of them was the kids racing Rolly (from the above Weaver family) to the hot dog stand, and although Brock beat him there, Rolly grabbed the first clue and took off with it. Oh, and Denny said something about the man being "the authority of the house", so he probably alienated half of the viewership right there. What Not To Say On A Reality TV Show 101, right there. But was Renee even in the episode? I didn't see her.




5. The Schroeder Family


Although Mark is being made out to be a bit of a jerk, I'm willing to wait and see if he just wasn't over-excited in this first leg to think before he speaks. I know his wife mentioned that he says inappropriate things that might upset people, but I still want to wait and see. I didn't mind these guys too much at all; again, you might all hate them. And I might grow to loath them as time goes on and they prove themselves to be a pack o' tools. The most surprising thing about this family is that Char, the stepmum, is the only step- anything to be featured on the entire race. With so many marriages ending in divorce in the US (and elsewhere, of course), I would have expected more of the families represented in the race to be from second and third marriages, etc. Maybe fewer step-families applied because the family unity and harmony isn't what it could be ... and they knew it? (Being a typical nuclear family doesn't necessarily mean everything will be cuddles and ice creams, though ... as demonstrated below.)




6. The Paolo Family


Oh boy - what to say about the Paolo family? (Without swearing, you see.) Initially, I wanted them gone when they started screaming at each other, but after a while I must admit that it became entertaining to watch (the wacky music playing underneath their screaming matches didn't hurt, either). Then, towards the end of the episode, it stopped being entertaining and started being offensive. How those boys can talk to and treat their mother that way is beyond me. But even more mystifying is how the father can permit them to talk to and treat her that way! If I was their father, I’d be smacking them upside the head until they learned to respect their mother. Even if she is a bit of a loon and an embarrassing frustration to boot. They knew that before the race started, and yet they still chose to enter the race as a foursome. Some families simply can’t handle stress together. I hope I never get stuck next to the Paolo family on a plane. Somebody might get hurt. (Oh, and at the risk of going back on what I said earlier about nicknames, does anyone else think that DJ looks a lot like Finch from American Pie?)

Incidentally, despite all of this family's shortfallings, son Brian was the only person to collect the clue from those two cheeky hot dog vendors in New York who recognised the pair for who they were: 'Frat Brothers' Kevin & Drew from the very first season of The Amazing Race, and now minor celebrities in their own right.

Kevin (left) and Drew were apparently
understanding about not being recognised
by the majority of the racers. "As a racer,
I don't know that I would have recognised
Gandhi if he was giving me the clue,"
laughed
Drew.
(Quote courtesy of TV Week.)





7. The Bransen Family


This is another family that barely registered on my consciousness. They just didn't do anything too impressive. They got a little lost at one point (but most teams did), and they were annoyed that the Gaghan family ("those kids") beat them to the tent task. But so what? They weren't anything special in this episode. Wally needs to exercise more (look who's talking!) and relax when directing his daughters on how to row. That being said, if I was on the race and had three daughters rowing a boat with me, I'm sure I'd be barking orders at them as well. The girls are all smiles and blonde hairstyles at the moment. They'll need to impress me in the coming episodes if I'm going to be more generous about them here.




8. The Aiello Family


These guys seem the most awkward of the family groups that have been assembled for this race. And it's not surprising. I get along very well with my Out-Laws (as I call Wifey's parents), but there's no way I'd feel comfortable going on TAR with her Dad and my other brothers-in-law. It'd just be too weird. It'd play on my mind the whole time, distracting me from playing my best, and generally being an added stress I wouldn't need. And it's clearly playing on these guys' minds, too (already). Tony is pretty unfit, too. I don't think they'll get very far in the race, even though the other team members are three fit young men. I think they'll drop the ball at some point and whoever ends up being at fault for them coming in last will have to suffer that humiliation for the rest of his relationship with his father-in-law. I don't envy the guys that situation, but they willingly placed themselves in the position, so I guess it's on their heads. (And it's not son-in-laws, Tony! It's sons-in-law!)




9. The Linz Family


I found this family to being partly annoying and partly amusing throughout the episode. They alternated between the two, for me. Megan seemed to have a lot to prove to her three brothers, and I felt a bit sorry for her for growing up as 'the fourth brother' to them. I hope she gets her chance to shine and that the boys treat her like their heroine accordingly. I'm not saying they mistreated her at any stage, but it was clear when one of them (Alex? Nick? I forget now) was telling her to speak when spoken to ("You only got one rule ..."), that she felt embarrassed and belittled. I didn't like it (partly because I saw something of how I used to treat my own sister when we were younger in the way she was spoken to, for which I've always hated myself and can't stand seeing it in the behaviour of other people). I guess another incident was right at the end when they were having a mini-squabble about the wisdom (or not) in choosing to break away from the Black family (who they were following at the time) and head in a different direction to find the pit stop. A risky move by anyone's standards, and I was with Megan on questioning how smart it was to head off another way. It turns out that this move probably kept them in the race, but it still seemed like a foolish decision. And it was made with Megan registering her objections the whole way (and basically being ignored). I'm saying quite a lot about a relatively small section of the episode, and hopefully it won't be something we see in the Linz boys again, but in case we do, this might explain why I turn off them as a family (if I do). And it's a shame, because apart from that mean behaviour, they seemed like a fun bunch of people. I didn't know who I wanted to reach the pit stop first; the Linz family or the Black family. But when I saw the red shirts appear in front of host Phil Keoghan, I felt my stomach drop and knew I'd actually been hoping the Black family would stick around. Oh well.




10. The Black Family: ELIMINATED!


I was amused (for all the wrong reasons, natch) by the name of the Black family. It sounded more like a bunch of racist producers had attributed to them a description, rather than calling them by their name. “The Blacks” and “Go Blacks!” and “Team Black! Team Black!” and “The Black family” were phrases used throughout the episode ... and I confess to initially thinking each time that it was a reference to their skin colour rather than their surname. I know what that says about me, but I’m being honest here. I’m just saying it jarred with me and felt out-of-place. Has political-correctness gone too far when someone's surname sounds like an offensive term? (But I suppose it could have been worse.) I quite liked Kenneth and Austin's good-natured and basically happy approach to the race. I liked their spirit, and they seemed like a nice family. I also thought Kimberly was a 'sweet' Mum, and was looking forward to seeing them do better at come of the challenges they'd face in the coming episodes than some of the older, more repugnant families. But it was not to be. I'm not above admitting that I got a little teary during their "good-bye" message. It was very sweet, and I think even Phil found it hard to have to tell those gorgeous smiling faces that they'd been eliminated (that was the first time he's had to tell children they were out!). I felt very sad for the boys in particular. They seemed like such bright, happy boys. (But I've gotta ask; is it just a coincidence that the only 'black' family in the race was the first to be eliminated? I smell a racist conspiracy at work!)


--------------------


At the risk of choosing an obnoxious and embarrassing family before I’ve really had a chance to get to know any of them very well yet, I’m gonna pick the Gaghan family as my early faves. I also quite liked the Black family, but it’s no good picking them.

And I’m not just picking the families with the small kids, either. The Gaghans and the Blacks seemed to be genuinely nice people (as far as we can tell at this point) and decent competitors, whereas some of the other families were either too boring or too mean and spiteful.


--------------------


Next week's tips:

First Team: The Gaghan family.
Last Team: The Paolo family.
Yield? No.
Fast Forward? No.
Elimination Week? Yes.
Biggest Argument: Fish in a barrel. The Paolo family.
Smartest Team: The Gaghan family.


.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Thank The Lord For Your Presence # 20


Last night's final episode of Thank God You're Here (TGYH) for 2006 was fan-flippin'-tastic! In what has now officially become a TGYH tradition, the final episode of the season featured five special guests instead of the regular four, and was extended by an extra half hour. In alphabetical order, the special guests this time 'round were:


Hamish Blake


Tony Martin


Shaun Micallef


Frank Woodley


and Julia Zemiro


There were many amusing moments shared by the five guests and Shane Bourne during the ‘meet-and-greet’ moments out the front that are worth sharing with you now: Shaun mentioned his job on Vega breakfast radio, and Shane asked, “And you’re working with?”, to which Shaun repeated, “And I’m working with,” before blinking, adding, “Oh, sorry,” and giving the names of his co-hosts, Dave O’Neil and Denise Scott. Hamish (who was already wearing a latex mask over his face at the start of the show in preparation for his role as an old man which made him unrecognisable) was introduced by Shane before he turned to Frank and began introducing him – that is, until Frank interrupted, claiming to be Tony underneath a face mask similar to the one Hamish was wearing. “I’ll be playing Tony in his scene tonight – and I believe Tony will be playing Frank” to which Tony replied, “No, I’m Alan Brough.” Shane then asked Tony, “How’s Frank’s tour going, Alan?” and Tony replied, “It’s going really, really badly. They’ve got no new material and frankly they’re coasting on the goodwill of their audience. ” Tony then told us how, ever since his last appearance on the show as the inept superhero, ‘Flashman’, people on the street have been yelling out to him, “Oi! Captain Pissweak!” … although he then admitted that it may not actually have anything to do with him being on the show at all. Hamish then added that he was probably going to be referred to as Captain Weakbladder – Captain Pissweak “quite literally”.

The promos for the show promised us animals, children, pyrotechnics, explosions and surprises – and it didn’t disappoint (except possibly during the first scene, which was fairly ‘light-on’ as far as the above promises were concerned. And to make matters worse, one of my all-time favourites was the one lumbered with the duty of performing in what would easily come to be known as the most ‘forgettable’ scene of the night (simply because it lacked animals, children, pyrotechnics, explosions and surprises) … Mr Shaun Micallef.

What the scene did have, though, was a highly original entrance by ensemble cast member Ed Kavalee. After Shaun entered his scene (a scrub piece of bushland with a tent in the middle of it), we heard the noise of a helicopter and wind started blowing leaves around the scene. Shaun looked up into the lighting grid, but by doing so, missed Ed being rappelled rapidly (as if from the unseen helicopter) behind him. Turning, Shaun was startled by Ed’s sudden appearance, and jumped slightly in surprise. (That was the extent of the ‘pyrotechnics and surprises’ for Shaun’s scene – kinda lame, once you know what the other four got.) I liked how Shaun asked for water, was told the rescuers hadn’t brought any with him, and then angrily questioned that fact: “You didn’t think to bring any?!” His solution for how he’d survived so long was long, complicated and bizarre (as is all of his best humour!). It involved crawling inside the mouth of a “very accommodating” hibernating bear, sleeping in its stomach during the night, and then coming out “the other way” in the morning. He was “impressed with (him)self” when told he’d set out five days ago for an afternoon stroll and had ended up here, 80km from his starting point. When told there were 12 TV crews waiting for him back at base, and asked which one he wanted to do first, Shaun answered, “What’s the one Kochie does?” and Ed said, “Sunrise” (he even said it in italics!). Then you could see the panic set in on Shaun’s face, before he added, “I wanna do that one, ah, followed closely by several Channel Ten ones”. Once it was established that his wife had raised the alarm, it was obvious (if it hadn’t been from the start) what would happen next: a young woman emerged from Shaun’s tent and was revealed to be his girlfriend, although he feigned having forgotten her name before defending his actions (“In the wild there are no rules”), and then later claiming the pair had met inside the same hibernating bear (“What goes on inside the bear, stays in the bear”). Ed tried to ‘guilt’ Shaun, saying they’d spent millions of taxpayers’ money on the rescue mission, and asking what they should tell the public. “Well, tell them it was money well spent!” replied an indignant and ‘unrepentive’ Shaun, his arm around his girlfriend and a broad smile on his face. Suddenly, Shaun’s wife’s voice could be heard coming through Ed’s radio: “Honey, how are you feeling?” And Shaun’s reply was genius: “I’ve been, I’ve been feeling a lot, lately”.

Julia’s scene placed her on the set of This Is Your Life parody, ‘That Was Your Life’, as the recipient of the accolades and former TV co-host, turned well-renowned singer. It was difficult to do too much in this scene without completely contradicting every guess she made about each mystery voice that emanated from behind the door, but it was a good scene nevertheless. Julia’s fond memories of Aunty Pearl included her telling her to “dance, little fat one, dance!” Her guess at the show she’d debuted on (“Jeopardy!”) was quickly quashed and corrected as ‘Jackpot Bonanza’. Her co-host, her first husband Jack, couldn’t father children. The host asked her is she knew who was waiting outside the door. “Not Jack?” she asked. His face dropping from wide grin into deadly serious and respectful mode, the host answered, “No, Jack tragically passed away in 1988” – Julia’s response to this was superb: Turning to her ‘Aunty Pearl’, she asked, sotto voice, “That’s a shock – did you know that?” Jack’s replacement, 80s game show host extraordinaire Greg Evans, was her next surprise guest, who started telling an anecdote and tried to get Julia to finish it: “Once, before going on to tape a show, the zip on (Julia)’s dress broke …” and Julia, again using the sotto voice but this time looking sternly at Greg as if he was being indiscrete, said, “Well I hardly think this is the time to bring it up, do you?” Thinking quickly, Greg replied with a suggestive, “There was nothing going up!” Thinking even more quickly, Julia added derisively, “Well, no - clearly!” The host then began talking about her next marriage, and Julia said that they married on a golf course. The host, Simon Burke, cracked the gag, “I’m sure it was a hole in one”. Julia let slip that her second husband was an alcoholic, before her three daughters (one of whom was Asian) entered and Julia pretended to swan over them with pride. Greg tried comforting her at one point, but she snapped at him: “Get your hands off me!” When reminded that she used to introduce her guests with a song, she asked, “Did I? Oh yes, I remember now. Singing,” before being asked to sing some of her signature song, “I’ll Be Loving You” (which she made up on the spot quite well; her history on the stage as part of Eurobeat would have helped, here).


Celebrity guest Simon Burke
played the host of Julia's fictional
television show, That Was Your Life ...


... and now-disgraced celebrity radio
host Greg Evans played the part of Julia's
one-time TV game show co-host



Tony’s scene was up next, and he was highly enjoyable as always. Dressed as a Police SWAT officer, he emerged from backstage and told Shane he presumed he was a secondary school teacher, because that’s the kind of get-up that’s common for them to wear nowadays. Pyrotechnics and explosions featured heavily in his entrance (which sounds both extremely dangerous and ridiculously uncomfortable), with Ed smashing the blue door open with a battering ram, followed by another SWAT officer rappelling through a glass window on the set (which was an ordinary home, with a family of three watching TV on the couch), and then an additional door was blown off its hinges with an almighty bang. Interspersed between each of these three explosions was Tony’s dull and mildly congratulatory remarks, that went like this: BANG! “Right.” SMASH! “Well done.” KA-BOOM! “Yes, and just to be absolutely certain, the second bloke.” As you would, the frightened father immediately demanded, “What the hell is going on here?!”, to which Tony replied, “Renovation Rescue!”, before then putting a finger to his headset and saying, “Hang on a second, … yes, would you like the large Coke?” Ed told the family that their house had been “personally identified by Captain Pierce” (indicating Tony) as a terrorist base. The father exclaimed that they were just watching TV, to which Tony tauntingly replied, “What were you watching?! Aljazeerah, no doubt … probably … I’m guessing … no? Okay.” The father told him they’d actually been watching House & Garden. “Yeah, but suspiciously!” was Tony’s retort. He then pointed out that their underhanded dealings had begun with video piracy, citing their copy of the purportedly unreleased Anaconda 2 (but unfortunately for Tony this film has been released; under the title Anacondas), and the fact that they were members of the terrorist organization known as ‘Friends of the ABC’ (“Firing off all those angry letters to Backchat; you don’t think we know what you’re up to?”). The father asked if that was a crime, and Tony replied, “It is now!” Suddenly a cavalcade of additional personnel started flooding through the blown-in door, all in quick succession and requiring a new explanation from Tony as to what he’d asked them there for. It all started with the Chaplain, who Tony named Father Mulcahy, due to the fact that he was Captain Pierce (Hawkeye).* ‘Father Mulcahy’ was just there in case something went fatally wrong (at which point a cop with a German Shepherd on a leash entered), “… and to entertain the children, we brought a dog along”. To the cop holding the leash, he instructed him to take the dog for a walk and perform some dog tricks (“It takes the edge off the brutality, we find”). The final two cops to dart in through the exploded door held a trumpet and a trombone respectively, and when asked why he’d asked for the police band to be in attendance, Tony replied, “I just thought a couple of Nickelback numbers …”

* Actually, Tone, I think Ed was feeding you the line of being able to correct him and say that your full name was Captain Pierce-Week, as a throwback to your own gag from earlier in the night. It seemed too good to be true and I can’t believe you missed that. Well, I actually can – there was a lot going on there, so you’re excused!

Next we were finally treated to Hamish’s scene, and got to see his ‘old man’ make-up and full face mask in play at last. Entering what turned out to be his own lounge room (whether in a house or a nursing home was unclear) with a plastic bag of groceries, he encountered his adult daughter, her husband, and their teenage daughter, who had been waiting for him and were quite worried. When they greeted him with two-parts relief and one-part annoyance, he replied, “Yeah, well I’m not dead yet”. His daughter told him that his ‘favourite chair’ was waiting for him, indicating very roughly the two vacant chairs in front of the coffee table. Knowing that whichever one he chose would inevitably be the wrong one, Hamish cleverly replied, “Yes. What’ve you put biscuits on it for?”, and tried sweeping everything off the coffee table with his arm so he could sit on it. When his daughter moved him to one of the seats, he muttered, “No, that’s right, he can’t have his own favourite – we just want his money!” They asked him if he knew what day it was, and he replied, “It’s not V Day, or I’d be getting pissed at the RSL … (then he looked at each of the adults in turn) you’re here, you’re here … (then he looked at his granddaughter) … you ring a bell …” But he was clearly perplexed and troubled, thinking his granddaughter, Lisa, was a grandson. When he was corrected, he was very relieved, saying, “I was gonna say, he’s growing up to look like a bloody hoofta”. When his son-in-law suggested that it might be time to hand in his drivers licence, Hamish replied, “I could hand in my licence … sort of had my eye on the new MX5, though …” He denied having accidents on the road (“That’s how I meet women”), indicated that he tricks them into giving him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation so he can grab them and kiss them, and then began to crack on to his daughter, before checking which one of the adults he fathered and being disappointed by the answer. “Mind if I crack an Arrowroot?” he asked, before adding not-so-much under his breath: “… since I’m not cracking anything else!” Lisa then asked him some questions for her school assignment. What did he do during the war? “Hid, mostly.” Where did he get his medals from, then? He stole them from his mate Bob’s open casket funeral, obviously (and when he’s wearing the medals, he’s got a “ticket to ride”). How did Grandma die? That’s part of an ongoing investigation, and he’d prefer not to implicate himself in that one. Then suddenly, out of the blue, he fell asleep. It was great. Upon waking, he initially tried to grope his daughter before remembering who she was. Lisa’s questions continued: With no TV, what did people of his generation do to entertain themselves? “Mastur … just mass, really. Just church.” In one of the most difficult ‘tight spots’ anyone’s ever been on in the show, Hamish was prompted to tell a joke that had been started already by his daughter: Why did the train driver cross the road? Think about this for a second; how hard would it be to be given a joke and told to come up with a punchline that was both realistic in terms of the joke, but also had an additional layer of humour for the sake of the viewing audience? And on the spot? That’s a tall order indeed. So I thought Hamish handled the moment perfectly. Quickly thinking of a similar joke he already knew, he patronisingly corrected his daughter: “No, no, no – close” before re-telling it thus: “Why did the train go to the brothel?” When the adults began objecting to the nature of the joke with their young daughter in the room, he admonished them, “Nah, it’s alright – it’s a good one.” And the answer to the joke broke the place up: “To blow off a little steam”. I’m sure most of the laughter was just the audience responding in awe that he’d been able to come up with a workable joke on his feet, and also such a ‘blue’ one to be telling his young granddaughter. They then followed this mean feat by asking him to perform the spoons, so he took it to the next level: “There’s a track, winding back, lean over, see me crack …”


TGYH host, Shane Bourne


Idiot-savant judge
(minus the '-savant'),
Tom Gleisner



Frank was given a special entrance (as was Julia, earlier) and had to crawl on hands-and-knees onto the set, emerging from the captain’s quarters on board an 18th century ship (which was literally rocking from side to side as if being bucketed about on the waves of the open sea), complete with two sailors steering the ship on the platform above the door to the captain’s cabin. However, Frank took his sweet time emerging from the door, and when he finally did, his voice was heard well before he briefly popped his head out, barely looked around, and then disappeared again saying: “Um, is there any chance you could send me in another cabin boy? … Jeremy’s getting all ‘passive-aggressive’ on me.” It was another hysterical start to a scene from Frank! It was revealed that he was a Maritime Commodore in King George's Navy. He then took the wheel (“wheel”?! What am I, an idiot? - Don’t answer that!) and tried to “do a doughnut”. Another hilarious exchange came when ensemble cast member Daniel Cordeaux asked what Frank wanted them to do with the futtock shrouds. Frank’s reply: “Throw them on the futtick dead people”. Later on, when another ship was identified as being a frigate, Frank told them to “throw one of those frah’ken shrouds on it!”, before asking if that was what they were called, because it all seemed so long ago. When asked the name of his first ship, he replied, “Tom. It was a little wooden toy I had as a boy. But you mean the first ship I captained. That wasn’t a silly name like Tom, that a boy would name his ship! That … was Rick”. His plan for their voyage was to track the flight of Venus, and then discover the Great South Land – in much the same way that the Hamburglar had discovered hamburgers. When land was spotted, he tried to rally the troops with a chorus of “Aussie, Aussie, Aussie!”, but they didn’t appear to be familiar with the modern sporting ‘chant’ or ‘war-cry’. Strange, that. Then the frigate was spotted, and Frank’s first instinct was to try to ‘drag it’. Forgetting all that, he was suddenly overcome with an intense attraction to ensemble cast member Ed Kavalee, who did very well by not laughing or pushing him away when Frank embraced him and stared longingly into his eyes, their noses touching in an extended close-up. I actually wondered if Frank was going to kiss him (and maybe he did, but they had to cut it?), the spell only breaking when Frank yelled down to the door of his quarters: “Jeremy? I want you out within 15 minutes!” He was then questioned by his men for the sailors’ suspicions that Frank had brought a young woman onboard and (according to their superstitions) risked their lives. Frank admitted that he’d brought a young woman onboard, “… but you brought that sheep! Cut me a bit of slack, man!” When the cabin boy, ‘Jeremy’, emerged, it was ensemble cast member Rebekah Foord in ‘disguise’. Pointing first into the distance and then at ‘Jeremy’, Frank shouted, “Land … ho!” Then the moment ran away with him, and he yelled at his supposed ‘cabin boy’: “Oh, Jeremy, you’re a fantastic young man and I’m going to ROGER you within an inch of your life!” When things started going really badly, Frank ran off the set and onto the front of the stage where Shane was standing, while the two actors called out to him for help. Turning back to them, Frank shouted, “I know the captain shouldn’t desert his ship, but I’m getting out of here!” and ran off backstage.

There was only one pre-recorded bit in this season finale, but it was well worth the wait. An obvious parody of Survivor and its ilk, ‘Celebrity Island’ placed our five special guests on a beach, with three or so ensemble cast members amongst them. The piece had all the markings of an episode of Survivor; from the lone-person-to-camera interviews on the beach and in the jungle, to the challenges, the arguments, the Tribal Council, and the elimination. It was – quite simply – brilliant. Tony was asked what he thought the greatest challenge was in his time on the island, and he replied having to build that 2,000-seat athletics centre for schoolchildren. Hamish said he misses women, and that he brought fake tan along (he then showed us his pasty-white leg under his shorts). The ‘luxury item’ Shaun chose to bring with him was a teak sideboard. The skill Frank feels he brings to the group is that he’s really good at Sudoku. When doing the group challenge, Tony pointed at Julia and asked, “Have you always been on the island?” When she said yes, he turned to the others and asked, “Have you seen her before?” When interviewed about ‘Emma’ (one of the other ensemble cast members on ‘Celebrity Island’, Tony said she calls him The Pleasure Machine. We then cut to the two of them lying in a tent – shown in nightvision – and Emma asking Tony what she could offer him for her alliance. Tony replied that he could get her a hosting gig on Quizmania (another reference to a show that’s not on Network Ten! Although this one was a derogatory remark). In the same set-up, Shaun was caught telling Emma how he feels: “I have an attachment for you … it’s in my bag.” Back to the challenge, Frank kept trying to swim out to a boat that the cameraman kept trying to prevent appearing in frame (failing on a couple of occasions as we see that it’s quite busy wherever they are; about three different ships could be seen in the ocean at certain points). Frank then suggests building a raft so they can paddle out to the ship. The instructions on the challenge tell them to find a chest, and Hamish (pointing to Julia’s upper torso) boasts that he already found the chest two weeks ago. Upon discovering the hidden treasure chest buried in the sand, Frank suggests that it may be the septic. At Tribal Council, Hamish tells the smarmy host (Ed again) that he thinks he (Hamish) is an inspiration to Shaun, with his youth (“I often catch him thinking, ‘Oh, I wish I was back there’.”) The celebrities are told by the host that they need to select a new name for their tribe, before the host then asks, “Hamish?’ (for suggestions). Before he can answer, Shaun said, “Good name – all in favour of ‘Hamish’?” and the others all immediately agreed. When asked for her highlight of her time on the island so far, Julia answered that dancing naked one night with ‘Amber’ and ‘Clara’ (one of whom was actually ‘Emma’), where they found their inner strength was a definite highlight. After a beat, Tony, Frank, Shaun and Hamish all agreed: “That was a highlight, yes.” Then it was time to vote: Shaun voted for Frank, “because my hatred for him operates on a sub-atomic level”; Hamish tore his sheet of paper up into five or six pieces and wrote ‘Shaun’ on each of them, just to make sure that his own skin was safe (then walking back to the group, saying, “I didn’t vote for anyone; couldn’t do it”; Tony voted for Julia “because she will not stop plugging something called ‘RocKwiz’” (in the background, Julia started laughing at this); Julia voted for Hamish; and Frank voted for Tony “because I’m illiterate, and he’s the easiest one to draw” (showing us a caricature he’d drawn of Tony – and it was a very good one, too!). The ensemble cast members must have all voted for Hamish as well, because it was his name called out for elimination, although Hamish was adamant that he wasn’t going anywhere. “Hamish,” said Ed, “before you leave …” “I’m not leaving,” snapped an angry Hamish. Ed tried again: “The tribe has spoken,” and an irritable Hamish interjected with, “Well, they haven’t actually spoken at all, have they – they’ve written something.” Ed asked him if there was anything he wanted to say to the tribe before he extinguished his torch, and Hamish replied, “Alright – I pissed in the water.”

The group scene was another visit to the fictitious Sunday sports programme first featured in the sixth episode of the first season. Shaun was co-anchor with ensemble cast member Nicola Parry, and he started us off with an explanation of what fascinates the punters about Furlong Day: “People can’t get enough of the length of the fur”. He said it was the sport of kings, then checked with Nicola to see if that was right. Upon discovering that he was right, he was briefly surprised and then very pleased with himself (this whole bit was lifted from The Micallef P(r)ogram(me), incidentally. He was also asked to tell the viewers why the favourite had been scratched. Instead of saying the obvious and lame gag many might have gone with (that he was itchy), Shaun said it was because officials discovered that he had no legs, and was put down behind a very small screen – humanely and entertainingly for the benefit of the crowds – by strapping dynamite to him. Nicola said that the track had previously been classified as ‘dead’, but that it had now changed, throwing to Shaun for the rest of the sentence. “It’s now upgraded to reflex twitching,” was his immediate response. Cutting to Hamish in the bookies' pen, with a dead-pan Daniel Cordeaux standing behind him, Hamish reported that the mood was 'electric' ... getting a laugh because Daniel didn't react to that at all, even when Hamish turned to him expectantly. He reported that the horses wouldn't be using blinkers in the big race, but rather blindfolds. When asked about a mystery punter who'd won $50,000, Hamish said, "Yeah, I was wrapt ... I mean, we don't know who it was, but there no inside information - no investigation needed". Julia was standing in a tent with six models behind her, showing off the 'fashion on the field', but Julia was dead drunk, giving a very amusing 'report' (when we first cut to her, she was telling the models: "And then I said, I don't give a sh..." before noticing the camera was on her). When asked where she was, she didn't know. She said the hatwear of choice this year was animals, then realised it was feathers. She said the women behind her had worked on their outfits all year because they had nothing else to do but wait for Melbourne Cup Day (but her slurring made this an hysterical sentence to listen to!). Apparently the dresses had been made in a sheltered workshop, and when asked for her pick, she closed her eyes, waved her arm back and forth, and said, "Woooo, that one!" Tony was playing the tallest jockey in the history of the world, and said that his highlight so far was "lording it up over the midgets". He said he'd be attempting to tide his horse the wrong way around the track just to confuse the other horses, and said he'd just been disqualified for 10 years for riding a pantomime horse. Finally to Frank, who was in 'the stables' with a real horse, who he said was called 'Loves-to-be-ridden-ny'. Then, being Frank, he decided to ignore the question being asked of him and walk around the fence to mount the horse. As he struggled to get on top of the understandably (slightly) frightened creature (its minder was holding its reigns), Frank laughed at the camera, saying, "You know, behind this thin veneer of a happy smiling face, is a man who's s****ing himself!" Cutting back to him right at the close of the scene, he was asked what dramatic thing had just happened down there, and he immediately started answering in a slow, loud and - frankly - mentally-challenged-sounding voice: "I WAS KICKED IN THE HEAD! BUT IT'S MAKING ME FEEL BUOYANT AND OPTIMISTIC!"

And that was the show.

Just as I did last season, I’d like to list the ensemble cast members who’ve done an excellent job over the course of the season. Despite my misgivings with blocking, etc, which is the fault of the direction anyway and not a blight on the actors’ skills, they’ve constantly impressed me with their ability to keep things moving, keep the guest on their toes, and – above all – keep a straight face.


Heidi Arena


Daniel Cordeaux


Ed Kavalee


Nicola Parry


Andrew Bayly


Simon Dowling


Rebekah Foord


Lliam Amor


Ben Anderson


Russell Fletcher


Jason Geary


and Simon Russell
(no picture available)


Tony was declared the winner of the episode, and although I’ve read that others took exception to Shaun, Frank or Hamish not winning it, it’s been clear since Day One that the ‘winner’ is not necessarily the person most deserving of the win. It’s all political; it’s about who’s already won it and who won’t be back to win it another night. The other four had already won the night on a previous episode, so it was clear from the outset that Tony was going to win.

And anyway, I loved his scene (I loved them all, really), and was happy for him to win. He wasn’t terrible, and it was his ‘turn’.


Tony, Ed and BEVIS hang out after
the show to celebrate Tony's win


So here endeth series two. The show will definitely be back for a third season sometime in 2007, but who knows how much longer they’ll continue to produce it after that.

In the meantime, you can download and/or watch Tony's winning police home-invasion scene for yourself by visiting here (although over the summer, they'll just be using that site to promote the first season DVD boxset).


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